I'm such a bad girl and I'm sooo behind in this story I was supposed to end it before December but college is shitty and I barely have time to rest, let alone write.
But anywayyy, here's a new chapter! Please, vote, comment and let me know what you think? Thank you so so so so so much for all your votes, comments and support so far it really feels incredible to have this much support. I love you all ^^ ❤
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I've been holing up at George's place for a week now, and it hadn't gotten any easier to be away from him.
I literally had no idea why I left, well, maybe deep inside I had a reason, but now, a week later, that reason seems shittier than shit. I suppose that for a moment back then, I felt like that time when I was so needy I hated myself. But I was certainly sure that my lover now and my lover then weren't the same. I didn't need Louis to the point where I wanted to kill myself. I needed him in that sweet, almost lovely way that made me go to him when I needed comfort and love and fun. It wasn't the same, not even a fraction of what I had with Louis represented anything in my old life.
But god, I did miss him. I missed him in that way that made me ache with every breath I took, the kind of ache that was so deeply inside you couldn't even ignore it or try to perhaps rub it off. The pain was a living thing inside me and I knew what would cure it. But I doubted that he'd ever forgive me for walking away. I had sent a clear message that day that I didn't trust him at all, and while it had never been the truth, he had the right to believe it that way.
George hovered around wearing a sweet concerned expression, but really, what could he do to get me to smile? My reason to smile was far away from me, and I loathed the day I'd go back to my apartment, run into him, and see the betrayal and pain on his face. I had to go back eventually, but when? I really didn't know.
And so more time went, and my pain hadn't lessened at all.
Ten days
Fifteen days
One month
Two months
Three months
Five months...
It was one a.m. and I exited George's car with my backpack, sending him a wan smile and waving lamely. I was sure this time he'd be sleeping and I hoped it was the truth. I've spent the last few months trying to build my walls back up and if I looked at him now, they'd crumble down. I hoped that these few months would be enough for him to calm down, maybe he wouldn't hate me so much. But who am I kidding? I kind of hate myself.
I was unlocking my apartment with a heavy sense of dread, and felt a strong, almost violent tingle down my spine, right before I heard a sharp intake of breath that caused my heart to stop entirely before beating irregularly.
I almost didn't want to turn around. He looked like he'd gone to hell and back. He was a lot thinner than I remember, his face was grim and his gorgeous blue eyes appeared shady and dark, not like how they were months ago that night we silently admitted to be in love. My throat clogged with suppressed tears and I turned around, against every instinct in my body, and shut the door. I couldn't move, so I pressed my forehead against the door and tears fell down harshly, so hot and full of pain. I swore to myself that if he knocked on this door I'd let him in and beg him to forgive me. I shouldn't have walked out. I shouldn't have been away for so long. I wonder if what I saw in his eyes was actually pain or hatred.
Maybe he's seeing Cecily now. The thought was so abhorrent.
I waited behind the door for what felt like ages, and when I heard nothing I checked to see if he was still there. Oh, he was. He was standing there, a battle of wills on his face, hands tightly clenched. I begged silently. I was too coward to open the door and I would open it if he was the one to come. It had been my fault and yet I expected him to come first. My heart was beating in this nervous-excited-pained beat and I waited anxiously.
And waited.
...and waited.
For what felt like years, he stood there, and then, he left. Whatever was left of my heart now shattered completely.
I moved away from the door, my legs barely holding me up. I crouched on the couch, hugging my backpack and cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, it felt like days later, and my head throbbed. I groaned, dropping the backpack and sitting straight, my eyes burning from either lack of sleep or too much sleep. I looked at the clock and found it was afternoon, on a Monday. Shiiiit.
I rushed to the bedroom and picked something to wear, took some clean undergarments and rushed to the bathroom. I showered and dried my hair and when I wore the dress I picked up I laughed so hard, with a face full of tears. I had picked one of his favorite dresses, but now it didn't fit perfectly seeing as I've lost weight. I looked ridiculous inside it, so I searched through my old clothes for things that might fit me now. I looked almost like a school girl but honestly, I could give a shit right now.
