Virginie's Point Of View
October 24th
We got to Newcastle and Harry and I took this day off to look around the city. I really didn't want to stay hidden in the hotel. Not for me, but for him, it's all that he does. So we dressed up and went for a ride in and out the city on our way there. We drove the whole day, just talking and listening to some music. We walked a bit in a quiet place, I don't remember what it was called, but Harry took a lot of pictures. It was beautiful and fun to be carefree together again like on our first date. It was simple and perfect. We eventually got to go back at the hotel and the boys were playing PlayStation up stairs and Louis was kicking a 'football' in an empty conference room, like the one in the Perfect Music Video.
"Can you teach me how to play? I never really liked soccer..." I quietly say when I get in the lonely room with him to have a nice moment together for the first time.
"What!?! Where do you come from!?" Louis shouts.
"Another continent Louis! I'm more of a football and baseball fan!" I joke.
"Well, I'm happy to show you... Did you ever play?" He sweetly asks.
I think it's the first time I haven't heard him shout or joke about something. He takes the ball in his hands and joins me.
"Yeah, I played in a league for maybe four years, but I preferred baseball and joined the league."
"What position were you?"
"I was first base the last year I played, but the other twelve years I was second base..."
"I actually talked about football, but it's nice that you played baseball for... 13 years? It's amazing, I wouldn't have thought!" He says smiling warmly at me.
"Oh... I don't know! I think I was defense maybe... It was a long time ago..."
"Well, we are going to start by kicking simply the ball. That way, I can show you how to move your body in order to get the ball where you want it to go."
He kicks me gracefully the ball and I couldn't feel clumsier than I do when I kick it back at him. We do that for quite a long time, but I feel more confident as he tells me tricks. He even comes to me and take my hips to sway them the way it should to optimise the power to my foot. I'm really happy to see him enjoy teaching me how to play.
We get further away and it gets more and more fun. He is an excellent teacher and he is really calm and patient with me. I really like this side of Louis... After a while he teaches me how to kick the ball without letting it fall to the ground. He shows me how and he is amazing. He kicks it 21 times before it falls down. I give it a try too. I hope I get to kick it at least twice in a row... I'm surprised when I get to kick it four times before it falls further away. I'm very proud of myself and Louis teaches me a last trick before I try it again. Seven times! I'm amazed and very happy with myself.
"Thank you Louis! I had a really nice time... I hope we can do it again sometime!" I say with a big smile walking to hug him.
"It's my pleasure love..." He responds quietly to my ear hugging me back.
I look at him for a moment and this sight of him warms my heart.
"You'll be a great Dad!" I whisper softly.
He doesn't say anything, but he smiles genuinely and run a hand through his hair. At that moment, I see Louis' true beauty hiding in his silence, the non-verbal, his body language.
I stop myself from staring at him and I walk out of the room to go back to the suite. Liam is the only one still up and I join him on the couch. He is on Twitter and he reads some of the tweets the fans wrote him. My phone buzzes and I read his tweet.
"I love how music is always there for you when you need it most x"
I tweet him back.
" Real_Liam_Payne We love you Liam from the bottom of our hearts! Through sickness and health and everything you are going through!LotsOfLove "
I look at him to see if he reads the tweets the fans send him. After a long while of retweeting absolutely anything for the #EMABiggestFans1D, I see Liam getting up to sit closer to me. He hugs me tightly and sighs deeply in my neck. He really reads his fans' tweets, how sweet!
"I love you too Gynie... Thank you for being there for me and understanding..." He whispers as I rub his back.
"It's an absolute pleasure to have you in my life Liam and if I can help in anyway that I can, it only makes me happier..." I respond running my fingers through his hair.
I make him rest his head on the pillow on my lap and I play in his hair. He talks to me for a while, but never about Sophia and I don't want to push him to. He'll tell me when he'll be ready and I just want to be there for him, because there's nothing more painful than to lose someone and have to face the pain alone. I know he has the boys, but it's nice to have an outside view on things.
October 25th
When Louis gets back at past midnight, Liam gets up very sleepy and goes to bed. I decide I want to join Harry in the bedroom and I have no idea what he was up to. As I step in, he gets out of the shower. He ties his hair in a bun and helps me get undressed. He is acting very romantic tonight. He gets me to the bed and uses the necklace he gave me to bring my head closer to his.
"So that's why you gave me this necklace, so you can have control over me..." I smile at his irresistible charm.
"If you want, you can have control over me right now baby..." He whispers smiling, dimpling, charming me until I feel myself melting from within.
I sit on his lap and act on a spontaneous confidence.
"So you want to be mine tonight Harry?"
"I want to be yours every night baby..."
I untie his hair and grab it strongly in my hands to make his wishes come true. I let him sleep few moments later when I'm done toying with him. I tested his patience a lot, but I think I made him very happy. At least, it sounded like it... My tender lover was back and I couldn't be more in love with him than I am as I watch him sleep right now.
