Rule #2: Find a sidekick. In my experience, having a sidekick is very important. They're who keep you calm and make sure you're in fighting shape (AKA they make and bring you food). Sidekicks are like you're own personal cheerleaders, why wouldn't you want one?
So where did I leave off? Oh, yes, when Rachel pulled me out of the room in the middle of the night. I assure you, it was all very dramatic, much more dramatic than I described it. But I think I have been able to portray how bizarre and kind of creepy the whole thing was. What kind of person wakes their brother up in the middle of the night to drive to some random place? My sister, that's who.
She didn't say anything to me as she pulled me down the stairs. And she didn't say anything as she handed me our mom's car keys. She definitely didn't say anything as she got into the passenger seat of our mom's minivan. No, the only thing she had said was "come with me" when we were still back up in my room. For some reason I followed her, maybe in hopes she would say something. That she would give me some kind of explanation. I followed her until I was sitting in the van too. But when I was sitting in the van, completely confused, and she still didn't say anything, I decided to say something.
"What the hell is going on?"
"We have an errand to run," she said.
"An errand where?"
"You'll see."
"What if I don't go with you?"
"That would be a mistake."
I snorted. "How can it be a mistake when I don't even know where I'm going?"
"Matt, you followed me down the stairs and into the car. If you weren't planning to come with me on this errand you wouldn't have followed me all this way. So can we just get going?"
I pondered this for a moment."
"Matt?" Rachel said. "Are you ready?"
"No."
"I'll give you a moment to get ready then." She sighed and leaned forward to fiddle with the radio, setting it to the country radio station she loved. When the volume was to her liking she leaned back, putting her feet up on the dashboard.
"You ready now?"
"Nope."
"Too bad, start driving."
"All right, where are we going?"
Rachel refused to tell me our exact destination and instead gave me step by step instructions. I thought about fighting her on it but everytime I opened my mouth to speak it turned into a yawn instead (it really was late). She directed me through the city and then out of the city to a seedy looking neighborhood. It was one of those abandoned industrial areas, where all the buildings are made of cement and there aren't enough streetlights.
A little part of me was hoping that she'd tell me to keep driving right out of this seedy area, that we were going somewhere even farther away, but she didn't. Instead she told me to park outside one of the aforementioned concrete buildings and to turn off the engine. When I had done so she went to get out of the car but I locked the doors before she could.
"What the fuck, dude?"
"I'm not letting you out of the car until you tell me where we are and why we're here."
"You'll know when we get inside," she said.
"Oh no, I am not doing that. This is a sketchy enough part of town during the day and there's no way I'm getting out of this car at night. Especially when I have no clue who we're seeing or what we're doing. What am I supposed to tell Mom if you get yourself killed!"
"Please, if I got myself killed you'd probably already be dead."
"Gee, thanks. But I'm still not letting you out of this car."
"Matt, if I tell you you won't get out of the car."
"That seems like a pretty good sign that I shouldn't get out of the car then," I said.
"Please just come with me? It will all make sense once we get there."
"Tell me and then I'll get out."
"No, you won't," she said.
"Just tell me what we're doing here and then I'll decide if I'm getting out of this car."
"Fine."
"Wonderful. Now spit it out," I said.
"We're here to see someone."
"Who?"
"A person," she said, shifting nervously in her seat.
"What person?"
"A person you don't like."
"Who don't I like?"
"Daring Dan," she whispered.
"WHAT?"
"You heard me!"
"Why are we meeting with Daring Dan in this shitty part of town? Why are we meeting with him at all!" I yelled.
"We're going to his secret lair!"
"His secret lair?"
"Yes."
"How do you even know where that is!"
"I know people!"
"You know people?"
"Yes!"
"You're too young to know people!"
"Oh shut up!"
I took a deep breath, doing my best not to reach over and strangle my sister, who was casually messing with the radio again.
"Fine," I said. "To recap, you somehow know people and one of those people told you where Daring Dan's secret lair was."
"Mhmm."
"And I'm not even going to comment on how ridiculous it is that you could find out that piece of information. It shows how completely ridiculous and stupid Dan really-"
"Matt..." she said.
"Sorry. Anyway, I'm going to ask you a question even though I think I know the answer and I'm going to ask as calmly as I can, okay?"
"Okay."
"Why are we visiting Daring Dan?"
"You know the answer, you said it yourself, so just say it out loud."
"I don't want to."
"Come on, don't be a chicken."
"I'm not a chicken," I said.
"Then just say it!"
"You say it! You're the one who brought us here!"
"Fine, you scared little dip shit. I brought us here to meet with Daring Dan so he could help you with your powers."
"So he could mentor me?"
"Yes."
"That's ridiculous."
"How so?" she said, straightening up in her seat, ready for a fight.
"Daring Dan can't even defeat his own nemesis. He's an idiot, he can't be a mentor to me."
"You're an idiot too, it's a match made in heaven."
"Gee thanks," I said. "So what do we do?"
"What do you mean?"
"How do we get in to talk to Daring Dan?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah... We came this far and this is the perfect opportunity for me to prove you wrong." I unlocked the car doors and took off my seatbelt to prove my point.
