Prompt: When irl Dan and Phil first meet and what follows.
Thank you to katlettuce for the prompt! I absolutely loved writing this. Sorry it took so long. I hope you like it! 2009 Phan gives me life
I've been watching a man reading a newspaper for a while now. He's wearing black trousers, white shirt, a patterned tie and shiny black leather shoes and a fleece with a battered poppy pinned to it. I've watched him pick his nose and do nothing else but read. I wonder what he's doing here since he's been here longer than I have and a hundred trains have been and gone.
I shouldn't have left so early, but waiting at home was tortuous and there's only so many times you can clean a house before it starts to look like a showroom instead of your home. Dan's train was due to arrive ten minutes ago but it had been delayed and time was sluggish and slow, making me impatient and bounce my leg up and down, something that made me get a cold glare from the woman next to me. It wasn't enough to make me stop.
There's a weird buzz around the station today. Everyone seems anxious and on edge and I keep seeing puffy red faces and hearing exasperated sighs, particularly when the word 'delayed' rings around the space.
I've got my phone clutched in my hand so tight that I'm slightly startled when it buzzes.
Dan: we're just pulling into Manchester :D <3
I stood up and walked towards the platforms, and texted him back to tell him that I was by the barriers and see you in the minute :D <3
A minute later a flurry of passengers swarm into the station, a mixture of businessmen and mothers with prams and teenagers with moody faces and headphones on their ears, and I'm scanning the crowd to find Dan, but there's no sign of him yet and I'm excited and nervous and feel sick and ecstatic all at once and then I see him - a mass of brown curls and flustered cheeks.
He hasn't seen me yet - his ticket between his teeth, one hand fixing his backpack strap and the other pulling along a small suitcase. He looked even more attractive than the bad webcam over Skype had given away, and even from here I could see his cheekbones and jawline were more defined than the blurry digital picture.
I feel weird watching him like this but I can't look away. And when he puts the ticket in the machine and strides through the barrier, my stomach twists in a nervous manner because holy fuck, he's here. He looks around for me and then he sees me staring right back. His eyes widen and his face breaks into a smile, and the panic of him not liking who I am seems ridiculous now and it washes away.
I watch him walk over to me and I can't stop smiling, my best friend, my beautiful best friend is standing here in front of me for the first time and it's more wonderful than all the situations I've daydreamed about.
"Phil," his voice cracks slightly but I love the way my name rolls off his tongue and I can't say anything so instead pull him close to me, my arms around his neck and then his are around my waist and I love the way we fit together perfectly.
It wasn't the best place to meet, with the sounds of whistles and chatter and suitcases being wheeled around on the polished floor. People keep brushing against Dan and I and someone's complained about us being in the way but that only makes me hug him tighter. I'm too busy breathing in his scent and noticing how his hair is silky and it feels against my skin. I'm too busy appreciating his thin stature and having him in my arms, at last. I'm just too busy with Dan to care about anything else.
We stay like this for a minute or so and when we finally let go of each other I only want him pressed against me again so I do the next best thing of cupping his cheek and looking into those gorgeous eyes and thinking about what it'd be like to wake up next to him in the morning.
"Dan," I still can't believe he's here. "You're real."
"So are you!" And then we're laughing and I can't remember the last time I felt this happy. Dan runs his hand through his curls. "Sorry about the hair."
"Don't be, I love it."
He sighs but he's still smiling and I step forward to take his suitcase, but he misreads this and hugs me again tightly which I'm more than happy to do instead.
"Come on, let's get out of here. We can go back home to drop your stuff off there first," I offered. Dan nods and stutters when he says I don't need to take the suitcase, I can. But I insist, I tell him and he stammers again on saying thank you.
I lead him out of the station and he looks around curiously and I would've done anything to kiss him right then and there, but I'm meant to be a good host and I have no idea how he feels about me, and it's kind of worse when that reminds me that I can't hold his hand either because it's way too soon, so I put my arm around his shoulders.
As we walk back home I point out any areas of interest and anything that had involved in my life, and in return he gave me sarcastic comments and obvious observations, most of which made me laugh while the others made me roll my eyes.