Even if my body is exhausted from all this pleasure, my mind is widely awake. I spend more time on Twitter and retweet. I look at my angel and I think to myself how badly we need to win this. For them, for us, it will be the greatest farewell gift we can give them. It gets really, really late and I put my phone down to spoon my man. He is so tall, I have so much trouble spooning him as perfectly as he spoons me, but I must say that I love kissing his back and his neck when he sleeps. He is so sexy! What did I ever do to deserve a wonderful man like him and wonderful friends like his?
I wake up with a bad feeling. I spread my arms on the bed, there's no sign of Harold. I open my eyes wider and I can't see him anywhere. I think we forgot to turn off the lights last night, it's too bright for my eyes. It definitely wakes me.
I get up a bit moody and I definitely look like a zombie. I go to the door and remind myself that I'm a naked zombie. I put on the first things I see and leave the room searching for my dorky sex-obsessed charming boyfriend. He is on the couch next to Niall and I just let myself fall on his lap and lay my head on his chest. I hold Harry close like a pillow as he embraces me like a baby. I don't let him go.
"Someone seems to have missed me..." He laughs to my ear kissing the top of my head.
"I woke up alone!" I say with a moody attitude against his neck.
"Well now you know how it feels..." He jokes as he is rubbing my ass sweetly and patting it like a baby.
I stay there for a few minutes and I feel myself softly drifting back to sleep under his gentle touch.
I wake up to Harry's sweet touch. I softly open my eyes and snuggles against his perfect neck. I press my lips against his warm skin and look around. Where did the boys go? I frown and look at Harold.
"Where did the boys go?!" I whisper yawning as I take more and more consciousness.
"They're downstairs playing football." He responds.
"And you did not want to join them?" I wonder.
"I wanted to stay here with you..." He whispers as he hugs my body closer to his.
"You're so sweet... What did I ever do to deserve you?!" I genuinely ask pressing my forehead on his neck.
"Let me show you what you deserve Gynie..." He requests as the biggest proof of his love I had yet to witness.
"I love you baby, I wish we could stay like this forever..."
We stay cuddled for a long moment and it just feels so nice and simple.
"Still wearing my shirt I see..." He laughs as a little complaint.
"Stop complaining! You love it!" I joke giggling.
"I do..." He smiles and laughs looking at me.
I support the boys with all my love as I decide to stay at the hotel instead of going to the show. It's the European Music Awards and I want to see the boys win and see our fandom win and vote loads of time. It was a difficult choice, but I want to be there for the fandom like it always has been since I became really obsessed after the show more than a month ago.
I sit in front of the TV and I'm stressed like hell. Ed Sheeran is hosting and it's hilarious. I know he is a good friend of H and it makes me happy to support him too.
I'm on my laptop at the same time and retweet like crazy as MTV tweets the fans the vote isn't over until the show is over. I don't get to see the score, but we voted more than a 100 000 000 times. The Beliebers beat us earlier today, but we got to take back our lead by half a million since then. Unfortunately, I don't get to see the ranking now either, but some fans do. The last update I have from the fans are print screens of our fandom leading by more than 3 000 000 votes. I'm ecstatic, but we never stop and it's fun to see all of these pictures of the boys since their beginning.
Finally, One Direction wins the Best Pop Act category and I scream of joy in the living room alone! I couldn't be more proud! We voted like crazy! But the big deal is coming... I'm scared... I feel more confident when I see another print screen of the votes and we are still 3 million votes ahead with 127 million votes in total. I am so proud and I don't stop voting by retweeting #EMABiggestFans1D until the results are shown. By the end of the show, they announce the winner. My heart beats so loudly as the girls are freaking out on the fanpage. OMG... I go to the MTV EMA Twitter page. I'm too scared to look...
"And now the moment all you fans have been waiting for... goes to ........."
" .justinbieber !!!!!!!!!! Congrats #Beliebers we know how bad you wanted this!"
...
...
What!?!
What about our leading 3 million votes?!
My heart just broke... Tears are flooding my eyes and I can't stand it... I'm not pissed at the Beliebers, I respect them and I know how much they wanted this. Justin has been on a break for three years and he just got back. We will be the same with the boys when they'll come back, but it feels unfair... We had a lead of 3 million votes minutes before the reveal... Not 3 thousand like it usually was throughout the week, but 3 million! 127.494.974 to 124.457.719 to be exact...
I leave the living room. I just need to crawl in bed, wrap up in the sheets and cry. I know it sounds silly but it isn't. I leave the TV open and my laptop on the MTV page. I don't care! I feel useless, like this was all for nothing since they were going to make JB win anyway... That's unfair! I look at my cell phone and go through the hashtag to see the fans reactions to all of this. One girl refers to Greg Horan's tweet, Niall's brother. I go to his page and read it.
"Directioners are still the world's biggest fans don't let the emas tell you guys different I promise you the boys know yee are big love x x"
I bring my legs to my chest and the tears flow by themselves. It feels like such a betrayal, but Greg's words are just beautiful and heart warming. It's almost better this way... To know that the guys love us this much even their family considers us as being so important is the best thing we could have asked for, but still...
I don't even hear Harry stepping in because I'm sobbing too loudly. I can't see anything either in the darkness of the room with only the moon peaking through our window to light us, but I feel his arms taking me for a comforting hug. He rubs my back and presses his lips on my forehead.
