Eddward stood alone in the locker room, silent and motionless, deaf and blind to everything that went on outside. He had lost track of how much time he had spent standing and staring impassively into the open locker. His hand rested on the shelf surface, recently cleaned, dusted, and most of all, empty.
He should not have hoped for anything different; his own locker at the back of the room had been empty the first time he checked, as well as the last time and all the times in between. He had gone through the entire space, including the restroom and the lockers that did not belong to him, like the one before him now, with a figurative fine-toothed comb. He had nothing to show for it but hands that were damp from washing away the grime of the place.
His other hand rested against his chest, over the empty spot where a pair of dogtags should have hung.
Johnny had offered to help him look. Eddward had snapped at him in return. Jimmy had known better than to ask at all. The only human being from whom he would have accepted such help was Marie, and if Marie had been present, this would never have happened.
No, do not think that way. It is useless and petty. This was not her fault.
Because it was yours.
The hand left his chest, and it was a fist by the time it crashed forcefully into the locker to the side.
For the first time in quite a long while, he felt the urge to yell, to curse, to scream some profane word and let it echo in the empty room. He kept his mouth shut and reined it in, until the pressure built up within him and his chest ached even more than the fist still pressed against the locker's unyielding exterior. His hand left the locker shelf, and he slammed the door shut. The sound ricocheted like a bullet.
He leaned his weight forward, until his forehead rested against the cold metal.. His teeth clenched, and he tilted his head back just to knock it into the hard surface again.
They were gone. He had been careless, and he had lost them. He felt his jaw creak with tension, and he sucked in a breath through his teeth.
They were gone, they were gone, they were gone and it was his fault. Someone had taken them, that much was clear, but he had been so careless that it was all his fault, and even if he did find the one responsible and mete out the proper retribution (which he would, of course he would, and he might have pitied the culprit if he did find them, if not for the fact that he despised them and wished them every ill he could imagine) he would always know that he really had himself to blame.
His eyes burned. This was why he had warned off his companions. If they were to see this, or hear this - ifanyone were to bear witness - he would...
He would not know what to do.
Dropping his hand to his side, he slowly turned around and lowered himself to sit on the bench. He slid back, drew up his knees to his chest, and leaned back against the lockers. One arm went around his knees, hugging them to his chest. His other hand went to his face, hiding it even though no one was there.
The breath he drew in was noisy, shaky. His throat ached against it, and it caught convulsively.
They were gone.
A choked sob tore itself from his throat, barely muffled by the hand in front of his mouth. He slipped his fingers upward in a useless attempt to stem the tears.
They were gone.
His voice was raspy and quiet as the word slipped out. "Please." He was not sure who he was addressing.
To see Johnny and Jimmy striding through the hallways minus their ever-present genius friend was a rarity. Kevin had ample reason to wonder where said genius was, considering that, odd behavior or no, he usually bore the brunt of Eddward's wrath when the latter needed an outlet for boredom or stress, or whatever human emotions he was apparently capable of. This was why Kevin found himself using his break period to make his way to the locker rooms by the pool; if Eddward was there, then Kevin could find out what he was doing with his time, and confirm that he was still searching and thus not up to anything devious. Though, to be a bit more honest, Kevin doubted that he was, and what really drew him to seek out Eddward was nothing short of morbid curiosity. All the frankly bizarre behavior that he had been witnessing from afar over the weekend... it was unsettling. And it made Kevin wonder just how far it would go. Besides, it had thrown him for a loop and left him uncertain and unsure of himself, and the sooner that was resolved, the better.
He certainly was not on his way because he was getting worried. That would be stupid.
As he neared the pool, and with it the locker rooms, he became uncomfortably aware of how fast he was walking and how loud his footfalls sounded, especially in the empty building. Swallowing his nervousness, and conscious of the looming sense of do-not-belong, he hesitated. He was utterly alone, and hoped with all his might that he would stay that way. After taking a moment to gather his nerves again, he continued.
Up ahead, the door to the locker room stood open, almost mockingly inviting, and he nearly lost his nerve again and left. He wasn't entirely certain that Eddward was in there at all, and if he was, that was hardly better than the possibility of wasting time. Kevin steeled himself, and tried not to breathe too loudly as he crept up to the open doorway.
From inside, he heard a loud, metallic thud, as if someone had thrown something at the lockers. He froze for a moment, swallowed nervously again, and stepped inside. The wall blocked the view from the entrance to the benches and lockers inside, which was a relief, as it kept him from being seen by whoever was in there. Creeping as silently as he could, he made his way along the wall until he reached the corner. A locker door slammed, and he jumped. For a moment he froze, listening, until he heard nothing to indicate that he had given himself away. His heart was in his throat as he stopped, pressed himself against the wall, and leaned out inch by inch to see inside.
