I sat in the exact spot Jamie and I had shared a picnic, hugging my knees to my chest. One of my hands was curled around the pearl hanging from my neck as if by holding on to it I could hold Jamie here in this world. It was still warm, wasn't it? That had to mean something.
The sun had set hours ago, but I hadn't moved, stubbornly refusing to go in the house. I wondered if I was cold. I wondered why my parents and Maggie kept hovering over me. Why they kept trying to persuade me to go inside. I wondered why they'd given up hope.
Jamie was coming back and I had to be here when he did. I had to greet him when he came out of the water. I needed to tell him I'd felt our baby move.
"I brought you a blanket." My mom dropped beside me, her cheeks red from the cold and wind. She wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, tucking it under my chin. I wiped my nose, ignoring the numbness in my face. My eyes stung, but I blinked the tears away. Tears would be like admitting I believed my dad. And I didn't. I couldn't.
My mom sat with me for a while. She knew better than to start a conversation. I'd barely spoken a complete sentence since I'd entrenched myself on the beach.
Mrs. Jacobs had worn a new path from the beach to the house. I could see her and my dad out of the corner of my eye, and I tried not to watch, tried not to listen when she broke down and covered her face with her hands, her cries heavy on the wind.
And still I wouldn't give up hope. He'd come back. He'd promised he would. He'd promised so many things and Jamie kept his promises. He wouldn't leave me. He loved me.
Jamie, where are you?
Minutes later, or it might have been an hour, my mom tried once again to coax me indoors.
"Come inside."
"No."
"Erin, it's cold."
"Leave me alone, Mom. Please."
She sighed and finally turned back to the house, and still I waited.
I don't know how long it was before I saw him, a dark silhouette coming out of the water.
"Jamie!" I threw off the blanket and lurched to my feet, running to meet him. "Jamie!"
My eyes wanted to see. My ears wanted to hear his voice, but it wasn't Jamie's voice I heard. It was Noah's.
"Erin." Noah's hands circled my arms. "It's me."
"Where is he, Noah?" My voice broke and I choked back the sob I'd been holding in all day. I'd been convinced Noah would find him. Noah wouldn't come home without him. "Where is he?" I grabbed him and shook him, demanding an answer. "Where is he?"
"I don't know."
Ignoring the water dripping from his skin and hair, I collapsed against him. He gathered me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me, holding me up, or I might have been holding him up.
"Where is he?" I asked again.
"I don't know."