I peered out the kitchen window as I set my cereal bowl in the sink and saw that the entire city had been blanketed in a thick layer of bright white snow overnight. People out on the sidewalks had their heads down against the brisk cold and were bundled up in coats, scarves and hats.
Winter had definitely arrived in New York.
"Do you think the snow will stop us from getting to Sophia's?" Hadley asked, setting her breakfast dishes in the sink.
"No," I said after a moment of thought. "It doesn't look too deep."
"Ugh." Hadley shuddered, wrapping her arms around her growing stomach. "I hate snow."
I raised an eyebrow.
"Since when?"
"Ever since dear Carlo had the bright idea to knock me off Sophia's porch into a mountain of snow a few Christmases ago." Hadley wrinkled her nose and gave another little shudder. "I was so pissed. I was wearing my new boots."
I bit my lip to keep my from laughing. This was such a typical Hadley answer, and typical Carlo behavior. Despite the fact that the guy was turning twenty-four in January, he still acted like a prepubescent teenager. I doubted this had changed since the last time I'd seen him at Thanksgiving dinner.
"That's Carlo," I said.
Hadley sighed in agreement. "Right."
She looked at the time on the microwave above the stove and frowned.
"We need to get going. Doesn't your mom want to be on the road by eleven?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "You're probably right."
It was December 23rd and we were due to leave the city to head to Albany for Christmas at my aunt Sophia's today. I was a little happy to be getting away from messages and photo sessions and editing and organizing for awhile, even if it was because I was going to be visiting my very loud, very obnoxious family.
I think Hadley was relieved to be able to get a break from work for awhile, too. Although, if anything, she was much, much more nervous about Christmas with the family than I was.
No one but Hadley and I knew that she was pregnant - not even my mother. We were going to use the excuse that we wanted to make sure this was the real deal before announcing the news, but in reality, I think the both of us needed some time for it to really sink in.
There was really no denying it now. Hadley's stomach had grown enough in the past few weeks to where she couldn't hide the fact she was pregnant at all anymore.
I still felt like a considerable dumbass for not realizing that she was pregnant eariler when all of the signs had been so completely obvious. But what was done was done, and now what we had to face at the present was telling the rest of my family.
Among other things. Those other things I tried not to think about so much, despite what repercussions I was going to have to deal with because of it.
Hadley had to practically drag me to the bedroom to pack clothes into our shared suitcase. This wasn't going to be a very long trip, four days at the latest, but I hated packing.
I was sitting on the bed, pulling on my shoes, almost done packing, when Hadley's phone rang. She reached over to grab it off the nightstand and answered.
"Hello? Oh, hey, June. Yeah, we're still coming. No, Archer's just being lazy and won't pack."
I scowled at her and she smirked and wiggled her fingers at me in response.
"Okay, we'll see you later."
She hung up the phone with my sister and tossed it into her bag, then turned to me, hands on hips.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
"No."
Hadley sighed and sat down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder.
"I don't think it's going to be that bad," she told me, but even she couldn't keep the worry out of her voice. "What's the worse that could happen?"
"We'll be smothered to death with hugs and kisses, all the girls will beg to be the godmother, I'll be teased to within an inch of my life, and then nobody will shut up about the baby for four days straight."
"Huh. Good point."
We both sit there on the bed for a few more moments, staring at the wall, lost in our own separate horrific thoughts about how breaking the baby news was going to go.
Eventually we left the apartment, though, bags in hand, ready to face the inevitable.
Hadley was practically hyperventilating by the time our cab pulled up to the curb outside Mama Rosa's. I didn't think I was doing any better. Unless my bad smoking habit had suddenly caused spastic shaking in my hands, I was just as nervous as she was.
"We've got this," I told Hadley as we headed down the alley to the back door. "It's not going to be anything to worry about."
"Right," Hadley said, nodding. "Totally fine."
We rounded the corner behind the coffee house and found Mom at the back of the silver SUV the family owned, packing in trays of food for Christmas dinner, bags on the ground.
She looked up and gave us a wide smile.
"Hey, you two, I - "
She stopped short when she took in the sight of Hadley standing there, looking...well, pregnant. There was no other word for it.
"Hadley?" Mom gasped, her mouth dropping open. "Are you - "
"Surprise!"
There was a moment of tense silence where we all just stared at each other, waiting for someone to say something, and then Mom burst into tears.
