Note: this chapter is dedicated yo @pizzaluver. Thanks for being one of my inpirations in making a fan fixtion. I mean you guys are just sooo good!! Lots of love, dear. :** Xx
Chapter 14:
Still Trying
(Harry's POV)
I loved you, Hazza.
A simple statement with 4 words and 14 letters said in 2 seconds.
My best friend loved me too.
Have I been blind? Did I do something that pushed her away and made her keep it a secret too? Or should I just admit that it was my mistake not to tell her in the first place whenever she gave me the chance?
If only I wasn't dumb, a jerk, or a coward, then we could have been together by now. But she already has Niall and I have this career to pursue. She told me we'd always be best friends, no matter what. I respect that yet I would want her to know that I will still love her, probably forever. Even if it's hard to adjust my feelings, I know we're inseperable. We have a connection no one could ever understand. It's better this way because I know that if we're just friends, we could never risk losing each other.
"Ready to sing your parts, Louis, Liam and Zayn?" Rami Yacoub, one of our writers, asked.
"Is there any song that has the word carrot in it?" Louis asks back at him, standing up from the couch.
We were about to record another song for our album. It's called Change My Mind. The thing about this song is that it reflects what I've been feeling since that night. Also, this is Abbie's last day with us before she flies to thd UK
"The end of the night
We should say goodbye
But we should carry on
While everyone's gone"
Louis stuck his tongue out, making us laugh. Zayn tapped him on the chest, reminding him that they're already recording.
"Never felt like this befo-ore
Are we friends or are we more
As I'm walking towards the do-o-or,
I'm not sure."
Zayn raised his arms up as if telling us he thinks his voice was great, which it actually is.
"But Baby if you say you want me to stay
I'll change my mind.
Cause I don't wanna know I'm walking away,
If you'll be mine. Won't go.. Won't go..
So baby if you say you want me to stay,
Stay for the night, I'll change my mind."
This time Liam was the one who raised his arms, putting it over the two others.
"Good job, guys! Now it's Niall and Harry's turn." Carl Flack, our producer, said. He was sitting on one of the chairs by the control table.
It was awkward to see that the three of us were sitting together in one long sofa, but Niall was at the middle and he was holding hands with my best friend which was kind of painful. I stood up, Niall following me from behind as we entered the recording area. Zayn accompanied Abbie for the meantime.
"In 3.. 2.. 1.."
"Lean in when you laugh,
We take photographs,
There's no music on,
But we dance along."
Niall's voice was good, knowing that he's inspired, not just by hamburgers and jelly babies, but by his girlfriend. Then it was my turn. I looked at Abbie, who was looking back at me, as I sang my lines.
"Never felt like this befo-o-ore,
Are we friends or are we mo-o-ore?
As I'm walking towards the do-o-or,
I'm not sure."
She smirked at me, making me smile back at her, my dimples showing off their usual glow.
Yeahp. I still definitely love her.
"Baby if you say you want me to stay,
I'll change my mind."
Then the group got in too for our chorus.
"But Baby if you say you want me to stay
I'll change my mind.
Cause I don't wanna know I'm walking away,
If you'll be mine. Won't go.. Won't go..
So baby if you say you want me to stay,
Stay for the night, I'll change my mind."
I didn't want this day to end. All I wanted was to spend more time with my best friend. But it's happening again. We'll be miles and miles away and this long distance will be tearing us apart little by little. She'll be busy in school, I'll be busy with the new album. She'll be awake, but I'll be asleep. I'll be awake, She'll be asleep.
We decided to stay at my newly bought mansion up in North London, inviting Danielle, Eleonor and Perrie as well. Louis would tease me, calling my home as Harry Styles' Party Mansion. It boasts up to 2,300 sq ft of living space, with a large rear garden, already equipped with an Ibiza-style lounge. Abbie loved houses with beautiful gardens, and maybe if that day comes when we get married, though it's never going to happen, she'll wake up every morning with this beautiful view.
