“I’m straight,” I told my reflection sternly.
“Theo, you’re jealous of a guy trying to get with your sister instead of you,” my reflection said.
“Shut up Theo!” I said angrily.
“You’re not into Dimitri!” my reflection snapped.
“I’m having a conversation with myself,” I said, turning away from my mirror and banging my head against my dresser.
There was a knock on my door and then my mom was letting herself in. “Theo, are you talking to yourself?” she asked curiously.
“Yes. And I’m pissing me off,” I grumbled.
“Well, alright then. What do you want for dinner?”
“Nothing. I want to starve to death. My life sucks,” I said, banging my head against my dresser again.
“Theo, don’t do that. You already have enough brain damage,” mom said with a sigh.
“Whatever. Just make anything. Where’s Thalia? It’s already four,” I said, glancing over at my clock.
“She’s on her way home. She just texted me,” mom said.
“I bet Dimitri is going to lock her in the trunk, bring her home, and do bad things to her. You really need to stop letting Thalia ride with him,” I said.
“Theo, why do you hate Dimitri so much? Yes, he was outrageously dressed and extremely flamboyant. But he seemed like a nice kid,” she said.
I ruffled my hair in frustration. “I don’t know why I hate him so much!” I said at last, my voice bitter. “I just do! There’s something about the guy that I absolutely hate.”
“You know, I absolutely hated your father when we were kids. I didn’t have a reason. Well, I mean, he comes as mean sometimes. But I just hated him. And now I’m married and have two children with him,” she said, sitting on my bed and watching me.
“Are you saying I’m going to marry Dimitri and have two wonderful children with him?”
“Well, I didn’t say wonderful.”
“Mother!”
She chuckled. “All I’m saying, Theo, is that when you hate someone like that without a reason, sometimes it’s because you can’t come to terms with the fact that those strong feelings aren’t actually hate,” she said with a shrug.
“I’m not gay!” I said in annoyance.
Mom shrugged again. “Maybe you are, Theo. Maybe you’re attracted to both genders. Or maybe you’re just attracted to Dimitri.”
My face heated up. “Mom! Stop it! I’m straight,” I cried.
“Just don’t rule out the possibility. I know you Theo. You’re moody, sarcastic, and rude. But you’re not the kind of guy who just randomly hates people like this,” she said, standing up.
“I want a quesadilla for dinner,” I said, turning away from her.
“Quesadillas are your comfort food,” she said, grinning a little. “So, mom’s right again. Just think about, Theo.”
She left my bedroom, shutting the door behind her as she went. I groaned and went over to my bed, collapsing on it and rubbing my eyes.
“She can’t be right,” I whispered.
But…what if she was?
I wasn’t against being homosexual or anything. I just never considered myself to be gay, bisexual, or even questioning. I had never had feelings for a guy before. Just girls.
It wasn’t the thought of being homosexual that had me panicking so much. It was the thought of liking Dimitri.
The front door opened and I got up, deciding to go talk to Thalia about this. I went downstairs and found Thalia talking to my parents in the kitchen.
“You, come with me,” I said, gripping her hand and dragging her along with me.
“Uh…I was talking,” she said, pointing at mom and dad.
“Past tense,” I said, pulling her out of the kitchen and upstairs to my bedroom.
I shut my bedroom door and sat on my bed. Thalia joined me, looking at me curiously.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Dimitri. Does he like you?” I asked.
Thalia shrugged. “I don’t know. Kim says he’s just a playfully flirty person. Why?”
“Because he got with Danni O’Dell. Danni, who is incredibly beautiful, hard to get, and the definition of abstinence. Or, was the definition of abstinence, until Dimitri popped that cherry.”
“Your vocabulary astounds me,” she said, rolling her eyes. “But what does that matter? Do you honestly think I’d go off and sleep with Dimitri? Theo, we’ve talked to the guy for, like, a week.”
“Did he say anything about me?”
“I told that I think he’s just playing around with you. He rarely mentions you when you’re not around, Theo. Why?”
“Thalia, do I seem like I could be gay? Oh gosh. What are gay people even like?” I asked, starting to panic a little.
