So here I am writing another Daryl fan-fiction. I saw this picture of a little girl, and I just couldn't resist writing a story of him having a daughter. Let me know what you think c:
The thing about nightmares is they're not supposed to be real, but this one is.
It's always the same: I watch the dead come back to life and grab my little girl, and I see myself decapitating them with a shovel. It was all very terrifying, but there's those moments in life, the fight or flight response, and I fought. When you have more to lose than just yourself, the apocalypse has a funny way of threatening their lives instead of yours. That, or you just stop caring about your own well being.
"Momma, are you okay?" My five-year-old asks. I kiss her forehead, wrapping her in my arms.
"Yes sweetheart, mommy's fine. Go back to sleep." She scooted up to me on the bed to cradle her head in my lap. I wouldn't sleep for a while anyway, so I sat up indulging in her company. Stroking her hair, I hummed her lullaby. No words, just the sounds of my mother's piano.
I was about to crawl next to her when there was a knock on our bedroom door. Three knocks, a pause, and then two more. Lucas? I thought I had already turned him away. Setting Baelee gently off my lap, I went to unlock the door. "Lucas I thought I told you not tonight." He furrowed his eyebrows together as if I'd hurt his feelings all over again.
"Urm--no. There were survivors at the gate." This used to be a good thing; I wanted to help out all the people I could. Our good intentions caught up with us, though, and we paid for them gravely. Ever since that large scale raid, I've been a little less welcoming. I stepped outside of the room and closed the door behind me.
"Don't tell me you let them in." My voice was in a harsh whisper, in case he had brought them inside our house.
He sighed as he did before every argument we were about to have. "Eve, I had to." Crossing my arms, I brought my loose shirt closer to my body. Lucas was the man in the movies every girl dreamed of being with, the ridiculously good looking hero who swoops in and saves a mother and child from being eaten alive. I used to admire that in him, but now I see it as a weak link. It nearly cost my daughter, letting in those raiders, and I guess I never really forgave him for it. It's not fair of me to blame him; he only had good in his heart. But I do, and you can't love someone like that.
"No you didn't." I concluded. He was so kind, it was almost sickening. Maybe there was something wrong with me. I've always turned away the good guy and loved the wrong guy--the real bad boy type.
He grabbed my hand, trying to reach out and touch something to convince me to love him like I used to. It was a wasted effort. "Evangelina.." My eyes narrowed; I hate the use of my full name. "..they have a pregnant woman."
Pregnant, now? I leaned against the door frame. I let out a sigh of defeat. "Well what choice do I have, being a mother myself." Lucas kissed my hand as if he needed that approval to feel good about his decision. Maybe women swooned over this sort of thing, but it wore on me. "Lucky for them the raid left a lot of houses vacant." I added, trying to sound as non judgemental as possible; the look in his eyes suggested I'd failed. It didn't matter. They were dead now.
I opened my bedroom door only to be stopped from entering it. The more I reject him, the more he craves my attention. "Kiss Bae goodnight for me." I only nodded as he went to his room down the hall. We used to share a room, the three of us snug and happy. Sometimes I miss that, the feeling of having a man in my life--a father for Baelee. Though he still fulfilled as an excellent father figure, he wasn't enough of the man I wanted. When he let those strangers in, and what they did, opened up a new wound for nightmares to crawl through. And I don't know how to look at him without seeing the man who let those monstrous people in.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I should have let myself sleep sooner, but I had nightmares of the raiders. They had a gun to my baby's head, telling me the only way to save her was through my exchange of sexual favors. Up until then, I had sworn my enemy was the dead. A dead man only followed on the need to feed, but real men had much more sinister needs. When they took my daughter away I saw red, I bit off a man's finger trying to break free. I lost sight of Bae, and all I did was scream. She screamed back for me, and I tried desperately to follow the trail. I couldn't find her. It was right then I had to think the worst thing any parent had to: they should have shot my daughter in the head. I couldn't bear the thought of what they could do to my beautiful little girl; there are worse fates than death.
