I called my dad and asked him if he had time to look after Alexis while I was out meeting a friend. I was almost on my way to call Lanie but then I remembered our conversation earlier and figured she would only think I was out on a date if I told her I was meeting a friend. And if she thought I was going on a date there was no way I could possibly escape the questions she would have for me afterwards, so that's why I chose my father. Alexis had asked me where I was going and if I was going to meet her father, but I had told her that I would tell her later on, but that she had to promise not to tell 'Jim' that we had been talking to her father. Once I had left her at my dad's home I drove towards the park we had decided to meet. I couldn't help but to think about that first time I had met him. That first time when I had gotten his book signed. I took a deep breath when I parked my car and turned off the engine. Why was I so nervous? Because that must be what the feeling in my stomach was, right? It felt so weird, I hadn't been this nervous since I was a teenager and had a date with one of the hot guys in school. I looked at the clock and saw it was 6:55pm, I bit my lip as I opened my door and jumped out of my car. I didn't see anyone there yet except for a few kids, about 13-14 year olds, running around climbing on the playground. Since I didn't really want to ruin their game or whatever they were doing I went to the swings seeing there was no one there. I sat down on the left swing, looking around in the falling darkness. I couldn't help but start swinging carefully, in order to try get rid of my nervousness which, to my disappointment, didn't go away. I took up my phone and checked the clock again, it had only gone three minutes since I checked it last.
"Hi?" a man's voice said and I immediately recognized it from the first time we met.
I looked up and saw the famous ruggedly handsome writer in front of me. I quickly stood up and reached out my hand.
"Hi, uhm, nice to meet you" I said and I saw him shake his head a bit before he shook my hand.
It almost looked like he'd needed to collect his thoughts.
"It's nice to meet you too, thank you so much for doing this" he said and I saw how grateful he was in his eyes.
I couldn't help but smile when I looked even deeper into his eyes and found that he was quite nervous himself. I sat back in the swing and he joined me by sitting in the swing to my left.
"You weren't followed here, were you?" I asked suddenly feeling like we could get busted any second.
I didn't want Alexis to be taken away from me just because I took a risk with seeing her father.
"No, I switched cab like three times only to make sure. Don't worry, I won't try to do something that will take my little girl away from the both of us. I can see you care for her on a level that not even my previous wives did" he said and I saw he shut his mouth when he had mentioned his ex-wives.
"Yeah, I've had her a couple of months now I think, and I actually can't imagine my life without her. I know that if you get to have her back I'll be happy for her but I will miss her more than I thought would be possible. She's become a part of my every day" I said honestly.
We were quiet for a couple of minutes, thinking. I didn't know what he was thinking about but I was thinking about the little girl that was at my dad's home, and I was pretty sure that was who he was thinking about too.
"You know, if I do get her back I'll make sure you get to meet her as often as possible. Before you woke up Alexis told me a lot of things about you and I really think you've become quite a role model for her, and I would never be able to take that away from her" he told me and I looked at him for the first time since we sat down on the swings.
He looked directly into my eyes and I couldn't help but get a feeling that he could see how much I appreciated his words. I tried to gather myself and remembered the question he hadn't really been able to answer before.
"So, you told me you have no idea why they took Alexis away from you. Sorry but how can you not know what you did wrong?" I questioned, feeling my detective instincts coming up to the surface.
He got a wrinkle between his eyes indicating he was thinking, it was actually kind of cute. Though I knew I shouldn't be thinking that I couldn't help it. It was the truth. He looked puzzled, like he didn't know what to answer.
"I don't know because I don't recall doing something wrong, the only thing I did before they took her was look into this case that was written off as a gang violence 10 years ago where the killer never got caught" he told me honestly and I got a big lump in my belly.
I couldn't help but start breathing heavily and looking away from the man beside me while hoping he wouldn't notice my panic attack.
"Are you okay? What's wrong? What did I say wrong?" he asked me and I heard his fear thinking he had offended me or something.
"What was the name?" I questioned in a breath.
"What? Who?" he was definitely confused by my question.
