I don't know what to do now that Louis told me about Harry. I'm questioning and rethinking everything. Was the only reason I was brought on tour with them because Harry liked me? Were we ever really friends? Was any of this actually what I thought it was all this time?
And I especially don't know how to act around Harry now. I've been avoiding him as much as I can. Everything was so innocent before and now it just seems ruined. I don't know how to feel about all of this. I don't want all of this. I never asked for any of this.
I'm rounding the corner to my hotel room and when I open the door I let out a yelp because I see a figure facing away from me.
Harry. He turns around with the saddest look I think I've ever seen. I take a deep breath and close the door behind me. It seems like Harry's struggling with what he wants to say first. But I know whatever it is won't be good. I've been dreading this conversation.
"Have-." He shakes his head and starts over. "Have you been avoiding me?"
I don't know what to say so I look down, confirming the question.
"What did I do?" He whispers, sounding so broken.
"No. Harry you didn't do anything. It's me. I...I just don't know what to do right now." I finally look up to meet his eyes.
He looks confused, "You know you can tell me anything 'Cole. I'll help you. What's been going on?"
How can I tell my best friend in the whole world that I now look at him completely different? I feel like I don't know him at all anymore.
"I'm just busy with stuff," I lie. I can't bring myself to have this conversation with him. I'm just conflicted. I wish Louis never told me anything.
But that was the wrong thing to say because that's when he loses it. His voice breaks like he's trying to hold back sobs, "I can't take this anymore! What the hell happened? Nicole please stop lying to me and just tell me what the fuck is going on. I miss you okay? I need you. I just want my best friend back."
"I do too," I whisper. A few tears run down his cheeks and I can't help but start crying too because of this stupid mess we're in.
"What?" He says.
I sigh, crying more. "Louis told me Harry." I say in a small voice.
"Told you what?"
"I can't believe it. All these years the media has been right. The fans have been right. I feel so stupid. I'm the only one in this whole fucking world who didn't see it." I babble on.
"Nicole what the hell are you talking about?"
I bring myself to look him straight in the eyes. "You know what I'm talking about. I just wish it was you who told me. I wish you had told me sooner."
Harry's face goes pale like he understands but doesn't want to. "Louis he told you? About...about..." He's struggling again so I just say it to get it over with.
"That all this time we weren't just best friends and I wasn't just working for you guys. That you what liked me? So you brought me along for the ride. I mean was any of this real?"
"Of course it was real," he says exasperated. "I didn't, I didn't know how to tell you. We we're becoming so close and I knew you didn't see me that way. I-" I cut him off.
"You know why I never thought that way? Did you ever think that maybe it was because you are this huge superstar and I'm just Harry's best friend or One Direction's assistant? Huh? The thought of you liking me like that never once crossed my mind. You would go out with supermodels and actresses. What have I got to offer? I'm a fucking roadie who was brought along for the journey. Jesus Harry. I was lucky enough to even be your friend. Why would a guy like you ever like a girl like me?" I look down, embarrassed. I just want to leave and hide in a dark room away from everything. But Harry surprises me and reaches for my hand.
He smirks and I want to slap that smile right off his face until he says what he does. "Nicole, did you ever think that maybe I went out with those girls to try to move on and forget about you that way? Because that's the truth. I ran away from it all with those girls because I thought that maybe they could change my mind about how I felt about you. But you know what? They never did. As much as I tried to get away, the one person who I always wanted to be around was you. So don't say you're nothing special. We wouldn't have a band if it wasn't for you. I don't think I would still be sane if it wasn't for you. Don't you see, Nicole? It's always been you."
It's always been you.