Journals

By rawrxoxo31

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Journals

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By rawrxoxo31

Page 1-12: blank

•••

- destroy yourself. Who gives a fuck.

- it fell apart like it always does

- there's nobody here but me, and my reflection. I don't know which I hate more.

- the best beauty comes from the worst pain.

- don't judge me based on your ignorance.

- wouldn't listen even if you told me to.

- do we not have the right to feel delayed soothed and calm?

- I never meant to cause you any trouble, but it works better then anything else...

- I'm a cutter. Shh! It's socially unexceptable that I express pain.

•••

A cutters lullaby - Tamara Minaovi

go to sleep and close your eyes and dream of broken butterflies that tore their wings against a thorn you know the pain they have endorn. Silver metal shines so bright, scarlet blood that feels so right. Dream of that blood trickling down and wake up before you drown. Tue moon light shinning off your tears, as you bleed out your worst fears. So tonight when you start to cry whisper the cutters lullaby: Hushabye baby your almost dead, you don't have a pulse and your pillow is red. Your family hates you, your friends let you bleed so sleep tight tonight with a knife cause it's all that you need. Rockabye baby broken And scared nobody ever said it would be this hard. Time to show the pIn you hid so well, and down will come baby straight back to hell.

•••

-"it isn't funny how she sits in her room and cries and cries. It's all because of you. You say you love her but we all know the truth. If you did... You wouldn't let her cry. Or cut. You would always be there to comfort her , to give her a shoulder to cry on, be the one she could vent to. Not the reason she's crying, or cutting."

-I wait for him to say "i love you" before the phone hangs up but when I hear the familiar click I whisper, "I love you to."

- I scream, bleed and cut myself up for you. And you? You don't even know. All the times I've cried for you. Every night I stay up for you, I can't stop thinking about you I bet you don't even care anymore. And all I wanna know is... How?

•••

-The girl who always smiled, frowned. The girl who lobed herself, looked in the mirror and yelled "I hate you". The girl who went to "him" with all her problems, cuts herself instead. The girls who was unbreakable, broke.

-And without him she went back to her old ways. The lying, the cutting, depression, hurting, swearing, wishing. Now the she docent have him, she wants to die more then anything. You helped her out of everything. You broke her heart and sent her back into the dark. How could you? Why would you?

•••

-if you break up with a girl and tell her not to cry, it's like cutting down a tree and felling it not to fall.

- he's perfect for me. It's simple, bur my friends don't see it. All the do is bag on him. They don't relies how much i love him how much every insult hurts me. even it they're nor talking about me.

- lately all we've been doing is fighting and every time cuts get deeper and deeper

- arms or legs? Which should I cut today I can't stand this life much more. Teats cutting lies. Look what I do over you. You don't even notice I'm here.

-Ill roll up my sleeves and that should tell you everything you need to know about my past.

•••

- cutting seem like the only escape I already broke the promos not to do it again and I'm very pleased I did.

- when you kissed me then, it feels exactly the same as cutting now.

- I hate how people don't understand and when you try to explain yourself it makes everyone feel sorry for you when in reality you just want to be understood.

- why say "I love you" when I know damn well you don't mean it anymore.

-how can I stop crying when the only one who can make me stop is the one who made me start?

-were All a little weird and life's a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours and we fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

•••

There's always a little truth behind every JK. A little knowledge behind every IDK. a little emotion behind every IDC. And a little pain behind every I'm fine.

-I really did love you... I still do buy I don't know why because of the he'll you put me through.

•••

20-22: blank

•••

-it's hard to answer the question what's wrong when nothings right.

-I'm tired of trying sick of crying I know I've been smiling but deep inside I'm dying.

-just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.

-stop the world I wanna get off!

-I don't know if I'm getting better of just used to the pain.

- I love sleep, life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.

- how can you understand me when I don't even understand myself.

- there's so much behind this smile that you'll never know.

•••

- it's funny how someone can get so used to tears and pain.

- I have a tendency to hurt myself physically when I'm hurting emotionally.

- I don't want the world to see me. They just wouldn't understand.

- there's. Smile on my face but I don't know why it's there. I put it on for people who don't even care.

