August 4, 2014
"I feel like shit," Karlie mumbles, shielding her eyes from the sun as she stretches out on a lounge chair by the pool.
"That's what you get for drinking so much," Kimby replies easily, flipping through a magazine beside her in a similar chair.
"It's not that. I didn't have that much to drink. I swear it's the food I've been eating," Karlie replies.
"It probably is," Kariann says, sitting on the edge of the pool and swishing her feet in the water. "Bodies are sensitive. A sudden change in diet can make people feel really sick. Also, after a while of not eating something your body stops making the enzymes and bacteria it needs to break down the food you don't eat anymore. You've basically been eating a bunch of different foods you never eat anymore, and your body doesn't know how to process it."
Karlie closes her eyes, doing her best to ignore her headache as she tries processing what Kariann has said.
"Nerd," Kimby says to fill Karlie's silence.
Karlie sighs, not having her usual energy right now to defend Kariann.
"Where's Taylor?" Kariann asks, ignoring Kimby's comment.
"She said she'll be down soon, she was just getting changed. She takes forever," Karlie replies, just as there are sounds of whooping and arguing from her younger cousins, making their way down to the pool for day two.
Kimby and Kariann quickly get up and retreat closer towards the fence surrounding the pool, and before Karlie can even wonder as to why they did this, two consecutive splashes of water soak her legs as the two older boys jump into the pool. Karlie flinches, the water colder than the temperature she has gotten used to while sunbathing, and before being able to shield herself, Matty begins unloading a squirt gun on her from the safety of the pool.
"HA HA!" he laughs, sounding smugly triumphant.
Karlie sighs and drops her hand to her sides, saying, "I guess I'm going swimming today, then." Shaking her head, she tells them all, "I'll be right back," as she leaves to get changed.
As she climbs the stairs to the porch and enters the house, she smiles to her mom and Kristine as she walks through the kitchen. She twirls her damp hair as she climbs the steps to the second floor, thinking she will have to wipe up the trail of water she has most likely left behind her.
"Hello," Karlie says, walking into her bedroom and spotting Taylor sitting on the bed. Before she closes the door behind her, she does a double take, realizing Taylor is wiping at her face in a panic. "What's wrong?" Karlie asks immediately, quickly walking to the bed side in long strides. Her heart froze in her chest on realizing that Taylor was crying, and it just about crumbled to a million pieces realizing she's been up here alone crying.
"Nothing, I'm sorry," Taylor replies quickly, shaking her head, unable to meet Karlie's stare as she continues to wipe at her face.
"What's wrong?" Karlie asks again, as she sits beside her and puts an arm around Taylor.
"Nothing, seriously. It's nothing," Taylor insists, taking a deep steadying breath, doing her absolute best to compose herself.
"Did Tree call?" Karlie asks, knowing with her track record it's sure to be her best guess.
"No," Taylor says, along with a small, dark laugh.
The contracts. "Did I do something?" Karlie asks cautiously.
"No, Karlie," Taylor assures her, meeting her eyes for the first time. "You're...no."
"Then what's wrong?" Karlie asks softly, ignoring the slight flood of relief she experiences.
Taylor looks away and wipes at her cheek once more and then examines her fingertips for signs of smudged makeup. "Why are you all wet?" Taylor asks, slightly leaning away from Karlie as she looks her up and down.
"Sneak attack," Karlie replies, adding no more to the story. "Taylor, something bad happened. What's the matter, baby?" Karlie asks. "Did something just happen? You were fine fifteen minutes ago."
That brings a fresh set of tears to well up in Taylor's eyes, breaking Karlie's heart a little bit more in the process, as Taylor quickly tries to shield them from being seen. Karlie puts a firm, yet gentle, hand on Taylor's jawline and lifts her face to meet Karlie's gaze. Taylor immediately does her best to push her chin down, unable to keep Karlie's stare as two tears fall from her eyes. Karlie lightly bumps her forehead against Taylor's before kissing it. They hear commotion outside of the bedroom door, a multitude of voices mixing together, sounding as though they were right in the room with them. Taylor quickly stiffens and sits up straight, wiping at her face in more of a panicked way than she had when Karlie walked in on her. Karlie quickly shifts her body, ready to dismiss any unwanted visitors while also blocking Taylor from view, but it's a false alarm. The family knows not to open the bedroom door and accidentally let the cats out unsupervised, but their proximity is still unsettling for Karlie, and she isn't even the one who is upset.
"Do you want to go for a ride?" Karlie asks, lightly tugging Taylor closer to her again.
Taylor nods her head as she swallows, her eyes beginning to turn a sad, pink color.
"Can you walk downstairs now?" Karlie asks.
Taylor nods her head again before skakily asking, "Do I have makeup—"
"You're fine," Karlie assures her. "I'll go tell security to come with—"
"No," Taylor says suddenly with an unexpected coldness to her voice. "I don't want them to have to come everywhere with me, I hate it so fucking much," she says with a snap to her voice, but Karlie knows her well enough by now to hear the guarded sadness behind it.