Luckily for me I didn't run into Louis or his sister as I left, and sitting behind the wheels felt almost foreigner for me now. I wondered if Ryan would even remember me, considering I haven't been there for five months. If it weren't for George, I'd probably be fired.
NBC's building was something I loved for a long time, but now, I didn't feel like I loved it so much. Everything in my life now wasn't colorful, just black or white. You either like it, or hate it.
I could hear hushed murmurs the moment I stepped inside, and I spotted my boss, David Ryan, leaning over one of my colleagues. The sudden noise caught his attention and when he looked up, I met his gaze squarely. He whispered something to my colleague, Sandra I believe was her name, and with his finger told me to follow him. I gritted my teeth, but said nothing as I followed him to his office.
"I want a convincing reason behind your absence for the last five months, Deloris." He growled the moment I shut the door behind us.
"A convincing reason?" I raised my eyebrows. "It's not convincing for you, but it definitely was convincing for me. I had been sick."
He didn't like my answer. "If you've been sick as you say, I'm sure you have a hospital report or something that proves what you say."
I shook my head, shrugging. "I don't have any."
"Do you think this is funny?" He snapped, glaring at me venomously. "No one has ever done such a thing without an explanation. It's either you give me a legit reason or I'll fire you."
Five months ago, his words might have mattered, but now...they just don't.
"Listen to me then," I crossed my arms and met his glare with challenge. "That's all what I have to say. I had been sick, and I didn't go to any hospital. I haven't left my place in the past five months for anything so surely that means I wasn't fucking around and skipping work. So whatever your decision is, I don't really give a fuck. If you want to fire me, do it. If you don't want to...well, that just means you're a smart guy. I'll be in my office until you decide."
I left him with his mouth agape and slammed the door to affirm my words. He could go to hell.
The rest of the day I spent in the office, with no sign or word from Ryan. I didn't know if he'd fire me or not, but I didn't regret one word from what I said. I had no problem going back to living with my parents, since nothing here was left for me. I wouldn't let them pay for the apartment until I find another job. I'd just rather cry in my mom's arms than live this torture every day.
But of course...Ryan didn't fire me. I picked up my phone and his voice came angry and clipped. "My office now. You have papers to sign."
Turned out those papers was basically me giving up on the last five months' salary. Of course I didn't mind, and purposefully smirked while signing them just to piss him off. He then dismissed me without a word and I went back to my office. I found piles of work waiting for me and decided that I'd just work late tonight.
..
The clock struck midnight by the time I decided to go home, and Ryan was the one who told me that it was enough for today. I took my bag and left, the pulse of pain in my heart echoing louder now that I had nothing to distract me. The ache was so horrible I wondered how someone could live with heartbreak. I drove home slowly, hoping that if Louis worked as late as I did, he'd be inside his apartment before I ever made it home.
Derek shot me a smile that was sympathetic and I just nodded back. Those sympathetic gestures more than anything reminded me of my mistake. I wasn't sure how much Derek knew, but the past few months told him plenty it seemed. And surely, Louis had been quite the character since then.
I took the stairs rather than the elevator, hoping the fatigue would just knock me out before I had any chance to think about what happened. I hadn't been so lucky, because despite of my fatigue, the sight of Louis in front of my apartment door was enough to revive the ache again. I sucked in a deep breath and he turned his head at the sound, those gorgeous blue eyes of his narrow with what could only be anger.
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I'm such a nasty one for ending it here, huh? 😂
Ik I've been bad with updates recently but I hope you're still excited for the end. It's not next chapter, don't worry, but it's soon.
And I'll remind you that once KOL is over, Liam's story will start in Selene. There'll be some scenes featuring Louis and Lola and plenty of fun stuff! I've already planned the plot of Selene and it might sound cliche but I promise you'll like it just as KOL or even more. (It's quite more steamy than KOL *insert wink here*
Also, KOL will be edited once over. The first few chapters might include new scenes!
Thank you for reading babes xx You're the reason I love writing soo much 🙈❤