The next morning before school I'm looking into the mirror at myself, wondering if just one more swipe of mascara will make it appear as if I actually got some sleep last night. My hazel eyes are much squintier than usual and remmed in red, which is going to let one certain little boy know that I wasn't quite as fine as I'd told him in that text. I can't have him knowing that I was upset--I just can't. I have to act strong and as if last night with my parents, with what he saw, didn't affect me like it actually did.
I put in a little more effort on my hair this morning, though I'm sure no one will notice, and now the dark brown curls are just a bit more pronounced and not quite as frizzy. But the puffy eyes and the red, blotchy cheeks are such dead giveaways that I just know Lucas are going to notice. There's no way that even my head of thick, obnoxious curls are going to hide them.
After putting one more useless swipe of mascara onto my eyelashes, I put all of my makeup away and then head down the hallway, back into my bedroom. Knowing that I'll have to wear something a little more put together than my usual attire of band T-shirts and jeans, I open the door to my closet and get to searching.
Ten minutes later I'm dressed in the best I can do: some skinny jeans and a loose T-shirt that bares one of my shoulders. The shoes are a lost cause, though, seeing as how I don't own anything but Converse sneakers and flip flops. I end up just slipping on the nicest pair of flip flops I own and then head on down to the kitchen, knowing that I'll have to hurry because I cannot be late for first period.
I don't hear either of my parents in the house and when I look outside to check, I don't either of their cars. Letting out a loud breath of relief, I head back into the kitchen and then pour myself a huge bowl of my breakfast obsession: fruit loops. Once I'm done I look over at the clock on the stove and curse underneath my breath when I see that I have just under fifteen minutes to get into my desk in English.
I hurry to my room, grab my things and then start racing down the sidewalk towards the school.
Luckily I don't even live a mile from the school, so after jogging the entire way there, I make it into the school hallways with five minutes to spare. As I walk throughout the crowded hallways, I start to feel as if more people than normal--which is zero, by the way--are looking at me. I look away from the ground beneath my silver flip flops and my eyes widen when I realize I've gained the attention of two guys on the basketball team.
Immediately feeling uncomfortable because of the abnormal attention, I jerk my eyes away from the two guys I've only ever spoken to because of partner assignments in class and make sure to hide my red cheeks with my hair. Wondering what the hell has gotten into their morning cherrios to make them look at me like they look at the cheerleaders, I stop in front of my locker and then hurrily grab my books.
I slip through the door of my first class of the day right as the tardy bell rings which causes me to let out a huge, obnoxious breath of relief. A few of the people who saw me giggle a bit but since my cheeks were already red because of those two pervert jocks in the hall, they can't tell that I'm embarrassed by their laughter. Grabbing onto my book sack just a bit tighter, I ignore them and head towards my desk.
Something inside of me is already starting to tell me that today's just not going to be a good day.
oOoOo
The minute that I step inside of my sixth hour Calculus class, I feel someone's eyes land on me. Rolling my eyes because I've honestly grown so tired of the curious, somewhat surprised looks by my just slightly appearance today, I keep my eyes locked on my desk until I'm good and seated. But it's when I look up and see that it was Lucas who was looking at me, I feel something inside of me warm up in anger.
Why does he now feel like it's okay to openly look at me, to talk to me? Does he just somehow feel like these past two years haven't happened?
I give him a pointed look from across the classroom, showing him that it's not okay for him to look at me after everything's he's done. Ignoring the look of hurt that flashes across his face, I bend down towards my book sack and start to pull my things out. "Hey, are you new?" a deep, unfamiliar voice says from next to me, startling the crap out of me.
Just a tad bit proud with myself because I didn't jump in surprise like I usually do, I turn away from my book sack and come face to face with a pair of deep brown eyes that I've never had the chance to see up close. But seeing as how they belong to Lucas' best friend, yet another conceited football player who believes he's above everyone else, I find myself getting irritated. Drew Price and I have had the same math class since eighth grade. That's four years now and he still can't tell who I am when I dress just a bit differently?
"No Drew," I say in a sadistic tone, "I'm not. You can go now." Maybe I am being rude and maybe, just maybe, I'm ruining my one chance at a social life here at this school, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my dignity in order to get one. I'll be out of here in eight months--I'm sure I can survive. Besides, this is probably my only chance to knock down one of the most popular guy's egos.
I hear him mutter something underneath his breath that coincidentally rhymes with "witch", but honestly, that just makes the somewhat evil smile on my lips grow tenfold.
Hearing chuckling come from the other side of the classroom and feeling that it's aimed my way, I turn my head over my shoulder and see that Lucas has his fist pressed into his mouth as if he's trying to control his laughter before his friend gets pissed. Feeling that once familiar urge to smile at him proudly because I've made him laugh rise up in me, I bite down on my lip and then turn back towards the front of the classroom.