What is going on? "Okay, we can just go then. Let's go," Karlie says, intertwining their fingers before getting off of the bed and leaving the room. Karlie leads them down the stairs briskly, hoping for Taylor's sake that they make it to the garage without running into any family members.
Just as they arrive on the first floor and take a sharp turn to the garage door, Karlie calls out to no one in particular, "Me and Taylor are going for a ride."
"Karlie! There's water all over the floor, you have to wipe it up!" Tracy replies from the kitchen.
"I will when I get back later, Mom!" Karlie assures her as she grabs a set of keys from the key rack and pulls the garage door open for Taylor.
"Karlie, it's on the new hardwood floors now, not later, you can't—"
"Bye, Mom!" Karlie says, closing the door behind them. She looks to Taylor with a small smile on her face, expecting to see the same expression on her girlfriend's, but there is only a steadier stream of tears running down her cheeks than before. She would have laughed at that before. "Okay, we're almost out of here," Karlie says softly as she opens the car door for Taylor as she sniffles, and guides her into the Jeep Wrangler. She closes the door when knowing Taylor is settled inside the passenger seat before basically lightly jogging around the car to her spot in the driver's seat. When she hops in the car and starts the engine, Taylor's shaking hands are still struggling with the seat belt as a tear trails down her cheek. Karlie reaches over and calmly places her hand atop of Taylor's and clicks in the buckle before pulling out of the garage.
They drive in mostly silence at first. Every time Karlie glances over at Taylor she's staring out her window, perhaps trying to hide tears that are still overflowing from Karlie. It really does break Karlie's heart. She feels utterly useless, helpless as she stands by and watches Taylor suffer because of something she knows nothing about— No, I do know that whatever it is, she doesn't deserve this. Karlie is convinced that Taylor is the last person who should ever be feeling this upset, and that belief combined with the love she has for her makes sitting in this car almost unbearable.
Karlie takes turns at random, sometimes unfamiliar ones, trying to work out just where to go from here, knowing that she needs to know what is bothering Taylor before she can even try to help her.
"What's the matter, baby?" Karlie asks quietly.
"Nothing. I'm sorry," Taylor replies, her voice sounding stronger than it has since Karlie has found her crying.
"That's not true," Karlie replies firmly, as she eases the car to the side of the road and brakes to a standstill. She focuses all of her unwavering attention onto Taylor, who quickly and uncomfortably looks away. "Just talk to me, Taylor. I want to be there for you."
"There have been plenty of times where you didn't want to talk, and I didn't push you," Taylor says quietly and stubbornly.
Karlie sighs and grips the steering wheel tightly, thinking. "Did something happen back in New York? Tree didn't call or anything? It's not something I did?"
"No," Taylor replies, for all questions.
"That doesn't make any sense, what happened then? You went to get changed. We were apart for fifteen minutes at the most," Karlie replies, looking back to Taylor, studying what she can see of her turned expression.
But Taylor doesn't reply, and Karlie is left to puzzle over what little pieces she has of this strange and unexpected ordeal.
"Please," Karlie tries again, leaning over the center console to wrap her arm around Taylor's back. "I hate seeing you like this."
"I know, I'm sorry," Taylor replies, looking at Karlie now with mostly dry, yet reddened eyes.
"You know that's not what I want you to say," Karlie sighs.
Taylor shrugs and looks down to study her hands on her lap.
"Why can't you just tell me?" Karlie asks.
"Why can't you just...just try to make me feel better?" Taylor asks, with a small, barely there, sad smile.
Karlie quickly nods her head and leans further over the center console to now wrap both of her arms around Taylor, embracing her in an obstructed, yet strong, hug. She quickly kiss the side of her head as Taylor seems eager to lean into and accept the hug being given.
"I don't need to know what happened to let you know you don't deserve it," Karlie assures her with a muffled voice as she presses her face against Taylor's shoulder and neck. Taylor doesn't reply but she makes no move to break away from the hug, so Karlie only strengthens the hold she has on her. "I don't want this to ruin your time here, but I don't want you being here feeling like shit. We can go home if you want."
"No, I want you to be here with your family," Taylor replies.
"Yeah, but do you want to be here?" Karlie asks.
Karlie's holding Taylor so closely that she can feel her swallow before replying in a distant voice, "Yeah."
Karlie leans away to study Taylor's face. "You're lying. We can go home, I don't care. I will tell everyone something came up with my schedule."
"I don't want to leave. This is important to you, seeing your family and everything," Taylor replies.
"It's more important to me that you're feeling okay and feeling comfortable," Karlie says.
"I don't want to leave," Taylor repeats firmly, stubbornly.
"You don't want to leave, but you don't want to be here either," Karlie replies.
Taylor presses her lips together and averts her eyes from Karlie. "I've been having fun, it's just..."
Karlie sighs and rubs her hands up Taylor's back, stopping at her shoulders to give them pulsing, reassuring squeezes, as she offers again, "We can go back to New York, baby. Or Rhode Island, or wherever. Can you please just tell me what's going on?"
