My combat skills improve greatly over the next few days. I'm re-learning all the skills I used to have mastered faster than I thought I would, but not fast enough. Ryder is a patient teacher. He quietly tells me what I've done wrong and corrects me with gentle hands; a very different approach than the one he'd been using previously. I'd gotten used to the angry, violent Ryder but after the encounter with Archer and his confession when I nearly died, he hasn't been the same.
We haven't talked about him selling out Archer to get back at me or his uncharacteristically heroic act of giving Archer a chance to escape and letting me out of our deal. Nor have we talked about his sorrowful confession that Octavian broke him and how he can never trust me again because I let it happen to him.
For the first time in my life, I find myself ashamed of the pain I've caused my enemy. I watch as Ryder dislodges a dagger that had buried itself in the wall and feel a wave of guilt. When I left Grimm Haven, I never thought that Octavian and my parents would take out their anger on Ryder. My only thoughts were on escaping. Two years ago, I realize with a sinking feeling, Ryder hadn't offered to go with me as some plan to reveal my actions to Octavian. He'd only been trying to escape his father. He'd said he loved me because he honestly thought his father might kill him for letting me go and he wanted to have said the words at least once in his short life. The things Octavian must have done to him when he let me escape again . . . I shudder. Yet he was still willing to let me go once again, risking his life for a girl that had caused him nothing but agony. Why? Why did he do it?
"Why did you give Archer a chance? Why did you . . . let me go?" I whisper with a small frown turning down the corners of my lips. We've both been avoiding the topic for days, but I need to know why a born and raised villain would do such a selfless thing.
Ryder turns, dagger still in hand, with surprise in his icy blue eyes that quickly turns wary. He stares at me for a moment, standing still. He appears guarded when he asks in retort, "why did you come back?"
He starts to turn away, not thinking that I'll respond, but I surprise him by saying, "because I realized I wasn't as good of a person as I thought I was. I'm still the monster our parents made me."
Ryder turns back to me with a purposefully blank expression, his walls carefully in place. His attention is all the encouragement I need.
"If I left with Archer, I'd be hurting you just like I did when I left you behind before, subjecting you to the wrath of your father. You may be an unbearable ass most of the time, Ryder, but you don't deserve that. Not after you gave Archer a chance," I take a deep breath and stare the unmoving incubus in the eye. "Thank you, Ryder. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed me to be before. I'm sorry I'm still the selfish person I was at Grimm Haven."
Ryder's lips twitch and a small smile slips onto his usually frowning lips. He chuckles softly, shaking his head.
I frown at him. "What?"
He smiles a genuine smile and I lose the breath in my lungs.
"Sometimes," he says softly, "you need someone to tell you you aren't as terrible as you think you are."
He shakes his head again and walks away. The heavy feeling that seemed to follow him seems to lift with every step he takes. He pauses in the doorway and glances back at me. "Oh, and Viridian?" He sticks me with the firm look he always gives me when teaching an important lesson. "Never be sorry for who you are."
He leaves me standing here, staring after him with a small smile on my lips and a blossoming of hope in my heart.
Maybe there's hope for Ryder after all.
That night, I lay awake in my bed, wondering what would have happened if I'd told Archer the truth about who I was at the start. I imagine the anger and distrust he would have felt at first and the look of surprise on his face when he would eventually figure out that I'm not as much of a monster as I used to be.
I smile sadly. I'd give anything to be able to go back and fix my mistake -to erase the hurt and distrust in Archer's beautiful green eyes and see the love and amusement once more. I clutch my pillow tighter to my chest. He doesn't hate me as much, I think with a heavy sigh and an ache in my chest, that should offer me some solace.
I blow out a breath into the silent air just as a distressed cry pierces the quiet night. I jerk upright, visions of Ryder being attacked by Octavian's men color my thoughts with panic. Another pained cry fills my ears and I'm on my feet in an instant. With a pounding heart, I run down the hall, my bare feet slapping noisily against the wood floor.
