Guys, I just want to say something before you read this story of mine.
First, do NOT copy my work. Please, don't. I seriously don't know why you would steal anothers work and entitle it as your own because to me, that is disgusting and rude.
Just don't do it.
Secondly, I don't want any of you thinking that I think of suicide off handedly. Attempting suicide is serious, and if you think attempted suicide will suddenly get your bully to get in with you, it isn't going to happen.
This story is exactly what it is. A story.
A cute, sort of morbid way of two people falling in love.
Weird, I know, but I hope you enjoy :-)
Prologue: A Taste of Teal
If it weren't for the heater, my fingers would have fallen off.
A shiver ran through me and I pressed my hand harder against the heater. My teeth jittered as rain thundered down on my small car, the cold seeming to seep through. I shot a quick look at the dashboard and cursed when the numbers glowed back at me with an unwanted time.
I couldn't afford any tardiness, my mother, Principal Moore, would snap at me like a chihuahua on drugs. She would go on about how I should have taken her up on her offer of a car ride that would have made me arrive three hours earlier, how I needed to act more mature and how I shouldn't make her look like a fool in front of the teachers. Simple things like being late would turn into darker areas.
The lights above turned green and the car shot forward. The sky was completely gray and with the rain pelting down as hard as it was, I wouldn't be surprised if it cracked the windscreen. My lights were turned up as bright as they could and even then I was squinting to see where I was going.
Finally through the foggy clouds, loomed the large black iron bars of Werrington High, a place I would love to be anywhere but. A heavy ball of dread sank to the pit of my stomach, making it turn and clench. It wasn't the school's structure with it's tall bricked walls and black windows, that made my throat close with fear. It was something else entirely.
I managed to handle my car to the car park and slowly drive to the place I usually parked. It had been my secret little spot since I had owned my small car, and since no one had told me not to keep my car there, I was free to do so. No one noticed or suddenly towed it away so I was surprised when a shiny blue vehicle was parked there.
It was the definition of sleek, it's smooth blue curves almost like a shining beacon, it was so bright and beautiful. I stared at it for a moment too long, my hands tightening around the steering wheel before looking away.
It was Cobalt's.
Cobalt, the one who had decided to pick on me from the beginning of my high school years, had stolen my space. His angular, sharp face came to mind and I felt my grip tighten. How something as sinister, chauvanistic and pure evil could be so handsome with his curly black hair and steely eyes was beyond me, and with his popular status and his taunting attitude, it was almost as if it empowered everyone to add to Cobalt's fire.
Never, against any of their mean taunts, would I fight back. Yes, everyday I would be spat at with a new different name, ugly, obese, disgusting, poor, slut; there was just too many to name, but nothing would give me the courage to say a word.
I would just sit there and accept his and everyone else's taunts.
Call me cowardly or spineless, I didn't care. But snapping back at him would take more than guts. He was an iconic figure amongst the social circle and for me to stand up too him would only end in disaster.
So I accepted his taunts.
Not bothering to get worked up, I pulled back out and searched for another space. When I found one, it was further away from the school and a short running distance. My hand grabbed onto my bag, and I hesitated with a sigh before bolting out of my car and locking it behind me.
By the time I stood safely under cover, I was soaked. My hoodie, that usually hung off my body, clung to my figure, as well as my long pants. I wringed them both as much as I could and folded up the sleeves.
By the time I was finished the warning bell for roll call rang out and I gasped. Uncaring about the clothes, I sprinted toward my class in a last effort to not arrive as late as I hoped.
I knew I would have gotten there if it weren't for the sudden wedge in the ground. I cried out before hurtling to the ground, bracing my elbows for the blow. When it came, I gasped in pain, hissing a harsh breath through my teeth. My shoulder ached and I could feel the sting of teared skin on my elbows.
I tried my best to not let it get to me and ignored the pricks of my eyes.
I slowly pushed myself up, my knees wobbling and my arms shaking beneath my weight.
Your fat, that's why you can't hold yourself up, a voice whispered in my head.
I blinked, shaking the thought from my head and grabbed my small backpack with shredded hands. I tried not to show how much the fall had effected me, and how much harder it was to stand up and move each day. My body was weakening and becoming more drowsy, while the whispering voice in the back of my head became stronger and stronger.
This was a state I didn't want Cobalt to see me at all.
My luck - not that I ever had any to begin with - disappeared as my eyes met steely blue ones. My heart rate doubled when I recognized them as Cobalt's and lowered my eyes to the floor instantly. My eyes skimmed the red stain on the concrete, shuddering when I realized it was my blood.
There was no student that I could see and all around me was silence. Slowly, as if I didn't want to alarm Cobalt and launch him into a sudden attack, I shifted the bag onto my back. My bones felt as if they couldn't hold me up but I tried not to tremble in front of him.
I looked back up at him behind a curtain of hair and he watched me with that gaurded expression he wore. There was no flash of guilt, no flash of regret. Nothing.
It was as if his feelings were caged off by a wall of steel.
Each time I looked into those soulless blue eyes, I wanted myself to believe that everytime my back turned, he felt remorseful. I wanted him to feel terrible for all the pain and terror he had inflicted on me, but nothing ever passed through those shuttered steely eyes.
His mouth twitched into a smirk as I backed away from him.
"You should watch where you step." His deep voice spoke darkly. His eyes glimmered with trouble and a shot of fear shot through me and almost had me sprinting as far away as I could. But before I could even begin to think of an escape plan, there was suddenly an elbow that forced me forward and back toward the concrete. I let out a terrified yelp and my chin scraped against the cold hard floor. More pain had tears escaping from my eyes and landing on my cheeks. My breath came out in short, harsh pants and I gingerly touched my chin, feeling liquid touch my fingers.
