GAVIN'S POV:
It didn't hit her. It didn't hit Gwen. It would have hit her. It would have hit Nate. He was almost there...in front of me.....
......got to stay here......stay inside of myself......she needs me........she told me to stay......I have to hold on......I'm holding, Gwen.....I'm holding.....it hurts, though.......it's so painful.....I can't breathe......
......Oh, I'm....still here.....I'm here Gwen.....where's Gwen......where........she told me to stay here....where is she.............
.......can't do this anymore......I can't........it hurts.......God it hurts.......she doesn't know......if she knew, she'd tell me I could.....go......let go.......I have to...........I........
NATE'S POV:
Gwen was just now realizing where Gavin was shot. I'd realized it the second I caught his head as he fell. I had no hope. Not any. The only thing I could hold on to to make me feel better, was that he DID get to say goodbye to her. She got to say goodbye to him. They knew he would die today, and they said their goodbyes. And in the end, they got an extra bonus minute or two. She got to be with him until the end. She got to be there. And I got to hug him goodbye too. I got to tell him I loved him one more time. We shared one more laugh. He cracked one more joke. But most of all, he had her there next to him as he faded....
I broke down again, harder now. But the NCA guys were lifting us up. They separated Gwen and I, and more medical people came to check us over.
This was over now.
We weren't captives anymore.
This entire who knows how long, was OVER. We would be free.
But not free from hell.
Just entering a different sort of hell. The hell of grieving for Gavin.
And this hell....this one WOULD last forever.
Sure, it would get easier. Everyone says it does.
But it would stay with us forever. It would always be there. In every movement we made, it would be there. Missing Gavin. Wanting him here with us.
And I had a HUGE fucking job to do now. I had to make sure Gwen didn't kill herself. I had to make sure she lasted long enough to realize she COULD live without him. She COULD go on with her life.
She COULD wake up each day and get through it...somehow.
I didn't know if I'd be there in her life, or not...I didn't care right now.
I didn't want to be there if she couldn't love me, anyway.
I just wanted to be there as a friend. A friend who loved her. A friend who would care for her and keep her as ok as I possibly could. For her, and for Gavin. And for me, because I couldn't bear the thought of her suffering alone.
I looked over at Gwen. She was lying on a stretcher, whimpering Gavin's name now. She'd gone mostly quiet. She was giving up. She stared straight at the ceiling, saying things to Gavin, sounding like a mad woman, if you didn't know what she meant. But I did. She wasn't mad. In a way, yes...temporarily mental. Mad. Yes.
But not truly gone. Not yet. She was just....hurting. More than I could even imagine.
She was being wiped down. The entire front of her was covered in blood. Some of it hers from scraping across this rough cement floor. Probably most of it Gavin's.
They draped a blanket over her, and they took her away.
A few more tears I didn't even know it was possible to have at this point, spilled from my eyes for her. I'd see her soon. I hope they knew to keep watch over her. I'd have to tell someone, she needed constant suicide watch until she was released. Then it would be up to me.
I didn't even know how I was going to do this. I'd have to what....lock her in a room? Handcuff her to the bed? I didn't know HOW I'd do this. I'd just take it as it came.
And I'd keep her secure for as long as it took. I promised Gavin.
I woke up in a hospital chair. I didn't even know how I got here. How did I not remember? My brain was nothing but fog. Why was I not in a hospital bed? Oh, because I wasn't injured. I went through that entire time of hell, and I wasn't even injured. Yet Gwen was r&ped over and over, by....I lost count of how many guys, and Gavin....was dead.
I felt guilty as shit. Why was I fine? Couldn't we all have shared an equal amount of harm, and all still be here? Three friends that could bond over their few weeks of captivity?
No. We couldn't.
Life was not fair that way, apparently.
I looked around more, and I turned on the light on the wall next to the hospital bed. It was Gwen in the bed. I thought so, but I had to make sure...make sure I didn't sleep wander into someone's room or something. I was dressed in hospital socks, sweats that were too big for me, and a tee shirt.
And she looked cozy. She wasn't hooked into any machines or anything, and I just had this overwhelming need to cuddle to her. There was just something inside me that missed Gavin, and being near her was the closest thing to him. It wasn't even about my feelings for her. I just...wanted to be in Gavin's "world". The world he'd known.
I snuck around to the other side of her bed, and climbed in carefully so as not to wake her.
