Annoying Pinspiration Quote #24
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."
"Mr Marx?" The very pretty brunette flight attendant with Disney princess-sized eyes appeared beside Rupert's seat. "Would you mind terribly if we borrow you for a few photos with the rest of the flight crew? We're so honoured to have you flying with us." She batted her eyelids, actually fluttered them up and down, which I'd previously thought was something that only sexy cartoon skunks did.
Rupert automatically turned towards me. "Do you mind, love?"
"God, no." I waved him off. "I've got about a hundred movies to choose from, my book and champagne. Go nuts. Oo – nuts!" I threw a honey cashew in my mouth and crunched happily.
He kissed my knuckles, then loped off with the brunette, unaware that the gazes of every woman in business class followed him. In black jeans, and his trademark vest and tee combo, he projected effortless rock star cool, the swag that emanated from his every pore. He tossed his golden hair back as he passed through the curtain, and I swore the woman opposite me audibly sighed.
I laughed under my breath, and she turned towards me. "You're travelling with Rupert Marx," she said, as if I didn't already know.
"Yup."
Although middle-aged, she was an attractive woman with sleek black hair. "He's such a playboy – don't you worry about him with all those air hostesses?"
I thought about not snorting, then changed my mind and snorted derisively anyway. "Nope. Don't believe everything you read."
"I'm just saying, I'd be incredibly insecure about dating the world's hottest rocker."
Rather than bothering to correct her on any count, I chose instead to lower my seat back to its horizontal position, and let the divider block out her face and any further questions. I plumped my pillow, and considered her words. Maybe if Rupert and I were going to be a permanent thing, I might have been more defensive of him, but was that anyway to live? Constantly worrying about whether the other person might give in to the easy temptation on offer everywhere?
Was that Jade's real concern? That Rupert might cheat? She didn't understand him at all if that was her true motivation for cutting him off. The whole 'you'll ruin me thing' seemed a little too weak to be a reason to leave someone you were prepared to marry only one day earlier. Putting his ex out of my head, I reached for my novel and opened a tiny can of Pringles, feeling very pampered.
Rupert returned a little while later, smelling of perfume. "Lordy, those women are relentless – and handsy like randy octopuses! And don't even get me started on the lovely male hostie who gave me his number and kept trying to slide his hand into my back pocket."
I laughed, sitting up slightly. "You're sweet to spend time with the crew. You could have just said no, and instead you did something they'll be so excited about."
"You could have said no too," he said, leaning in and stealing a Pringle. "I don't want you to feel like you're not important."
"I know. But honestly, I'm pretty happy at the moment." I gestured around me at the luxury travel accessories keeping me company. "I'm not exactly doing time in the salt mines."
"I just don't want to ditch you, that's all, love."
"I don't feel ditched. Maybe I would have once, but... I don't know. I've changed over the last few months. I used to worry constantly about screwing up and missing the boat on relationships and babies and ending up alone. I'm not concerned anymore."
"What changed?"
"Me. You helped too."
"Moi?" Rupert fluttered his eyelashes in a parody of our hostess.
"You've shown me that it's okay to screw up, and I'm so grateful for that." I smiled at him warmly.
"I gotta say, love, you're doing a lot better than I thought you would be after the Cody drama."
"I've surprised myself." I sipped at my champagne, enjoying the bubbles and the sweetness of a decadent drink ten thousand kilometres in the air. "I've spent a third of my life stressing about losing Cody because I lost my mum so young. Taking a loss that big at eighteen ruined my self-belief, made me think that if I lost anything else, I wouldn't survive.
"But I have lost Cody, and you know what? I'm still here. This is the worst thing I could picture happening, and it happened, and I'm still breathing, still hopeful. I don't know what comes next, but for the first time in a long time, I'll be facing it on my own two feet."
"Cheers to that, moppet." Rupert toasted me, our plastic cups tapping together. "You're tough as nails. The only one who couldn't see it was you. So, do you think you'll be looking for a slew of rebound lovers once I am gone?"
"I don't think so. I'm really looking forward to spending a few months getting to know myself. I might even stay on in Hawaii for a little while longer – go exploring on my own, read some books, start a journal."