The contact hurt, but not as much as the two laughing boys that walked away, their heads thrown back as they bellowed out laughter.
Then, like an avalanche, I was sprung with a sudden influx of emotions. Lonliness, pain, desperation and sadness, all mixed into one tight ball that sat in the middle of my chest. It was constricting me and the only way I found I could somewhat release it was with a cry.
I pulled my knees up and sat in the middle of the floor, clutching my arms and pressing my nails deeper into the cuts on my palms.
The physical pain brought a different focus from the emotions. A distraction. Because although the cuts and bruises stung and pulsed, it was never as much as the mortification and embarrasment. As much as the defeat and emotional pain did.
And for a short while it worked, and the little voice in my mind dimmed.
*~*
There was no lie I could muster up to protect her from the truth.
I was still sopping wet, dripping onto the carpet of my mother's office, watching fearfully as she paced before me. Anger poured from her and I knew any excuse would be shut down with a withering glance.
"What happened this time?" She finally spoke, her charcoal eyes glaring at me behind a pair of spectacles. I flinched, not because her voice was sudden and unexpected, but because it caused my fear to spike. My head pulsed and I realized the fall did a lot more damage than I first thought.
I whispered a small, "I don't know," in the hopes that it would suffice.
It didn't.
Her fierce scowl deepened and the glare I thought couldn't get colder intensified. "You don't know? You're bleeding, you're soaking wet and you were late. And all you can say to this is 'I don't know'?" Her hand slammed against the hardwood of the desk and I flinched, jumping up in the seat. "I don't know?!"
"Yes, Mom, I don't know." I replied weakly. She would never lay a hand against me, but she could do ten times the damage a punch could. My mother was intimidating, strong and cold, and with a mother like that, fear came easily.
Mom's mouth set into a tight line as she stared at me. Her eyes were as shuttered as Cobalt's but I could still see remnants of anger.
"You are such a disappointment Teal."
My heart dropped.
Her words repeated over and over in my head and my breathing came out harsher as my eyes began to sting again.
Mom hung her head in her hands, a position of defeat as if she had given up. "I don't know what to do with you anymore. I had such high hopes, I expected you to be the opposite-"
She suddenly cut off. The room became silent but my heart still felt heavy with sadness. I felt like a failure, a disgrace. Why couldn't I be better? Why couldn't I be the girl everyone loved?
What was wrong with me?
I wanted to say I was sorry, that I'll be better next time. That maybe when Cobalt decided to pick on me I would try and stand up to him. But they would be lies.
I was cowardly. I was spineless.
"Get out, Teal. Go home. I won't let you stay at school looking like this." Her voice had returned back to it's normal state; detatched with the underlying tone of disappointed. A tear managed to escape and I swiped at it angrily, mad that I had showed her a weakness.
*~*
I was a shivering mess by the time I arrived on my doorstep.
The will to even bother to put one step in front of the other collapsed when my car had broken down and left me with the only option to get out and walk the rest of the way. I was cold, shuddering as the slick clothes slapped against my skin, and tired. So, so tired.
My body screamed for the gentle spray of my shower, and I didn't deny the privelige quickly dumping my bag in my bedroom and heading to the shower. Beneath the soft pound of the water, I checked over myself, wincing at the aching muscles and bruises that marred my body.
You deserve it. It seemed as though the voice was back and stronger than ever.
My fingers brushed against my chin and I close my eyes. Before my thoughts stray to the darker, more forbidden thoughts I step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. The floor is slippery and I carefully step toward the door. But I paused.
Turning toward the fogged mirror, I looked at the shadow of me with curiousity. In a simple swipe, I cleaned the mirror enough to see a clear reflection of myself and watch as a girl stares back in the same position.
Blonde hair turned dark from the water, pale skin that seemed to be drained from colour and dim, dull blue eyes reflected back at me. From what used to be a healthy girl with a smile always permenantly on her face, was now someone soaked in defeat.
A prick of the eyes warned me that I'm about to cry, and I don't stop as the torrent of tears spill over both cheeks. A sob and a sniffle broke the silence and I can barely open my eyes enough to see through my watery vision.
Weak, hissed the voice in my head.
I shook my head, wishing the voice away.
Pathetic, it grew louder, clouding over any other thoughts. Dark thoughts spread throughout my mind like a mist. Questions clutched at my mind and I wrapped my hands around my head as if to make it all disappear.
Spineless coward.
I cried out as if physically hurt. "Stop! Stop, please." My hands slam themself onto the basin and my arm aches as pain shoots through me. The voice doesn't go away this time, it seems as if I had only intensified it.
Why even bother? You'll never amount to anything.
Failure.
I screamed. I needed it gone, I needed it all to go.
My hands clawed at the side of the mirror, tearing it open. One of the shelves held an orange bottle and my hands grasp at it eagerly and greedily. The lid popped open and the rattle of all the pills inside made me realize how badly I was shaking. It was a fleeting thought, gone before I could grasp it as I raised the bottle higher and higher, my heart beating erraticly.
Then the doorbell rings and the spell is broken.
The bottle of pills drop from my hand and the sound of pills scattering everwhere is almost ear-splitting. I can't help but stare at the floor in disbelief and fear.
And, perhaps, a little regret.
But it didn't matter, because the purpose of it was accomplished anyway. After the person at the door stepped off my doorstep and grave news echoed in my mind, it made it all that much easier to grab another set of pills from the medication cabinet and repeat my actions, only with a different outcome.
*~*
This needed to be cleaned up a long time ago. Oh my Jesus how dreadfully written was my work. But I guess when I look back on it in the future, this will appear to look terrible and so forth.
Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. If there are any questions you need answering, feel free to ask them. Like, seriously, no one's going to bite your head off (: