Matt sat on my bed, his legs spread suggestively and his hand on his junk.
It was not as seductive as you wish, most likely. He had an ice pack on his junk, and he would be immobile for a few days. Kinzie was forcing me to stay with him, most likely as revenge for adding him to the Saints.
"My fucking responsibility? He's 16. It's not like I got him pregnant." I muttered.
He groaned, and unzipped his pants, looking down them.
"I...I think you bruised them... can they bruise? Oh, God, what if I need surgery?" He was in a panic.
"Ask them to enlarge your penis and make your balls bigger," I suggested. He glared at me. Yeah, I had pissed off Matt Miller pretty well.
"Anything related to you goes badly! You're a walking Bermuda triangle!"
"Except I'm not a triangle," I remarked. I knew saying something so basic would piss Matt off. If I couldn't kill for a couple days, this would be my temporary hobby.
Shaundi passed by, laughing. "The boss is a walking disaster zone, but she gets shit done."
Good. I agree with Shaundi.
"The boss is being basic!" Matt yelled. "Forget being too low for your standards for sex, you don't meet mine!".
"Matt, you'd throw yourself at the first piece of ass that offered."
No response.
Me, 2. Matt, -3.
He gained -3 points for just being Matt.
"Yo, Matty." I sat on the bed next to him. He protectively held his balls.
"What?" He said, suspicious of my motives.
"Can you show me how to fuck up a helicopter?"
"No."
His reply was instantaneous. Guess he was a little upset about me decking his halls.
Damnit, that sounded more sexual than I'm comfortable with- when the subject applies to Matt, everything is awkward.
"Matt, did I say you could say no to me?" I progressively got closer to him, which seemed to scare him. "I only want you to scream yes." Again, with the sexual awkward speech.
"Can you...can you check my balls for me? I can't see them well."
"Did you just ask me to look at your nuts?"
"...I just need to know if they're swollen!"
"You fucking owe me, Miller." I sat on the bed, staring at his spread legs. He stared at my face. "Are you gonna drop your pants or...?"
He sighed, and moved, thrusting his hips upwards and digging his thumbs into his jeans. He dragged them downwards and hissed. "You have to do it. It hurts too much for me to do it."
"...you want me to help you take a bath, too, you big baby?" I muttered. However, calling Matt in for a favour agreed with me- it meant he would have to do something completely stupid or embarrassing and I would receive the unique reaction I had come so far as to adore.
I walked over to him, putting my hands on both sides of his unzipped cargo pants- they seemed like cargo pants. His hips were pretty warm- apparently the penis was the warmest thing on the male body. Their hearts must really be cold, then.
I dragged down his pants and was in a slight shock at what I saw.
"Nyteblayde boxers, Matt?"
"I-"
"Matt. His face is right on your dick. Literally, Nyteblade looks like he's trying to blow you."
"That's because the boxers are designed to make Nyteblayde look like he's blowing you."
"Matt; I know Josh Birk. Josh fucking Birk is someone you don't want blowing you."
"Don't insult the genius who looks like Nyteblayde!"
I shuddered. Someone like this, who called Josh Birk a genius.. I hate to admit it, but Matt is a genius. And his worship rests on someone as stupid as Josh.
I decided that I'd make this quick. I pulled down his boxers, and Matt shrieked.
"Shut the fuck up. I've seen plenty of dick before, Matt." I sighed. I stared at the sight before me. I was slightly impressed by Matt's girth. He was around average.
I expected a 3 incher.
"Is-is it bruised?" He asked.
And then Shaundi walked in.
"Holy fucking shit, boss! Seriously?! Matt fucking Miller?" She covered her eyes. "I get you pity fucking Josh Birk, but Matt Miller?!"
"Hey!" Matt yelled. "You fucked Nyteblayde?! Can you show me how he likes it?"
Shaundi ran out of the room. Kinzie was probably gonna hear about this.
"So, Boss, I see you're having a wonderful time."
Right on cue, Kinzie hacked her way into the television screen. Matt covered his junk with a pillow.
"Matt asked me to check his balls for bruising. I was taking responsibility, just like you told me to." I remarked.
"So blowing Matt Miller is part of your responsibility? I'm into kink, Boss, but Matt is a thousand levels above that. I wouldn't let him touch me, not even with my safe word. Not even with a stick. A long stick."
"But I do have a long stick." Matt raised his eyebrow. Both me and Kinzie glared at him. "Okay, okay, I'll refrain from saying my dick is long..."
"It's not, Matt."
"Kinzie, you're just jealous because I'm a better hacker than you."
"Matt, you're just jealous because I have a bigger dick than you."
"____! Are you just going to let your lesser hacker talk to your genius like that?!" Matt asked. Both of them looked at me expectantly.
"Holy shit, guys, I don't fucking know. Keep calling in SWAT teams on each other or maybe even the DEA and whoever gets arrested or dies first wins." I shrugged. "Now, Kinzie, I'm pulling Matt's pillow off and if you don't wanna see his penis, you're gonna sign off."
This caused the T.V. to go to static.
"You have shit plans, ___." Matt remarked.
"I have a feeling you've said that to someone before."
"Not in that context. Before, I said 'It was a shit plan, ladies.'"
"Were they trying to help you get laid?"
He stared at me with a blank look on his face.
"You should make that face more, it really does suit you."
His face twisted into an angry one. "And what is that supposed to mean?!"
"No girl is going to get on all fours and take your dick, screaming cyber god or Matt or whatever you're into."
"Do you want to bet?"
I couldn't pass up a good bet. The chances Matt would win were 0.
"Give me terms."
"If I can't get laid in the next week, then I owe you a favour." Matt grabbed his laptop, and began to type. In 4 minutes, the printer whirred to life and began to print out what looked like a contract.
I grabbed it, and grabbed a pen. Matt stopped me.
"You sure you don't want to read the terms and conditions?" He asked.
"Only gaylords read terms and conditions." I replied. I signed it, and Matt took it from me, then laughed. "What's so funny?"
"You just signed a contract where you have to have sex with me in the area of the next three days. If you don't, then I can sue the Saints for every penny they have."
Fucking. Matt. Miller.
Literally.