I cuddled against the back of her, but didn't put my arm around her or anything. I'd hate for her to wake up thinking I was Gavin...again, but this time, being overcome with grief, thinking it was all a dream or something, and he was actually still alive. I don't know. It was hard already, trying to cover all my bases, to make sure everything I did was was right for Gwen, but at the same time, desperately needing someone to comfort ME too.
I thought about how tough life was going to be now, as I fell asleep listening to Gwen's peaceful breathing. She was at peace right now. I wasn't looking forward to when she woke up.
GWEN'S POV:
My eyes opened, and my first thought was Gavin. Of course. It was too traumatic to forget, even coming from a deep sleep. I could feel the loss of him as I slept, so there was no forgetting. There was no quick second of hope in the new day when I became conscious in the morning. There was only sadness. Pushing down on my chest. Making it hard for me to breathe.
Instantly, heavy sobs that were waiting for consciousness to be let out, exploded out of me. I kept them silent, but they rocked through my body, making my knees lift up to curl into my chest and my hands come up and grab the sides of my head.
I shook as the pain tried to escape me through every silent sob. I lost myself in the realization of what my life would be like now. From this second on. It would NEVER be better. Never be fixed. My knees that were curled into my chest in the air, started to fall sideways onto the bed as I clenched my stomach tighter, making my body curl further into a heaping ball of pain and mess. I collapsed sideways, hands twisting and tugging at the hair on the sides of my head, when I bumped something with my butt.
I realized a few seconds later, that there was someone breathing behind me.
I turned quickly, and bumped someone's chest.
Nate.
He was asleep in the bed with me.
His hands were tucked between his thighs as if he was still respecting Gavin and not touching me.
Ashame that now was when Gavin actually WANTED him to touch me. To comfort me. To take care of me. Give me love that Gavin can no longer give me.
But that's what Gavin wanted. Not me.
I didn't want ANYONE.
I didn't want anyTHING, for that matter.
I wanted to die. Get this life over with.
I'd seen paradise, and it was torn from me. I'd seen all I needed to see. I could be done now.
The pain in my chest. It was pushing down on me relentlessly. All I could think was that there was NO escaping this. There was no "rewind". No "Wait, I changed my mind". This was it. No more Gavin. No turning back. I sat up, barely able to see through the puffiness of my eyes. The burning and stinging. The tears clinging to each eyelash.
I looked around the room. Hmmm.....I could do it right now. I could leave this cruel world, if I could just find something useful......but what? Maybe I could get my hands on someone's drug sack hanging from their pole, and inject myself....and hopefully it'd be an overdose.........I turned and noticed a drawer next to me. I opened it and started rifling through it....
"Gwen?" Nate spoke softly from behind me.
"Yeah?" I answered him, voice barely working, and scratchy as hell. So much screaming yesterday.....
Damn that squeeky hospital table drawer for waking Nate up.
"What are you doing?" Nate asked cautiously. It's as if he KNEW I was searching for something to assist my suicide. Was HE as good as Gavin at reading me? Or was Gavin "up there" guiding him?
I chose Gavin. Guiding him. Because how could he read me, by staring at the back of my head?
"Please lie back down. Close it." Nate demanded gently.
"I.........fine", I gave in. For NOW, at least.
"You alright?" Nate asked.
"Not really, no. But what can I do about that, right? Nothing. I'll just lay here and suffer for the rest of my life. Because no one will let me fucking put myself out of my misery." I vented. I didn't mean to. It just...came out.
Nate's arm came up and around me. "Please don't think like that Gwen. You know Gavin wouldn't like it."
"Yeah, well....GAVIN isn't here, now IS HE? So yeah. I think like that."
"Gwen, please...."
Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck HELL.
"I'm sorry Nate. I'm just.....I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know even know how to breathe. It feels like there's a house sitting on my chest. My arms are heavy, my legs are numb....I'm sorry. I just want to tell you right now, that I know I'll be a bitch again. And again. And maybe all the time. But I want you to know that it's not because of you, ok? It has nothing to do with you. Ok? Understand that, because I don't want you to hate me. But you probably won't like me much soon", my tears started coming as I spoke. I knew they'd show up soon. I knew I'd see them every day. All day. Forever. I needed to get used to them. They were going to be a huge part of my life now.
"I do understand. But if you just understand this....you WILL get through this. And I WILL be here for you. With you. And you might not hate me, but you probably won't like ME either after a while, because I'll probably suffocate you with my presence, trying to make sure you get over it safely."