An unmistakably new batch of tears begin to well up in Taylor's eyes as she carefully traces the bottoms of her eyelids with her thumbs, looking upwards, begging, "Please, Karlie. Stop asking, I don't want to talk about it, okay? Not here. I know I've been bothering you about not talking to me but—"
"It's okay," Karlie quickly assures her, delicately holding Taylor's jaw with her hands. "I'll give you a free pass this time," Karlie says with a lame smile. "Don't cry any more."
Taylor takes a deep breath and stiffly nods her head. She looks around the car before asking, "Where are we?"
"I actually don't really know," Karlie replies with a small laugh. "I kept taking random turns. We're not far away."
"When'd you learn how to drive this," Taylor asks, nodding towards the stick shift in the middle of the car.
Karlie hesitates, studying Taylor's face, not completely wanting to move on from the topic just yet but wondering what is best for Taylor. I should just worry about making her feel better and deal with the other stuff later. "I don't know, the same time I learned how to drive in general, basically. We've always had this Jeep, so me and Kristine learned how to drive stick and automatic with the other cars," Karlie explains.
"Is it hard?" Taylor asks.
"No, come on, switch seats," Karlie says smiling, as she opens the door to get out of the car.
"What?! Karlie, no," Taylor says quickly.
She's still shaking her head when Karlie walks around the car and opens up the passenger door. "Yes, get out, it will be fun."
"I don't want to crash and die," Taylor replies drily.
"You don't have security here right now to protect you, so you better get out and drive, otherwise I'm keeping you kidnapped here in the middle of nowhere all day," Karlie warns with a challenging grin.
Taylor's eyebrows raise slightly, and her blue eyes begin to slightly shine in the way they normally do, but she still isn't smiling when she concedes and gets out of the car. Karlie takes Taylor's passenger seat and watches Taylor walk around the car, her shoulders slightly hunched.
"There's three pedals," Taylor says immediately, once opening the car door and settling in.
"Yup, because the one on the far left is the clutch, okay?" Karlie says, as she shifts in her seat to face Taylor more.
"What's that for?" Taylor asks, as she pulls on her seatbelt.
"You're going to have to step on it when you shift gears," Karlie explains. "You have to use both feet when you drive stick."
Taylor groans, "Karlie, this is a bad—"
"Shhhh," Karlie shushes, as she grabs Taylor's hand and puts it onto the stick, with her hand on top. "Okay, ready? Push on the clutch and the brake with your feet, and start the car."
Taylor gives Karlie a dark look, which Karlie returns with a big smile, before turning on the car.
"Okay, now we're going to put it into first gear," Karlie says, as she keeps her hand on top of Taylor's and guides her control of the stick, "And you're going to start slowly giving it gas, while also slowly letting up on the clutch at the same time."
Taylor's forehead wrinkles in concentration as she does as she is told, but immediately stalls out the car.
"Okay, this is the hardest part anyway. We have to start over," Karlie replies. "Getting into first gear is the hardest. I don't think you gave it enough gas. Make sure you keep everything gradual, but you have to give it enough gas."
"I don't think you're explaining any of this very good, I don't even know what I'm doing," Taylor replies.
"Okay, did you feel the clutch change at all when you were letting up on it? That's where you want to be at, and that's when the car will start moving forward a little bit, and that's when you really start giving it more gas. After that it's easy," Karlie explains. "Try again."
Taylor does try again, and after the car lurches forward and roughly bucks a few times, it then stalls out.
"That was better, you can try again," Karlie replies.
"Karlie, I have no idea what's going on," Taylor replies.
"You're not a real driver until you can drive stick, so you're going to learn," Karlie replies. "Am I a better driver than you? Can you not master this like I can?"
Taylor's jaw sets in stubborn determination as she stares at Karlie, her blue yes definitely shining now, with her lips pursed fighting off a competitive smile.
Taylor tries again, and stalls the car once more, but this time she is trying again without Karlie even telling her to.
On her fourth attempt, Taylor smiles triumphantly when the car begins driving forward in first gear, and Karlie is just happy to be seeing that smile after its brief, yet too long, disappearance.
The road is coincidentally perfect for Taylor to be driving on, as its a relatively flat side road with mostly only shrubbery on the sides with few houses in between.
"Okay, braking is a little different. So press on the brake," Karlie instructs, "and when we start slowing down, press the clutch again. Then we'll put it into neutral." When Taylor has done as she is told, Karlie guides Taylor's hand to put it into neutral gear once more. The car comes to a stop, and Karlie says, "Good job, baby. Now you need to do everything all over again to get the car moving again."
Taylor only stalls the car once before getting it driving down the street again.
"Okay, we're going to upshift to go a little faster. So you need to press the clutch now, and we'll go up a gear," Karlie advises, as they slowly drive down the road, taking more and more random turns as they go. Her hand remains resting on top of Taylor's and the stick, as she has Taylor shift gears three times.
"How fast does it go?" Taylor asks.
"It used to be able to go as fast as any car, I imagine, but it's pretty old now. Even at its top gear it only goes about sixty miles per hour," Karlie replies.
"Can we put it into its top gear here?" Taylor asks.
Karlie looks around and finds themselves to be on a road with relatively little passing cars. "Okay, only for a second so we don't get pulled over though."