"Are you hungry?" I asked him as we walked in the house. "I can make you something. Or we can go to a restaurant if you wanted to see more of Manchester, or a take-out if you're tired? There's an amazing Chinese just around the corner from here, and I know how much you like Chinese food-" I look back at Dan who's just watching me babble on, but he's grinning. "Oh, sorry, I should stop talking. Sorry. I never talk this much I just want to make you comfortable and I don't want you to starve."
"It's fine, Phil, it's all fine. Stop worrying," he says it to comfort me but then it's his turn to grow steadily more anxious when I take him to my bedroom.
I set his things down and turn back to him. "Um. Well. This is it."
He wanders over to the window and then looks at the desk where my laptop is sitting with the webcam still attached to it and he smiles.
"Come and sit," I offer, patting the space next to me on the bed and he does, sitting right at the edge and his fingers curl around the duvet. He doesn't say anything and I can feel his nervous energy. I only wish that there was something obvious I could do to help.
Dan looks up to the ceiling and laughs. "I thought you were joking about that Buffy poster above your bed."
"That's so embarrassing I meant to take it down and totally forgot, oh my god, that's been there for years and-" he cuts me off, putting his hand on my arm.
"It's fine, Phil, I'm just happy to be here."
"Oh," he's staring at me with an expression I don't think anyone has looked at me with before and it takes my breath away. He's smiling softly and his eyes are lit up and I can't deny that he's beautiful. "I'm happy you're here too."
There's a gap for me to tell him how I like him more than a best friend, and that everything he hates about himself makes me love him more, but I remember he hasn't ever explicitly told me how he feels about me so I keep it quiet and just admire how the light reflects of his hair and the chocolate tones in his eyes instead.
"Phil," his voice brings me back down to Earth and I feel myself burn up because, oh god, he definitely caught me gazing at him like that. "What do you want to do?"
"Nothing. Anything."
"Show me that TV show you're always banging on about."
"B-"
"No, not Buffy! I swear I dream about it with you in it."
"You dream about me?"
"Um. Yes. Kind of. I mean- Sort of."
"Cute," I reply. "You never told me."
"I-It's kind of embarrassing."
"Best friends always dream about each other."
"I wouldn't know."
"Neither would I," I watch as his face falls slightly. "Until now. I dream about you too."
"You do?"
"All the time. I just never said anything because I thought it would be weird." I tell him and I can't stop the smile that comes with watching his cheeks turn dark red. "You're blushing."
"Ughhhhh," Dan buries his face in his hands for a moment before peeking through his fingers. "Stop looking! It's embarrassing. I look gross when I go red." And with that, he hides his eyes again.
The next thing I know, the words 'you're beautiful' ring around the room in my voice and now it's my turn to turn scarlet before I chase it up with 'lets go out and eat'.
October isn't too wet or windy so we leave the house with thin jackets on, and I've blabbered on about the Chinese restaurant so that Dan can't react to what I called him, but we're not even halfway there yet until I run out of things to say and it falls silent. I feel myself burn up again.
"Phil," Dan tugs on my arm. "You're walking too fast!"
"Sorry," I slow down to match my pace with his but I'm not really thinking straight and my thoughts are only racing about the boy next to me. What I do notice though, is how he doesn't let go but lets his hand drop to mine, and then our palms are pressed together and our fingers are entwined.
I'm so shocked that I come to an abrupt halt in the middle of the street, and Dan drops my hands as fast he took it. He starts to sputter out apologies but cuts himself off when I take his hand again, and I know I'm sending out all kinds of mixed signals but my nervous nature can't seem to help it.
"Don't be sorry! I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting it," I tell him, squeezing his hand. I look down and my heart jumps because I can't believe this is actually happening, even more so that he started it. It's like a dream come true which I knew sounded cliché as hell but when I was finally less than a foot away from the boy my chest had been aching for for months, it didn't sound so ridiculous. "It's nice, it feels good, really."
"Are you sure? I... I just thought you'd maybe want to and-"
"I do! Honestly. I was just surprised."
"Oh."
We're in the middle of the street, just gazing at each other and I bite my tongue because I'm not entirely sure I can trust myself to not tell him that he's all I think about.