"Well good then. We can dislike each other. Gavin will be so happy about that" I said sarcastically. My shrink told me before that sarcasm is actually disguised anger. Yeah, I guess she was right.
"I won't dislike you, Gwen. I know who you are inside" Nate told me, and gave me a kiss on the side of my head. "We'll make it, if we hav...." he was interrupted by my Mum rushing into the room.
"Mum!?" I sat back up fast.
"Gwen! My baby!!" she rushed over, and leaned down to hug me. "Baby, I'm here. Oh my God, they found you.....I'm so relieved...you don't know.....I was freaking out.....you're ok. You're ok, thank goodness!" she cried on my shoulder.
I suddenly realized my own mum was here. For me. When I needed someone. I had a MUM to be here for me!
And then I lost it.
This is what mums were for. To hug you when you were sad. And God knows, I was the saddest person in the world at this very moment.
I cried. Really really hard. And loud. And she simply hugged me and let me soak the shoulder of her shirt.
When I finally calmed down some, she pulled me away and pushed the sticky hairs out of my face and fixed them where they go on my head as best as she could.
"Mum?" I asked, in the most pathetic, weak voice I've ever heard, feeling more tears coming now. "I miss him sooo much. I can't do this." I ran my fingers through my own hair again, grabbing at the sides, pulling and squeezing like I was losing control of everything.
"I know baby. I know. But you'll see him soon. I promise", she told me.
"No I won't. Life's too long. I can't wait that long. I don't even know if I actually WILL see him in the end! I can't do it, mum. I can't. I don't even want to live, mum."
"Gwen! Don't say that. I know it's hard. But you can't talk like that. I won't have it. I just got you back, anyway! And besides....what if he pulls through? And then you're not here for him?" my mum said, and I had to reach into my recent memory and re-hear it in my head, and still came to the same conclusion....what the HELL does she mean? I'm talking about Gavin. Not Nate. And Nate's ok...he's.....oh....he must have left the room, giving me privacy with my mum. Anyway, huh?
"Mum, no, I mean Gavin. What if there's nothing after you die? What if I won't be with him finally?
Like that movie Titanic, you know? Where she lives her entire life, dies an old lady, and he's waiting there for her on the stairs? That's what I want, but I can't wait that long. I wanna meet him at the stairs NOW.
I love you mum. I do, but...I can't live life without him. I just can't. You must know what it's like. Having a lifetime of grief and sadness...."
"Baby he's not gonna be at the stairs waiting for you. Don't get there before him! Give him a chance! He's strong, you know. He's fighting hard. I saw it through the window. Have some faith that it will all work out fine! You have to be positive. Negative energy won't help. He's not gone yet. You aren't facing a lifetime of grief YET. So just be there for him and focus on trying to reach out to him in your mind....."
"Mum....stop. WHAT are you talking about? He's gone mum. Gavin's gone. Didn't anyone tell you?"
"What? No! He.....he can't be! I just.......NO!" she started to get upset, and her eyes turned glassy right away. "Baby I was just there....that's impossible! Are you sure?"
"Just where mum?"
"At his room. The machines were still beeping. Everything was calm. He was doing fine so far....how did they tell you before I got here? I walked straight from there to here! Gwen, honey.....are you SURE?" she looked so confused, and frankly, so was I, now.
"What do you mean his room? Who's room? The morgue, you mean?" I asked in total confusion.
"Gavin's roo.....Gwen, Gavin's alive! I was just there looking through his window, FIVE minutes ago. Unless someone just rushed in here before me and told you he was gone....?"
Was I hearing her right? Was she fucking with me? What the HELL was going on right now?
Gavin was alive? If he was, why would no one come and tell me? How did they leave me alone all night letting me think.......was she sure it was him? I started to hyperventilate.
"Mum.....are you SURE you're talking about Gavin? Did you SEE his face? Are you sure it was HIM?
Because I would think they would have told me if he was alive.....he was almost dead, mum. When I saw him last, he was pretty much taking his last breaths! He was shot in the HEART, for God's sakes!
You can't live through that!"
"Come here, Gwen. Get up. Are you dressed under there? Ok. Come with me.....let's settle this. You're starting to worry me now", she took my hand firmly, and pulled me out of the room. I followed her.
"Where you off to? Are you supposed to be out of bed?" Nate said as we passed him sitting on the floor outside of my room, leaning on the wall.
