“I think we should probably head east.”
Groaning fairly unattractively for the third time in the same argument that has lasted for about ten minutes, I stopped dead in my tracks, stopping to stare at Cody with my eyes narrowed down to slits. “No, Cody, west. Which part of that do you not get?”
“Uh, simple,” he curved his lips downward and shrugged his shoulders. “The W getting in the way of the last three letters, obviously. I mean, pardon my smartass attitude right now but this place is huge—”
“And you know that, so, we can’t afford to waste more time in finding my Dad, Cody! His shift ends at two in the afternoon before he comes back for his evening shift which is at half past seven”—I took a deep breath—“and it’s already a quarter past one.”
“Okay, okay,” he sighed in defeat, cupping my palm with his very own warm one, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We’ll do it your way in early PM but it’ll be mine in late, deal?”
Loosening some grip on myself, I raised an eyebrow and carried on staring at him dubiously. “If that actually involves allowing you letting me lead the both of us to the right side from where we’re standing, then yes a deal shall be a deal but if otherwise then clearly—”
“No,” he emphasized clearly for my sake, making me smile, “yeah, I get it, babe. Let’s go,” he said without hesitation, pulling me along when I grinned harder, tugging on his hand.
“Good.”
For a moment after that, neither of us spoke; we just simply walked down towards where we were headed in a comfortable line of silence, among the crowded park full of people on the greens—mind you, I’m only good at depicting this because I’ve seen this way too many times in romantic movies. You know, speaking in the most cliché way ever and simpler forms of words.
However much nicer it could get, unfortunately I don’t suppose it would ever be good enough to snag my attention and throw my thoughts away—I couldn’t stop thinking about how my father would look like. I know he’ll look along the lines of Uncle Mitchell but they aren’t identical twins, so he wasn’t really the greatest help honestly.
“Cody?” I timidly called out in the middle of nowhere while we walked. I dropped my gaze to the ground and stared at my feet with each step I took forward, and possibly nearer to my father and his ice-cream stall, oh. I sighed quietly.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think my Dad would recognize me?” I stopped short after, and decided to carry on speaking about the same topic because I was beginning to fear his answer and I didn’t really need it as soon as possible. “After all, it’s been many years since and I don’t think—”
“Babe, I’m going to need you to do me a favor and breath because right now, what you’re doing to yourself is over thinking and most times experiencing over thinking leads to stress, then to insanity because of your deprivation over something. ‘Kay? You breathing deeply enough?” Cody questioned calmly, rubbing his hand soothingly down my back to comfort me.
I followed his instructions and did what I’m supposed to, but that kind of only made me feel more nervous and I could only express through squeezing Cody’s arm, but I doubt he minds anyway. He didn’t utter a word or a sigh and neither did he make any facial expressions.
“Yes, Merinda, your Dad’s going to recognize you, okay? Which father wouldn’t be able to recognize their own child? Might I say that, that person could just easily be the dumbest parent in the world, so stop worrying okay? You’re stressing yourself out over nothing and it’s kind of paining me to see you in that state.”
I looked up at him, looked at the way the sun’s rays shone through gaps of his hair and the way the brightness reflected on his smooth skin and admired every inch of him before drawing a deep breath, to encourage myself further.
Can anybody imagine how things would go if I hadn’t met him unintentionally at the airport? If I had to face this situation alone and still knowing he didn’t know I existed at all?
I heaved a soft sigh and tightened my fingers around his, gaining back immediate same reaction. “What would I do without you, Cody?”
“Let’s not focus on that, but just focus on how everything will go by easily,” he leaned down slightly and pressed his lips softly onto my forehead. He pulled away and pecked my nose lightly. “And just so you know, what would I do without you?”
Laughing it off shyly, I was cut short though, when someone yelled my name from the back. And it was just someone; it was a man’s voice. Keeping my hand in place with Cody’s, I turned around to face that person with my eyebrows lifted, only to hear a gasp emit from my throat in shock.
That man—parts of Uncle Mitchell’s words began invading my head as I slowly stared at the places he had described of my father exactly alike. Wavy sleek brown hair that was gelled backwards; his eyes, his nose, his lips—no way.
It was one of those moments when you’re just caught off guard and everything you do just don’t matter and what’s before you just simply matters the most but in this case… I just can’t. I can’t feel anything at all. “Dad?” I incredulously began, feeling my fingers sliding out of the gaps of Cody’s as I made my way forward.
“Merinda,” he firmly voiced out, now only a few inches away from me.
“How did you know it was me?” My eyebrows furrowed together tightly as I stared at the man whom I haven’t once met in my past sixteen years of life.