"See? That's where you're wrong," Rachel said, taking her seatbelt off as well. "Because you're the one who's going to be proven wrong."
"We'll see how that goes."
The two of us got out of the car and made our way into the cement building, Rachel leading the way. She walked with a sense of purpose, like she'd been there before (I wouldn't put it past her if she had), and I walked behind her. Not because I was scared, of course, but because I wanted to be ready to protect my little sister if anyone wanted to attack us. It was simple common sense.
Rachel led us through the building to a far corner that had been largely ignored by whatever construction crew had tried to renovate the building. The only light came from the sole window (or whole) on the outside wall that was covered by that plastic people use when they paint. By this point I was getting a little nervous (but only a little) but Rachel kept walking until she had reached the farthest wall of the building.
"Can you explain to me what you're going to do now?" I asked.
"No."
"What, your source didn't tell you exactly where in the building Dan's secret lair was? Or how to get into it?"
"Shh! I'm thinking."
"Thinking? You're not exactly inspiring confidence."
I positioned myself as far away from the window as possible as Rachel studied the wall. She was looking at it like some kind of puzzle she was trying to solve, but it just looked like a regular cement wall to me. For a minute there I was ready to accuse her of not knowing what was going on, that she was confused by this whole thing but didn't want to admit it, but she didn't give me the chance to. Instead she continued to study the wall for a few more minutes.
After who knows how long, she took a step back. But then she did something even more peculiar, she kicked the wall. Nothing happened.
"Wha-" I started to say but I was cut off by her kicking the wall again in a slightly different spot.
"Rachel..."
She didn't respond or react in any way. Instead she kicked the wall a third time and stared at the wall, waiting for something. I was completely confused by this point, my fragile mind could only take so much, and simply stood there in silence. Finally, her waiting seemed to pay off. There was a slight rumble, like there was an earthquake going on somewhere, and then part of the cement wall fell away to reveal a doorway. And beyond that, there was a dark staircase leading to below the building. Everything about it screamed "DON'T COME DOWN HERE YOU'RE GOING TO DIE" but Rachel wasted no time in entering. Helpless, similar to how I had been at home, I followed her.
As we went lower and lower, I started to be able to hear music. Some Katy Perry song, I think. Not that I listen to her. Her songs are just very catchy, all right? The music got louder and louder as we got closer until we were at the bottom of the stairs in a well-lit (possibly even too bright) room. And in the center of it was Daring Dan.
Daring Dan was acting in a way that wasn't fit for anyone to see. He was in his spandex (which is never a good look) and had the radio blasting (Katy Perry, like I said before) and was eating a very messy looking sandwich (tuna, I think). Oh, and guess what the worst part was? He was dancing. Yes, the idiot was dancing. All crazy "dance like no one's watching" like, eating his sandwich like he didn't have a care in the world. He should have danced in front of Laser Linus, that would have made Linus run for the hills. It was seriously that terrifying.
Rachel regained her composure first. "Um, excuse me? Mr. Smalls?"
Dan froze.
We stood there, rather awkwardly, as Dan collected himself. Still not looking at us, he put down his sandwich, wiped his hands on a napkin, and turned off the music. Only then did he turn around.
"Hello," he said.
"Hi," we replied in unison.
"I see that you've found my headquarters."
"Yes," Rachel said. "We have."
"Are you here to kill me?"
"No..."
"That's good. That's, uh, very good," he said, nodding dramatically. "Can I ask, then, who the hell you are?"
"I'm Rachel and this is my brother, Matt."
"And what brings you here?"
"Well-"
"Actually," he said. "Let's start with how you even found me. The location of my headquarters is supposed to be a secret." His voice cracked on "secret."
"I know people," she said. Dan's eyes widened and he looked to me for some sort of explanation. I just shrugged.
"Okay then. Why don't we go over here and sit down for a moment? I think that would be best."
He led us through what seemed to be the main room of his headquarters to where there was a small sitting area. Why a superhero would need a sitting area I don't know but that's Dan for you. He directed us to sit on the couch and sat down in a chair in front of us.
"All righty, I would really appreciate some more information on how exactly you two got here and why you're here," Dan said.
"Like I said, I know people."
"And you're not going to tell me anything else?"
"I can't tell you anything else."
To my surprise, he started to laugh. He had almost made me consider that he wasn't entirely an idiot but only an idiot would laugh when someone refused to tell him how they found his SECRET headquarters. He couldn't even react correctly, the moron. It was obvious that he was a weak person and a bad superhero. Any superhero worth anything would at least be upset if his cover was blown.
"Are you seriously laughing?" I said.
Dan immediately sobered. "Well, yeah. You don't think that it's funny?"
"No."
"Your brother doesn't seem to have much of a sense of humor," he said to Rachel, who nodded.
"He's always had a stick up his ass."
"I can see that."
"I'm right here, you know," I said.
"We know," Dan replied.
"We just don't care," Rachel said.
The two of them shared a look and burst into a fit of giggles that was, in a word, disturbing. Rachel had never been a giggler, it was too normal, and Dan was a grown man! He was acting like a teenaged girl. Would he start obsessing about Twilight next?
