I woke up late, threw on an oversized sweater and jeans and brushed my teeth, making it downstairs just as I heard Jared's car pull into the driveway. I opened the front door for them and headed to the kitchen to make coffee.
"Dad?" He hadn't been upstairs. "The guys are here!" I poked my head into the studio on my way, it was dark and empty.
Shuffling noises came from the front door. "Claire?"
"In here!" I called from the kitchen. Jared and Davey came in and sat at the counter.
The coffee machine started rumbling, and I turned to grab an apple from the fruit bowl.
"Is Reese here?"
"Hiding out somewhere. I'll go find him," I said between bites. "Help yourselves," I made a vague gesture towards the entirety of the kitchen before bounding back upstairs. Maybe I'd missed him.
"Dad?" I pushed open each door, but the rooms upstairs were all empty. Basement? I headed back downstairs, passing through the kitchen on my way to the basement. We didn't go down there much-- it was mainly storage and very much unfinished. My dad would kill me if I told anyone, but he was terrified of spiders. So I wasn't surprised to find it dark and silent, no one answering my call down the steps.
I wasn't surprised, but I was starting to panic. Outside? Sometimes he had spontaneous inspiration to take care of our usually very wilted gardens. I started out the door to the garage, intending to go out the back way and circle the house, but I stopped short. The garage was empty.
"Oh no."
"What?" Jared came up behind me, munching on a protein bar he'd found somewhere in our pantry.
"The car's gone."
Jared shrugged. "No big deal, we can get started without him."
A montage of all the possibilities was flashing through my head-- each one more ridiculous than the last. Dad getting lost. Leaving his wallet somewhere. Forgetting to come home all day. Forgetting who he was-- No. That was insane. I closed my eyes and took a breath. He wasn't anywhere near forgetting his own name.
"Claire?" Jared peered at me and Davey came up behind him, concern lighting his eyes. I snapped back to the situation at hand.
"Uh... yeah. Go ahead and get set up in the studio, I'll-- I'll be right back."
I darted down the hall and upstairs before he and Davey could see my fingers trembling. I was overreacting, that's all.
But my heart ignored my mind's logic. It kept on pounding irregular rhythms against my chest as I pulled out my phone to call Dad.
"C'mon, c'mon, answer!" I bounced up and down on the balls of my feet as it rang and rang and rang, then cut to voicemail. Immediately I dialed Bennie.
"Hello?" She answered on the second ring.
"Bennie," I whispered. "Dad's not here and I don't know what to do."
"What? Why are you whispering?"
"The guys are downstairs, tell me what to do!" My whisper turned raspy in panic.
"Well, first of all, I don't think they can hear you if you're in your room. So quit whispering. Second, what do you mean he's not there?"
"The car is gone."
"Oh." She paused. "Oh."
"Exactly."
"You called him?"
"He's not answering."
There was another pause.
"You know... I think it'll be okay, Claire."
"What? He could be anywhere! Anything could happen!" I threw an arm out to emphasize my words, even though I knew she couldn't see me.
"But he's not at the stage where he's forgetting how to drive or something, right?"
"Holy cow, what if he forgets how to drive?" My voice began to rise.
"Claire. Stop." Bennie's voice was firm.
I closed my eyes again. I was being ridiculous, I knew, but it was my responsibility to take care of him, and I was failing, like I knew I would in the beginning.
"Reese is still capable. He may be forgetful, but so far, he's still himself. Maybe he was just feeling suffocated and needed some time out of the house."
I took a breath. "Sounds accurate."
"He'll be okay no matter what happens," Bennie assured me."
I sighed. "He better be. I'm having a flipping heart attack."
"Now you know how he felt when you ran away when you were ten."
"Hey. I didn't get further than the end of the block-- this is entirely different."
There was a beat of silence.
"You gonna be okay?"
I smoothed my hair down, trying to smooth my nerves down with it. "Yeah. Yeah I'll be okay. As long as he is."
"He is."
"Thanks, Ben. Talk to you later."
"Later."
I took a deep breath, fingers still unsteady on the doorknob as I left the room. But I had to face the guys and pretend everything was okay.
I forced myself down the steps and pushed open the studio door to see the boys laughing and talking with-- Dad.
Good gracious. My heart was getting more than it could handle today, and it wasn't even eleven.
"Dad, you're home!" I ground out from between clenched teeth.
"Claire Bear! Brought donuts!" Dad held up a huge box full of every donut imaginable on the face of the planet. "Didn't know what the boys liked, so I just got everything." He winked at Jared, who had already indulged in a creme-filled donut, judging by the white stuff on his face.
"Heard of napkins, Jar?" Davey tossed one and it fluttered in the air, hitting Jared in the face on its way down.
"Didn't know you were going somewhere today, Dad." Or ever. "I would've gone with you." My eyebrows were raised, tone implying my true meaning.
Dad's eyes darkened, but his tone remained light. "You weren't up! Besides, someone needed to be here to let the boys in." He sent me a tight smile and whisked past me. "Gonna go get my coffee, be right back!" He disappeared out the studio door. I was right on his heels; he had to have known I'd follow him.
"Dad, you drove?" My words were hushed, but that didn't mask how much anger was behind them. It didn't slow him down, either.
He didn't even glance at me. "Yes, Claire, I drove." Dad grabbed a mug and poured himself some coffee. "And everyone's still alive, so calm down."
I blinked at his tone. We weren't ones to shy away from confrontation with each other when necessary, but that was just it-- it was hardly ever necessary.
"I was worried; you need to text me, leave a note, answer your phone, something!"
Dad whirled. "I'm the parent. You're the kid. I take care of you, not the other way around."
I stepped back, stunned.
I knew he'd felt this way, he'd just never said it outright, always just danced around the subject, made light of it. He'd always been so cheerful and kept his good humor through everything. And if he didn't-- if he wasn't strong-- I wasn't sure I could be. My fingers curled in on themselves, nails biting into my palms. I couldn't think of anything to say.
Right away, Dad regretted his words; I could see it all over his face. But it took him a minute to say anything else.
His whole body seemed to sag and he dropped his head. "Sorry. I'm sorry. You're just doing what you're told."
"Yo, Reese-- come listen to this! Came up with it last night." Jared's head poked out of the studio door; he was halfway through another donut.
Dad blinked and brightened, turning to follow Jared. "Awesome, let's hear it!"
He left me standing in the kitchen, a sick feeling washing over me. This was only going to get worse.
Chapter song is Empire by Of Monsters and Men
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