"Come with us Nate......just come with us", I said, reaching out my hand, pulling my mum to stop and wait for Nate. He grabbed it and stood up, and let me pull him along with us.
My mum led us to the nearest escalator, then down a hall, made a left, made a right at the end, then through a set of doors, with signs saying basically for everyone to keep out, this was the really really sick patient's ward.
As we walked past the desk, a nurse looked at us, seemed to recognize my mum, and seemed to relax about us coming in here.
We got to the other side of the desk, and my mum grabbed my shoulders and put me in front of a window that showed the room inside.
The first thing I saw, like usual, was.........RED HAIR.
I took in a sharp, loud gasping breath. Nate appeared by my side immediately, looking through.
My breath sped up and got so heavy, I felt faint.
I looked over at Nate, and he looked at me. A smile spread across his entire face, and his eyes watered and yet, twinkled at the same time.
I started to smile, but the wooziness took over.
I was shocked. I was freaked. I was breathing too fast.
And I felt myself going down.
I woke up laying down on something cushiony.
"Please, just let her stay here. She's fine. She's only here for observation. She's fine, I'm telling you. If you bring her back, she WON'T be fine, I promise you that!"
I could hear my mum's voice, before I could see anything. When my vision came to me, I looked around, and my mum, Nate, and a doctor and nurse were standing around me.
I was on one of those hospital gurney things. Those things they roll you down the hall on, when they need to take you somewhere else, but you can't walk.
"Take me back where?" I asked, groggy as hell.
"Back to your room. They want to take you back to rest, since you fainted. But I know you want to see Gavin first", my mum said.
GAVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's right! That's why I'm here! That's why I fainted!
I sat up quick and the doctor and nurse didn't like that at all, as they guarded me with their arms and hands. "No no no......you need to lie back down for a bit yet...."
"Please. I have to see him. Gavin. He's my everything, and no one told me he was still alive. Please! I thought he was dead.....please let me see him....." I started begging in breathy sobs. The desperation inside of me right now...it was unbelievable.
Everyone looked at each other, and finally they nodded, and I put my feet down and jumped the rest of the way to the floor. Nate pointed to Gavin's room after he caught me and made sure I was steady.
He held my hand and he brought me to the window again.
I took a few steps to the side, and reached for the doorknob.
I heard Nate behind me "May we...please?"
They must have nodded yes, because I was already entering the room and he was still behind me.
I walked slowly to the bed, afraid to let myself down if it wasn't Gavin for some reason. A mix up or whatever. I still couldn't believe that he'd be alive. That this couldn't be true.
But when I got to the bed, there lay none other than Gavin.
For the zillionth time, I burst out into tears, and turned to Nate, and buried my head in his chest. He put his arms around me, and we just stood there, looking at Gavin.
There were machines EVERYWHERE. Beeping. Blinking. Wires. Tubes. An IV in each hand.
But he looked.....fine. He looked like he was only sleeping.
The gun shot wound was covered by his blanket. So everything about him looked normal.
I heard someone step up behind us.
"He's in really dangerous condition right now, I'll put it to you bluntly. I'm not gonna lie. The first 24 hours are the most dangerous, and it hasn't been that much time yet. We really don't know if he'll make it or not. The bullet went in less than a quarter inch from his heart, and it lodged in his lung. We lost him twice in the ambulance and once on the operating table. He lost a LOT of blood. We've done all we can do for him, and now....it's up to fate", the doctor told me, honestly. I appreciated the honesty. I didn't want to be let down again. I couldn't get my hopes up only to let them be shattered again like they were last night.
Tears pouring out of my eyes, I turned to the doctor. "Thank you. For being honest......may I....touch him?"
"Yes. By all means. Hold his hand. Let him know you're here. If he can hear you at all, maybe it will help", he said.
YESSSSSS. I just wanted to touch Gavin soooo badly. I wanted to feel that he was REALLY here.
Still warm. Still alive. Still breathe.....well, it looked like something was breathing FOR him, but....alive. I'd take THAT, at least.
I moved away from Nate's chest. I stepped to the top of Gavin's bed, and leaned right down and kissed his cheek. But once wouldn't do. And since I hadn't gotten yelled at.......I kissed him again.
I straightened back up and reached down for his hand.
It was warm, but not all that warm.
"We'll leave you to it then....will he be staying with you?" I turned to answer the doctor, and he was looking at Nate.
"Yes. He'll stay", I answered right away.