"Sshh..." He whispers to calm my sorrows.
"You won Best Pop Act... Congrats!" I mumble between my tears.
"I know, but it's not important... Why are you crying?" He asks me so gently his voice feels like a lullaby.
"We didn't win the biggest fans contest..." I let out like a baby crying from dropping his pacifier on the ground.
"It's not important either... Why does it make you feel like this?" His words could have been harsh, but with the sweetness of his voice, he seems to be truly caring about my feelings and tries to understand.
Before beginning my monologue, I wipe my eyes and step back from his embrace to lay on my back to look at the ceiling. I hate for him to see me like this, but it's part of who I am to feel things very deeply and it's better to be truthful than to hide part of myself in order to please him...
"You have no idea how much we wanted this...You always do your best to make us proud. All the songs, all the albums, all of your shows are authentic and beautiful. And this prize was our way to make YOU proud in a way to make everybody in the fandom feel proud! No matter their language, country or anything else... We all united and bounded over one simple thing and it's you guys. We worked so hard for this! You have no idea how late I stayed awake to tweet and retweet throughout the week and the fans were so supportive the same way I did. We really wanted this for you guys! The Billboard ad is amazing, but so few people participated in its creation and its realisation. This time, everybody in the entire world reunited online to support you. Some people can not afford your music, but tweeting doesn't cost a thing!"
I take a deep breath, wipe my tears and sigh still looking at the ceiling as Harry still listens to me very carefully.
"What I'm trying to say is that I'm very happy for Justin, I like him. He is Canadian and my sister adores him... and I know how proud his fans are because he just got back from a three-year break... But you guys are taking a break too and... "
I stop. I'm being way too emotional, but I can't help it... I need to get this out of my chest.
"We were three millions of votes ahead! I don't understand... It meant so much to us... But then some girls tweeted Greg's tweet and it just healed all of my wounded heart and made me feel special again in the simplest and beautiful way. And I'm terribly moved by what he did... But still! I can't stop thinking about all of the girls, mostly, on the hashtag page and how we had fun voting and sharing pictures... Please do not look at my Twitter account! It's full of random retweets! And pictures... Oh!" I let out remembering how much fun I had saving these pictures and one in particular.
I stop and smile between the last tears.
"I even got a picture of your naked bum in my laptop! Ha ha! Zayn tweeted it one time and he said something like 'Enjoying my view this morning!' as you peek out the window of a hotel room. It was really funny and I just had to retweet it..."
"You get to see way more than my naked bum baby!" He jokes as I turn to face him and laugh at his comment.
"I know, but these girls don't and it keeps the dream alive and that's what is sad... For everyone of them who dreams to be at my place and this contest is their way to get closer to your hearts. I know I am the luckiest woman in the world and I still can't believe this is real... And that's why, I think, I like this fandom so much... We are all very passionate and devoted dreamers. We dream freely without judging or being judged. Some draw beautiful pictures of you and some write fanfictions and those stories, for whatever aged appropriate they are, are simply deep and beautiful love letters to you. And every day, they are happy and cherished by this dreamy possibility that you love them. And it saves lives Harry! I read a tweet this week, a girl shared that because of you and the release of Infinity, Perfect, the Perfect Music video, the Perfect EP, etc. that she had not cut herself for weeks now. I retweeted her and tweeted her to share my love and unconditional support, but it's all because of you. Now do you see how wonderful you are?!"
I stop and look at him right in the eyes for the first time since forever.
"I wish that for one day, you could see yourself through my eyes. I have so much respect and admiration for you, just the way you are... You are perfect to me! And I'm sorry for being so emotional over a prize, but... I think I had only about 15 hours of sleep this entire week... So thank you for listening to me and my sobbing and long speech, but yeah... I love you very dearly..."
I wish I could see in his eyes what he feels right now, but I can't... He puts his arm to my back to pull me closer to him so our faces are inches away. I caress his cheek with my palm and comb his hair back from his face. I stay like this for a moment face to face in silence before he responds to me.
"It's the first time you've been so open and emotionally vulnerable to me... I can't begin to describe how you make me feel right now... You help me see clearer. And I want you to know that yes it could have been anybody else if I had not met you, but I did. And baby it's only you and it will always be you... I love you and I wish you could see how wonderful you are through my eyes too. As for the fans, my love for them is unconditional. I love each and every single one of them with all my heart no matter where they are from and with how much money they support us. Love is free and so simple to give, but unfortunately I can't tell them as easily as I can tell you..."
It's silent between us for a short moment as he puts his forehead to mine.
"But I try my best and it's all I can do..." He whispers and I feel he is emotional too.
I didn't want to make him feel that way. I just needed to get my feelings out of my chest because they were burning me from within.
"But it sometimes feels like it's not enough..."
Now that is breaking my heart, more than losing any prize at all. Because one thing we've learn from them is that winning isn't everything. So, I press my lips to his and it feels like our most beautiful and sincere kiss we've ever shared as it's so truthful to our feelings and vulnerable. I press my forehead to his again.
"You are more than enough Harry... You are my everything!"