"Oh, mio Dio! Hadley! You're pregnant?! Oh, my goodness!" Mom rushed forward and threw her arms around Hadley, hugging her gently. "You're absolutely glowing! How far along are you?"
"A little over fifteen weeks," Hadley answered breathlessly. "I go back in at nineteen weeks for a checkup, and that's when we'll be able to find out the sex of the baby."
Mom squealed, her hands flying to her face. "Oh, my first grandbaby! I can't believe it!"
Hadley fell silent, watching Mom with wide eyes, and it was all I could do to fight back a groan when I saw there were thick tears sliding down her cheeks.
"Hadley, why are you crying, sweetheart?" Mom asked, looking alarmed.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice trembling. "For not telling you sooner. We...I mean, I - "
"Oh, Hadley," Mom said with a laugh. "You don't need to apologize for that. I understand. I'm sure you both needed to get used to the idea. I remember when I was pregnant with Archer I tried to keep it a secret for as long as possible."
Well, when my mother was pregnant with me she was still a senior in high school, so I think the situation was a little different than ours.
Hadley smiled, rubbing a hand across her cheeks, wiping away her tears.
"Sorry. I, uh...cry a lot now. I feel stupid, but..."
Mom smiled sympathetically.
"Honey, I know all about it."
"Hey, hey, now! What's all the commotion?"
April came skipping out the back door of the coffee house, bundled up in a heavy jacket, scarf, and hat, and looked suspiciously at Hadley and I.
Hadley looked up at me, her face drawn in a question mark, and a silent conversation passed between us.
How the hell are we supposed to tell the girls are going to be aunts?
"April," Hadley said slowly. "I, er...I'm pregnant."
April's mouth dropped open and she stared at Hadley and I with wide-eyes.
"Uh. Really? What does that mean?"
I rolled my eyes and smirked.
"It means you're going to be an aunt."
"Holy crap," she gasped. "You're serious?"
Hadley smiled, resting a hand on her stomach.
"As a heart attack."
"Ohmigosh!" April let out a ridiculously loud squeal and rushed forward to throw her arms around Hadley. "I can't believe it! I'm going to be an aunt! Auntie April! This is so cool!"
She let go of Hadley and turned to me, reaching up on her tiptoes to ruffle my hair, and then sprinted to the back door to shout, "Hey, May! June! Hadley's pregnant!"
Hadley and I exchanged looks again. That was certainly one way of announcing the news.
There were thundering footsteps down the stairs inside and then May and June came bursting out the back door, squealing their heads off, throwing their arms around Hadley and then me.
I couldn't help but be secretly relieved at all of their reactions. No shouting, no cursing, no hateful exchanges.
Everybody was absolutely ecstatic that Hadley was pregnant. And honestly, that was good enough for me. I just hoped the rest of the family would have roughly the same reaction.
I carted mine and Hadley's suitcase to the back of the SUV and tossed it in with the other bags and the food while the girls all fluttered around Hadley, asking questions about the baby and how she was doing.
"How do you feel about all of this?" Mom asked, shutting the trunk after me.
"With what?"
She raised her eyebrows, giving me a flat look.
"The fact that you're going to be a father in a few months."
"Oh. That."
I took a deep breath and leaned against the back of the SUV, ran a hand through my hair in an agitated manner.
I'd spent enough time thinking about Hadley and the baby and wondering what was going to happen to us you'd think I would have an answer by now. But I still didn't.
"Ma. Honestly?" I looked at Mom, unsure of how to say what exactly was going through my mind at that moment. "I don't know. I feel something. Maybe it's excitement. Maybe it's dread. I don't know."
Mom didn't yell or snap at me, whap me upside the head and scold me for not being ready for this.
For that, I was very thankful.
"Oh, honey. I know." Mom gave me a warm smile, reaching up to place a hand against my cheek. "But even if it doesn't feel like it right now, I know you're going to be an amazing father."
That was the second time I'd been told that by someone other than Hadley. It was nice, honestly, to hear it. I was just wondering when I was going to believe something like that myself.
"Would you mind driving?" Mom asked suddenly, tossing the keys to me. "You know the way, right?"
"Uh, why?"
Mom gave me a look, like it should have been very obvious.
"Hadley and I have a lot to discuss, if you hadn't noticed."