I heard the doctor, the nurse, and my mum walk out. Nate walked up beside me.
"Gwen.....he's really alive!" he said in an excited, but low voice.
"I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! He held on!" I said back.
"You begged him to, Gwen. He heard you", Nate said, and with that, my tears and sobs came back.
Did he really hear me? Did he hold on through it all just for me? Or was it just luck? He died three times. How does anyone do that and...live?
Did anything happen when they lost him? Did he float away? Did he come see me?
Would he be ok when he woke up? Would he have brain damage? Would he have amnesia? Would he even know me?
Would he even wake up?
I bent down to Gavin again, and I squeezed his hand and put my mouth to his ear.
"Gavin? It's me, Gwen. I'm here with you. Just like you were here for me once. I won't leave your side, Gavin. I promise. But you have to promise me that you won't leave MINE, alright? Do we have a deal?" I shook his hand. "There. It's a deal. I thought you were gone, Gav. I didn't know how to start my new life without you. I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was in a white room with nothing but plain walls and windows and no door. And I kept spinning around and around, not knowing where to look for a door. Not knowing where to start looking. Gavin, it was so horrible, that small glimpse of life without you. And I can't go through that again, so...I need you to get better. I need you to heal and come back to me. Nate needs you too. He's here with me you know. He was a mess just like me. But he's keeping his word to you. He's not leaving my side. And I love him, Gavin. You picked a the best human on this planet to be friends with. You know he tried to throw himself in front of you to take the bullet instead of you? He did. I saw it. And the bullet just missed your heart by a hair, so maybe if he hadn't bumped against you and pushed you over just enough, it would have killed you right there. I believe he saved your life, Gavin. I saw it all from behind you.
And you...you always said you'd give your life for me. You'd take a bullet for me. And I knew that. I didn't doubt you, so you didn't have to prove it, ya know!" I chuckled a little. "I know that where you were standing in front of me, if you wouldn't have been there, it would have been me lying here again...or maybe dead. So I just know that everything worked out perfect for a reason. Because you are going to live, Gavin.
I'm babbling, babe....I know I am. But I'm just happy you're still alive. Your heart is still beating. So keep it that way, at least for me, ok? I love you Gavin. I love you so much and we need you. We'll be right here, waiting for you, no matter how long you need to rest and heal. Take your time. Just as long as you come back to us in the end" I started to break down and didn't want to hurt his ear, so I lifted his hand and pressed my lips against it for a few seconds, then turned to Nate.
"If you wanna talk to him, I can step outside. You don't have to. I'm just saying if you want to."
He nodded. "No, that's fine. There's nothing I need to say that you can't hear."
He reached out and took my hands and held them between us. "You don't know how happy I am to see you have hope again. To see you want to live again." I smiled at him.
He leaned over and kissed my forehead, then turned to the bed and took Gavin's hand.
I looked around and found a chair and pushed it over next to the bed.
I was exhausted still, so I sat.
Nate talked to Gavin now...
"Gav, mate! It's Nate. I'm just here...with your girlfriend. You better wake up soon lad, just warnin' ya!" he laughed.
I still wish it was me in this bed right now. I honestly do. Gwen's been through enough, and now she has this to get through. And I know that she'd be right here at my side. So would you. But it would just be...easier on her. Because she doesn't love me like she loves you, obviously. And that's ok. That's how it should be. I was and I am still ready and willing to take care of your girl if you were or are gone. Even though I know she'd never love me a fraction of the way she loves you. I know she'd spend her life wishing I was a ginger. With tattoos all up my arms. And a smooth singing voice that ladies would die for. And freakishly awesome music skills.
She'd wish that forever. But I would still do it.
For you, dude.
So...since I would do that for you, you gotta do something for me. You need to keep holding on. You need to get your shit together and wake up when you're ready, aaiight, man? Cause hey...I love your woman and all that, but honestly, I'd like to find my own someday, know what I mean?
Seriously though man...I miss you. I miss hanging at your place, playing poker. Hanging out with you. Talking women and shit. Just keep holding on, man, ok? We both need you and we both love you Gav."
Nate stood up and looked behind him at me on the chair. "I'm really no good at mushy speeches. I think he gets the idea." he smiled a little bit.
"Are you going to go back to your room at all? Or just wait here till they kick us out?"
"I have no plans on ever leaving this room, unless it's with Gavin and he's awake and ready to go home", I told him, staring past him at Gavin and all his machines.