We sat there, holding hands for a moment in pleasant silence. I said, "Thank you, Rupert. For everything you've done for me. You've been an amazing lover, of course, but you've been an even more amazing friend."
"And same to you, my lovely Mia." He smiled sadly. "We're not going to be sleeping together again, are we?"
"I don't think so," I answered slowly. "I think the last time was so perfect. And we both know we're moving on pretty soon. Do you think it's alright if we just take this holiday as friends?"
"I think that sound perfect." The wistful look on his face told me he was experiencing the same bitter-sweet rush as me, but we both realised it was the best outcome.
"And hey – if you want to go and ask that cute hostie for a date, don't let me stop you."
"No thanks, love. I think I'm off brunettes for a while."
"I meant the lovely gent who offered you his number."
"Hmm. Now, that's an idea..."
We cackled happily, just fun-loving friends, bound for adventure over the ocean.
***
I managed a fairly decent night of sleep on the plane, and I was fresh enough when we landed ten hours later at Honolulu. The gust of tropical air that greeted us stepping off the plane was close to magical, carrying with it the scent of warm ocean waters and just a touch of frangipani.
A third short plane trip hopped us between islands, landing on Maui. A private driver helped with our bags and ushered us into a lean black Chrysler, which cruised out of the airport and onto a coastal road that left me speechless from its beauty. The magnificent cliffs fell away into the water, the island rising up out of the sea in a green hump. The colours were almost too bright to be real, the vivid greens and blues burning my retinas.
We arrived at the house, which really was too big to be called a house. It was a mega mansion, complete with a guest house the size of most normal homes. Nestled in among the palm fronds, the ocean was visible from almost every room, and the roar of the waves was an endless soothing sound.
"Wow." I padded into the main living room, filled with elegant, unique furnishings and artistic sculpture pieces. The cream carpeting seemed to suck at my feet with every step, and although I doubted any of the armchairs reclined, I could see us being more than comfortable here. "Incredible."
Rupert flung his arm over my shoulder. "I'm glad you approve."
"Are you kidding me? Hell, Wills and Kate would be happy here."
"Then call me sire, and I shall call you princess."
"Sure thing. Hey, sire? Do you need your phone charged?" I'd made the executive choice to leave my phone at home, not wanting to risk wacky international roaming charges. Instead, I'd brought my laptop, which had crapped out about halfway through the flight and I'd had to purchase a new charger at the airport to fit the unfamiliar American outlets. "I need to email Dad and let him know we're here safe. I gotta juice my computer – I can plug your phone in too if you like."
"Nah, love." His skin was pulled tight over his face with a hidden tension. "I'm leaving my phone off for a while. The only person I really want to hear from is right here anyway."
He stepped out on the vast balcony wrapping around the front of the house, and much as I intended to follow him, I was daughter-bound to contact my father. Hurriedly, I powered up the phone and sent him a message, then I headed out after Rupert.
Through the towering sliding doors, I couldn't immediately see where he'd gone. Moving to the railing, I spun around to look at the beach-side of the house soaring above me for two levels. I've seen this house before... Something was familiar about the lines of the mansion, the distinctive way the balconies wrapped around and the palm trees seemed to lean in and shelter it from the sides.
It tugged at my brain, a memory of seeing the house... On TV? What was I watching...? "Oh my god!" I exclaimed out loud.
"What?" Rupert was sitting on a lounger further along the bend of the wide balcony, just next to a giant hot tub. He looked haunted, and now I knew why.
"This is where you were with Jade. This is where you were when you got married. Rupert... Why didn't you tell me?" I said, crossing to his side and taking his hands.
He twitched his shoulders, drained of all energy. "I thought it would be good for me. You know, like immersion therapy. Be here, remember it all, get over it, you know?"
"I don't think it works like that," I said gently. "You guys spent your first night here as husband and wife. She left you here. Reliving that isn't going to bring you peace."
"I have to try, love. Nothing else seems to have worked." His eyes filled with unshed tears. "You, Mia love, you've been my lifesaver, but you've made me realise something."