The gunfire was drowned out in my screaming, the grass was wet with blood. How could he do this? How could Lucas have been so stupid? Finally everything went silent, dead silent, and I debated taking the gun on the ground to my head. Just as it reached my temple, Lucas was standing in front of me. "Momma? Momma stop!" Baelee jumped out of his arms, as I let the gun fall to the ground. I kissed her until my lips chapped and bled out.
He stood there like a statue, unsure of what kind of treatment he'd receive of me. I stood, picking her up in my arms and walked away. He tailed me, trying to stop me. "This is all your fault! I never want to see another group walk through those gates, or I'll shoot you myself!" My daughter buried her head in my chest, covering her ears. She liked Lucas, and didn't want to hear me yell at him.
"Eve wait, please. I'm sorry; I didn't know." His footsteps stopped, so I turned around to deliver my final blow.
"Well you can find out the cost for your ignorance when we burn our dead, or when we have no medicine for the sick, or food when we're hungry or weapons to protect ourselves with. And just think, think for one second Lucas, they had my kid!"
I reached out beside me on the bed, trying to forget those awful memories, but Baelee wasn't there. Panic struck, and I ran out of my room. "Bae, Lucas!" I've become so over protective, but I hardly think anyone could tell me I had no right to be. This was a time where five-year-olds learned how to shoot a gun, or use knives, not when they tried to color inside the lines. Those days are dead and gone. Just as I ran down the stairs, Lucas came through the front door.
"Oh no. Look I'm sorry Eve, I was just coming back to tell you I took Baelee outside. She was really--" I had my finger in his chest; it looked a bit childish, but I didn't care.
"You should have woken me up! I about had a heart attack. Where is she?" He grabbed me around the waist, and turned me back upstairs with him.
"I will, no doubt, tell you, that or you'll just go ransacking the whole neighborhood if I don't. Let's get you dressed first, shall we?" A small smile played on his lips; he thought he was being cute. He was right though. I needed to be strong for the survivors; if I panic so do they. I never asked to be the second in command; I never imagined being with Lucas would make me that. He swears up and down it's just my personality, that I'm strong. What a bunch of bullshit. Since my mother died, I've only looked after myself, and then my daughter came and it scared the living shit out of me. I had no idea what I was doing, but when I held her in my arms for the first time, I knew. I learned how to live an unselfish life.
The tub stood on four legs, a real Victorian masterpiece. There is more luxury in my life now then there ever was, funny how that happens. Though he's set up a system with the wells, we tried reverting back to tubs of water, for the toilet, washing and all that. You want hot water, you're gonna have to do the work of boiling it outside on a fire. As we draw closer to winter, we're all about to take on that extra step. I removed my clothing without even trying to hide my thinning body from him. It's nothing new anyway. His hands caressed my sides, and I quickly stepped out of his reach and into the tub. The bucket of water was brought in this morning as Lucas usually did. "I can warm it up for you; it's a bit colder than we're used to."
"No. I like it better this way." With the plastic, jumbo cup the local gas stations used to sell, I poured the first chilling drops of water on my head. Goosebumps surfaced painfully over my skin, but I bit my lip and took it. His hands worked on my shoulders, and I tried to let myself fall into the peace he gave. "Where is my daughter?" He released me and grabbed the robe off of the chair.
"She was playing with Paul's kid; he's watching them now." I frowned.
"The one that eats dirt? I don't want him teaching her bad habits." I stood up and dried myself with a towel.
Lucas tried to wrap me in the robe, but I threw it back on the chair. In the room I picked out a random t-shirt, a pair of jeans and a hoodie from high school, the bears. "You know, she's a smart girl. In fact, I saw her bossing that ten-year-old Jensen around." It didn't make me feel any better; she's starting to take on her father's traits. You can take the man out of her life, but you can't take his genes.
"Well somebody ought to." I was moving a mile a minute, trying to straighten myself up to go out into the streets. There was chores to be accomplished, and my absence is always felt. As I sat in front of the vanity mirror, his strong arms found themselves around my waist, and though I tried not to sigh, it slipped.