"Please don't worry - do you have any idea how long I've waited for this? Not just this," I say, squeezing his hand again, "but you in general. I've waited so long for you."
"So have I," he replies. It comes out in a murmur. Even with him clasping onto my hand it still seems risky to tell him that he had ownership of my heart so with another tug, we start walking again.
-
I'd imagine this looks like a date to everyone else. Two guys at a restaurant with a candle on the table, smiling and laughing at each other. But then again, maybe this is a date.
"I feel weird sitting in a fancy restaurant in t-shirt and jeans," Dan comments, his eyes glancing around the room before looking back at me.
I shrugged. "You don't need to get dressed up for food."
Dan giggles, and I'm staring at him in awe, wishing I could take a photo of the moment. He looks adorable by candlelight, the flickering flame warming his skin tone and deepening his dimple. My stomach flips over and it's strange that he has no idea that he's taken my breath away again when he's right in front of me.
We've been drinking cocktails that are going to rip a hole in my bank account, so Dan looks flustered and I'm beginning to slur my words. I make up my mind.
"This is a date," I announce confidently. "I told you I'd take you on a date when you were here and this is it."
"We're wearing t-shirts on our first date!"
I shrugged. "So? All that matters is that you're here. With me."
Dan nods in agreement, and he's beaming when I reach across the table to hold his hand. I don't know why, but an image of me proposing to him flashes through my head and I'm ever so grateful he can't read my mind. And I thought holding hands was too soon.
I've drunk enough to not think twice about making sure we're linked like that when walking back home, or putting my arm around his waist when we eventually settle down to watch a movie. I don't think twice about hitching up the edge of his shirt to feel his skin under mine.
The room is quiet apart from the movie that's playing, but I'm not watching it. I'm more interested in seeing how Dan's body curls to be pushed up against me and how his chest rises and falls. His hair is tickling my neck and I can feel the weight of his head on my shoulder. His arm is laying across my stomach and I remember all the times he had cried to me about feeling worthless.
Time with him is precious. I guess that's why I'm trying my best to memorize how he breathes when he's relaxed and how he smells before he uses my shampoo in the morning before he's cruelly snatched away from me far too soon. I keep trying to think of any excuse so that he could stay with me longer but the only realistic ones are out of my control - weather conditions making it impossible for the trains to run or strikes meaning cancellations.
I'd try and forget about it in the mean time but I was already dreading the heavy weight that would sit on my chest when he was gone and how having him here would no way compare to the Skype sessions.
Photos.
I had to take photos. I was regretting it now not taking any when we were in the restaurant or how he looked at the train station, but maybe those moments were too special to do anything else but appreciate them, and at least I could remember in my head.
I took out my phone and snapped a photo from above us, so in it you could see both of us and the laptop on the bed. Dan sighed contently when the credits started to roll and I showed him the photo.
"We're cute," I told him.
"Send it to me." He replies, slowly sitting up.
"You still sound drunk."
Dan laughs and moves so he's crossing his legs and facing me. He rests his head on his hand, his eyes trailing up and down me and I find I can't breathe again.
"Can I try something?" Dan asks.
"Sure," I manage to gasp out.
I can't take my eyes off him so I don't watch as moment later his hand is very gently placed on mine, and my heart is thudding so hard I wonder if his is too, so without really thinking I reach out to his chest and I can feel his heartbeat under my fingers.
"I still can't really believe you're here," I say, not really able to get over the fact that after all this time he was breathing, existing right there in front of me.
"Neither can I," he edges closer to me, so his hand travels up my thigh and then onto my waist, my t-shirt almost like a barrier between us. "Hey," he moves my hand onto his neck and I love the feel of his skin on mine. "Have you ever kissed a boy before?"
"Uh-I-No."
I can't help feeling like it's too soon. We only met a few hours ago but when I remember all those months of Skype calls and texts and falling asleep with him on the phone, it's not too soon at all, more the opposite because I had waited so long for this that the thought of Dan made my heart ache.
"Do you want to?" He asks, I see his gaze drop down to my lips and back to my eyes and I want to ask if they were the shade he had been dreaming about.
"Only- only if I'm kissing you."