"Lucky you...found the only chair in the room", Nate said, and smiled again.
"Oh here! You can sit in it. I'm good", I started to get up, but Nate put his hands out to stop me.
"No! You're the one who's 'in the hospital', anyway, so you take it. Besides...it wouldn't be gentlemanly of me to take the only seat from a woman."
"I would tell you to sit on my lap, but my scrapes.....ouch", I reminded him.
"That's right! How are they doing? Are they bandaged up or anything?" Nate asked.
I lifted my shirt half way up and looked down. "They're good. I guess they're cleaned, and don't really need to be covered."
"They looked so much worse last night. I guess most of the blood was...Gavin's."
I got up, having another idea. "Here...we'll share the seat. You sit, and I'll sit on you. Until I make your legs numb, at least", I told him.
He looked at me, then at the chair. "Oh alright then. I am totally exhausted. But...what about your mum? She was here to visit you, but there can be only two people in the room at a time. Want me to go find her and let her finish your visit with you in here so you don't have to leave Gav?"
"Shit! I forgot about her! Shit. Uh, yeah! That'd be great, Nate. Thanks!" I smiled to him and sat back on the chair. I watched him walk out, then turned my attention back to Gavin. I smiled to myself, thinking that I really thought I was never going to touch him again. Never look at him again. Never feel his lips. His fingers....and yet, here he is. Right in front of me. Alive. Now he just HAS to make it through this. He's fought death twice now. Just about to be executed, then shot near the heart and lived. There's no way he can come this far and die. It's just not possible.
I pulled my chair closer to Gavin's bed, so I could hold his hand more. I needed to touch him.
What I needed, was to get in bed with him and snuggle. BUT....life threatening injuries and all....not gonna go near that!
I arranged my chair sort of sideways so I had room to get up and down, and I could reach Gavin's hand to hold it.
Then my mum came through the door quietly. I looked up and she had a smile on her face. "See? He's alive!" she laughed, and made me laugh. It had to be an hour ago or more that she sounded like she was talking nonsense, and I sounded to her like I was, too. Man, that was confusing as hell! But something but good came out of it.
"Hi mum. Thank you for showing me Gavin was here. I assumed he was dead. I mean, no one told me otherwise, and he was in such bad shape when they wheeled him out...and I've cried so much in the past...how long was I even gone? I've cried so much, I'm taking a break now if I can, because Gavin's here. He's alive. And right now....is the best it can possibly be, so I'm gonna roll with that while I can. I need it."
"So what you're saying is that you're exhausted, basically?" she laughed at me and bent over, kissing me on the head. "I just discharged you from the hospital, by the way. Since I have the authority to...I'm your mother. You're free. Now you can stay here as long as the doctors in this ward allow"
"Really!? Oh thanks mum! I don't have to go back to my room?"
"Nope! I think it's probably taken already, anyway! You didn't have anything, right? I checked, but I figure your kidnappers didn't let you pack a bag...." she said and frowned.
"I guess you want to hear the entire story, huh?" I realized I hadn't gotten to tell her anything about the past...two? Three weeks? "But first, you tell me about everything I missed. Tell me what you did when I didn't show up to have lunch on that Wednesday..."
"Alright then....." she leaned against a wall, and started. "Here we are with MORE horrific stories to tell now! Will we ever just have calm, peaceful lives?
Ok. I got to your flat, and I waited by the front entrance, like usual, after I texted that I was there.
You usually answer and come out like 30 seconds later.
You didn't answer this time, and you of course, didn't come out. After about two minutes, I started to wonder........"
She told me about the entire time I'd been gone. She finally got out of her car and came up to our flat door, and it was opened. She immediately knew something was wrong. And she couldn't find us anywhere. She looked out to check if Gavin's car was here, but then she remembered it was in the shop. She checked around the place, looking for clues, but she just couldn't figure it out. She did see signs that could have meant a struggle, though. So she rushed down to her car and was on her way to the police, when she remembered Gavin's part of the story of my rescue....that some of the police were clients, so he went right to the NCA.
She turned around and went back to the flat, hoping to find Gavin's phone and find the guy's number who helped him. She remembered it started with a "J". John? Jay? Something......
She did find Gavin's phone finally, and she looked through the contacts in the J's.
Jack! That was it!
But Gavin had two Jack contacts.
Luckily, her first try was the right one, and she told them what was happening.