"You need to slow down, Eve. I won't let anything happen to either of you, you have to know that. I love you both with all my heart." His words were knives in my heart, the guilt was eating me alive. I wanted to love him, but I couldn't find it in me. This was the end of the world, and if I spent it with him that wouldn't be so bad. Lucas is a good looking man, strong and dependable, but something was missing. And those raiders were more of an excuse to cut myself away from his affection. He did save Bae after all, but it wasn't enough. Why wasn't it ever enough? His lips traced my neck until he tilted my chin towards him and kissed my lips. I kissed him back, though it lacked electricity, it comforted me somehow, selfishly.
I let him pick me off the stool, and place me on the bed. Through he had defined muscles, he was a gentle man, and every touch was as if he'd break me. Part of me longed to be thrown, taken, but those days were over. Even if this wasn't the end of the world, I swore off men like that, for my baby's sake. I'd have been with a man just like Lucas anyway, so there wasn't anything to want for. I had it all. I love him, too, just in a different way. So I let him take me, let my body take in all the superficial pleasure of it, and he was always very generous in bed.
He curled up beside me, but I didn't really like cuddling, at least not with anyone that wasn't my daughter. And, frankly, I've spent too much time without her. I kissed his forehead and mustered up a smile, as I threw my clothes back on. I ran out the door to Paul's stationed house, but there was no one outside. It's not really something I should be worried about, but I started to panic anyway. "Baelee!" I yelled, looking up and down the untamed yards.
"Momma!" I looked over, and across the street she was there waving. I was relieved as I ran across, picking her up in my arms. A young boy stood next to me in a sheriff's hat.
"Hello miss, I hope you don't mind, she wanted to dig for worms." He held up a long slimy one, as I took a good look at Bae--dirt covering her mouth.
"Oh I just knew it, that Jensen is teaching you bad things." I set her down, taking my sweatshirt sleeve and cleaning her face.
"That's what I told her, so I sent the boy home. It's not very good for you Baelee." She smiled at him as he handed her the worm. She let it crawl on her hand, and she giggled at every movement it made.
"It tickles." Bae held her worm to me, "You try, momma." Though I've never really liked worms, some kind of traumatic fishing story, these are the sorts of things you do as a parent. I smiled, taking the worm in my hand. Over dramatically, I made a disgusted face that made both of them laugh.
"We better let him go back home, what do you say?" She nodded as I lowered my hand and it inched away through the jagged blades of grass.
"Carl there you are--" A rugged looking man stood by the boy. "Well hello there, sorry if my boy caused any problems."
"Dad!" He mumbled, a little embarrassed.
"No it's no problem at all. Baelee seems to like him." I patted her head, as she hid behind my leg, peeking out at the stranger. "You guys must be from the group Lucas was talking about last night." He nodded, holding out his hand.
"I'm Rick, and this is my son, Carl. We are very grateful for your hospitality. My wife's due in a couple of months, and we haven't been able to settle anywhere else." I smiled taking his hand in my own firm shake.
"We're glad to have you. You can stay as long as you like, but we do have some chores.." I started, not wanting to be unfair to the rest of the people here who worked for their keep. He nodded his head violently.
"Of course, we got you covered in anything." Well at least the leader of their group seemed to have a good head on his shoulders.
"I knew it'd be good to take you in." Lucas said behind us, Bae pulled on his shirt to indicate she wanted to be held. With one swift motion, she was in his arms.
"Well thank you again. You should meet the rust of us, they'd love to meet your guys' beautiful little girl, too." Awkwardness filled between all three of us, for we all knew he wasn't the father as much as he wanted to be. I shouldn't have said anything; it really wasn't any of his business. What did I think, her father was going to waltz out of that building? No, he'd never have let himself be anyone's bitch.
"Her father's..dead." I regrettably said. It was a lie, and one I kept saying to everyone that asked--to Lucas and to Baelee. It was wrong, but the chances of me having to confront it were next to zero.
"I'm real sorry to hear that." He looked as if he meant it, the kind of look only someone who's lost someone can have. It wasn't so bad to have him here.
"Well you know what. We can all get together, you bring your group on over to the main house, and I'll prepare some food to welcome you folks." It would seem much easier to meet everyone in one large gathering than to waste more of my working time one on one. Plus, I hated doing that. Lucas was much better at that sort of thing. I'm more of a fighter than a lover.
