There was nothing but darkness on the other side. Athena was falling, head over heels into the abyss. Yet, she was too numb to feel any fear over the emptiness. There was no ending in sight - and the idea of temporarily floating in a place where she had no responsibilities greatly appealed to her. There was a deep pulsing at the base of her skull, but Athena felt no interest in discovering why. She felt nothing - she was swimming in a pit of apathy, unable to work up the wherewithal to even think beyond the darkness. But, just when she was beginning to like the stagnate void around her, reality interceded.
With a great jolt, Athena woke, bolting upright and nearly flinging herself from the bed. Breaths falling heavily into the silence, she tried to orient herself but nothing seemed familiar immediately. A soft mattress lay beneath her, a single fan sat to her right on a chair - blowing cold air against her sweaty skin and immediately raising goosebumps. Dim light filtered through the windows above the bed, giving a small glimpse into the room. Slowly, Athena began to recognize it as her own space inside the compound. Though none of her own belongings lay scattered around, Athena knew it was her room. The walls were familiar, as was the blankets across her legs.
Sliding from the warm cocoon of sheets, Athena gave a small shriek when her feet came in contact with the cold stone of the floor. Only her shallow breathing breached the silence that lay heavily in the room. Athena was thankful for the solitude - knowing she needed time to deal with the emotions raging through her like a storm. A bone-deep ache was settled deep within her; and Athena knew she needed to move before the emptiness crushed her.
Silently, she padded over to the dresser, staring into the mirror. Strands of hair lay matted against her brown skin, and a pair of large green eyes stared into her own - but something was different. Eyes widening in shock, Athena looked closer - and there it was again, the small flash of gold near the iris of her eye. Numbness settled over her like a cloak - Athena couldn't even find the interest within her to examine the startling difference closer. The emptiness in her was expanding, eating her heart and settling in her stomach - a heavy weight that was a constant reminder of her sins.
Closing her eyes - unable to look at herself any longer - Athena stepped back to the bed. Slowly, she sank onto the mattress, numbness so deep in her soul she could barely breathe. She felt defeated; as if she had been given the stars only to be told she was too small to reach them. It was crushing - so deeply painful she needed to think of anything else.
What had happened last?
Jax had told her to run, the urgency in his voice propelling her forward in a desperate sprint for safety. She'd pounded across the concrete, only to crash through the doorway - but after that? Athena's mind was a blank slate. Nothing but white noise filled her memories and the more she tried to probe, the more her head began to throb and her heart beat faster. A growing sense of dread propelled her back to her feet; whatever had happened was too horrible to remember, but she needed to know. The sense of urgency gripping her was almost overwhelming as she fought to push through the static in her mind. Athena was struggling so hard, she didn't notice the furniture around her begin to shake, trembling as if a great wind was blowing through the room.
Dimitri.
With a scream, Athena remembered it all. The begging, crying - and the blood. So much blood. The bed behind her snapped in two, the frame splintering as the wood tore itself apart. She could still feel the red sticky substance on her hands and she wrapped her arms around herself so she didn't need to look at her hands. Hands that had betrayed her. Fingers that had pulled the trigger and ended her brother's life. Chest heaving, Athena fell back onto the broken, sagging mattress, her breathing coming in dry gasps that left her throat raw. She hated herself - wished she could just end it all. Pull one last trigger, but this time the muzzle would be pressed to her own temple.
Falling backwards, Athena prayed that this time the darkness would take her forever.
Φ
A loud knock pulled Athena awake for the second time, drawing her fuzzy attention to the door of her room. A large crack lay in the wood, but from what she could see it hadn't make it all the way through. The knocking persisted, growing softer the longer she continued to stare uncomprehendingly at the door. Athena felt like she was adrift at sea, the waves trying so hard to pull her under.
"Athena? It's Grayson." Came a familiar voice from the other side.
"It should be unlocked." Athena responded, her whispered words drowned out by the resumed knocking.