It's been two years.
Why can't I remember that?
oOoOo
Once detention is over later that afternoon, I gather up my things and then start on my walk towards the book store. Above my head dark clouds are starting to cluster together, letting me know that I have about ten minutes to get there unless I want to get completely drenched. Luckily, though, the cloud cover makes the outdoors a lot less warm and keeps me comfortable.
The streets are also just a bit less congested than normal due to the oncoming storm, so about two minutes quicker than normal, I walk in through the front door of the book shop, hearing the chiming of the bell above my head. Zara isn't anywhere towards the front of the store and after checking over my shoulder to make sure no one's in the parking lot, I call out, "Zara?"
"Back here!" she calls back, but the moment after she does I hear another deep voice accompanying hers. Thinking that maybe it's a customer who's as fortunate as me in the whole car situation, I go and sit on the chair by the cash register so that Zara won't have to do it. Since I'm two hours late due to the detention I just got out of, I figure I can be just a bit more diligent than I usually am. Normally I just sit on the floor somewhere reading a book and when I hear Zara approach I'll quickly gather up something and make it look like I'm working.
When the voices start getting closer to the front of the store, I realize with a sinking stomach that the deep voice is all too familiar. What the hell? Why is Lucas here? Didn't Zara understand me that afternoon when I showed her his yearbook picture and told her never to allow him in the store? What ever happened to having a friend's back?
Even though I already figured it was Lucas due to just the mere sound of his voice, I still can't help but feel a little squeeze in my chest when I see him walk out of one of the aisles, laughing. Ignoring how stupidly nice his smile really is, I look past him and see Zara walking behind him, laughing right along with him. God, what happened to friendship?! The moment her eyes land on mine, though, the smile disappears from her face and she shoots me a look that tells me to stay quiet and not argue with her in front of him.
I narrow my eyes menacingly at her and ignore when she just laughs at me. The two of them approach the front counter and when Lucas sees me, he gives me a soft smile and greets, "Hey Naomi."
Completely ignoring him and not caring that I'm being rude, I look past him and ask Zara, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
She gives me yet another warning look and even though I really just want to roll my eyes at her in response, I remember that she is my boss and that she does have control over my book supply. So I suck up the fact that the bane of my existence is in the room, settling with just crossing my arms over my chest in rebellion.
Once Zara realizes that she has me under control, she clears her throat and then says, "Naomi, meet our newest employee."
"What?!" I basically shriek at her, not caring that she is my boss, that I'm showing Lucas that his rejection is still painfully close to my heart, and that I just disobeyed her look that told me to shut up. I can't care about those petty things, not when she's telling me that I'm about to have to spend every afternoon working side-by-side with the boy single-handedly responsible for about ten days worth of tears.
She once again gives me a look to chill out before she does something drastic and, swallowing back about ten minutes worth of screams, I tighten my arms around my torso and just huff. Once I've managed to somewhat calm down, she nods her head and says, "Look, Naomi, I'm about to start art school and you can't run this place by yourself."
"Why not?" I ask her stubbornly, "It's not like we have more than five customers per day here."
Lifting her eyebrows at me in a condescending manner that she's never used on me, she says, "Not on the weekends. He'll be working a little less than you during the week because of practice, but he'll make that time up on Sunday...your day off."
Even though she's trying to calm me down by telling me we won't be stuck together all of the time, all I can see are hours locked in this store with a guy that I hate more than those sad puppy commercials on television. How can I get over him when he's going to be around me all of the time? I stammer, "Zara come on, don't you think it'd be smarter to get someone without sports...more work time."
Lucas goes to intervene and say something that I'm sure will do nothing but piss me off, but Zara holds a hand up towards the two of us and says, "I've already showed him the ropes, but if he needs any help you help him. I'll be in the back checking the bank statements."
She turns around and heads down one of the book aisles, leaving Lucas and I alone in the store. The moment that he makes eye contact with me, though, I dodge around the counter and follow Zara into the back of the store, fully intent on hearing why she hired the guy that she knows I hate? She's always been so nice to me, so kind. Why is she doing this to me now? Did I do something wrong? Is this her payback for me being late today because of detention?
That's so unlike her, though. She would never use revenge on someone. I just can't see it.
I throw open the door leading to the back and head straight towards her office. Inside the small dark red room I see her taking a seat on her desk chair. Not even looking surprised that I've followed her in here, she looks up at me and says calmly, "I'm doing this for you, Naomi."
"For me?" I ask her disbelievingly. She knows that I despise him. How on earth can she possibly be doing this for my own good? "How the heck is this for me? You know good and well that I hate him."
Reaching forward, she grabs a coffee mug with a pretty floral design from her desk and slowly starts to stir whatever's inside with a little spoon. As she does so, she explains to me, "You hating him that much, him having that much emotional control over you...it's not healthy."