"Hey," Dan said. "Isn't your brother the one from the movie theater? The one who was there when I fought Linus?"
"Yes, 'her brother' was that guy. You know, the one you shot in the chest with a burst of electricity?" I said.
His face fell. "Oh, yes, I did do that. I am really sorry."
"Gee thanks."
"Don't be an asshole, Matt."
"I can be an asshole if I want!"
"It's okay, Rachel, he's right."
"Damn right I'm right."
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Matt, we both know that you have no right to be upset. Not anymore."
I wasn't so sure about that but this didn't seem like the best time to argue. "I just want a proper apology, that's all."
"You just want to feel superior."
"No, he deserves a proper apology," Dan said. "Matt, it's entirely my fault that you were hit with that electricity. I was careless and I was irresponsible. I hope that you can find it in you to accept my apology."
"See?" I said to my sister. "That's the kind of apology I was looking for."
"Whatever."
"So you accept my apology?" Dan asked. He actually looked like my forgiveness actually meant something. Like I said, he was weak.
"I guess. But I still think that you're more trouble than you're worth." Not the best comeback, but at least I had come up with something.
"Fair enough."
"Can we move on now?" Rachel said. "We did come here for a reason."
"I suppose so."
"Good. Now go sit over there so I can talk to Dan without you constantly interrupting me."
"But I'm already sitting here that doesn't-"
"Too bad. Now go."
What a bossypants. Let me tell you, I only went and sat over in Dan's kitchen area because I wanted to. Not because she told me to. Besides, I didn't want to hear my stupid "origin story" for the millionth time. I was perfectly happy to sit somewhere else while she filled Dan in. I really was. She wasn't the boss of me.
Rachel must have been preparing for this moment because it didn't take her long to explain what had happened to Dan. She made it all seem believable but amazing all at the same time. Even if it had been someone else (as in someone who wasn't a superhero or someone who wasn't an idiot) she was telling the story to, they might have still believed it all. Who knew that she could be so convincing? By the end, Dan was practically giddy.
"This is just remarkable," he said. "And the two of you figured out his powers all on your own?"
"Yes."
"Amazing! It took me weeks to realize what had happened when I got my powers."
"Gee, I'm shocked," I said.
Rachel shot me a look. "Matt, what did I tell you about interrupting?"
"Sorry."
She turned back to Dan. "So can you help us?"
"I don't see why not! I mean, I know I'm not the best hero in the world. But I should be able to help him figure things out, power-wise. This might actually be fun."
"Excellent!"
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on," I said.
"What?" Rachel asked.
"What if I don't want his help?"
"Oh shut up."
"Why wouldn't you want my help?" Dan asked.
"Because you're an idiot."
"Well that's a little harsh."
"But true."
"Matt, don't be stupid. We need his help," Rachel said.
"We can figure this out on our own. It's not like I have to be a superhero."
Dan's face paled. "You don't want to be a superhero? Why the hell not?"
"Because he's a rambling imbecile."
"Thanks, sis, I really appreciate that."
"Is he always this impossible?" Dan asked Rachel.
"Only when he's awake," she replied. The two of them turned to stare at me, pity all over their stupid faces.
I suppose I should be thankful for them, for forcing me to realize my potential. I mean, without me the whole city (and the world) would have been toast. But as much as I realize that, I'm not that grateful. I mean, I was (and am) totally smart enough to figure this stuff out on my own. The only thing those two can get credit for is speeding up the process by, like, a day. That's all.
"Well we can't just let him squander his potential like that," Dan said, getting up. "We'll have to take matters into our own hands."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I said.
"We're going to convince you that you're meant to be a superhero."
---
Congratulations, you finished the second chapter! Not everyone gets this far, you should be proud. Hopefully by this point you've decided that you're in it for the long haul and will stick around for the rest of the story. Thank you again for reading this story, we're already ranked #634 in Humor! That's not the highest ranking in the world but since I only had the introduction and first chapter up I'm pretty happy.
Now on to more pressing business: dedications. Back when JTH was still going on, I kept a list of people I wanted to dedicate chapters to. But since then, I've gotten a little lazy. Plus, with the number of parts in Showmance and The Stage Manager vs. the number of commenters (which is where I pick who I dedicate chapters to), there weren't a lot to choose from. But I want to get back in the dedication game (plus this story will only be 22 parts, that's not too hard).
What I'm going to do is this: whatever user comments the most or comments the funniest comment (preferably a reaction comment) on a chapter gets that chapter dedicated to them. No user can have more than one chapter dedicated to them because otherwise it wouldn't be very fair.
(Basically what I'm doing is rewarding people who interact with me and the story. Commenting isn't required but it's also one of the reasons Wattpad works. I'm not going to force anyone to comment, I never want to do something like that, but if you'd like a chapter dedicated to you and you have something to comment, go ahead and comment it!)
So comment your little hearts out and maybe I'll dedicate this chapter to you. I've already gone back and dedicated the first chapter to one lucky commenter.
P.S. I do edit these chapters for the most part but if you see a typo please tell me.