Taylor looks excited as she steps down on the clutch as Karlie guides the car into a gear up. It isn't the most smooth transition, Taylor hasn't mastered that yet, but it undeniably begins driving faster. They coordinate each other's movements, so that Taylor is pressing down on the clutch at the appropriate times when Karlie assists her in shifting gears.
Karlie is admiring Taylor from the passenger seat, appreciating her smile and sudden enthusiasm as she upshifts once more and— SNAP!
The car begins slowing down at dangerously quickly, lurching the girls forward in their seats as it slows down so suddenly.
"What did I do?!" Taylor asks in a panic. "Cars should not make that noise!"
Karlie is looking at Taylor's feet in confusion, slowly saying, "I don't know..." but she then looks at the gear stick she had been shifting so instinctively, not even looking down at it. She has obviously never had to shift gears from the passenger seat before, and definitely not with her left hand, and she had mistakenly put the shift into reverse. While driving at roughly fifty miles per hour.
"Oh my god, I put it into fucking reverse!" Karlie exclaims, just as the car completely stops on the side of the road. "Oh my god! Shit!" Karlie says, wringing the back of her neck with her hands, feeling unsure whether to laugh or cry.
"Is that...bad?" Taylor asks.
"In the simplest of terms, I think I just broke the car," Karlie replies, leaning her head back against the seat.
"But, how— KARLIE!" Taylor yells suddenly, pointing out the window. Karlie quickly looks and see a light grey cloud of smoke begin billowing out from beneath the hood of the car.
"Shit!" Karlie hisses again.
"It's going to explode. We're going to die. It's going to explode into flames," Taylor says very quickly, yet monotonously, as she unbuckles her seatbelt and immediately jumps out of the car.
Karlie bites back laughter at the situation as she follows behind Taylor. They stand at the side of the road, staring at the hood of the car in shock.
"I think I should lift the hood," Karlie says, but before she can step forward, Taylor grabs her arm and holds her still.
"Karlie, it's going to explode and you're going to die," Taylor says calmly.
"Oh, it will not," Karlie laughs, shaking off Taylor's hands as she steps forward.
"It's probably really hot," Taylor warns, taking a few steps back.
Karlie nods her head and slips her hand under loose fabric of her own t-shirt, before tentatively opening the hood of the car. She jumps back immediately when even more smoke begins billowing out.
"What is happening?" Taylor asks after a beat of silence, each of them staring at the car.
Karlie is surprised when she laughs, shaking her head at the car. "I don't know. This is such a ridiculous situation."
Taylor walks further off the road and sits on the side of a grassy hill. Karlie follows and lies back against the grass.
"So, where are we?" Taylor asks, looking up and down the mostly deserted street.
"I don't know," Karlie sighs, doing the same.
"And why is now the time I decide to be adventurous and go for a drive without security?" Taylor asks.
"I don't know," Karlie repeats.
"And why did you think it was a good idea to put the car into reverse while going fifty miles per hour?" Taylor asks.
Karlie looks at Taylor, and they make eye contact for a few seconds before they each burst into laughter. Karlie lies back, putting her head on the grass as she laughs out, watching Taylor throw her head back and clasp her hands together near her chest as she laughs.
"This is the most absurd situation I've ever been in," Taylor laughs.
"How the hell am I going to explain this?" Karlie asks, laughing right along with Taylor, as she sits up again beside her.
Karlie is taken by surprise when Taylor quickly wraps her arms around her neck and and kisses her saying, "I love you," close enough for her breath to tickle Karlie's cheek.
"I love you, too," Karlie replies, still caught off guard by the unexpected contact. Taylor leans away when they see a distant car approaching down the road, but Karlie takes the chance to hold Taylor's hand as she pulls out her phone to call for help.
As the dial tone sounds, Karlie waves past the car approaching them, not wanting them to pull over and potentially offer help.
"Hello," Kurt Kloss answers, sounding surprised by Karlie's phone call.
"Um, Dad, the car broke down," Karlie says in greeting. She looks over at Taylor who is biting her bottom lip, eyes wide, looking like she's about to begin laughing again.
"The car?! What car did are you driving?" he asks, sounding shocked.
"The Jeep...I...well, never mind. Like, it literally won't drive. We're stranded," Karlie replies.
"Well, where are you? I'll have to come get you," Kurt replies.
"Um...we are..." Karlie hesitates, looking at Taylor, who quickly pulls out her iPhone to figure out their location as she starts laughing. She's still laughing when she hands Karlie the phone to read her father the address.
"What are you doing there?" he asks, sounding more and more perplexed as the conversation moves forward.
"I don't know, it's a long story," Karlie replies, shaking her head. He says he will be there soon and hangs up the phone. "I'm so stupid."
"I know," Taylor replies, crashing her head against Karlie's shoulder to lean against her. "Why would you let me drive the car? Remember what I did to your drone mere days ago?"
"You got me there," Karlie laughs, putting her arm around her. She cranes her neck to kiss the top of Taylor's head, overjoyed to be sitting here laughing with her instead of watching helplessly as she cries.