"So why bring him here? How am I supposed to get over everything he did when he's around all of the time?" This makes no sense whatever. Maybe eating all of that crazy health food is finally starting to get to her brain.
After swallowing back a sip of her drink she looks up at me and says, "Look, he called for the job, okay? When I realize it was him, I couldn't get over the curiosity of what he was like after everything you've told me so I invited him for the interview. Him and I got to talking and, Naomi, I completely understand why the two of you were so close. He's everything you're not, but you also have crazy similarities."
Feeling almost embarrassed because this seems to be her trying to set us up, I tell her seriously, "Well we're not friends anymore, so it doesn't matter."
She sighs, placing her mug back onto the desk and then wrapping her olive-skinned hands around it. She says, "I think you two could be friends again and I think that it'd be good for you."
"Did you forget what I told you?" I ask her incredulously, "About what he did to me?"
She says, "I know and what he did was horrible. Look, I'm not trying to set the two of you up or anything..."
I cut her off with a sarcastic voice, "That's sure what it sounded like."
Ignoring that I said anything she continues, "I just want to help you get over this. It's not good that it's still affecting you after all of this time."
Feeling almost as if she's calling me pathetic or something, I scoff, "You try being ditched by your only friend, the best friend you've ever had, after you tell him that you love him. When he's showing up two years later, trying to act like part of your life again, tell me you don't hate him. You don't know what it's like."
"Zara?"
When Lucas' voice sounds from the door of the office, his face popping in through the door crack, I feel my cheeks burn with the realization that he's heard me. He heard me ranting about him and he heard me admit once more that I used to be in love with him. I'd always kind of hoped that he'd forgotten that one embarrassing detail of our falling out and now, now I've reminded him of it.
Just great.
"I'll just go then," I tell the two of them and then after pulling the door all the way open, ignoring the resistance I feel since Lucas is holding onto the other side of the doorknob, I brush past him and back out into the store. When I see a mother and her daughter browsing the teen romance section, I know that I need to suck it up and act professional. I'm not going to let Lucas' coming back and toying with my feelings once more risk my job. I care way too much about this job to risk it.
So I walk up to the two of them and ask politely, "Is there anything I can help you with?"
The teenager then looks up at me and when she does, she reminds me of myself when I was around her age. She looks to be about fourteen and back then I had this awfully frizzy hair--I had yet to learn about the miracle of a curling wand--and braces. I had also yet to lose my baby fat back then which pretty much adds up to one of the worst times in my life. This girl standing in front of me is pretty much the spitting image of puberty yet to happen, except for the baby fat part because she's skinny as a rail.
Her mother speaks for her and says, "Yes please, we're looking for the prequel of this series she loves so much."
I look to her daughter and ask, "Do you remember the titles?"
She nods and then tucks one of her dark, frizzy waves behind her pierced ear, "They were the City of Bones' books, that was the first one anyways."
I smile, immediately realizing the titles of one of my favorite series of all time. I nod and say, "I know exactly what you're talking about." I then let my eyes rake over the spines of all of the books that I've pretty much already read and when I see the familiar dark and shiny spine, I pull it out of the stacks and hand it to her. "Here you go."
The little girl smiles and says, "Thank you."
"Anytime,"I tell her cheerily, "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No," she says shaking her head solemnly, "This is two weeks allowance and my mom won't let me get anymore."
The mom laughs and says, "If I paid for every book she wanted I'd have to get a second mortgage on the house."
I smile and say, "I'm exactly the same way. Before I got a job and had money of my own I'd spend my whole weekend at the library just reading."
The daughter then looks a bit less intimidated by me and says, "I do that."
I laugh, "Good to know I'm not the only one. But here, let me ring this up for you."
The two of them are out of the store within minutes and when I look out of the window facing the street, I see the little girl digging the book out of the bag and immediately going to read the back cover. Smiling fondly to myself, I shake my head and then turn back to the counter. Mindlessly rubbing my fingers over the wooden surface, I think back to all of the weekends that I spent with my back against the book shelves in the library, reading the thinner books entirely in the day and then taking the thicker ones home with me to fall asleep too.
Before I met Lucas, books were my life. I loved how they gave me the ability to slip out of my life, away from the constant screaming of my parents, and into someone else's. I loved reading about the glamorous celebrities fell in love with nerdy girls like myself. I loved all of the happy endings because they made me think that maybe, just maybe I'd have my own happy ending.
But then I met Lucas and, even though I still read far more than the healthy amount, I stopped going to the library every day. Once he left, though, this book store became my childhood library and I once again spent my days living as someone else.
When Lucas comes out of the back of the book store and towards me, I find the small smile disappearing from my lips. He's tainted this book store for me. This place used to be my escape, a place to forget about how the guy I was so sure was my soul mate or something completely ditched me. Now he's back and, unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to escape anymore.
He's caught me.