One thing you must know about me when you open this story on Wattpad, is that I struggle with change more than anything in my opinion.
To Doctors it's my wrists.
To my mom it's my suicidal thoughts.
To my counselor it's my consistent morning meds I need to take.
But change is so much more horrible than any one of those. Everything I do is because I don't want anything to change ever about me. But at the same time it's so frustrating because I hate my own body and I wish that'd I'd be more skinny or have less scratches on my face and on my collar bones from the nightmares.
Change is something that takes time for me when it's about myself,
For people around me it isn't.
I HATE it when people change the way they see me in a bad way.
Sure, I think everyone might feel that way.
But it's like Kean,
How when we first met he used to mess around about random things with me.
And now it's always, "Are you okay? Do you need anything? I'm sorry. Don't do it please. It's going to get better, I promise."
It hurts because I hate to have him worry. And when I do tell him about when I'm sad he acts like I'm a bomb about to explode... I just wish I wouldn't have showed him the scars, or the tears, or me and my twisted mind... Maybe I am what the tests showed.
A freak.