"It's settled then." Lucas confirmed, kissing the top of my head. Everyone here knew about us, and I suppose he was just trying to show him that I was off the market. What did he care, his wife was pregnant. Though, I had to wonder, he didn't seem to have that happy father glow about him. But, hey, what the hell would I know on good fathers.
"Thank you very much. Carl what do we say?" His father pressured. With a tip of his hat, they were off into one of the houses.
I took Bae from him, and started to walk towards the crops. I would need a lot of food, exactly how much? I stopped Lucas. "Hey do you remember how many of them are there?" I yelled across the street.
He looked to be counting in his head. "Eleven if you count the pregnant one twice." Well they traveled heavy; I couldn't imagine how they survived so far wandering place to place with that many people. I felt bad for them, so I will just have to make them a hearty meal. And with Lucas heading off to the freezer, where we kept our meats, they would get one.
The women greeted me, as Bae ran off to play with the other children in our sights. It wasn't as sexist as you'd think; we women preferred gardening than to tend with the cattle. After hours of work, there was only more work to be done in preparing a kind of feast. At least I knew Lucas would take care of the meat, and honestly that was always the best part. It's a luxury food, as our cattle is more valuable alive than dead. I don't get to go hunting much either, we are busy trying to get the crops prepared for winter.
As I expected, he was already outside over the fire. "Smells good." I said, setting down Baelee.
"Yum. I call this part, okay Lucy?" Her toothy smile always broke through to him, and he set her on his leg. I've been trying to get her to stop calling him Lucy, but they both seemec to like it.
"You get first pick, sweetheart." She brought her nose to his and they exchanged Eskimo kisses. Even for someone who didn't love a guy romantically, seeing him with her brought me joy. It wasn't so hard to get used to the idea of having Lucas around.
The kitchen was spotless, as I took it upon myself to make sure the house was clean. It was the only shred of reality I could hang onto; it made the horrors outside seem like a bad dream. Before I could start anything, a few footsteps echoed in the living room. I looked up to see four women that must have come from the group. "Hey, Eve right?" I nodded with a smile, welcoming them in. "We've come to help; it's the least we can do," the pregnant one continued. Well, they were just full of surprises.
"Of course, thank you." She held out her hand, "My name's Lori, and this is Carol," she said pointing to the short haired one, "Maggie," the young brunette, "and Beth," the little blonde one.
"It's nice to meet all of you."
We busied ourselves with small talk, vegetables, fruits and assorted flavoring agents. Though I was on my guard, I didn't find anything about them that made me uncomfortable. Good on them, or I'd have personally pointed my shot gun in their face. There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect the one thing I love. "You have a very pretty little girl." Lori started, changing the subject of her pregnancy.
"The brightest blue eyes I ever did see, or well a good tie for first." Carol said nervously.
I smiled, nudging Maggie who was beside me, "Sounds like someone's thinking about a man." The brunette smiled, joining in on our innocent fun.
"Oh yeah. She's the only one he lets on his motorcycle." Girl talk, it's been a while. Carol's face was flushed, and I felt like I shouldn't push any further. I was curious though.
"So this man with the blue eyes, is he going to be coming to supper?" It was a pretty honest question. The group seemed to all be pondering the same.
"Well he's not exactly a...people person." Lori started. The youngest one who had been mostly left out of the conversation looked as if she wanted to say something.
"He's gotten better, though. Daryl even helped me with my knife the other day." They nodded, but my heart skipped a beat at the name. It was ridiculous to think it could be the same Daryl, my Daryl. What were the chances, slim to none. He was in the mountains, or far away with that horrible brother of his--the one he chose over me one to many times. No. Daryl was dead. It was best he be dead.
I was silent for too long, as I realized their eyes were all trained on me. "Sorry, I just--I knew a Daryl once. But he wouldn't have been in a group, and, no offense, he wouldn't be helping no girl with her knives either." They looked apologetically at me, and I immediately regretted saying anything about him. "He never cared about anyone but himself."
Lori patted my knee, and I think she understood. "Baelee's father?" Was it really that obvious? I nodded.
"He's dead, though. No love lost." They began to talk about deadbeat men they dated, Carol's taking the cake with her abusive late husband.