There were only four bedrooms so I guess someone who's single will be sleeping in the living room. But the girls wanted to sleep together for the night, except for Perrie who wanted to sleep with Zayn. I don't know what their decision is, but in the end, Danielle, Eleonor and Abbie will be sleeping in one room, Zayn and Perrie in another, Louis and Liam in one, and finally Niall and I will be together in my room.
"Hey Niall." I heard Abbie call out as we gather around in a circle in my garden. Niall gestured her to continue. "Since this is my last night here, and we've been sleeping together for quite some time now, is it okay with you if I-"
Everyone went quiet, trembling a bit since it was getting cold already and the temperature was dropping.
"Sleep with Harry?" Niall continues what she was about to say.
"Yeah- uhh something like that."
Niall thought about it for a seccond. I mean is there any boyfriend in the world who would allow his girlfriend to sleep with her guy best friend?
"Only if it's okay with him." Niall responded, moving his gaze towards me.
I was sitting right across them, uploading a picture on instagram, "Yeah. It's cool with me."
He took in a deep breath and sighs, "Just dont-"
"Let my thing out. Got it." I chuckle lightly and he joins me.
It's getting chilly so I volunteered to build up a small bon fire. Niall asked for some chocolate chip cookies and some hotdogs, which I stack in my fridge. I also took out some bottles of beer but I won't be giving Abbie some since she's under-aged. Just me and the lads, except Liam who wants to protect his kidney.
"Why can't I have one?" Abbie asks with her puppy dog face.
"Because you still have 2 years to go before you reach 18." I reply, opening a bottle.
The gang drank up straight, sharing stories along the way. Niall was having his second bottle now and he seemed to be getting knackered easily. He danced around the fire, shaking his ass as I played Starships on my phone. And when he had enough, he sat beside Abbie, drooling. She wiped off his face and cuddled closer to him.
"No- don't do that- get away from me." Niall slurs, pushing her off.
She was startled to hear him say that."And why shouldn't I, Mr. Horan?"
"I have a girlfriend- a- and she's really hot- and I love her. She'd be mad if you come here any closer!" His accent sounding purely Irish by now.
"What is her name, lad?" Louis asks, his chin on Eleanor's shoulder.
"Abbie Reyes." He answered cooly, and then passed out.
The party didn't stop not until after an hour or two. The girls were getting- well beyond themselves, and the lads were acting the same way. It seems like Abbie, Liam and I were the ones left sober. I didn't drink much that night since I don't want to spend the night with my bestfriend unconscious.
"I'll help you with this." She states as Liam accompanied the others to their rooms.
(Abbie's POV)
The house was a mess. Empty bottles spilled on the carpet, Niall's chocolate chips were on the couch, and pizza left overs were stuck on the floor. Since I was one of the sober ones left, I volunteered to help Harry out.
"You have a flight tomorrow. Go to bed. You'll just get tired." He advices, making me feel his concern.
"Nah. I'm alright." I tell him, putting off the camp fire.
After some time of household chores, I got to where Harry and I will be sleeping for the night. His room was big and it had its own bathroom. There was a flat screen tv hanging on the wall across the king-sized bed. The sheets were blue and matching the color of the walls. I guess he improved with his interior design.
On the corner of his room was an upright table with picture frames that held so many memories. There was one in particular that we took when we were out for stargazing.
"Hurry now, Baba! It might rain soon." Harry speaks out, his voice loud enough for me to hear from outside my window.
"I'm coming! Calm down! And btw, I watched the weather forecast today and the guy said it would be clear skies today!" I tell him, throwing a blanket at him.
I got downstairs and I was faced with Harry Styles in his Star Wars peejays and Manchester United jersey. I wore my pink plain leggings and a sweatshirt. He had this cheekish smile on his face as he lay the checkered blanket in my aunt's front yard.
We both lay there, our eyes locked looking up the sky.
"If you ask me how long we'd be best friends, I'll say until I'm done counting the stars." He whispers slowly, his voice sounding so sweet and I just had to hide my blushing cheeks.