It was Eddward, he noted with neither surprise nor relief at being right. He was leaning forward, fist and forehead pressed against the lockers, and judging by the rising and falling of his shoulders, he was breathing hard. Probably rage, Kevin thought tensely; after all, he wouldn't have found them here, would he? Rage was what Kevin had expected, had feared; subdued, quiet rage. In a person like Eddward, rage like that could be dangerous. Still, it was... expected. There was nothing unsettling or strange about it. It was almost a relief, really.
Eddward began to turn around, and Kevin pulled back behind the wall again, taking light, shallow breaths. He realized that he really ought to leave, but the lack of approaching footsteps, or any footsteps at all, or any sign that Eddward had moved, piqued his curiosity. He remained where he was.
He heard the scrape and rustle of clothing, quiet movements, and wondered what Eddward was doing, but after seeing him about to turn around he could not bring himself to look again. He stood as close to the edge of the wall as he could force himself, and listened.
Eddward drew in a high, shaky breath that caught on the way, and the strange sense that was close to relief promptly vanished. The hairs on the back of Kevin's neck stood on end, and the prickling sensation ran all the way down his spine.
The next noise to reach him was utterly identifiable, unmistakeable. He had heard it before, had made it before, but now, in that voice, it was wrong, so very, very wrong. It went against everything he had ever thought, everything that he had taken to be real and possible and normal.
That was a sob. Followed by another, subdued and tight as if held back and purposely muffled. Then something seemed to break, and there in the locker room, hidden from Kevin's view by a tiled wall, Eddward Rockwell broke down in tears.
Kevin was frozen, wide-eyed, and safe for the moment even if the latter meant far less when he truly and honestly had no idea what he was supposed to do.
He could stay there, unmoving, until someone passed by and spotted him or Eddward eventually discovered him and... who even knew what might happen then? He could make himself known, tell his distressed classmate what he knew, and... again, who even knew how Eddward would react? This was... this was more than figuring him out, or finding a weakness, a way to take him down a few pegs.
He was down quite a few pegs already, and Kevin had had nothing to do with it.
"Please."
For one wild moment, Kevin thought that he was being addressed. It passed quickly, but what remained was that tiny, barely noticeable ache, somewhere in the vicinity of his chest. He bit his lip, shook his head, and demanded that it stop, leave, go away, but it persisted. With every rasping sob that reached his ears, it throbbed, demanding attention, refusing to be ignored or shut out.
Kevin gathered up whatever was left of his courage, and peeked out again.
Eddward had barely moved from the spot, having simply turned around, lowered himself to the bench, and drawn himself into a tight ball. One arm embraced his knees. The other was drawn in, his hand over his eyes as if hiding his tears from the world, even though he couldn't have known there was anyone to hide them from.
It was useless, in any case. Even from his hiding place, when Eddward moved to wipe one side of his face with the heel of his hand, Kevin could see the wet tracks of tears shining down the other.
This was not the scornful, smirking bully who had spent the past years harassing and tormenting Kevin for the sake of amusement, nor was it the aggressive, focused predator that only ever appeared when he was in the water. As Kevin watched Eddward, he realized that the first time, all he could see was a person. A classmate.
A seventeen-year-old boy.
Kevin's chest hurt. He tore his eyes from the sight, and returned to safety fully behind the wall. Desperately, he thought of Eddward's biting words, his cold, sardonic tone of voice, his inability to keep his damn hands to himself. He flung them against the pain in his chest as if he were tossing rocks at a brick wall, with just as much success.
He admitted defeat.
He could no longer deny it; he wanted Eddward to stop crying. He wanted him to stop looking so desperately upset. He wanted...
He wanted to help.
The bell rang, shattering his reverie and coming dangerously close to forcing a yelp of surprise from him. When the blaring tone extended for a few seconds, he took advantage of the noise to cover up the sound of his footsteps. He fled the locker room and dashed as far away from the pool area as he could before students began to filter into the hallways. Forced to slow his pace to avoid suspicion, he restricted himself to a rapid walking pace, eyes glued to the ground.
The sight and sound of Eddward alone and sobbing in the locker room would not be leaving him anytime soon. The hints and glimpses and vague impressions that he had collected after the swim meet and over the weekend were now a full, uncomfortable truth. He had known already that the dogtags were precious; Eddward had been making that much obvious for years. But... he had always done it with anger, and violence, by snapping like a junkyard dog anytime someone criticized them or reached for them.
Kevin had possessions that he would have cried over, had they ever been stolen from him. It had never once occurred to him that Eddward could, too.
It had never occurred to him that Eddward had the ability to cry at all.
Most of all, he never would have thought he would ever find himself... pitying him.
There was no other way to describe it.
His conscience emerged victorious. Mind made up, he found himself at the very problem, the very question that he had faced the moment Eddward's shaking sobs had first reached him.
What was he supposed to do now?