“Uh…Theo? Gay people are the same as straight people. They just like the same gender.” Her eyes widened a little. “Wait a second. Do you like Dimitri?”
“Mom said I might,” I said miserably. “And when was the last time she was wrong?”
“Never,” Thalia said, frowning. “That woman is never wrong.”
“Okay, seriously, I wouldn’t even care if it was anyone else. But Dimitri?” I ruffled my hair, irritated and frustrated.
“Once you get past his looks, he’s a good person Theo. Him and Kim both are. Kim kind of hinted to me that he’s a little promiscuous, but other than that, he really does seem like a great guy. He’s funny, he’s thoughtful, and he’s really kind,” she said, putting an arm around my shoulders.
The fact that I was questioning my sexuality didn’t even slightly concern my family. We were all open and accepting despite sexuality. Saying I was gay or even questioning my sexuality was the same as saying I liked dogs. Just another trait, nothing to get excited or worried over.
“But Thalia, I don’t like him!” I insisted.
“When you kissed him, how did it feel?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Crazy as it sounds, I really didn’t even understand what I was feeling.”
“Why don’t you try talking to him without freaking out on him? Just once,” she encouraged.
I contemplated it before sighing. “Yea, fine.”
“I’ll have him sit with us fourth period,” she said, standing up and ruffling my hair.
“Don’t do that.” I narrowed my eyes at her and swatted her hands away from my hair.
She chuckled and left my bedroom. The rest of my night consisted of me trying to figure out how to talk to Dimitri without freaking out on him to leave me the hell alone.
***
“Oliver, quit it!” I snapped.
Oliver continued to hum the funeral procession as Thalia entered the cafeteria with Dimitri trailing behind her. Oliver finally stopped humming as they approached our table.
“Good morning, little Theodore,” Dimitri greeted, sitting down next to Thalia.
Today, he was wearing a pink T-shirt with jewels on the shoulders. He had on black fingerless gloves, his usual stack of bracelets, and that ring on a chain. He was wearing white skinny jeans, ripped at both knees, and covered in signatures in black Sharpie.
“Hey,” I grumbled, suddenly regretting this plan. Just looking at him pissed me off.
“What did you need my help with, Thalia?” he asked, glancing at her curiously. The pink shirt brought out his frosty eyes.
Thalia dug around her bag. “Aw, crap. I left it in my locker. I’ll be right back.”
She got up and hurried out of the cafeteria. Oh, hats off to you, evil sister of mine. Leaving me alone with Dimitri.
Oh, and Oliver. Yea, him too. Hm, maybe he really was an unimportant background character…
Dimitri, looking completely at ease being here, stretched out over the chair, his back cracking. His shirt tugged up, revealing a little bit of his stomach. He had a thin, light happy trail from his navel, disappearing at the edge of his jeans.
“Enjoying your view, little Theodore?” Dimitri placed a hand over the revealed part of his stomach, grinning. He straightened up and tugged his shirt back down so that it covered his stomach.
“No,” I said, peeling my eyes away so that I could glare at him.
“I think you enjoy my entire presence more than you let on,” he said, leaning across the table towards me.
“I think you enjoy annoying me,” I said, scooting my chair back. Yep, this was definitely a horrible idea.
In the words of Ron Burgundy, I immediately regret this decision.
“There’s a lot I would enjoy doing to you,” he said, winking.
“I’m just going to put my head down and plug my ears. Don’t mind me,” Oliver said, placing his head on the table and popping his earphones in. Friggin’ traitor!
“I like the look in your eyes, little Theodore. I’ve seen it before. You claim to hate me, but you don’t,” he said, smirking as he searched my eyes.
I grit my teeth but stayed silent, not actually sure if that was true or not. But how I could not hate this glittery nuisance in front of me?
Dimitri twirled a loose strand of purple hair around his finger. He always seemed to leave one strand of hair free of his fohawk simply for the purpose of twirling it or dramatically flicking it.
“You can admit it,” he said, chuckling. “I won’t tell anyone. It will be our little secret.”
“There’s nothing to admit,” I growled, dropping my gaze.
Dimitri gripped my chin gently, tilting my head up so that I was looking into his frosty eyes. His thumb began to gently caress my cheek again.
“Sure there is,” he said, sounding thoughtful. He eyed my lips. “In fact, darling, I think there’s a lot for you to admit.”
I pushed his hand away, my heart racing. I stood up, nearly falling over my chair as I did so. Dimitri watched me calmly.
“Stay away from me,” I said, my voice shaking. “Just stay away from me, you flamboyant freak.”
I turned and hurried out of the cafeteria. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to be with Dimitri anymore. I didn’t want him to touch me.
“Theo? Theo, what happened?”
Thalia hurried down the hallway towards me, a book tucked under her arm. She stepped up to me, eyeing me with concern.
“Nothing! Just keep Dimitri away from me!” I snapped, shoving by her and hurrying into the boys’ room so that she couldn’t follow me.
I sank down against the walls, burying my face in my hands. There was no way I could actually have feelings for that freak, right?
I picked my head up, standing up and running a hand through my hair. No, I couldn’t like Dimitri. So I would get rid of these confusing feelings with someone else.
***
We entered our ninth period study hall and sat down. I hadn’t talked to Dimitri at all since fourth period. I had been ignoring him.
The bell rang, and he and Kim entered the room. I waited until he was seated before glancing over at Alek.
“Little Theodore, you’re not talking to me,” Dimitri said, turning in his chair so that he could face me. “You’re making me sad.”
But the smirk on his face and the gleam in his eyes gave away the fact that it was a complete lie. Clenching my fists tightly under the desk, I ignored him yet again.
“I just don’t get understand it.”
The voice drifted over to me and I turned my head, my eyes resting on Alek. She was gesturing at a worksheet.
“I’m not good at economics,” she continued, talking to her friend.
“Find someone to help you. I can’t,” her friend said, laughing. “I’m just as bad as you at economics.”
Make your move, Theo.
Shooting a dirty look at Dimitri, I stood up and slowly moved over towards Alek. Thalia and Oliver were watching me in surprise. Dimitri had narrowed his frosty eyes into curious slits as he watched me approach Alek.
“Um…Excuse me,” I said, tapping Alek’s shoulder.
She turned to face me. “Yes?” she asked curiously.
“I heard you just now. Trouble with economics?” I asked, pointing at the worksheet.
She sighed and nodded, pushing her hair behind her ear. “Yea. I can never understand it, no matter how hard I try to.”
“I’m pretty good at it. If you’d like some help, that is,” I said, smiling at her.
“That’d be great! Hey, don’t I have study hall with you fourth period, too?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yea, we have that period together.”
“Awesome. But seriously, I’d love some help with this. If it’s not too much trouble,” she said, blushing a little.
“No trouble at all. I’m Theo, by the way,” I said.
“Alek,” she said, giving me a cute smile.
“I’m just going to grab my backpack,” I said and walked back over to my seat. I grinned and winked at my friends as I slung my bag over my shoulder.
“Alek, that’s Theo Light. I know him. He dated Erin sophomore year. She said he was the nicest guy she ever dated. And he’s wicked cute,” her friend was saying, apparently unaware that her whisper was about as silent as an ambulance siren.
“And now my wicked cute self is off to go get my dream girl,” I said to Thalia and Oliver, low enough so that Alek and her friend wouldn’t be able to hear me.
I went over and sat down with Alek. I effortlessly helped her with her homework, since economics was one subject I was actually good at. Alek seemed amazed at my knowledge in the subject.
“Wow. Thank you so much Theo,” she said once she was done scribbling down the last answer.
“No problem. I’d be happy to help anytime you need it,” I said honestly.
“Be careful when you say that, because I’ll probably take you up on that offer,” she said, laughing as she put her worksheet away.
“I’d be happy if you did,” I said, resisting the urge to make-out with her, take her to Vegas, and marry her within the next 24 hours.
Baby steps, Theo. Baby steps.