My head rested on his stomach as his fingers play with strands of my hair. It was a great night. We never knew we fell asleep right there, waking up with the noise of our neighbor's lawn mower.
"Making yourself comfortable, yeah?"
I was startled to hear his voice since I thought I was the only one in the room."These pictures. They bring so many memories."
"It sure does."
My feet walked its way towards the bed, my socks still on. He smiled at me, and there was a sparkle in his eyes that made me just look at him at the distance. He closes the door behind him and I find myself observing his features. I could see his formed muscles through his plain white shirt and as he got closer to me, his skin radiates from the glow of the yellow lampshade.
"Who's gonna turn off the lights?" I ask since Harry already made himself comfortable lying next to me.
Clap.
The lights turned off.
"Impressive." I clap my hands too and the lights were on again.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
"Stop-" He laughs annoyed and I join him.
A few seconds later, silence envelopes us. It was a comfortable kond of silence, not the awkward one.
"Hazza? You still awake?" I turn to face him, my elbow on the pillow as my hand supports my head
"Uh-huh." He speaks and I could see his eyes still open, focused on the ceiling above.
"You know I'll miss you." I whispered, my lips almost touching his ears.
"I'll miss you more." His raspy voice sends chills down my spine.
I lay my head on his chest, letting me hear his heart beat, " I won't be seeing you for about- a year? Or maybe even more than that. Damn."
He doesn't respond but his fingers stroke my hair.
"Can you promise something?"
"Hey, I thought we understood there'd be no more promises?"
"I mean, can you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"Don't forget me when I'm gone, okay?"
His left arm rested on my shoulder and pulls me closer, "Course I won't I'll keep you in my heart. Forever."
"Bestfriends?"
"Always." His lips touch the top of my head and a smile crept to my lips as I feel my self slowly drift off to sleep.
*****
(Niall's POV)
I woke up farting. Louis' head was on my stomach and I shove him away so I could sit upright. My head spun and bile reaches up my throat.
What happened last night?
The only thing I remembered was Harry lighting up the camp fire and him bringing me a bag of chocolate chip cookies which were very delicious by the way.
The aroma of fried hamburger filled our room so I trusted my instincts and followed the mouthwatering smell, which already took away some of my hangover.
It lead me to the kitchen where I saw Abbie in her denim shorts and neon green muscle top, grilling some patties on the electric griller.
"Oh hello babe. You're up early." She greets, flipping one patty making it sizzle and activating my hunger hormones. "How's your head?"
"Hurts a bit."
"I could get you some advil-"
"Are those hamburgers? Damn they're ny favorite! When can we start eating?" I ask her and she laughs as I drool.
She looked at me with a huge smile on her face, "When everyone is already awake from-"
With that, I took a pan that was hanging on the kitchen's wall and a large spoon from the drawer.
Abbie stares at me confused and I give her one of those morning smacks. "We'll be eating in a few minutes."
Room by room I went banging the two things together. Liam threw a pillow at me and Louis actually fell off the bed trying to cover his ears. Good. They're awake.
Harry was wrapped around his blanket so I had to jump on his bed and make some noise. The two other boys had to help me by waking up their girls.
Last stop was Perrie and Zayn.
Louis knocks but there was no answer. I turned the knob but it was locked. Good thing Louis knew how to use cards, since the door wasn't that security tightened. The door swung open and I saw-
"Hot Perrie." Harry sighs in awe, following me as we got in the room.
She was lying next to Zayn and we could sense they were uhh- how do I explain it- hmm- in an intimate position?
The blanket was covering their bodies that lay so close to each other. Perrie shifts and we could now see her flawless back. Our mouths hang open and I dropped the pan, creating a loud noise as it hit the wooden floor.
"Vas happenin'?!" Zayn blurted out, sitting up staight. We all laughed and his eyebrows met as he sees us standing in front of their bed. "What the hell are you doing-"
"Breakfast everyone!" Abbie yells and we raced our way towards the dining area.