"What?"
"I need to face my shit. I need to stop avoiding these memories because they hurt me. And I need to find a way to move on past Jade without someone else to prop me up because once you're back in Melbourne and I'm in LA, I'm on my own again."
"I know there would be people happy to support you if that's what you need," I said, feeling utterly helpless.
"Probably. But I don't want to fall in love with someone else. I don't want to have to worry about so-called friends spilling my secrets to the media. I want to be strong enough to live without Jade." His eyes closed, their twinkle shaded as the tears ran down his cheeks. "But now I'm here, I'm realising that I can't. I'm not over her at all. I'm just not. Shit..."
I let him weep, holding him against me, feeling grief rack his body in waves. I understood. Nobody quite got grief the way a bereaved child did. You had to just experience it, hoping the next wave would be smaller, or you'd learn to hold your breath underwater.
When his breathing mellowed from sobs to sighs, I said, "We don't have to be here. We can go anywhere, find a hotel – hell, I'll sleep on the beach, dude. Nothing is worth being here torturing yourself."
"I'm not sure it'll make a difference," he said. "You can run as far as you can, but sorrow finds you. I've been running – I ran all the way to Australia and I hid from it, but now I need to deal with it. If I can."
"I'll be right here," I promised.
"You've been rejected too. Not to be blunt about it, love, but shouldn't we be comforting each other?"
"I think it's my turn to look after you for a while," I said, thinking of Rupert's unfailing patience with me as I recovered after the attack. "Besides, I told you before – I'm weirdly okay. If I have an unexpected melt-down, you can jump back in as my support crew."
"Done."
The sun was dropping into the ocean, which was a magnificent sight and under better circumstances would have made me go oo and rush for my camera. At that moment, all the purple and scarlet sky did was remind me that the day was growing old. "It's probably too late to move to hotel tonight, but I'll make some calls tomorrow and find somewhere funky for us to stay for the rest of break."
I tugged him to his feet and said authoritatively, "We'll hang out in the guest house tonight. Not too many bad memories in there?"
He shook his head, exhausted. "No. We never went in there."
"Good."
I set us up in the smaller bungalow, unpacking as little as possible. With Rupert settled on the couch, I ordered a food delivery from a local restaurant and found the most ridiculous action flicks I could in the vast DVD collection.
"Is there grog?" asked Rupert as I poured us each an iced tea.
"Sure." There was beer, wine, and every spirit possible in the bar beside the pool, only a few steps away from the doors of the guesthouse. I grabbed us a Corona each and settled back in next to Rupert, but he drained his beer in only a few swallows.
"I'll be back," he said, shuffling off to the bar to mix his own drink. When he returned, he had a large tumbler filled with cola and something strong – and judging by the fact I could smell the something strong from the other end of the couch, it was more something than cola.
The movie played on. I paid the delivery guy and forced Rupert to eat a few bites of dinner. He made three more trips to the bar, and by the time he came back the third time, he'd given up any pretence of mixers and was drinking undiluted spirits.
As I changed the movie over, he stood up to go outside again and I said uneasily, "Hey, don't go too hard tonight, okay? You're not eighteen anymore. You know, the closer we get to thirty, the bigger our hangovers get."
He scoffed, sounding very unlike himself. "Leave it out, love. Don't you know? I'm world famous rocker bad-boy and womaniser Rupert Marx. Me not drinking hard is like a policeman not beating up a black man for no reason, or a Catholic priest not playing hide the sausage with the altar boys. It's against the natural order, init?"
"Rupert." I didn't want to sound like a disapproving mum, but I sure as hell felt like it. "Don't be crude, please."
"Well, being nice gets you bloody nowhere," he said with a savage laugh.
"It gets you plenty of places."
"But not where I want to be." The bluster went out of him, and his empty glass fell to the floor, bouncing on the carpet. "Bugger."
"It's alright," I said, crossing and picking it up. "Lucky it was empty."
"Yeah... I feel so lucky right now..."
He poured another drink much to my dismay - but cutting him off wasn't easy. I couldn't even lie and say we were out of alcohol, thanks to the unlimited supply at the bar. In between every drink, I thrust a glass of water in his face and insisted he drink it, but he wheedled out of it.