"With Sophia gone, God bless her soul, I have no reminders of him. But, I'd gladly take those back to have her in my arms again." She was right. I could try my hardest to forget about Daryl, but every time I looked in Bae's eyes, there he was. She had his eyes, his hair color, ears and most of all, she was tough as nails. Tougher than any little girl I've ever seen. Though I may hate him, I am so thankful he gave me this gift.
"I'm so sorry; I can't even imagine. If anything ever happened to Bae.." I was choking up at the thought; I had almost lost her twice already.
"Hold on to them tight, or they'll be gone before you know it." The days for trying to get yourself away from being overprotective were over. I was teaching my daughter self defense at five. There's no such thing as a childhood anymore, and it broke my heart to watch her learn how to fight instead of how to dance. She would have been a beautiful ballerina.
Lucas came through the door, placing the cooked meat on a serving plate. "Ladies, ladies, you are doing a marvelous job in here!" He beamed.
"Not me," Beth confided. "I'm just stripping carrots." Though it seemed to be more about something else than the vegetable.
"Ah, but carrots are my favorite." He said with an award winning smile. The women indulged in this, a few of their glances finding their way to me. With a quick kiss to the top of my head, he left to finish the rest of the meat.
"He's certainly a hunk," Maggie said giving me a nudge. Beth was still blushing.
"Don't be fooled, underneath that chiseled face is a nice guy." Though it was joke, I was serious about him being a nice guy as a drawback.
"Well if it doesn't work out between you two, we can give him to Beth." They erupted in laughter, as we watched her face turn into a deeper shade of red.
"So is everyone paired off in your group?" I asked.
"Well I have my husband, Rick.." Her voice traveled off as if she wanted to say something more, or couldn't. Was there something wrong between them?
"And I'm with Glenn," Maggie started, the look in her eyes would suggest this was still a hot and heavy romance, a new one.
Silence. Carol was keeping quiet, and Beth was much the same. "As you've heard, I still have my suspicions on Carol and Daryl. I mean just listen to their names, kinda rolls of the tongue." Immediately Carol refuted this.
"Don't listen to her. We're just friends that understand each other."
"And Beth," Maggie contemplated finishing, "well Carl seems to like her." Relief, and then annoyance, flashed through Beth's face.
"I think I'm done being the butt of all the jokes!" And she was, because we had finished our work.
The table was full of juicy fruits, and savory vegetables, but none compared to the meat. My mouth was watering just thinking about it, but I had to wash up. Baelee came running in the house, more dirt on her body and tear stained cheeks. "Mommy, Mommy, I watched a bird take my worm. It whooshed, and Baxter was gone." I buried her head in my chest.
"Come on let's get you washed up for dinner." I stood up, gathering my sobbing girl in my arms. "I'll see you all in a little while." They nodded, waving to Baelee as we made our way upstairs.
I stripped off her clothes, and placed her in the tub. There wasn't much time to warm some water, but she was used to it. It would be over quick. "Momma, why did that bird take Baxter?" The first cup gets dumped on her head.
"Just as we eat the cow or the plants, sweetie. It's their food. It's the cycle of life." I rubbed soap between my hands and then through her long hair.
"Like the biters?" Rinsing her hair, I sighed.
"No Bae. The biters are an abomination."
"Abobination?" She repeated as I lathered her body.
"Unnatural. Something that will not hesitate to hurt you. Always remember that. They are not people anymore, okay?" I gave her body a final rinse, and pulled her from the tub.
"Okay."
Dressed and clean, we made our way back down to a busy household. Lucas led us to the table, where he apparently arranged a seating chart. There weren't many chairs, so the children shared with their mothers, namely Lori and Carl and Baelee and I. I was still amazed he found a way to fit us all on one table. There was one seat empty. "Are we still waiting on someone?" I asked.
"Just Daryl, but who knows if he'll show up." A young Asian boy answered.
"Well we can wait a little longer while we all get acquainted. Eve, this is Glenn," he pointed to the Asian boy, "Hershel a vet, Dr. Sholtz is lucky to be getting an extra pair of hands," the white haired man that reminded me of a grandfather, "and T-dog," the black man at the end of the table. Again, I said my nice to meet you bit. After some small talk they decided it was best not to assume he was coming and dig in. No complaints from anyone.