"Right, right."
I totally didn't understand that.
I made my way around the SUV to the driver's side, pecking Hadley on the cheek as I went, and clambered inside.
"Mind if I ride up here with you?"
May climbed up into passenger seat and buckled herself in, giving me a small smile.
"Of course," I said with a small grin.
I waited for the rest of the girls to get loaded up into the car, turned over the engine and navigated my way through the alley, out onto the snow covered streets. Traffic wasn't so bad, about as normal as it usually was during anytime of the day.
For maybe the first hour or so all I could hear was Mom, April, June and Hadley's chattering in the back as they talked about pretty much everything to deal with the baby.
How has Hadley feeling? Has the baby kicked? Do you want the baby to be a girl? Boy?
After awhile all of the questions started to blend together and eventually I just tuned them out.
I was lost in my own tohughts for a time - no guesses there - but out of the corner of my eye I did start to notice May.
She sat with her legs tucked up underneath her, her arms wrapped around her middle, head turned, staring aimlessly out at the snow covered landscape.
May was normally the quiet one of the three, preferring to sit back and observe rather than join in on the conversation. I knew my sister, and this wasn't May's normal quietness.
"May."
She turned to look at me in surprise, eyebrows raised.
"Archer."
"Is...uh, something on your mind?"
I wasn't necessarily all that great at comforting and having heart-to-hearts with people - Hadley could attest to that - but May was my little sister. If something was bothering her, I couldn't just not help her, could I?
It was several moments before May said anything. She was frowning and her eyes were brighter than they had been before.
"May?"
"Will you tell me about Dad?"
The car jerked violently beneath my hands. It took me a moment to steady the steering wheel and not drive us off into some ditch.
"Why..." I cleared my throat, fixed my eyes on the road before me. "Why are you asking about Dad?"
May dropped her head back against the seat and let out an exasperated groan.
"Come on, Archer! I never even met Dad and I'm fourteen years old! Wouldn't you think I'd be asking questions about him?"
She did have a point there. She did deserve to know everything about her father.
I just didn't want to answer any questions about Chris. I didn't like to talk about Chris, not if I could help it.
"Ask Mom," I said shortly. "She'd know better than I would."
"I've asked Mom," May said, her voice growing more impatient. "And anytime I bring him up she bursts into tears and locks herself in her room."
Damn. She was still doing that?
"Come on, Archer," May said again, giving me a pleading look with her big blue eyes. "You're the only one that can tell me about him. Please? I want to know."
"Look, May..." I took a deep breath, tightening my grip on the steering wheel. "I don't know what you want me to say. Dad was a good guy. Nice. Funny. Took care of us."
"How did he die?"
"You know how he died, May."
"I want to hear it anyway."
"Car accident."
Hot guilt flooded through me and nearly took my breath away. This was a lie I'd told before and it was one that never got any easier.
Sometime when the girls were younger Mom had decided not to tell the girls how Chris Morales had really died.
As far as they were concerned, they thought Chris died in a car accident. They didn't know Chris had really been murdered. They didn't know my father was the culprit. They didn't even know I was only their half-brother.
I'd always felt the need to protect them, being their older brother, but now...seeing the look on May's face?
The lie probably wasn't the smartest thing ever told to them.
"Look, May," I said, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. "Dad loved you. He loved all of you. It was just...a bad thing that happened."
"I know, I know," May said. "I just..."
I didn't want to look over and see that May was crying.
"What?"
"It's not fair," she muttered, staring down at her clasped hands. "We never got any time with him. He died before we were born. I just want to have time with him. Is that too much to ask for?"
What the hell was I supposed to say to that?
I wanted to reach out and comfort her in some manner. Patting her on the head and telling her everything was going to be alright didn't exactly fit the mold here, though.
I did, however, realize something highly important during this entire conversation.
Unless I was much mistaken...I'd just found another fear to add to my list.
My ass was sore and my hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel too tightly by the time I pulled the SUV around into my aunt Sophia's circular driveway. My ears were also ringing.
I don't think I'd ever heard so much conversation about all things dealing with babies before in my entire life. Not that it was a bad thing. I didn't mind talking about my unborn child - of course not - but for three straight hours?
I probably wouldn't be the only one itching by the end of that.