Another thing I loved about Abbie is that she is a great cook. She says she got it from her mom and dad who loved cooking. And I thank them for raising such a wonderful daughter
We had pointless yet fun conversations while eating, until the time came for Abbie to catch her flight.
The airport was always a busy place. You don't really know where everyone is going. It was nice to see that although they noticed who we are, the fans maintained their distance, clearly respecting our privacy.
"We'll miss you, Abbie!" Danielle wraps her arms around her. "But we will still see you soon."
"We could hang out when we're free. I mean we have each others' numbers." Eleonor annoynces, being the sweet one from all the other girls.
"You take care of yourself, okay? Chat, tweet, skype. Update us." Perrie was getting a bit teary eyed and she gets in for a girly group hug.
The girls became so close to each other now that they know secrets we, boyfriends, don't know about.
And then I felt an ache in my chest. Damn. This is happening. This is really happening.
"Aww.. I'll miss you too guys!"
"Don't worry. We'll take care of Niall." Liam says, winking at her. She raises both her eyebrows and controls her laughter.
"And Harry too." Zayn adds and Abbie didn't miss the opportunity to finally laugh.
Louis pushed him away, "You- eat- alot- of- carrots- okay? "
"Yes sir, I will."
Then it was my turn to say my goodbye.
"So.." I was still thinking of the right words to say. Something not too cheesy but could be memorable for her. She hugged me so tight that I could feel her heart punding. I felt my chest sinking in. I don't know if I could handle this long distance-
"I love you, Niall." She buries her head at the side of my neck and I knew she was crying.
I held her face with both hands, making her look at me with those black pair of eyes as i wiped her tears with my thumb, "Hey, please don't cry. Stay strong." I kiss her temple and she shivers. "I love you too- so much."
"What if- What if we-"
I shut her up with a kiss on the lips, "We can work this out and we will work this out."
Our arms wrapped around each other and I wished I didn't have to let go. But then I realized the best part of being in love is not being together everyday. It's being assured that even though you're miles and miles away, that person will always be inlove with you.. And only you. So now I say I'll still be trying..
I'll try to be the best boyfriend she could ever have.
(Harry's POV)
When I saw them kiss, I felt a foreign feeling in me.
I wasn't jealous.
Maybe because I finally realized that Abbie and I's relationship can never be compared to her and Niall's. We somehow share this connection that only the two of us can understand.
"Cant- breathe-" She gasps, releasing my hug.
"I'll miss you, Bab."
"I'll miss you more, Hazza." Her voice sounded so sweet and I know it'll be replaying in my mind everyday she's gone.
Am I the only person in the world who could cry so easily? I mean I just stood there, my eyes locked on hers, desperately trying not to let my emotions out. But I did. I, Harry Edward Styles, is crying. Again.
"Don't be such a cry baby." She teased, pinching my nose.
We hugged again for the last time, and I gave her my last kiss on her cheeks.
Niall pats me on my back as Abbie pulls away,"Let's just pretend she bought starbuck's and never came back."
And I can't believe that at this moment, all he's ever thinking about is still food. I rolled my eyes, slightly punching him in the stomach.
And together, we watched Abbie walk away from us.
Years from now, if we ever meet again, I would look back and remember the person who could turn my every frown to a smile, the person who lifted my head when I was losing faith in myself, that person who has carried tears on her shoulder after our every fight, that one person who accepted every decision I made; that one person who knew who I really was, and the one person that made the biggest difference in my life.
My bestfriend- the girl I loved, am loving, and will be loving.
Being a member of the most phenomenal boy band in the world is very difficult. You don't get to see your loved ones for quite a long time. People change, promises are broken, and we have to do sacrifices so we wouldn't hurt anyone. That's why right now, from this moment on, I'll be trying to forget what we had. Not the friendship, but the feelings we unknowingly shared.
Why?
Becauae in the end, you can't always choose what to keep. You can only choose how you let it go.
That's the friendly reality.