I remember the day I gave up , it was early in the morning and everyone was asleep still , I got up to goto the toilet after spending all night with my ex stuck in my head , unable to sleep , eat or even breathe properly for about 3 weeks now.
I remember the sound my door made when I opened it , the loud screeching sound that only ever seemed to happen when everyone was asleep. I remember walking into the bathroom and noticing the blade sitting on my vanity , I just glanced at it and continued to goto the bathroom. I remember looking at my arms , noticing that all my scars had faded away. I remember the lump in my throat as I stared at that little , sharp shape for what felt like hours. I remember trying not to flush the toilet to loud. I remember locking the door and turning the light off. I remember running my hand along the vanity , scrambling to find the blade. I remember feeling a light poke at the top of my finger , " I found it ". I remember holding it to my wrists and the irritating , itching feeling as I pushed down and dragged it along my flesh , I remember feeling weak , sick , sleep. I remember sitting on the floor barely conscious while I continued to drag the blade along my legs , stomach , arms. I remember closing my eyes , and than hearing a loud bang.
I remember waking up with blurry vision to see my mum leaning over me in tears grabbing my face , calling out to my dad as I became once again , unconscious. I remember waking up again to a strange lady Shining a bright light in my face and grabbing my arm. I remember feeling cold , scared , confused. I remember dreaming about an amazing place , I could walk around free , explore , I was comfortable. I remember hearing my little brother laughing and saying my name , i remember seeing him smile and seeing his Bright blue eyes sparkle when he looked at me , but being unable to touch him. I remember waking up with stitches , in a hospital bed . I remember the 2 weeks of psychological testing. I remember coming home to see my little brother and my mum. I remember the smile and tears of joy.
But what I don't remember is what happened to the bright , quiet , happy little blonde 8 year old I once was and how that little girl turned out like someone like me.