Athena knew she should speak up, but there was no will to do so - the heaviness within her was nearly overwhelming. She wanted the waves to take her. Just when the knocking was becoming incessant, a faint clicking pulled her attention back to the door. Slowly, it opened. Grayson's dark hair peeked through the doorway, soon followed by the rest of his worried face. He looked uncertain - as if treading through the doorway and disturbing Athena might be lethal. Athena felt anything but deadly, so she merely continued to stare at Grayson - mind bogged down by a weird haze that wouldn't leave.
"Hey..." Grayson murmured, his voice soft in response to the silence she greeted him with. "Can I come in?"
She nodded numbly, hands clasped together in her lap. Suddenly, she was unsure of herself. Her previously overcome anxiety reared its ugly head, reminding Athena that it would never truly leave her. It would merely give her a reprieve - brief moments of normalcy before sinking its familiar claws back into her. The weight in her chest grew as Grayson came closer. Athena's breaths started coming in shallow gasps as she fought to remain calm. Would she ever be able to look into Grayson's eyes without feeling the shame of being a murderer?
"What happened to your bed?" he asked, one eyebrow quirked as he examined the splintered frame.
Athena shrugged, unwilling to expend the energy it would take to explain. Grayson took the hint, and sat down next to her, one hand hesitantly resting on her knee. The bed dipped in response to his presence and Athena couldn't help shifting so they were closer. The warmth from his palm was oddly comforting, and the emptiness abated for a moment. Silence settled between them, but it wasn't the familiar companionable silence they usually sat in and that made Athena sad. This was the silence people fell into when they didn't know how to console a grieving friend. With a startled jump, Athena realized the heaviness in her soul was akin to a feeling of mourning - and she hated herself for already feeling numb over Dimitri's death.
But her brother had been dead for years. Athena now mourned the hope that had sprouted, only to be caught aflame and destroyed.
"Jack will probably be by soon." Grayson said, finally breaking the silence, for which Athena was grateful. "I've been struggling to keep him away. He's like your guard dog."
The image of Jax pacing diligently outside of her room while Grayson tried to keep him at bay brought a small smile to Athena's lips. Without meaning to, she'd developed deep attachments to both boys. It was almost comical that she'd find herself attached to not only the prince of the new world but the poster boy of the rebellion. Two boys from different worlds, but both equally importantly to her - in different ways.
"I don't know what happened Athena, but it's going to be okay." Grayson whispered the words, his voice cracking as his hand tightened on her knee. His voice broke her heart - but she was sick of hearing the pain embedded in all of them.
"No." Athena responded - the emptiness inside of her echoing the word, as if it liked the sound of it.
Athena rose, turning until she looked down at Grayson and could see the feeble hope in his eyes. This is why she existed - why she was the messiah. No matter what was thrown at her, Athena refused to break. Even if she was the last one standing in the end - she would save them. Slowly, she lowered herself until they were nose to nose, crystal blue to dark green.
"It's never going to be okay. But you know what, Grayson? We're going to win." Athena couldn't stop her voice was shaking, or the tears from gathering in her eyes. Try as the universe might, she refused to break. The movement needed her - little girls with brothers like hers needed her. "We're going to make the king pay. I promise."
Athena tried to calm her heavy breathing, her words echoing in the silence - ringing through her body like bells. Resonating deep within her and filling the emptiness - turning all of the darkness inside of her into one single word: yes. No matter if the darkness eventually consumed her, Athena knew she would at least take the king with her.
Grayson nodded at her words, the same burning fire mirrored in his clear eyes. Pushing from the bed, he pulled Athena in for a fierce kiss that left her dizzy. The loneliness was gone for now, but at least she knew there would be others to help her when it came back. Jax and Grayson were here to help her - and Athena finally knew her place in this movement.
"We have a council meeting." Grayson said, one hand wrapping around hers. "Let's go."