I killed the engine and slid out onto the snow covered ground, walked around to the back to help Hadley out of the car. She was a little greener in the face since the car ride first began, and she was gripping my hand tightly enough to make me lose circulation.
"You ready for this?" I asked her, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.
She nodded, her lips pressed together tightly. "Think so."
Yeah, she wasn't ready for this. Neither was I.
God give us strength, I thought before I heard the front door of the ranch style house opening and loud voices.
My aunts Sophia and Karin started chatting loudly with Mom in Italian, greeting the triplets with kisses and hugs. Moments later I could hear my cousins trampling out on the porch to greet us, even louder than my aunts.
Thankfully, the youngest cousin around was Emmett, my uncle Vito and aunt Anna's second son, who was seven, so there wouldn't be any babies around the Christmas tree this time.
Next year? Totally different story.
"Come on," I muttered to Hadley. "Let's get this over with."
She nodded, leaned up on her tiptoes to give me a quick kiss and then pulled me around the SUV to meet the crowd waiting for us.
Sophia and Karin were the first to notice Hadley, and when they did, I think they shattered my eardrums from how loudly they screamed.
"Oh, Hadley! It's true! I knew you and my nephew were going to have a baby soon!"
"Look at that! Another little bambino to add to the family!"
"Wait, Hadley's pregnant?"
Mia, Acacia, Georgiana, Maria and all of the other girls crowded around Hadley, hugging her and kissing her cheeks and rubbing her stomach, congratulating her.
Nobody was really paying attention to me, so I just leaned up against the SUV, crossed my arms, and waited for this entire thing to die down.
It didn't last very long.
"Hey, cuz! Finally done did the deed, eh?"
I whapped Carlo upside the head as he stood next to me, impish grin in place, eyebrows raised suggestively.
"See you haven't changed much."
He shrugged, running a hand through his short hair. "You know how it is, Archer. This family needs some sense of normalcy. I figure I should be the one to provide it."
I couldn't resist the urge to roll my eyes.
"Right," I said.
"So, uh..." Carlo jabbed me in the ribs with an elbow and nodded towards Hadley. "Your little wife really is knocked up, huh?"
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."
Carlo snickered, leaning up against the SUV beside me.
"So...how did it happen?"
I gave him a flat look, hardly able to believe what I just heard.
"Carlo. If your parents haven't had the sex talk with you yet I think we've got bigger problems here than Hadley being pregnant."
"Oh, piss off," Carlo snapped. "You know what I mean."
I let out a heavy sigh and shrugged.
"It just happened."
"Did you plan it?"
"No. It came as a very unexpected surprise."
Carlo grinned and gave me another nudge.
"Best things are always surprises, eh?"
I didn't have an answer to that.
"Archer."
"What, Carlo?"
"Do you actually want this kid?"
Carlo's question didn't catch me off guard. It was a question I'd asked myself hundreds of times since the day I found out Hadley was expecting.
I couldn't help but watch Hadley as she laughed and chatted with all of the women. She kept up with the conversation in fluent Italian with everyone, a talent that took her a few years to master.
Her cheeks were flushed, she was continuously smiling, and her dark brown eyes were the brightest I'd ever seen them before.
If I had to be honest with myself, Hadley looked...happy, but I wasn't stupid. This was a different type of happiness. And it was all because of the baby growing every day inside her.
"Yes," I said without thinking, looking to Carlo. "Yes, I do."
Carlo grinned and slapped me on the back.
"Just wait and see, cuz. You'll fit right into fatherhood."
I'd have to see that first before I'd believe it.
It took a good fifteen minutes before we were able to grab the luggage and food from the SUV and usher everyone back inside the house again.
I immediately noticed that it was quieter than usual inside the house, which turned out to be because not all of the family had arrived yet.
My uncle Vito and aunt Anna and their two sons, Isaac and Emmett, wouldn't be in until tomorrow.
Lauren, attending school in Maine, wouldn't be down until sometime tomorrow, as well. Apparently she was also bringing one of her friends, which had Carlo in absolute tizzy, as this friend happened to be a guy.
I could only imagine how this Christmas was going to turn out.
Sure, the food would be good and the family time wouldn't be all that bad, but I was starting to get an uneasy feeling. An uneasy feeling like I was being watched, like something terrible was lying in wait around the corner.
Considering the task I'd been given that I'd neglected so far? This was probably an accurate feeling.