They laugh back and forth, only giving each other space when they would see cars approaching. They don't stand up until they see familiar cars, from the Kloss household, driving up the street. Karlie stands and brushes the back of her pants off as she offers a hand to Taylor to help her up.
"Hi, Mr. Kloss," Taylor says happily, when Karlie's father jumps out of his car. When a second car pulls over and Kristine gets out, Karlie is quick to notice Taylor's smile falter, before saying in a much more strained voice, "Hi, Kristine."
"So what happened here, girls?" Kurt asks, as he walks over to the Jeep and looks into the hood of the car.
Karlie doesn't even hear the question as she studies Taylor, before slowly looking to her sister.
"Karlie?" Kurt asks.
"Oh! Um, I don't know. It just broke," Karlie lies, fighting a smile, but when she looks to Taylor none of the humor that had been present earlier seems to exist. She studies Taylor again, as Kurt plays around with the engine.
"I think the transmission is broken," he announces. "I'm going to wait here for a tow truck, but these types of things take a while. I had Kristine come along to give you girls a ride back."
"That's okay, Mr. Kloss, we can wait here, you don't have to do that," Taylor answers.
"No, I insist. Go home and be comfortable. I can't believe this happened," he replies.
Taylor hesitates before saying, "Well, thank you then."
Karlie is still trying to decipher whatever shift has occurred in Taylor as they quietly approach Kristine's car.
"You can sit in the front," Karlie says, as she opens up the door for Taylor.
"You have longer legs," Taylor replies, not even looking at Karlie as she quickly gets into the backseat of the car before Karlie can insist.
Taylor sits behind Karlie's seat, meaning that Karlie won't be able to study her any further.
"So what really happened?" Kristine asks immediately, once beginning to drive down the road.
"Oh my god..." Karlie laughs, before beginning to explain how she managed to break down the Jeep Wrangler. Karlie tells their story, laughing when Kristine begins laughing as well, but Taylor's laughter is short and forced.
For the rest of the car ride Karlie and Kristine talk, while Taylor remains mostly silent in the backseat. This isn't how Taylor usually behaves, and this definitely isn't how Taylor has behaved since arriving to Karlie's family home. She's been extra sociable and outgoing. But, then again, she is upset about something right now. But she didn't seem upset anymore when we were waiting to get picked up. And she didn't seem upset when she saw my dad. She got quiet when she saw Kristine.
"Taylor, you're being quiet," Kristine says suddenly. "Is everything alright?"
"I'm just tired," Taylor replies guardedly.
Karlie looks at the rearview mirror, staring at what she can of Taylor, who is looking downwards. Karlie looks to her side, back to her sister, who seems unconcerned by Taylor's response. Karlie knows her sister, and knows she would never be at all cruel or rude to anyone. It wasn't in her nature, it wasn't in any of her sisters' natures. Yet, Karlie found herself wondering What did she do?
Karlie turns around in her seat to look at Taylor, who hesitantly looks up. "We'll take a nap when we get back."
"No, I'm—"
"Yes," Karlie cuts her off, before shifting back in her seat again. We're talking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It isn't until Karlie is closing the door behind them, solidifying their isolation in her bedroom, does Taylor feel like she can breathe properly for the first time since she was surprised by Kristine's arrival.
"What did Kristine do?" Karlie asks pointedly.
Never mind. Taylor is shocked by the question, it has come out of nowhere, and her mouth drops as she stares at Karlie. But then, of course, the area is too sensitive of a topic, and tears immediately well in her eyes. Damn it.
"Baby," Karlie coos, immediately rushing forward and wrapping her in a tight, perhaps too tight, hug. "What did she do?" Karlie asks quietly. There's concern in her voice, but there's just as much anger as there is worry.
"No, Karlie," Taylor says immediately, pushing Karlie away from the hug that she needed. "She didn't do anything!"
"I know there's something going on and—"
"Please, don't push it. I don't want to—"
"Fine, I'll ask her what she did then, because she did something that you don't want to tell me about," Karlie says brusquely as she begins to breeze past Taylor.
"No! No, no, no, no," Taylor says immediately, gripping Karlie's arm in a way of strong panic to keep Karlie. "Please, Karlie! No, no, stay here, don't anything, please!" Taylor's voice is about two tones higher than normal, and the words sound as though they've been strangled from her, as her heart begins to race far too quickly.
"What did she do?" Karlie asks, and this time when she asked there's far more anger than worry. Taylor's reaction has confirmed her suspicions to be true, and Karlie's temper is one that can dangerously flare up in an instant, something that has yet to stop surprising Taylor. Anger doesn't suit Karlie, but when her green eyes are ablaze in a fury it's easy to forget that.
"Please, stop! Please don't do anything, please," Taylor says, sounding more and more panicked as she continues speaking. "I don't want something to happen, please don't say anything, she doesn't even know, please!" Taylor doesn't even realize just how vaguely she is speaking as her breathing rate picks up, making the words difficult to speak aloud and even more difficult to listen to.
Karlie's anger momentarily dissipates as she once more worriedly stares at Taylor before encasing her in another strong hug, with an arm firmly pressed against Taylor's lower back and the other hand securely guiding her head beneath Karlie's chin. Taylor squeezes her eyes shut, doing her best to only focus on Karlie's touch.