The bell rang and she stood up, shrugging on her backpack. I copied her, grabbing my backpack and sliding my arms through the straps.
“Well, thank you so much Theo. You’re really smart,” she said.
“With economics I am,” I said with a nod.
“You’re so modest, little Theodore.”
I groaned. “Dimitri, leave me alone!”
He smirked, hooking his thumbs in his pockets. “I was just coming to inform you that your sister is staying after school to tutor with me and Kimberly darling. Thalia had to go talk to a teacher, and asked me to tell you.”
I looked around in surprise, realizing that Thalia was gone. Oliver was waiting for me by the door, and shot me a look that said to take my time with Alek.
“Well, she could’ve just texted me. You’ve delivered your message. Goodbye,” I said flatly.
Dimitri shook his head, a light layer of glitter falling to his shoulders as he did so. “I suppose I’m just happy that you’re speaking to me again. Although you’re probably mad that I’m disrupting your flirting.”
I blushed, glaring at him in hate. I clenched my fists, ready to snap at him to just leave me the hell alone. But Alek beat me to it.
“Even if he was flirting, it’s none of your business. He clearly doesn’t want to talk to you. Leave him alone,” Alek said, eyeing Dimitri with disgust.
“Ah, and you seemed like such a nice girl until you spoke,” Dimitri said, chuckling. “It figures that little Theodore would be attracted to someone as rude and hateful towards me as he is.”
“It’s hard not to hate you after what you did to Zoey,” Alek said.
“I take it you’re a friend of Zoey’s?” Dimitri asked curiously.
“That’s none of your business, you glittery freak. Come on Theo; let’s leave.” Alek grabbed my hand and pulled me past Dimitri.
“You know him?” I asked in shock.
She shook her head, releasing my hand. “No. But I know what he did to Zoey Tarbania. She was such a nice girl, and he used her for sex.”
“I’m beginning to think he does that a lot,” I grumbled, disgusted with Dimitri. You couldn’t just use people for sex and dump them like they were nothing. How could I have ever even thought that I was falling for him?
“I see you sitting with him in study hall sometimes. I guess I thought you two knew each other,” she said once we were out in the hallway. Oliver had shifted and was now waiting across the hallway patiently.
I shook my head. “Nah, I can’t stand the guy.”
“Dimitri whatever. He sickens me,” Alek said, shaking her head.
“Ivanov. Dimitri Ivanov. He just loves to annoy me,” I grumbled.
“Hey, look, I have to head home. But I would really love it if you could help me again. You know, if you don’t mind,” she said, blushing a little.
“I would love to,” I said, smiling at her.
“Thanks Theo. Bye,” she said, waving to me before walking away.
“THAT’S MY BOY!”
Oliver tackled me from behind, laughing as we stumbled into the lockers together. I pushed him off of me, grinning.
“And you guys thought I wouldn’t grow the balls to talk to Alek,” I said smugly.
“I have to say, I doubted your ball growing abilities,” Oliver said as we started walking towards the senior hallway together.
“I should invite her over to study,” I said.
“Yea, study her body,” Oliver said with a snort.
“Obviously,” I said, grinning again.
“Just remember: brothers before others. Don’t you dare abandon our bromance for this chick, Theo,” Oliver said sternly.
“I might abandon it a little. But I won’t let you be the background character,” I said, snickering when he pouted and punched me in the arm.
I looked over and my eyes widened a little. I put my hand out, slapping it against Oliver’s chest. He let out a choked noise and rubbed his chest.
“What?” he whined.
“Look,” I growled, nodding.
Oliver looked over and his eyes widened when they landed on the sight I was seeing. Oh, I was going to kill that flamboyant freak.
Dimitri, Kim, Jordan, and Thalia were standing together. Thalia was giggling as Dimitri talked to her. But his pose and the look in his eyes were clear. He was flirting with Thalia. Hardcore flirting with my sister.
I swallowed down my anger and, admittedly, the jealousy brought on by that scene. I would get the courage to ask Alek out once I had gotten to know her better. Then I could get over these mixed and confusing feelings for Dimitri, and find a way to keep him away from my sister.