"What was the name of the victim?" I asked and I looked up into his confused eyes which got a glimpse of understanding all of a sudden.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! How could I be so stupid not to see the resemblances!" he exclaimed, "Johanna Beckett is your mother isn't she?"
"Was" I corrected him with a painful ache in my heart and voice.
"Of course, I'm so so sorry!" he continued to apologize.
I looked away from him again and tried to take deep breaths, I did not want him to see me like this. In fact, I wanted nobody to see me like this.
"Let's just forget about it. There's nothing to do about it anyway" I said harsh as I tried to stop tears from forming in my eyes.
I had a feeling he wanted to say something but he didn't so I looked at him just to see an expression telling me there was something I should know, something that he didn't want to be the one telling me.
"What?" I asked and he shook his head.
"I found something but I haven't looked into it because that's when they took Alexis away from me" he said and I shook my head.
"Whatever you've found it's probably not something I haven't found before and gotten to a dead end with. Anyway, let's drop this subject. I can't dig into that again" I said harsh.
"Why?" he asked and I gave him an irritated look.
"Because of the same reason an alcoholic doesn't take a drink" I only said and decided to change the subject myself. "So there was nothing else you did before they took her? No partying getting out of hand?"
He looked like he really tried to think back. After a few seconds he shook his head.
"No, I wasn't even out that whole month, I had no book parties or anything" he said and I nodded. "Is she good? I mean, is she hard on you?" he suddenly asked after a few minutes of silence.
The question took me back a bit and I looked at him with confused eyes.
"Uhm, yes, she's good. I've been worried she wouldn't like me but she's never been hard on me, she seem to like me better than whoever she was staying at before me" I said and he raised an eyebrow, "you do know she's been into another foster home before me right?" I asked, suddenly unsure he was aware of this.
"No, I wasn't" he admitted and looked down at his hands. "I can't believe I failed her, the only person you should never fail and I did that" he put his hands over his face and I got this weird feeling that he was trying to hold back some tears.
I didn't know what to do, I wasn't sure if I should comfort him or if I should just let him be. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. The only thing we had in common was Alexis, the little girl who was at my dad's place. I hesitantly reached out my hand to touch his shoulder, he jumped a bit but didn't pull away.
"Have you asked your lawyer what they're saying is the reason they took her?" I asked carefully.
"Yes, but he can't get it out of them" his voice was shaking.
I took a deep breath and thought of doing something I shouldn't. I felt so sorry for him, I couldn't imagine how he must feel about all of this. I couldn't imagine a life without the little girl and I had only had her for a couple of months. He was breaking down right in front of me even though I could see he really tried not to.
"You know what? I'm gonna help you. I can't let you see her yet because I really need to think about how to do that but I can show you were she's staying" I said and I saw his body language tell me he was surprised by what I had said.
He looked up from his hands and I could see the tears that had slipped his eyes. Carefully I extended my hand to wipe away the tears. When my fingers met his cheek I felt something go through my body but I tried to ignore it as I looked into his eyes. We stared at each other for a couple of minutes before I managed to snap out of it.
"Well?" I said, a little harsher than I imagined.
That got him to snap out of it too and he nodded eagerly. I stood up and held out my hand for him to take. It didn't take long before he took it and followed me towards my car.
"You don't happen to have a hoodie with you?" I asked and he shook his head. "Well then you'll have to try not to be seen."
"I could lay down in your backseat" he suggested and I narrowed my eyes at him.
I thought about it for a minute before I nodded and he jumped into the back. It was probably not a good idea because if something happened he would pretty much be dead but I didn't see any other option, we didn't need anyone to know he was on his way over someplace where he should be. The last thing we needed was for someone take a picture of him riding in my car. I hopped into the driver's seat and started the engine. I glanced back and saw the father of my foster kid laying down flat in the backseat.
"You okay back there?" I questioned beginning to become a bit sceptic about him laying there, without any seatbelt.
"Yeah yeah! I'm good" he said and I decided that was enough to pull the car into the traffic towards my apartment.