Chapter 2 [/B]
I'm stood at the window in my living room, staring out into the car park of the complex I live in. I don't even know if she'll show up. Maybe she was just trying to get rid of me. I wouldn't blame her. It's a lot to ask of her to speak to me after everything. I wish I could go back. Hindsight is a wonderful, albeit painful thing. We were best friends. Best friends that turned into lovers. We were perfect.
“Morning babe” Kimberley smiled as she breezed in. I stood up from the couch and opened my arms up to her,
“Morning” I replied, pulling her into a hug. I closed my eyes as I felt the all to familiar butterflies. I was getting used to them now. Although it had taken months for me to realise what they were, I had now starting to accept that I was in love with my best friend. My beautiful Kimba,
“Are you ok?” She asked. I nodded with a smile,
“I'm fine are you?”
“Yeah...I saw the papers” I frowned,
“Oh? I didn't”
“Right. Has no one told you what's in there?” She looked worried,
“No...should I know something?”
“Babe...Ashley is on the front page”
“Why?” I felt my stomach drop at the mention of his name. My ex husband. The man I vowed my life to, only to have him tip it upside down,
“He's sold his story...about your marriage”
“He's WHAT?” I stormed through the house and picked up my laptop. Searching his name on Google, the headline popped up, causing my eyes to nearly pop out.
Ashley Cole : “Cheryl couldn't please me”
I clicked onto the link, tapping on the computer impatiently as it loaded. Reading through the article made me feel sick,
“She couldn't give me what I needed”
“Our sex life was non-existent...she was more interested in Kimberley than she was me”
“I tried to make it work...she is impossible”
I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as I took in the words. How did he know about my feelings towards Kimberley. Had Kimberley read the article? Did she know what he'd said?
“Have you read this?” I asked her as she entered the room slowly. She nodded her head and eyed me closely,
“I saw the headline and had to know what the wanker was saying now” she sat down beside me and looked at the screen. I knew what was about to happen but there was nothing I could do. I watched her as she pointed to the quote about her,
“What does he mean?” She asked quietly. I shrugged,
“Just talking stupid...you know what he's like” I replied meekly, my cheeks colouring as I tried to lie. I was never good at that, “do you want a brew?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from my feelings. She shook her head and looked at me,
“Look at me Cheryl” I did as I was told, turning to face her, “what's going on?” she asked. I gulped,
“Ashley is paranoid” I replied. It sounded more like a question. More like I was asking if that was a valid explanation. She shook her head and sighed,
“Babe?”
“I...I don't know how he knows. I swear...I've only known since we broke up” I rambled. She looked confused,
“Known what?” I looked her in the eye as I tried to think of a way to tell her,
“Cheryl?” She prompted after a few minutes of silence. Closing my eyes I turned away from her. I couldn't face the rejection that I was sure would come,
“I'm in love with you” I mumbled. She didn't say anything. She didn't move either which I was taking as a good sign. At least she hadn't run away. We sat in silence for what felt like hours but realistically was only minutes,
“Say something” I whispered, turning to look at her. She smiled as she caught my eye,
“Come here” she said quietly, opening up her arms to me. I fell into them, glad of the contact. I frowned as she pushed me away a little. She looked into my eyes, stroking one hand across my forehead, releasing the frown,
“Kimba?” She smiled again. I smiled back shyly before averting my eyes away from her intense stare. It came as a surprise when I felt her lips on mine but I didn't hesitate in returning the kiss. We broke apart slowly,
“What was that?” I asked gently,
“I've waited so long to hear you say that Chez. I never thought you would” she replied. I grinned at her,
“Are you...saying what I think you're saying?”
“I love you” she confirmed with a nod,
“I love you too” I replied, leaning in to kiss her again.
Those were simpler times. We were so happy that day. Ashley's stupid article had brought us together. If he'd have known that, he would have kicked himself. I knew why he sold his story. He wanted me back. He wanted to get a rise out of me...try to make me think it was my fault and that I should take him back and be a better wife. It didn't work though. It just resulted in me and Kimberley finally getting together. I wish I'd have known back then what I know now. I wish I'd have been able to say no. I jumped as the buzzer to my flat went off. I'd gotten so lost in thought that I hadn't seen anyone come to the building. Rushing over I picked up the phone,
“It's me” I heard the Bradford tones I'd been waiting for,
“I'll buzz you up” I said and pressed the buzzer to open the door downstairs. I opened the flat door and waited in the corridor for her. My nerves got worse and worse as I saw her walking towards me, face like thunder. She followed me into the flat and I watched as she took in her surroundings,
“I didn't want another big house...” I said quietly, feeling like she was judging me. She nodded and sat down,
“Do you want a drink or anything?” I asked. She shook her head,
“No. I'm not staying long”
“Oh...okay”
“What do you want from me Cheryl?” She asked bluntly. I looked across at her, considering my answer carefully,
“I know I hurt you. I know I was stupid and I know that I don't deserve forgiveness. God if I can't forgive myself then why should you? I miss you Kimberley. I've missed you every day since you cut me off. I wanted to come sooner but I knew I had to make some changes if I was ever going to get you back in my life”
“You did more than hurt me Cheryl. You humiliated me. You made me feel like I was nothing. Just a worthless pass time for you”
“You weren't. I swear you weren't”
“I felt used! You used me to get yourself back on track. How do you think that made me feel?”