"Calm down, okay? I'm not going to do anything right now," Karlie assures her soothingly at a low volume. Taylor know she's only telling her what she thinks she needs to hear, and she also knows the key words there are 'right now.' "It's okay, nothing bad is going to happen," Karlie adds, slowly rubbing Taylor's lower back in small circles.
Taylor takes a deep breath as she keeps her eyes shut, listening to Karlie's words and relishing in her comforting touch. Karlie's heart beats against her along with her slow, steady, and calm rises and falls of her inhales and exhales despite her earlier spiked anger makes Taylor all the more aware of her own racing heart and staggered breathing. She fights the shaking of her hands by gripping the back of Karlie's shirt tightly, doing her best to calm her body to Karlie's level.
"Everything's okay," Karlie says, never letting up on the hold she has on Taylor. "Well, as far as I know everything's okay," Karlie adds in a more quiet voice lamely.
I don't know if I can tell her. I don't want her to be upset too. I don't want her causing a scene. What if she doesn't know and it hurts her too?
"I swear you have actual anxiety," Karlie says cautiously, still being the only one to pepper the silent room with the sounds of talking. "I mean, after the magazine interview you were, like... and even last night when I had to wake you up, and that happened weeks ago too when we first got together... I just think—"
"Yeah, where have you been?" Taylor asks darkly.
"What do you mean?" Karlie asks, sounding genuinely confused.
"I'm pretty sure everyone who knows me knows I'm anxious and overthink just about everything," Taylor replies, as she only slightly leans away from their embrace, feeling a bit more in control now.
Karlie pauses before saying, "Well then I think it's getting worse." Taylor's lips slightly part in surprise, but before she can react, Karlie asks in a calm voice, "Please tell me what's wrong. What happened?"
"I..."
"You'll feel better if you tell me. I always feel some sort of relief when I finally tell you if something is wrong, even if it was in the middle of a fight," Karlie says encouragingly. "Please, baby, let me help you with this."
That breaks Taylor, as she completely separates from their hug then. "Karlie...I heard your...I heard Kristine talking about me," Taylor says, quickly looking away as she says it, feeling suddenly ashamed.
"With who?" Karlie asks in a strained voice.
"Your mom," Taylor replies. She clenches her jaw, fighting tears as she admits something she suddenly feels embarrassed about. Karlie is quiet, and it surprises Taylor as chances to look up at her. Her expression is mostly blank, perhaps stunned at the most. Taylor stares at her, waiting for a reaction.
"What did they say?" Karlie asks in a measured voice as her stare intensifies but her usually expressive features remain unreadable.
"They..." Taylor begins, before taking a shaky breath and looking away once more, pursing her lips to keep them from shaking as tears seem to threateningly loom nearer and nearer.
Taylor is surprised when Karlie gently grabs ahold of her hand, before quietly saying, "Whatever they said wasn't fair and it probably wasn't true and it's definitely not your fault."
Taylor looks at her, and her expression is more familiar now as she studies Taylor's features. Taylor finds the resolve to come clean to Karlie, as she says in a rushed and shaky voice, "They said everything that I know people are always thinking. They don't understand how you could want this, they're scared you're just going to be a headline because you're with me or just my next breakup song, they don't know how we could be a good fit, our lifestyles are too different, even my 24/7 security is—"
"That is the most ridiculous bullshit I've ever heard," Karlie interrupts, her voice sounding toxic now. "Like I don't even know where to begin, I mean—"
"It's not ridiculous. Everything they said is what a lot of people think. They basically just rehashed the comments section of every article written about me from 2013 to 2014," Taylor replies dully, sounding defeated.
"Okay, no, we've already dealt with all of this! We've already gotten through that, and we've already gotten through your doubts that this isn't going to work because of...because of whatever else. They're wrong just like we were," Karlie replies. "And—"
"Karlie—"
"No! Listen to me! They were just completely ignorant and you had to unfortunately hear it. As for the security, what are they even thinking? As if the worst thing in the world for their twenty two year old daughter and sister living in New York City alone to have is a girlfriend with round the clock security. I mean, sure, in Big Sur there were times when I was...annoyed— no, thrown off— by it, but I got used to it. I don't even notice them anymore! Don't be self conscious about—"
"Karlie! They don't have time to get used to it! This is always going to be weird to them! It's always going to be weird to need security, and it took us months of going back and forth for me to get over everything else. How—"
"I'm going to talk to them," Karlie says abruptly, her face set in determined anger now as she sets her sights on the bedroom door instead of Taylor.
"No! Karlie, they don't know I heard all of that! And I know they wouldn't have wanted me to hear it, it will only make things worse for me if they know I heard! Please, Karlie, I don't want it to be awkward, please," Taylor pleads helplessly, as she tightly grips each one of Karlie's shoulders in case she tries to leave the bedroom quickly.
"It's already awkward and uncomfortable for you! How could it not be? Why not make it awkward and uncomfortable for them too then, if they were fucking rude enough to say all that?" Karlie harshly reasons. Taylor is scared when realizing her entire demeanor seems to be becoming consumed with more and more anger. She doesn't want Karlie to do anything rash.
