Author: pastann
Title: 4/5 - Interesting title. I do begin to wonder what this story could be about and would then be inclined to check it out.
Cover: 2/5 - I really don't like this cover. The text font looks a little tacky and the actual image behind just doesn't give you a seamless cover. I think you should think about investing in a new cover. Loads of people in the multimedia thread would be willing to help you out (providing you follow their specified payments which could range from a follow to something like a read and comment on their story)
Synopsis: 2/5 - This blurb is all over the place. You're just throwing out words that really are not explained. I suggest you go back over it and basically highlight the main points in your story. Maybe give a little info on who the protagonist is and what the story is about. Small things like this will definitely help your writing and reads.
Plot: 5/5 - Well, seeing as this is a fanfic and I don't understand them, this is going to be read as a normal story. This flows well, and I found it to be well written. Your story in this chapter moved at a good pace, not too slow and not too fast. I felt that you revealed just the right amount about your plot to keep me interested throughout.
Characters: 4/5 - All of your characters were perfectly formed in my opinion. However I felt that the 'boy' wasn't given as much character development as the others.
SPG: 5/5 - This area was almost perfect, save for the one mistake I pointed out below. You generally have a good idea of where commas and full stops go (you'd be surprised by how many people get it wrong) so that was definitely a good thing.
-As I'm reading through, I see that you are writing in the past tense so 'A boy starts talking' is in the wrong tens. It should be 'A boy started talking'
OVERALL: Interesting story, good ending. It would definitely make me want to read on.
On a side note: I noticed that all of your three chapters are named the same with part 1, part 2, part 3 added on. I would recommend you thinking of different titles for each part, but it is down to you as this is your story.
WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES
TOTAL RATING: 22/30