- some people try to understand but nobody can know what living like this is like.

- In the end music is your only friend.

- shes not the kind of girl to tell the whole world how she feels about herself.

- our scars remind us the at tue past is real.

- I'll fake the smiles if it stops the questions.

- I cut to probe that you're not the only one that can hurt me.

•••

- you have no idea what I can and have done.

- they represent the battles through which I have gone and I'm proud because those battles I have won.

- everybody knows something's wrong bur knobody knows what's going on.

- the skin of a scar is stronger then the original. Less aware of pain.

- scars are tattoos with better stories.

- I can't feel anything and honestly I like it.

-I'm playing a game I can't win. Of I keep losing then why do I keep playing? To me it's not about winning or losing it's about enjoying the game.

-I have to, it's the only way I can really smile.

•••

- it doesn't solve anything or take the pain away but fortunes dew seconds everything's okay.

- this time I'm not okay.

- you're sated because you don't understand, I'm scared because I do.

- "I'm okay." isn't that what I'm supposed to say?

- you don't even know me so don't even try.

- its creative expression

- on top of feeling sad I feel guilty

- how can you hide from what never goes away?

•••

blank

•••

-it takes a minute to have a crush one hour to like someone a day to love someone but a lifetime to forget someone.

- sometimes when a person is missing the whole world seems uninhabited.

- each time I miss you a star falls out of the sky so I'd there's no stars out tonight you'll know why.

- time goes by slower when you miss the one you love

- to the world you may be one person. But the one person you may be their world.

- I'm not a fighter I smile and them go cry my eyes out.

- there are no goodbyes where ever you are you'll always be in my heart.

•••

- life wouldn't be the same without you and all the memories you have given me. Good and bad.

- I bet you can tell by my tears that I remember it all.

- don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

- why is it that I can say good bye to my friends but when it comes to saying good bye to you i just can't.

- should I smile because were friends or cry be use that's all we'll ever be.

•••

blank

•••

-be strong now because things will get better it might be stormy now bur it can't rain forever.

- our eyes are placed on our faces for a reason. It's so were always looking forward and never looking back.

- life isn't about finding yourself it's about creating yourself.

- you never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice

- never give up of something you can't go a day without thinking about

- what's meant to he will always find it's way.

- the greatest pleasure in life is doing what other people say you can't.

- if you want a rainbow you've got to put up with the rain.

•••

- when you feel like giving up remember what made you hold on for so long in the first place.

- stand up for what's right even if your standing alone.

- someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why if never worked out with anyone else

- sometimes you need to run away just to see whose willing to chase you.

- strength is nothing more then how well you hide the pain.

- life is too short to wake up in rue morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason if you get a chance take it if it changes you life let it nobody said it would be easy. They just said it would be worth it.

•••

-I... Love want need totally adore think fondly of am very attracted to can't stop thinking about immensely adore really really like am crazy about would travel the world for madly desire want nothing more then to be with am drawn to simply love you.

- some people are afraid to ask for what they want that's why the don't get what they want.

- the only reason I seem to act different around you is you're the only one to see the real me.

- never give up the things that make you smile.

- live life in tue present not the past

- beginnings are scary and endings are sad but it's what's in-between that counts.

•••

- my diary is the same as anyone else's mines just etched on my skin

- I walk through the hallway holding my wrists hoping nobody will see me like this this he looks at me scared at what he'll find he never thought it crossed my mind.

He asks me "... Is there anymore" looking at him with tears in my eyes I whisper "... Ever wonder what bracelets were for?"

- a broken mirror a bleeding fist a silver blade against a wrist tears falling down to lips long since kissed ignore her and she won't exist she's not the kind you'll come to miss.

•••

December 5 2009: I met you.

December 11 2009: liked you.

December 19 2009: I fell for you.

December 20 2009: you were mine.

January 10 2010: I lost you.

January 14 2010: mine again.

February 4 2010: lost again.

February 7 2010: mine again.

February 15 2010: lost.

February 18 2010: back.

February 20 2010: lost.

February 22 2010: back.

March 7 2010: </3

March 9 2010: lost for the last time.

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