Chapter Eight - Confrontations Bitch
"How's little Erin doing?" I ask in a hushed whisper holding on tightly to Franks' hands.
Frank is one of my regulars here at the bakery and Erin is his six year old niece who is in a mighty battle against her cancer. Frank is one of the sweetest old men you could ever meet! Ever since I first opened the bakery three years ago he has come in every monday, thursday and friday occassionally bringing Erin with him when she was feeling up to it.
"She's losing the battle Jax and I'm scared she's giving up the fight," he answers his emotions choking him.
"I'll continue to keep her in my prayers and you know I don't pray," I replied giving him a knowing smile as he chuckled. "You hold right there, I'm going to get her an assortment of treats and you tell my little angel I'm coming to see her soon," I ordered giving his hand a tight squeeze of reassurance.
Excusing myself from the table, I grab a massive white take away box, heading into the back I see Schmidt working hard on getting our lunch specials ready.
Putting on some gloves and tongs I pick up some fresh cinnamon rolls, raspberry macaroons, oreo croughnuts, salted caramel cookies and I add in a few red velvet cupcakes.
"You still not going to tell me what happened with you and the bastard yet?" Ignoring Schmidt I begin to tape the box closed and gently slide the box into our takeaway bag throwing in a handful of napkins.
Schmidt had been bothering me about what had happened that day with Valentino and everytime I had told him to drop it but the boy obviously doesn't understand what no means. I swear sometimes he reminds me of a dumb dog, you tell him one thing he hears another.
I couldn't tell if I was happy or mad at Schmidt disturbing me and Valentino, would I have been able to go all the way with him? Would he be a gentle or rough lover? I can bet everything I own he'd be rough with those broad shoulders, midnight black hair and liquid silver eyes that bored into mine.
Ever since that night I had been avoiding him like crazy, which has proved a harder task than I had originally thought.
"Here you go Frank, you take this with you, send my well wishes and thanks to the nurses and doctors for looking after my little angel," Frank stood to meet me and held me tightly.
Pulling back he kissed my forehead and patted my cheek. "You're a good boy you are, one day you'll find a guy worthy of all your goodness and you bring him to me when you do so he knows who's fists his face will be kissing if he messes with you," Frank was like a grandfather to me, the man was family to me.
After paying the bill and giving me one last wave, Frank was off.
I liked to spend time getting to know my customers, whether they were visitors on holiday, just popping for the first and last time or they were regulars.
Honestly I couldn't ask for a better job, my bakery is somewhere where I feel safe, I can talk to anyone, I'm not scared of anything all of a sudden, somewhere where I feel normal.
It's somewhere I can busy myself to keep myself from thinking about all the problems in the world.
Slipping into the back I decide to help Schmidt and Amy with working on the lunch prep as its almost time for the lunch menu to be swapped for the breakfast.
"Amy, why don't you go help on the bakery floor, me and Schmidt have got this," nodding in agreement Amy slid off her gloves, cleaned her work station and slipped on an apron on her way out.
Taking the box of salad containers I place it on the counter as I take over from where Amy was.
I began to prep the Mac n Cheese salad bowls, glancing at Schmidt from time to time.
"I kissed Valentino," I said as if I was talking about the weather, the sound of Schmidt's grating the cheese had stopped.
I peeked at him from the corner of my eye and noticed he had stopped what he was doing completely and was now staring at me with disbelief.
"Do you know what this means?!" He squealed in excitement.
"It means nothing Schmidt, okay?" he knew what I meant by 'okay' he knew I meant I didn't suffer from anxiety as intensely as I usually do.
"Yeah, but you've never taken it this far! Holy shit Jax, do you think...do you think you maybe like Valentino and you're finally accepting the idea of a second chance at love?!".
This is why I didn't want to tell him, I knew the flamboyant gay boy in his head would have a field day with it.
"The kiss with Valentino has changed nothing, nothing will ever make me forget what Timothy did to me. Maybe...just maybe though, I can beat this anxiety maybe that's what this means?" I had tried many times with my therapists but nothing would work.
I stopped going to therapy because of anything it was making me feel more lousy than I already did in the first place.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Schmidt gushed holding onto my hands with hope shining brightly in his eyes.
I nodded slowly biting my lip with slight uncertainty.
"I want to try and beat this, I don't know how but I'm determined to get there someday," it felt good to get this off my chest to think about the possibility that maybe someday I'll be able to touch another person with any fears, without having to think twice.
"So...was the kiss nice?" Schmidt asks teasingly whilst wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"It was amazing, if I'm being honest. It was everything I dreamed that a kiss would feel like when I was a young boy. Thank goodness you stopped us when you did or I might have gone as far as having sex with him," I admitted my cheeks heating up at the memory.
"GET OUT! YOU DID NOT ALMOST HAVE SEX WITH THAT UNSTABLE SPANISH BASTARD!" My eyes widened in shock at his outbursts and before I knew it my hands were around his mouth stopping him from announcing anymore before the whole cafe knew my personal business.