"Because I just want them to like us! I don't want any drama or anything like that Karlie! I don't want to have to listen to the most awkward apologies of my entire life!" Taylor exclaims in a hushed tone of voice, for fear of being heard beyond the bedroom's walls. "I just...I want them to like us," Taylor repeats, in a much less strong and more pathetic voice.
This seems to soften Karlie's features, hearing of Taylor's simple want. She blinks and clenches her jaw, tilting her chin downwards, appearing to be lost in thought. "We're leaving," Karlie says quietly and with resolve.
"No, I don't want to—"
"Taylor, there's no way that this home is going to be a comfortable place for you right now. I'm not making you stay here," Karlie replies calmly, before turning around and and already opening a suitcase they have brought with them.
"Well you're not making me leave either! I'm not leaving, Karlie," Taylor replies stubbornly, her voice strong. "I'm going to be so busy starting this month for, like...the rest of this year. When am I going to have to a chance like this again? We need to stay. This is important to me and I know it's important to you too. I'm not leaving."
Karlie groans and clumsily sits down on the side of the bed, slouching over and gripping her head with her hands, running a hand roughly through her hair. "I don't know what to do. None of this is fair for you. No decision is fair for you, all because of them," Karlie says in a tense voice, looking thoroughly conflicted.
Taylor steps forward and grabs Karlie's rigid and curled fingers, gripping the roots of her hair, to gently flatten against her own hand, warning with a slight smile, "If this becomes your new habit I'm going to kill you."
Karlie sits up a bit straighter with a small smile, staring at her hand while Taylor rubs it with her own. "I don't even realize I'm doing it."
"Okay, Josh," Taylor teases.
A silence settles over them. Somehow, their minimal attempt to bring humor to the situation seems to make everything feel worse.
"You must feel like shit," Karlie says as she looks up at Taylor finally, shaking off Taylor's hand to lightly grip her wrist. Taylor chooses to look at Karlie's fingers gently wrapped around her wrist instead of looking down at Karlie sitting bedside as she remains quiet. "Of course you feel like shit," Karlie sighs.
"I know they never would have said that if they knew I was there," Taylor replies quietly.
"As if that makes it better," Karlie says with a dark and humorless laugh.
"It makes a difference. It's not like they've been anything but warm and welcoming to me," Taylor replies. "They're good people. They're your family. They wouldn't have wanted me to hear that. They'd feel horrible if they knew I heard that."
Karlie is quiet as she chews on the inside of her cheek, her stare up at Taylor as always intense and impenetrable. "You're...amazing. You're being better to them than they deserve right now. You should just be angry and hate them."
"I actually wish I could do that instead," Taylor says with a sad smile, as tears form in her eyes once more today. "It's actually worse knowing that they're nice to me...that they even like me...but that they still said that."
Karlie sighs and shakes her head, reaching upwards to wipe her thumbs beneath Taylor's eyes before lightly tugging Taylor's arms towards her onto the bed. Karlie lies back against the bed as she guides Taylor to lie on top of her, hugging her against her as they settle in.
"I don't even want to leave this room now," Karlie mumbles against the top of Taylor's head. "I don't want to see any of them."
"How do you think I feel?" Taylor asks dully.
Karlie only kisses the top of Taylor's head in response and readjusts her arms around Taylor to gently roll them over, in order to settle atop of Taylor. She gently kisses Taylor's face, neck, and what is exposed of her collarbones, while Taylor holds the back of Karlie's neck in the crook of her elbow, in order to keep Karlie as close as possible as locks of her hair fall on and tickle Taylor's cheek. Taylor's body, despite everything, falls more and more into a state of pleasant relaxation beneath Karlie's delicate and roaming lips.
And then there's a knock on the door.
Karlie agitatedly exhales as she cruelly rolls her eyes, as she pushes herself up and off of Taylor to lie beside her instead, as she calls out, "Who is it?"
"It's me," Kimby replies. "Can I open the door or will I throw up?"
"Come in," Karlie sighs, loud enough for Kimby to hear.
Kimby slowly opens the door, barely peeking her head in before stepping into the room. She's looking at the pair suspiciously in the bed, before asking in a low voice, "What are you guys doing?"
"We're about to take a nap, Kimby," Karlie replies with annoyance dripping from her tone. "What is it?"
"Why are you taking a nap now?" Kimby asks.
"Because I told you, I don't feel good," Karlie replies.
"You don't feel good?" Taylor asks turning her head to Karlie, sounding surprised. This is news to her.
"Sh," Karlie shushes her. "What is it, Kimby?"
"Well, I guess you won't want to, but, Taylor, do you want to go for a ride with me, Kariann, and Kristine to the grocery store to get stuff for dinner tonight?" Kimby asks. "I think we might stop for ice cream, too."
Taylor's mouth goes dry. She feels as a girlfriend visiting her significant other's family for the first time, this is a question she has no choice but to say 'yes' to, even under the current circumstances. "Um—"
"No, I want her to stay here with me," Karlie answers, as she casually throws both an arm and leg over Taylor beside her. "In case I get bored with napping."