“I didn't use you. I loved you so much. I still do. I just...I lost my way. And I know it doesn't make it any better but I swear it's true”
“Why should I believe you now?”
“Because I am different now. I'm not the same as I was then. I changed myself for the better”
“That doesn't change what you did!”
“I know. I'm sorry. I'll do anything to prove to you how sorry I am and how much I love you. Please just give me a chance”
“I can't Cheryl. I came here...I've listened to you but no amount of sorry's is going to take away the hurt and humiliation you put me through. I can't forget that. Not right now”
“Will you ever forgive me?” I asked, tears glistening in my eyes as I awaited her answer. She sighed and shrugged,
“I don't know...I doubt it” I felt my face crumble as the words left her mouth. She had every right to hate me...I had no doubt about that. I just thought I might be able to at least crack the surface a little,
“I'm gonna go. Bye Cheryl” I watched helplessly as she got up and left the flat. Once the door clicked shut, I couldn't hold it in. I let the tears flow. I sat in the same position for hours, wishing she would come back and tell me she'd forgive me...if not now, at least some time in the future. She didn't come back though.
It's been a week since I went to see Kimberley. I haven't given up. I have sent her flowers every day since then. She hasn't been in touch but I got a text of Nicola telling me that she knew. It must mean something if Kimberley has told Nic that it's happening. I ran the duster over the coffee table before sitting down on the sofa. I needed a new plan. There had to be some way for me to earn Kimberley's forgiveness...I just didn't know what it was yet. Nicola was due over any minute. Things had been strained between me and all of the girls since I hurt Kimba but Nic had always tried to keep in contact. She had been the one that noticed me changing back into my old self. I knew that I needed her help to get Kimberley back. Even if we never got back together, I just needed my Kimba back in my life. I sighed, she wasn't my Kimba. I needed to stop calling her that. I got up to answer the door when Nic knocked on. I had told her the code for the main doors so she didn't have to wait outside. I smiled as I let her in,
“Hiya Nic”
“Hiya hun. How you doing?”
“I'm okay thanks. What about you?”
“Yeah I'm good” I nodded and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on,
“Kimberley was at mine earlier” Nicola piped up from the doorway. I felt my heart sink a little at the mention of her name but I tried not to let it show,
“Oh right. She ok?” I asked,
“She told me to tell you to stop with the flowers” Nic replied softly. I sighed,
“Ok”
“What that's it?”
“If she wants me to stop I'll stop. I'm not gonna get anywhere by doing things she doesn't like am I?”
“I guess not. So what're you gonna do?” I shrugged,
“I honestly don't know. I've got no grand idea's”
“I wish I could help babe but she's really angry. I've never known her to be so stubborn!”
“My fault. I made her like this” Nicola smiled sympathetically. There was no denying that simple fact...I turned Kimba into this angry person. I abused her trust and made her feel like sh!t. I deserved this treatment,
“Maybe I'm best to leave her for a while?” I suggested, causing Nicola to shake her head violently,
“You'll never get forgiven if she thinks you've given up trying after a week!”
“True. I'll work something out”
“I'm sure you will. How's the piano playing coming on?” I could tell she was trying to change the subject,
“Not too bad. I'm getting there now”
“Good. You written anything yet?”
“Na, just been playing about on it”
“You should start writing Chez. You've always been good with lyrics” I smiled at her before gasping,
“That's it!” I said excitedly,
“What's it?” Nicola asked, the confusion clear on her face. I smiled widely,
“I'll write her a song. Just me and a piano. I know it won't be an instant success but it's better than generic stuff isn't it?” Nicola smiled,
“Yeah it is babe. I'll leave you to it then you can crack on”
“Thanks for coming round. I'll give you a text” I saw Nicola out before grabbing a pad and paper and sitting at the piano. Now...where to start?