"Keep your voice down! As lovely as the kiss had been he also threatened to ruin my life and everything in it Schmidt. I don't know what was going on with my brain when I did, why do I feel like this about him Shimmy?" Shimmy was my nickname for Schmidt, I only used it when I needed his help.
"He's bad for me, heck for anyone! Yet after years and years of not wanting a relationship, being scared of being touched or the idea of being with someone, he comes along and I have this sudden desire to touch him? To kiss and to hold him? He's just like him, he threatened to ruin my life and I kissed him? That's not normal!" I was beginning to stress out, this why I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want to deal with these fucking emotions swelling inside me.
"He just has to look at me and I'm putty in his hand, any emotion he wants me to feel, I feel and I barely know him I-i it's crazy! Help me Shim, why am I feeling like this?"
Dropping the food he was prepping Schmidt pulls me tightly into his chest and I can't help but choke on a sob that traitorously leaves my throat.
"I don't know what to say Jax, I haven't been in this position before, but what I can say it that it will get better, I'll take you out tonight my treat, how's that?" I needed it to get better.
"Thanks Shimmy, I love you,"
"I love you too," A little smile slips onto my face.
Things fell silent between us as we both went back to prepping the food, that was until Amy informed me I had someone asking for me at till.
That's weird, I never have visitors unless I'm expecting deliveries and those aren't due for another three days.
If you told me to guess who was waiting for me it would have taken me about eighty odd tries.
An excited Alejandro stood smiling at me with a pissed looking Valentino behind him.
Clearing my voice and suddenly feeling nervous I ask Alejandro to what I owe this visit.
"I begged Vale to bring me here! After tasting those treats you brought him in that hamper I couldn't help but come back for more, I also wanted to see if you're feeling better! I must say nice place, it's super busy'" I couldn't help but smile because of his kindness.
"Sure, come round the back with me and I'll let you get first pick of some of the lunch goodies," Alejandro looked like the cat who got the cream, a massive grin took over his face.
Opening the booth door I let Alejandro slip through, Valentino had taken a seat in the corner of the café whilst he spoke on the phone.
Good, I thought to myself, the further away from me he is the better.
Schmidt and Alejandro exchanged welcoming upon seeing each other, you would think they were old friends by how comfortable and open they were with each other.
"Pick what you like, we've also got some hot and cold food too not just sweet treats to rot your teeth," his face lit up even more if that's possible with glee.
"Will you please teach me how to make some of these? Please I beg of you Jax!" He pleaded getting down on his knees.
Chuckling I told him to get up that it wasn't necessary, "how's this weekend?" I asked.
"Perfecto! Tu eres muy dulce!" After arranging our baking session for this weekend Schmidt took him out front to sort out a discounted payment as I put the finishing touches on everything.
"You've been avoiding me," came an accusingly rich and husky voice.
Looking up from what I was doing I see Valentino watching me as he leans against the doorframe.
My heart starts to beat quicker and my hands grow warm. "What makes you say that?" I ask trying to seem cool and collected.
I didn't understand how he could blame me for him looking bad, what had I done?
"I know you better than you think, the kiss wasn't a mistake either was it?"
"You enjoyed it more than I did, didn't you Jax?" the way my name rolled of his accented tongue made my brain fill with all sorts of naughty thoughts, is it bad that the fact it made me feel like a teenage boy again bad?
A cocky smirk took over his handsome face as he took confident strides towards me. It's like I've suddenly become paralysed as I watch the determination sparkle in his eye.
My breathing becomes more shallow as the smell of his Hugo Boss cologne and his natural scent wrap around my senses pulling me in like a fish to bait.
"Tell me how much you liked the feeling of my lips kissing yours, how eager you were...how much you wanted me to fuck that delectable little ass of yours," my skin became more and more heated at his words.
Not wasting anymore time Valentino leans in brushing his lips against mine once before attacking and ravishing me with his hands. A needy whine escapes my throat as he takes on full control.
What is Valentino doing to me?
"I told you to leave me alone, are you hard of hearing? Do you not know how to translate the words coming out of my mouth? Here let me say something in Spanish so may you'll understand me, tirate a un poso, beso mi culo y vete a la verga culero," before he could even react I continued.
"You know, one minute you're all in my face threatening me, insulting me, belittling me and then the next you're Mr Smooth, trying to take me to bed, to seduce me. Is that normal, are you normal? Are you all there in the brain? Let me break something down for you, I am not a toy, so don't try to play with me. Read my lips, are you ready? Okay here we go, leave, me, alone. You don't bother me I won't bother you. Ruin my life, I'll ruin yours it's simple. You don't scare me anymore Valentino I've been through too much shit and I won't let myself go through it again. Do you see these scars, these burn marks? I got them because I was letting myself be afraid of him, he took advantage of my fear just like you're doing and I won't stand for it anymore, now if you'll excuse me I have a business to run,".
With that I excused myself letting out a shaky breath and leaving a shocked Valentino behind.