He got some others together, and met her right away at the flat. They searched for clues and forensics, and as each hour passed, she knew we were definitely in trouble, and she did the right thing by calling them.
They took it from there.
She told me how she sat in her car and cried her eyes out when they left. They didn't want anyone touching anything in the apartment in case they had to come back and search more.
She'd just gotten me back, and now I was gone. Possibly dead. A zillion things raced through her mind. But she decided to just....wait and worry. She'd deal with any bad news if it came, but until then, she'd try and be hopeful that Gavin and I were ok.
For weeks, Jack kept her updated with anything they found or figured out. Which basically wasn't much at all.
Turns out, after interviewing neighbors, an old lady saw us all be carried out to the van that day! Why she didn't call police, I don't know. But she was able to confirm a white van, describe the suspects a little bit, and they knew now, that we were DEFINITELY taken against our will.
My poor mum had to relive everything she'd gone through back when she was 16 again. Her daughter suddenly gone one day, and not being able to find her.
Finally, after a few weeks, they had already tried other possible 'underground prostitution spots' they were scoping out for a raid for in the near future, so they had it narrowed down to two more possible places. They weren't even sure that's where they'd take us. We could have been murdered and dumped that first day. But they kept trying.
The day everything happened and Gavin was about to be killed, they were supposed to go raid the other location first. But plans changed, and they switched it to our location. If that hadn't have happened, Gavin would have been gone. They would have shot him, and he'd be gone.
Another way things worked out absolutely the way they needed to. This fact gave me more hope that Gavin would be ok in the end.
She didn't know all the details about the raid, and how it all went down, but they called her last night after I got into the hospital. She came to see me, but they told her it wasn't visitor time. They did let her come in and see me while I slept for a minute, then made her leave. It was night time. After dinner. So she slept in a lounge, and woke up early this morning, and ran right up to my room to see me. They tried telling her it wasn't visiting hours yet, but she convinced them.
And in she walked. I was sleeping, and Nate was curled up next to me, and she didn't have the heart to wake us up after all we'd been through. So she went out to the nurse's station and asked if Gavin had been admitted somewhere in this hospital. She was told that he'd been shot, and that it didn't look like he'd make it, but Jack didn't know. He only knew up until Gavin got put into the ambulance.
The nurse told her Gavin's room, and she rushed across the hospital to see him, thrilled that he was at least alive.
She stood at his window for probably an hour, because they wouldn't let her go in, as she wasn't his family. And then she came back to check on me again, and I was awake.
Gavin's family! I'd never even met any of them yet...they knew about me, because I'd heard Gavin plenty of times on the phone with them, telling them all about me, and how much we loved each other and how happy we were, and all the adventures we'd gone on.
He'd told them about my story a little bit, but not completely. He left out the prostitution part, so it wouldn't scare them or fill them with any preconceived notions before even meeting me. Good idea.
I knew that right now, they were in New Zealand, on holiday. Gavin would give them money whenever they made vacation plans, and little by little, they were seeing the world. Well, his mum and dad, anyway. His brother was busy working in Australia at the moment, for the past few months.
I didn't know why none of them was here by now, though. They'd had literally weeks to come back and worry and wait for Gavin to be found, so....where were they?
I know he didn't talk to them all the time, especially when they were on holiday. So...maybe they didn't even know he was missing? Or maybe they just recently found out and were on their way?
I had no clue. That had to be the reason though, because he was close with his mum and dad and brother Oliver.
After my mum got done telling me her story, and we'd shed some tears together, it was my turn to tell my story.
She was extremely upset about the new "numbers" of men I'd been with. We calculated out the number of days I was gone, and how many men that meant.
It wasn't pretty at all.
I simply tried to ignore it. There was nothing I could do. And I'd been through it all before, and I was just plain fucking over it all, really. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, and if I wanted to later, that she'd be here for me, to listen any time. I told her thanks, but I planned to save it all for my shrink.
I was finally running out of shit to talk about to my shrink lately anyway, I was doing so well. Well now....she's needed again. I'm sure it'll hit me later. Right now, all I can concentrate on is Gavin making it through this.
She cried hard when I told her how they made Gavin sit and watch me "work" all day, several days. And how they made Nate watch one day too.
She cried and covered her mouth in shock at the "sex with Nate" story.
That WAS pretty fucking sick of them. I mean, really?
And I told her a little bit about Gavin and I's goodbyes.
"You had sex with Nate in the room?" she asked several times.