This is part of the process, I realised. He'd never let himself hit rock-bottom, choosing to hide himself in plain sight on endless tours, and ignoring his own pain by lavishing me with attention. This was the first time he was dealing with the full force of his grief from losing Jade, and it had to happen.
The evening wore on, and the long day of travel began to catch up to me. My bleary eyes were struggling to stay open as I said, "Maybe we should call it a night? Are you ready for bed?"
"Nope. Me and Jack and Johnny have more to discuss," he said, lifting his refilled glass high.
"Rupert, I think you've all said enough to each other."
"Think whatever you want, love. It's a free modern world, where marriage vows count for sod-all and being famous is something that everybody wants and nobody realises won't make you happy."
"Come to bed. I'll rub your back – that always helps you sleep."
His pain made him bitter. "No offence, love, but unless you're available to rub something else for me, I don't want you in my bed tonight."
I knew he didn't mean it, but it still stung. "Fine. I'll sleep in the second bedroom. I'll see you tomorrow."
He followed me, flipping from vindictive to tragic. "Mia love, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
"I know."
"But I think it's best we sleep separately." His eyes were glazed as he said, "Well, lay in separate beds. I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight."
I hugged him, wishing there was some way to knit him back together. "Try to get some sleep anyway. Even if it's just a few hours. Your brain needs the rest, okay?"
"Alright."
I was about to kiss his cheek when he belched loudly and exclaimed, "Whoa! Did you hear that one! Made the walls rumble, that did!"
"Good night, Rupert."
Weak with fatigue, I left him drinking on the couch. I'm no good to him unless I get some rest myself. I flopped into the sumptuous bed fully clothed, my eyes closed before my head even touched the pillow.
***
Brilliant sunshine woke me, along with the sound of the ocean and happy birds. Groggy, I lifted my head and listened for any sign that Rupert was up and moving around. Nothing. Good. I'd get up and organise breakfast and pain killers, so by the time he was ready to face the world, it would be with food and Ibuprofen.
The little lounge of the guest house looked as though we'd hosted a frat party rather than had a night in with just the two of us. Empty glasses, spilled take-out and scattered DVD's lay everywhere, and I prayed the housekeeping service wouldn't judge us too harshly for making so much mess in just one night.
Rupert's door was closed, which gave me hope he was actually getting some badly needed rest. He was such a light sleeper, I decided to go up to the main house rather than risk disturbing him.
The tropical sunshine fell on my shoulders, cheerful and warm. Despite Rupert's blow out, I felt hopeful. It was the bender he needed to have, in some ways. We'd leave later that day and never look back, and hopefully his healing process could begin. Padding up the cool stone steps to the mansion, I looked over the beach and smiled. Perhaps we could swim before we left; cleanse away the last of the negative emotions and get ready for fresh beginnings all around.
As I entered the sliding doors to the magnificent living room, I could hear a doorbell chiming pleasantly. Who is that? I frowned. As far as I knew, Rupert had been promised the run of the house for the full fortnight. Maids, maybe?
Walking to the door, I looked at the little security video screen showing who was outside, and my jaw fell open in shock, then ground shut in pure anger. "You've got to be kidding me," I said, unlocking the solid wooden door.
Swinging it wide, I cut my eyes at the person waiting on the front step. "What the hell do you want?" I said, savage and forceful.
The stunning woman flinched, her delicate cheekbones colouring in a rose blush. "Hi. I'm Jade. I'm here to see Rupert."
I know it's a cliff hanger, but be thankful you know who's behind the door - I nearly didn't add the last sentence ;) A vote for the chapter? A little click before we part? I believe there's about five or six chapters left and a few dramas still on the way - all votes and comments keep me going on this end.
What does Jade have to say for herself? Isn't Hawaii magical? *sighs* Have you ever tortured yourself over an ex - driven past their house or stalked them on Facebook? Have you ever been with someone who you worried about them cheating on you? Let me know - I love your long and passionate comments.
Until next time, gorgeous reader...