"Oh my god," Kimby replies, shaking her head with a grimace. "So you're not coming? The milkshakes at this one place are really good," Kimby asks, directing her question to Taylor.
"Ah, I—"
"No, she's staying here. I am sick, she's not allowed to leave," Karlie answers for Taylor.
"Okay, whatever, bye," Kimby says quickly.
"Wait, Kimby, can you pull down the shade for us?" Karlie asks sweetly. Kimby is already in the doorway, looking at Karlie doubtfully. "Please, don't make us get out of bed. Be a nice sister and just pull down the shade in the window for us and shut off the lights. Please."
Kimby rolls her eyes but does as she is told, plunging the room into a soft dimness. "Okay, bye," Kimby says, waving a hand behind her as she steps into the hallway.
"Thanks for setting the mood for us," Karlie says.
"Oh my GOD!" Kimby answers, slamming the door behind her on the last word.
"You're so annoying," Taylor laughs, when she takes the chance to snuggle up right near Karlie again with their returned privacy.
"She's annoying," Karlie playfully argues, as she returns to kissing Taylor's neck.
"I didn't know you don't feel good," Taylor comments, as she lies on her back and pulls Karlie along with her, to lie on top of her like earlier.
"Because you keep force feeding me the most unhealthy shit," Karlie explains.
"You're so delicate," Taylor teases as she feels Karlie glide the tip of her nose down her neck, before beginning to kiss along the neckline of her dress. When Karlie's hands begin sliding up her legs, further up her dress than they should go, Taylor halfheartedly warns, "Karlie, don't."
"I just think you have very smooth legs," Karlie explains, and Taylor can feel her smile against her neck. "And you smell good."
"You're so dumb," Taylor laughs quietly, rolling her eyes as she lifts her head to give Karlie less space to work with. When Karlie's lips move to her chin to make up for it, Taylor can't help but laugh a bit more and wrap her arms around Karlie's neck tightly, but when Karlie's hands definitely go further up her dress than they should, Taylor says more firmly, "No, Karlie. Not now."
Karlie's hands become still against Taylor's thighs, when she disappointedly asks, "Why not?"
"I can think of about a million reasons why I wouldn't be in the mood for that right now," Taylor replies, playfully impatiently.
"I can think of about a million and one reasons why you should be in the mood for that right now," Karlie counters with a proud smile.
"Not happening," Taylor replies monotonously. "When we go back home."
"Fine," Karlie sighs dramatically with a smile, as she removes her hands to fold them on top of Taylor's chest and rest her chin on them.
Taylor raises her eyebrows, staring at Karlie, pressing her lips together tightly to keep from smiling too big. "What happened to all of that talk 'when I want it I get it'?"
"Oh, you mean the look? That's like my blue steel look." Karlie says, laughing. "Okay, hold on, don't make me laugh," Karlie says, as she turns her head to focus on something else.
Taylor watches her compose herself, waiting for Karlie to turn back towards her and look like the intimidating model she has seen every now and again in photographs.
"Okay, wait," Karlie says, just as she begins turning her attention back to Taylor but with a smile still in place. She turns her head away again, to start over. Taylor waits some more, before Karlie finally turns back saying, "Never mind, I can't do it when I'm with you! You just make me smile."
Without even meaning to, Karlie has made Taylor's stomach flutter with butterflies and her heart beat irregularly. She feels her cheeks warm as she smiles before shyly kissing Karlie's lips.
Before the kiss can go anywhere else, there is yet another knock on the door, accompanied by the sound of Karlie's mother's voice outside the door, calling, "Karlie?"
Taylor's breath hitches in her chest in the same way it did when around Kristine, unable to dissociate the words she heard spoken about her with the people who have made her feel so at home here so far.
"Pretend we're asleep," Karlie says in a rushed whisper, as she pulls the sheet and blanket up and over the majority of their faces as she rolls off of Taylor, giving a healthy amount of space between the two.
"Karlie?" Tracy says again, lightly knocking on the door before cracking the door open a bit.
Taylor squeezes her eyes shut when she sees the sliver of light pour into the room as she hopes that her and Karlie do in fact look asleep.
"Oh," Tracy says softly to herself, before closing the door and presumably leaving.
"God, we need a lock for this room," Karlie breathes, immediately sprawling her body out on top of Taylor's once more.
"Yeah," Taylor replies indifferently. Her heart has sunk again at the reminder of today's events. Karlie had managed to almost make her forget what had made her feel so down as they lay huddled in bed. But now the reality of her situation is bearing down on her, perhaps even heavier than before.
"Baby," Karlie coos sadly, noticing immediately that Taylor's mood has deflated. She softly runs her hand through Taylor's hair, quietly suggesting, "I think we should actually sleep. We'll both feel better, I think. We didn't get a lot of sleep last night."
"I guess you're right," Taylor replies, pushing her forehead against Karlie's chest.
"Don't worry about it right now, just go to sleep. You'll feel better when you wake up," Karlie assures her, as she gently trails the tips of her fingers up and down Taylor's back.
"I'll try."