Well hi there!
I loved writing this chapter. It's a bit different so brace yourselves for change. Hahaha. Hope you like it! Enjoy x
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Briony's POV
It was rubbish to arrive back in St. Pancras and be greeted with torrential rain after experiencing the most beautiful few days of sunshine in France. I followed Charlie, Sasha and Ceallach out of the train when someone pulled on my arm. I turned to see none other than Jay McGuiness. I sighed.
"Yes?"
"Do you want a lift back to your flat? Because the boys and I are getting picked up by Kevin and I'm sure he could give you one." I glanced behind Jay at Max, Tom and Siva before shaking me head.
"No thank you. I'll just get a cab." I said, shrugging and turning around before he could say anything else. I stalked off of the train, not glancing back once, feeling the usual overwhelming stab of sadness that I got whenever I thought too much about everything. Because it still hurt more than I was letting on. And I knew the reason behind it. It was obvious now.
I was in love with Jay.
Stupid, I know, to be in love with someone and sort of hate their guts at the same time, but I was. And the reason was that I really couldn't blame it all on Jay - which it would have been easier to - because it was complicated.
I ducked into the taxi with my friends and rested my head against the window which had been chilled from the rain.
The worst part was that we had ended before we had even really begun. Their hadn't been much speaking or much thinking. Just kissing. We hadn't been going out, he'd never told me he even liked me. I knew he did. But, as any girl will tell you, that's not the same. And it wasn't even like we'd done more than kissing. We hadn't. I was still as innocent as Mary. So I couldn't really understand how I had come to feel so strongly about him.
But I suppose it's because of our whole story. It was a fairytale. It was the cutest story ever. We met when I was fourteen and Jay was twenty. He thought I was beautiful but obviously the six year age gap was so much. So he waited. And then once I turned eighteen and we were up in Scotland with Evanna, who was visiting her family, he kissed me on a little boat in the middle of Loch Ness and told me I looked cute when I was angry.
It was a love story to rival even Evanna and Nathan's. Except that they got their happy ending and I didn't.
Ceallach gave me a lingering hug before I hopped out of the taxi, but I pushed him off after a few seconds. It was at times like these that I'd felt like I'd sort of migrated into Evanna's life. She was my best friend, even if I wasn't hers, and I loved her to pieces from the moment that she let me stay in London with her despite how much my brother hated it. She let me enter her friend group and I'd been noticing that, before Evanna started going out with Nathan, she and Ceallach had been really close, but now I seemed to be falling into step with Ceallach a lot more, now that Evanna was living this whole grown up life. But of course I couldn't avoid the fact that Ceallach was never really my friend - he just sort of got stuck with me when Evanna got with Nathan. And here I was falling in love with a member of the same band as her boyfriend, well husband now, but again failing miserably as Jay had made it quite obvious he did not want to go out with me.
None of my twelve flat mates were in which depressed me a little bit so I just retreated to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. I don't know what had got me so depressed - usually I'm the complete obvious - I think it's probably just leftover emotions from the most beautiful wedding there surely has ever been.
It was as I ripped open a new packet of HobNobs that I made my resolve. I was going to make a conscious effort to live my own life or that was going to get annoying for both me and for Evanna. But I knew I would always be jealous that she was now married to Nathan, an undeniable hottie, who, and the reason I was mainly jealous, was so obviously completely in love with her and didn't mind showing it.
Nathan was taking Evanna into Paris for one final night together - it sounded fancy ass and Nathan was being super cute about it - before they came home as the band had some official stuff organised. And then they jetted off on their honeymoon next week. Nathan told us where he was taking her but he was going to so much effort to make it a surprise for her. Everything about Nathan and Evanna's relationship was just perfect. It was a relationship of rainbows and dreams. But don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling it by saying that. It was a genuinely perfect relationship - one with its flaws and arguments, but of course that was only healthy. If there was no arguments in a relationship it only meant that one person was getting everything their way.
It was nice to see Evanna so happy as well. I've known her, not as long as my brother, but for the most part of my life. And she's gone from being this girl - feeling out of step with both her peers and her family - to being a woman very much in her element - finally everything was going right for her just as she deserved.
I didn't have any such background. I had a great upbringing. My parents divorced sure, but contrary to common belief, divorce can actually be a positive for a family - the fighting stop and everyone feels more free. I liked that. And we had the money to make the distance between Charlie and myself while we were growing up seem as small our current one. So in a way I felt that being denied a relationship with Jay, was nature's way of evening things out for what I had had in my childhood that others hadn't.
I shifted so I was lying on my front and reached out to pull my phone towards me. I considered texting Evanna with some cute congratulatory message - which would really be some sort of secret admission of my resolve - that I was going to start becoming my own person. A goal for me to live up to. Although as I opened a new text message I had second thoughts. What if they were doing the dirty? I mean, come on, they were just married and in some posh hotel and madly in love with each other.
Although you could never tell with that pair. For a couple so deeply emotionally attached they were oddly private about what they did together - unlike the rest of The Wanted and unlike Charlie and Sasha (but that was because most of the time nothing was going on with them and who were also more certainly back o). They had a way of, on the rare occasions they participated in it, making PDA look cute - but not sickly cute - just affectionate.