How could Octavian have found out about Ryder's betrayal so fast? It was just the three of us there!
I skid to a stop in front of Ryder's bedroom door, resting my hand on the chilled metal doorknob, and listen. Nothing. I don't hear a sound from inside. Frowning, I turn the handle and slowly open the door.
The room is dark and quiet, empty of life except for the sleeping form tangled in the sheets of the bed. His hands clutch the sheets at his sides in an iron grip and his forehead is pinched with worry. "No," Ryder moans in his sleep, "you're not dying today. Please, open your eyes."
I let out a shallow breath, shoulders slumping. A nightmare, I think as my heartbeat slows to its normal pace, he's having a nightmare.
I shake my head at myself for over-reacting and turn to go but stop in my tracks when, in his sleep, Ryder whispers, "please."
I look back and bite my lip. Leaving him here alone while his dreams torment him feels . . . cruel. So, I shut the door as quietly as I can and pad over to the side of his bed. I ease myself onto the floor and take his damp hand in mine, rubbing my thumb across the back of it soothingly.
He stirs at my touch, but then the crease in his brow smooths and he falls into a more restful sleep. I smile slightly and lean my head back against the wall, closing my eyes. If only my parents could see me now.
Ryder rouses at about eight in the morning. His startling blue eyes blink open and he frowns. The hand I hold squeezes back and Ryder's head turns towards me in confusion. He meets my tired gaze and raises an eyebrow.
"You were having a nightmare," I say shrugging. I'm not going to apologize for helping him.
His eyebrow stays cocked and he gives me a strange look. "But," he says slowly, "why are you holding my hand?"
I look down and find my hand is still wrapped around his. My cheeks turn pink. I've been holding it for so long that it doesn't feel strange to be comforting my enemy like this. Ryder, however, finds the gesture quite strange, so I let go, still blushing.
I shrug off the embarrassment, saying "you were upset and the only comfort I could offer was letting you know that you weren't alone."
He stares at me with curiosity in his icy blue eyes, like he can't figure me out. Then he blinks and sits up, his walls falling back into place. He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and clears his throat. "Thanks, but I can hand it on my own."
Yeah, you were handling it real well, I think sarcastically, but nod nonetheless.
Standing, I brush off my pants and feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I hustle out of Ryder's bedroom, glad for the distraction, and walk out the front door before answering.
"Hello?" I ask, yawning tiredly. If Ryder tries to keep me from taking a nap before training, I might kill him, I think in irritation as my eyelids begin to droop.
"Viridian," Leilani's voice is panicked and thick with tears, "we need your help."
"What's wrong? What happened?" I demand, wide awake now. My mind begins to run rampant with all the things that could have possibly went wrong, but I quiet it. Maybe it's not as bad as her tone makes it sound, I reassure myself.
Leilani chokes out a sob. "It's Anabel. She's been taken."
For a moment, my mind draws a blank. Then I remember the little brunette girl of about six that had braided my hair when I first arrived at the old cabin in the woods. She's Dax's half-sister, I recall. My stomach drops when the reality of the situation sinks in.
Not only is she Dax's little sister, but she's also a hybrid.
A soft cry leaves my parted lips as the cell phone slips from my fingers. The device hits the ground as a frantic Leilani calls my name repeatedly from the speaker. I know I should answer her, but I'm frozen, paralyzed with horror.
"Viridian? What's wrong?" Ryder asks from behind me. His voice is tense, searching for any sign of danger.
I whirl around with tears stinging my eyes and bury my face in Ryder's shoulder. He tenses under my touch but as I begin to sob into his shirt, he hesitantly rests his hand on the back of my head, his fingers burying themselves in my hair. He says nothing as I continue to sob, comforting me in silence.
I should be stronger than this. I should pick up the phone and be the hero Leilani and Anabel need me to be, but I can't be that right now.
Instead, I hold onto my enemy even tighter and cry.