“You’re my daughter, of course I’m able to recognize you! I have a picture of you as a baby in my wallet, Merinda. There’s no way I’m able to forget how my daughter looks like,” he shook his head once, but then dropped his gaze to stare at his phone when he whipped it out of his pocket. “I heard you’ve met my brother, your Uncle Mitchell?”
“Yeah, I have,” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes in front of him for good manners, “he’s really weird. And I’m sorry for being honest, um.”
He gave out a loud rumbling laugh, “It’s fine. He gets it a lot, it’s really fine. So how are you, Merinda?”
“I’m doing great, coping well with my life and managing the hectic life my boyfriend leads,” I pursed my lips into a straight tight line and drew in another deep breath, this time feeling every bit of anxiety inside of me fade. Instead though, it was soon replaced with fury as more and more questions surfaced on my mind.
“Can I ask you a question?” I fired at him when he was ready to respond to my answer.
“You already did,” he joked lamely, laughing slightly but if I weren’t so mad I would’ve spared him the pity and faked laughing along but now’s just not the time.
“Why did you leave us.”
“Merinda—”
“No, stop calling my name until you tell me why. Why did you leave your family behind in Australia? Don’t say it was for our own good, because it sure as hell wasn’t.
“Do you know up till the age of six, every single day I’ve been watching Mom cry her heart out every night before going to bed? Do you know how heartbreaking it was? And especially the fact that she had to work three jobs a day just to earn the both of us a living until she found a better one when I was older?
“And do you know how hard it was to write essays about my family or my father or anything that was related to you back in elementary school when in actual fact I lacked a father, and his love for me. All these years, do you know how difficult and unbearable it was? Mom even got me leave high school for home school because I couldn’t take it.
“You ruined bits and parts of my life, you know that?” I hissed lowly at my last few words, making sure he’d felt how painful it was, and how much of that pain I had to endure and absorb to carry on with life. And now that I have cancer, huh, must be prove that I’ve suffered way too much negativity in the past.
“Merinda…” He began speaking, “I only left because your mother and I have never been on good terms. Do you know how old she is?”
“Yeah, obviously? She’s thirty-two?”
“How old are you?”
“Sixteen.”
“Do you know how old I am?”
“Um, because you left us and never bothered to contact us again, of course I know how old you are,” I sarcastically argued back, fighting against the urge to scream. Is he playing games with me or something?
“Merinda, stop. Listen to me, I’m thirty-five years old this year,” he paused to see my reaction and all I could do was narrow my eyes in suspicion of what he was about to say, “your mother was a sophomore back in high school and I was a senior.
“The both of us dated the whole year through, but at the end of it I had to leave for college, so we—we made love. We used protection, but somehow your mother ended up being pregnant and I couldn’t just leave education hanging like that, right?”
“Maybe if you loved her and were responsible enough, you could have left it hanging just like that,” I grounded my teeth together and shook my head.
“What, are you trying to tell me that age matters now? That the only obstacle in the way is age? Or education? That your own flesh isn’t enough for you to sacrifice and that Mom had to suffer and make all the sacrifices alone? Are you telling me that? God, you may be my father but you’re pathetic, you know that.”
“Merinda…” He trailed off, taking a step forward, trying to grab my hand but I took a step back, keeping my distance from him. I won’t accept this; not right now and probably never ever.
“Don’t touch me, don’t look at me, don’t even speak to me,” I grumbled furiously, shaking my head. “I don’t know who you are, and you may be my father but I won’t acknowledge you as one. Not now, not ever.” Turning on my heels, I made my way towards Cody who was leaning against one of the trees with his hands tucked in his pockets.
Sorry to ruin his peace but really I am in no more mood to stay at this part of the park. “Cody.”
His head snapped up and faced the direction I was at, before his eyes slowly wandered to me and he reached his hand out for me to hold. I flashed him a tight smile and entwined our fingers together, walking straight ahead.
“If you’re not ready to speak about it, you don’t have to,” Cody paused to graze his thumb over mine lightly, “but I just want to let you know that I’ll always be here whenever you’re ready to spill the beans and make yourself feel twice as better, okay?”
“I know. Thank you,” I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. “Anyway, to let us feel happier, where are we going now?”
“For the fact, we’re actually returning to the hotel because the date won’t start until tonight and you can’t dress like this—” He forced himself to shut up when I glared at him playfully. “Unless you want your favorite dress to be ruined by water, then yeah our date can proceed, you know.”
“O-K-A-Y,” I spelt aloud, slapping his arm lightly. “I got it! We’re going back to change, right? Right. Where’s out date going to be held at?”
“Simple, the beach because that’s where we practically grew up at,” that made me smile like there’s no tomorrow. “Now, wouldn’t it be just fun if we reminisced a little and took the first step of our little bit of an adventurous lives together, there?”
“It wouldn’t be just fun, Cody. You know that. It’s going to be very, fun.”