Through the first plate, no one spoke. I figured it was because they didn't get much to eat with them being on the road all the time. And me, well meat was a rarity. I did try to portion myself less; I was better fed then they were. Any little scraps I could make of my food, I put on Bae's plate. She loves chicken. "So we've been told you're quite the hunter." Rick started. I shot a glance at Lucas, knowing that's where he got the information. When I did go out, in desperate times, squirrel meat was nice. Even better days, I'd end up with a deer. They were small remnants of Daryl; he taught me in our younger days. Something along the lines of: Eve there's gonna come a day when yer gonna need to know this. I guess I'm also grateful for that.
"I'm alright." I tried dismissing the topic.
"She's amazing. There's this bow she has, never practiced until coming here, and then she fed the entire neighborhood with squirrel and deer meat." He praised, patting me on the back.
"Sounds like somebody else we know." T-dog interjected, his eyes falling to the empty seat.
"Well I would just like to apologize for his rudeness. He should have at least let someone know he wouldn't come." Rick started, but I only shook my head.
"It's no problem, more for you guys." His hand was still rubbing my back, and I felt slightly annoyed with his constant need to show me off as his. "If you'll excuse me for just a minute." I picked Bae up and set her on the chair, then walked off towards the bathroom. Why could I enjoy his touch earlier in the day, only to be annoyed with it later? I loved and hated him all at the same time. Taking a handful of the water, I rinsed my face. The cold seemed to clear my head, maybe it was just my hormones.
I made my way back downstairs, but a new voice caught me off guard. "Nice to see ain't no one waited for me." He said, scraping his chair on the hardwood.
"I apologize, we waited a while but were under the impression you don't show up to these kinds of things." Lucas started as I crept along the wall as to not be seen. Something in his voice was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"You could'a saved me some meat, ya know a doggie bag or somethin'" the stranger said. There was a small smacking sound where I interpreted as someone smacking his hand.
"Don't be so ungrateful, Daryl." Carol said. Rick was quick to back her up.
"You ought to show some respect to these people. They took your sorry ass in, too."
"Hmph, for now." For now? What did he mean, was there a soft spot in our defenses? Or was he trying to suggest we'd throw him out? With his cheery disposition, I couldn't imagine why we'd want him out of our camp.
Another scrape of a chair, and then little footsteps. For a moment I thought Bae might come looking for me. "You can have my meat, but I eated all the chicken." Was she offering him her food? That was out of character, my daughter barely trusted anyone, least of all one of these strangers. It must have caught him off guard as well, because there was a long silence.
"Urm--are you sure?" He seemed to be expecting the answer from some kind of parent, but it never came.
"Please take it." I could hear the scraping of her fork, placing the food on his plate. I was still amazed she did it.
"Guess I got no choice, thanks." He took his first bite, "It's a bit dry." He criticized.
"If you'd have gotten here sooner it would still be in it's prime." Rick accused.
"It's not all bad, right mister? I helped make it." I couldn't bear it if he made her cry; I was about to step in and shelter my girl from the man's nasty tongue when he stopped me.
"Nah, I've eaten worse." Well it wasn't exactly a compliment, but I'm not sure she knew that. "This your kid, pretty boy?" I almost laughed at Lucas' all too fitting name.
"No. He's Lucy." She piped up again. Baelee was being awfully chatty with him.
"Her mother's in the washroom--" He started as I creaked a floor board. Shoot! "Eve, is that you?" He called out. Well no use beating around the bush any longer.
"Eve?" He questioned as I walked in.
"Yes it's just me. Sorry for the delay--" I had only just walked in when she latched onto my leg.
"Momma, mister said I did a good job." I smiled down, picking her up in my arms.
"I'm sure he has a name, Daryl if I'm not mistaken." He turned to face me, realization slowly lit up his face, and I nearly dropped Bae right out of my arms as I realized it too. The blue eyes were unmistakable, and I felt as if I couldn't breathe. Dixon, the father of my child was sitting right here at my table.