He grins at this, slightly flustered and I feel silly that he's been able open me up like this already. He moves so he's sitting in my lap, stroking my cheek before putting both of his hands in my hair.
"Is this okay?" Dan questions. I want to tell him it's better than just okay, and that the way the air catches in my throat and the way I can't think straight when I look at him has just made me realise I think I might love him, but I'm too astounded to say anything because of how he looks when he's this close to me. The silence panics him. "Shit, shit, it's not, is it? Fuck, I'm so sorry!"
I hold onto his waist so he can't go anywhere and he freezes, still tangled into my hair. "It's perfect." I make circular movements with my hands like he was doing on my thighs and I hear him exhale. I want to tell him how I really feel to relax him but that seems too intense so I lean in and kiss down his cheek. His grip in my hair tightens. "You're perfect, Dan."
"S-sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry for."
The room is very quiet and even though I can nearly hear his anxiety rattling around in the room, I can't stop smiling and he is so beautiful. I still can't get used to the feeling of having him in my arms. I could spend hours, days, weeks like this and I would never get over the structure of his cheekbones or the shape of his lips or the way his eyebrows were furrowed.
I have a million things to ask him but the silence and the moment feels too precious and the longer I'm looking at him the more everything falls into place. I've found the missing puzzle piece and it makes sense to think I love him. How could I not love someone as amazing as this?
"Have you kissed a boy before?"
Dan shakes his head.
"Do you want to?"
He nods.
"Are you nervous?"
He nods again, biting on his lip this time.
"You don't need to be," I brush away his fringe that's beginning to fall over his eyes and he watches me very carefully, never once breaking the eye contact. "Are you sure you want to?"
The smallest smile tugs at the edges of his lips and he nods again. "Kiss me." It comes out as a whisper but I can hear it loud and clear. He sounds curious and I can feel his breath on my face.
"Close your eyes," I tell him and he does, so I tilt my head and slowly lean in, carefully pressing my lips to his.
It's not like any other kiss I've had before. My last few kisses had been sloppy and meaningless but this one marked a major point in my life and it's soft and gentle and full of care, and even though I had never really been the one to think like this, we fitted together perfectly.
Dan kisses me back and I'm so happy that I can feel it etching in my veins, stretching from my chest to my fingertips and to the rest of me, and there are butterflies dancing my in stomach and fireworks in my heart.
"Wow," is the first thing I say after we pull away. I don't think I can sum it up better than that.
"What is it? Did I do something wrong?" Dan asks.
"No, no no no, not all. The opposite! I just... wow."
"Oh. Is that good?"
"Yes. Oh my god, you have no idea," I pause to watch him blush. "You're a good kisser."
Dan goes even redder and lets out something that sounds like a giggle and whine and buries his head on my shoulder. Laughing I run my hands up and down his sides.
"You know that's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, right?" I tell him.
"I knooooooow," he bites his lip as he smiles widely.
I lean forward and kiss his jawline. Dan stays very still, and when I pull back, he moves his hands from my hair to cup my face and he kisses me. He's intoxicating, and the more I kiss him the more I realise how much I had wanted this and how I was the luckiest person in the world.
I can't stop kissing him. He's addictive. I had no idea how long we were sitting like that, but it could've been days for all I cared. I was kissing him in between sentences, in silences - whenever I could justify closing the gap between us.
The next thing I know is we're lying down on our sides and we've removed our t-shirts and jeans and my hand is trailing down his bare chest. I'm not drunk from the cocktails anymore but drunk in love.
"The knight of wands." I murmured, after gazing at Dan for a while.
"What?"
"You. You're my knight of wands," I tell him. "Some guy who's going to have a big impact."
"Oh," Dan looks both thrilled and confused. "I'm not an energetic warrior."
"We'll see about that," I reply. He raises an eyebrow and then laughs, and the sight makes me mutter the next thing: "I think I'm in love with you."
Silence crashes down into the room. I can't read Dan's expression. Nevertheless, I find I'm not afraid. Dan reaches out, beginning to run his fingers through my hair but I can't feel it over my pounding heart that I think might burst through my rib cage.
"Did you know I've been in love with you for ages?"
My world explodes into colour.