I remembered clearly one occasion a few months ago when we had all been at what had been then The Wanted's house - the band, Kelsey, Nareesha, Evanna and myself. Looking back I don't know why I was there - probably just tagging along with Ev, something I would be making a point not to do anymore as per my resolve of ten minutes ago. But at any case, Evanna felt no need to stay with me or baby me. She left my side and went over to Nathan who was sitting on the sofa. They exchanged a moment of eye contact in which neither of them so much as smiled. They really didn't need to - they knew what the other was thinking. She slunk down beside him and they fit together naturally. Not in the cringy metaphorical sense of 'puzzle pieces' - more the physical way in which Evanna leaned into his shoulder and he took her hand. They could have been sitting like that for hours. And when Nathan lent in to kiss her cheek, it was a natural movement - she had already half inclined he face in his direction even though Nathan's movement was a spur of the moment decision.
I don't know why that event lingered in my mind so much. Probably because I wanted Jay to want me like that. Except that Jay did want me. Which made me even less willing to move on from him.
I texted Evanna quickly because despite wanting to set myself a goal for my own reasons, I also wanted to speak to her. She was my best friend.
To Ev:
Hey, Ev! Hope you're having a fab time with Nathan doing.....whatever;) Once again, it was the most beautiful ceremony. You're an inspiration Evanna and I hope you know how much I love you. You've inspired me to live my own life. Congrats, best friend. x
I didn't even need to think about what I said - it was the most natural thing ever. Yet, still my own motivational goal to 'live my own life' was still there in black and white. Perhaps that was a sign that I was ready. Ready to move on from Jay. Except that I didn't want to move on from him. Not when I knew he liked me still.
So here in a nutshell is the problem. The problem that is preventing Jay and I from being together. It is a combination of my mother and Jay's good nature. I knew Jay wanted to meet my mum. We never spoke these things out loud but I knew that Jay wanted to be a part of my life and he wanted more than anything to be accepted by my mother. My mum - far from banning us from seeing each other - was just concerned with the age gap of six years that existed between us, the one that I thought we had finally overcome. And when Jay learnt that my mother had these concerns he refused to see me anymore. He felt anxious about them too and the fact that my mother may have a problem accepting the age difference and, consequently, him - drove him to break things off with me out of principle.
As I squirmed around on my bed indulging myself in regret for the first time since all the distracting wedding madness, the doorbell went. It was probably one of my stupid flatmates who forgot their key. I didn't bother with the intercom and just buzzed them up and yanked open the door for them, waiting for them to come in. When they didn't I glanced up to look into their face.
And it was Jay.
"Oh, hi." I said.
"Yeah, hey." He was distracted. "I have a solution."
I raised my eyebrows and watched as he ran a hand through his curls. "A solution to what? World hunger?" That was when he met my eye and smiled somewhat nervously.
"No, not exactly. Look, I've done my waiting. I can't stand not being with you for a moment longer. I've liked you since I first heard your name but Ev stepped in and told me you were only fourteen so I said I'd wait. I was joking of course. How stupid would it be to wait for a girl I hadn't even met yet. But look what I went and did? I waited. Because I liked you. Damn it you're eighteen! And I....." he hesistated, his big blue eyes glancing into my own "I really like you, Briony."
I didn't know what to say. That had to be the most adorable thing I'd ever had said to me. "So what's your solution?" I'd managed to choke out.
"See, this is the clever bit. The age gap is only an issue if we were in a relationship. If there's no relationship, there's no problem. We can hang out rather than date. I can take you places as a friend, not my girlfriend. Because obviously I don't like you. I mean you're really unattractive." I suppressed a smile by biting my lip "So I guess I'm asking you....not to be my girlfriend?" He looked so cute and hopefully standing on my doorstep.
"I think you already did that, Jay. Remember? This summer when you broke it off with me?" I said. This was his punishment for keeping me waiting, but there was no threat in my voice.
"Come on, you know what I'm saying." Jay took a step towards me, gently taking hold of one of my hands and sliding his fingers between mine as he towered over me.
I was lost in his eyes. His sudden closeness had taken me of guard. "I do." I mumbled - vaguely aware that those were the same words that Evanna and Nathan had said to each other a few days ago when they got married.
He was looking at my mouth, telling me very obviously that he wanted to kiss me. And I wanted nothing more than for him to do just that. I exhaled as he looked up to meet my eyes - asking for permission. I smiled and only moments later Jay's lips were on mine and his arms were around me, pulling me up to my full height to kiss my easier. I stood on my tiptoes.
"You know.....friends make out all the time." I mumbled against his lips.
"Definitely." He said, twirling us further into my house and kicking the door shut with his foot all at once.
Here I am, living my own life, I thought as Jay pushed me up against the wall and began kissing my neck, and shit, was it terrifying.
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So, did you like that? *Prays the answer is yes*
I was just keen to show an outsiders perspective on Ev/Nath's relationship and also, the Jay/Briony explanation is well overdue. My Jaygirl was dying to write some Jay action hahaha.
Shoutout toooooo - adventureawaits - for reasons I'm sure you know! Thank your for your comments - they made me all smiley all day - and I love to hear guesses about what might happen in my stories hehee. So, genuinely, thank you.
Thanks for everything and see you next time x