I kept trying to tell her that she didn't understand. We had no choice. We just wanted to have our last time together, and he was there. End of story. He turned around, and fell asleep anyway....so it seemed, at least. Good enough for me! Plus, I told her...he'd just seen me have sex probably an hour before that....with HIM! So yeah....we had sex with Nate in the room. I didn't regret a thing. We did what we had to do to say goodbye.
She looked in such suspense when I got to the part of them taking Gavin away, and then him getting pushed back into the room later, and our bonus time, and then the NCA coming and Gavin jumping in front of me, and Nate trying to jump in front of him....
She cried more at that.
"I knew I loved this Gavin boy. I knew he loved you like I can't even describe. I will owe him forever, now. He saved my daughter. Again! Only this time, he knew he'd probably die for her. Oh the romance! That's....that's a novel right there! A movie, even! I'd watch that!"
She was very impressed and tearful and thankful for Nate, too. For all he did for me. For the way he loves me, but respects Gavin and I's love, no matter what. For taking care of me whenever he could, even now. And most of all, for trying to take a bullet for his best friend, so he could continue life his girlfriend. Wow. She said she would owe HIM also, for the rest of her life. She said she was sure he'd take a bullet for me right now, today, if need be.
I told her I'm sick of bullets now.
We got done telling our stories and finally when she left, Nate came right in, carrying a tray of food. "I tried to wait for you so we could eat together, but your story hour lasted too long. I got hungry and ate mine. Sorry", he told me. "I can't believe you told your mum about...us!?"
I cringed. "Sorry."
Nate and I talked as I ate the lunch he got for me.
It was nice being able to be this light hearted now. I mean, Gavin wasn't out of the woods yet. But every hour that passed, was good. So we tried to stay positive, and act natural, especially since maybe Gavin would hear us, or snippets of us....and want to be with us again. Good vibes, basically.
It was sort of an unspoken thing we were both just....doing.
I hadn't realized how hungry I was, until I started eating! Wow. Thank you Nate! As usual.
After I ate, Nate sat in the chair while I kissed Gavin's face and talked to him some more. Letting him know that I was still here, and that I wasn't going anywhere and that he shouldn't either. I stood and rubbed my fingers across his forehead, pushing his hair back over and over like a massage for a while.
He did that to me sometimes when I'd rest my head in his lap when we'd watch movies.
It was always very relaxing, so I tried it Gavin now. I hoped he liked it.
When I couldn't stand or keep my eyes open any longer, I said goodnight to Gavin and told him I'd be right here in the room with him. The doctors had come in a few times, and said we could stay since we were quiet and all. Yessssssss. I hadn't wanted to have to make a scene to get them to let me stay. Because I would have.
Nate had fallen asleep in the chair, so I gently climbed on to his lap and pushed the recline button, and got comfy on him. He came to a little bit, and wrapped his arms around me, and we fell asleep cuddled together, for one reason only. Gavin.
They could be cute together though, couldn't they? Nate and Gwen?
Gavin's ALIVE!!!!
Did you believe he was dead? Did I convince you at all for a while?
Let me know. I'm curious!
I had a little breakdown last night. I was thinking about my story, and how much time it takes me to edit and push publish for each chapter. How hard I'm trying to make it the best I can do. How I know I'm not the best writer out there or anything, but thinking of how many shitty stories I've read who have 1 million+ reads, and thousands and thousands of comments, and how I can barely get ONE vote for some of my chapters, and maybe even ONE read for each....
So yeah, I got a little sad. Had a little private pity party for myself. Cried a little. Ok, cried hard. But told myself I'd keep going, just like I have been.
I don't know why I can't make friends on Tumblr or Twitter. No one follows me on Tumblr, yet I follow everyone that's a Sheerio or a Wattpad writer.
I know stuff doesn't happen overnight. But when I try out reading a new story, and it says "....and harry sat on my lap and niall through a pillow at me and we all said "nandos!" so we pilled into liam's car and harry held my hand and louis gave him a derty look but who cars i was crying inside..."
When I read that, and then the author's note says "omg guys, i just published this a weak ago and i alredy have over 2000 reads, 670 votes and 427 comments! Thx so much! i love all of you!......."
Yeah. I get a little pissed off. And sad. (And yes, I start sentences with "and" sometimes, because that's how people talk.)
"Soz".
But keep on, singular person! I shall edit and put out the next chapter now....!