Sighing, Athena let him pull her along, knowing that no matter what - they had to keep moving forward.
Φ
The council room was empty when Athena and Grayson arrived, the table a lone sentinel in the bare room. Athena was used to silence - she practically thrived in it - but the quiet within the room was different. Lonely. As if saddened by disuse, wondering if there would ever again be laughter in its halls.
Before Athena could ask where the others were, a door slammed open behind them. Turning she watched as Jax breezed into the room, a white bandage wrapped around his left shoulder. He was still dressed in the standard combat boots, and cargo pants, but where the bullet proof vest had been there was now a white tee-shirt. It clung to the contours of his chest, and Athena couldn't help but stick out her tongue at the way Jax swaggered into the room. How had she ever thought such a doofus was cute?
"Hey there." Jax said, his habitual smile stretching across his face as he came closer. Athena didn't realize his intent until she was smashed against his chest in a bear hug - though it wasn't unpleasant, the hard planes of his chest were hurting her nose. Athena couldn't help but pinch him beneath his armpit, chuckling when he jumped back with a curse.
"Kids, please." Grayson growled, using his best fatherly impression to glare at them as he took his seat at the head of the table.
Athena sat herself promptly, ignoring when Jax kicked her chair on his way to his seat. Athena watched as he rubbed the spot she pinched, and had to stop herself from chuckling at his disgruntled expression. You would think she'd shot him with how loud Jax was carrying on.
"Where are the others?" Athena asked when no one else entered the room. Grace was still MIA, and she knew that, but there should have been a least four more people entering the once again silent council hall.
She watched as Jax's expression immediately clouded, and Grayson frowned. Taking a deep breath, Athena closed her eyes for a moment. She knew without having to ask - they'd lost someone.
"Brayden was killed - that's why the explosions backfired." Jax began, one hand coming up to rub his sun-tanned face. "Alicia is tending to the wounded, but she's not very responsive. I think she's still in shock."
"Thorn has been knocked into a coma." Grayson sighed, picking up the story as he watched Athena over his intertwined fingers. "Pixie was taken captive. If she didn't manage to kill herself, I believe they're going to publicly execute her sometime this month. We'll be finding out for sure soon thanks for some spies we still have inside the castle."
"We can't just let her be killed." Athena half-shouted, pushing herself forward so she could lean on her elbows as she looked at the remaining council members. "I think I have a plan."
Jax leaned forward, curiosity written all over his face. Grayson merely raised an eyebrow. Though Athena wasn't used to being the one in charge, she knew it was time for her to take her place as the leader - and hence face - of the rebellion. The plan had been stewing in her head since her return, but only now did all the pieces click into place.
"We need to make a statement." She began, hands flattening as she stood and took the time to look them both in the eye - letting them see her determination. "The movement has been stagnate for over a year now, and with my arrival we need to make a move. To show we're still here - fighting for our freedom and our lives."
Grayson shifted, eyes glued to Athena as she pushed away from the table to stand in front of them. Jax swiveled his chair to watch her. Athena could feel their energy - her energy - swirling in the room, mixing and coalescing until it was nearly palpable. This is what they needed. Bright minds and people willing to die for their cause.
"So what do you propose we do?" Grayson asked, the energy in the room turning his eyes a deep blue as he watched her.
Athena couldn't help the nasty smile she felt spreading across her face as she looked at her friends - feeling the energy around them burst into a raging inferno inside of her, willing and capable of consuming anything in her path.
"We go straight for the king's fucking throat." She laughed.
++++
& There it is! The ending of the first book in the Color War Chronicles! Athena unlocks her potential, and finally understands her place in this crazy world. News on the next book with be forthcoming, so don't worry about that c:
This book has honestly been such a roller coaster for me, and I'm so gratefully to all of the wonderful readers who have stuck by me during the six month droughts where I didn't update at all. Without you guys, this book would NOT be done! YOU ROCK!