My fingers hook into the top of the knot of my tie and I slide it loose, but it's still too hot. My frustration sparks like a fuse when the door behind me opens. The pretentious music and conversations fill the night for a second until the door closes.
I don't even turn around, but those heels on the stone of the patio let me know exactly who's followed me, and I loosen my tie a little bit more. The tie she's been trying to adjust on me all night like I'm some fucking doll to show off.
"What the hell is going on, Andrew?" Tatum hisses as she approaches, a much different sound then the syrupy voice she adopts in front of her parents and everyone they say we need to impress- Everyone in the room I just left.
I pull at my collar, freeing a few buttons as I turn towards her with a shrug. "What? I can't step outside without permission now?"
"How much have you had to drink?" Her narrowed eyes zero in on my neck and she reaches for my tie.
"Not enough to deal with this shit." I push her hands away before she can touch me.
"What the hell?" That familiar anger sharpens her words, but she speaks low, shaking as she tries to control it. "You're still upset about last night?"
More than she knows. Last night's been replaying in my head all damn day, fueling the agitation that's swarms in my muscles.
"You know how my dad is, he's just suggesting what he thinks is best for you." She tries to defend him.
"He wasn't suggesting shit. He was ordering me, but he doesn't get to tell me what to do anymore, Tatum."
"I know, he overstepped, and I'll talk to him about that. But forget about it right now." Her anger drops away like a curtain, and her dark red lips slide up to a soft smile as she steps closer. "Think about what you want-what this is all for. Football. The NFL. There's important people in there." She nods back to the ball room and the eclectic crowd. Jocks in suites mingling with older, wealthy, influential, alumni.
While she's looking towards her father, I spot Brook's roommate with TJ and I grind my teeth as I think over what she told me, that frat fuck took Brooklyn home last night.
I should be thinking about football. I should be mad about Tatum's dad setting himself up as my financial advisor-and I am- but I'm not signing those papers. It's her that I have no handle on. No game plan. And I feel it all slipping away. I might have already lost. Except I refuse to accept that yet, even if she looked at me last night like I was the monster for hitting the guy who didn't let go when she told him to.
"Let's go back inside." She keeps her voice soft as she slips close to me.
"Go back in." I catch her hands before she can button my collar. "I need a minute."
Tatum inhales, pulling her shoulders back as she steps away. Her fists curl at her side, but she won't let her anger out here, not in view of the gala guest, but it's thinly veiled as she seethes in front of me. "All right. But clean yourself up."
She steps back inside and I watch her through the window until she joins her father's side with a bright smile.
Maybe I should do the same. Paste on a fake fucking smile and go back inside. Maybe I would if I was thinking straight. Because she's right, there are important people in there. But the liquor in my veins has me in a fuck it all kind of mood. I don't want the fake bullshit of this gala. I want something more. I want to figure out what happened to the girl who's had my mind twisted all day.
I'm already taking steps away from the patio, fading into the shadows of the party. Then I walk across campus, spinning different explanations in my mind, but nothing makes sense.
Maybe I shouldn't have hit him. But he shouldn't have grabbed her. She shouldn't have been in tears. I shouldn't have left and let him walk her home. That should have been me. If he did more than walk her home... but no, she wouldn't. She always stopped me. She'd stop him.
Fuck. I scratched my hand through my hair as I stand out front of Brook's dorm building. What a warped joke if I stopped fooling around with girls only to have her screw around with someone else. She didn't. I don't know what the hell happened, but I know that much.
Someone walks out of the building, and I take my chance to grab the open door and slide inside, going straight to her dorm. I knock on her door, buzzing with energy, unsure of my reception. Just wanting to see her, even if she's angry.
No answer.
I bang harder.
Still no answer.
Shit.
I should have called, but I wanted to see her reaction in person, to read her better.
I exit her building, walking slow, reluctant to make my way back to the gala. My mind still a clusterfuck of what if's.
Then I see her. And her large smile as she laughs with two other girls makes my blood rush, draining my tense muscles at just the sight of her. To hell if I want her to have this effect, but damn if I can stop it or resist. I can only stare. And it's a good sight, the best thing I've seen all day. Her curvy little body is shown off in cut off jean shorts and some thin layered top that teases since a tank top covers the cleavage that should show from the open top buttons.
Then she spots me and those pretty lips drop to something like worry. It has me walking faster to get to her.
"What are you doing here?" She's already on the defense, and she doesn't wear it well. It's unnatural for her typically easy attitude.
"What are you doing...not here?" My joke doesn't go over well. At least not with her, but her friends smile and nudge her.
We both freeze for a second, her eyes locked on mine as a million little thoughts pass through her cloudy eyes. Then she shakes her head, dismissing me as she walks to her dorms.
"I need to talk to you." I cut her off before she can leave.
"I'll be in, in a minute." She speaks to the girls at her sides, and I breathe a sigh that she kept it simple and gave in.
"Are you sure?" The big boobed one asks. And I don't even mind her question. In fact, I appreciate it. But I still want Brook to send her away.
"It's fine," Brook responds, and they walk away. She doesn't seem that mad.
"Don't touch me." She steps back from me before I can hug her, more upset than I first estimated. "I hope you're here to apologize, and then after that you need to apologize to Scott."
"Fuck an apology." I kinda liked her anger until she mentioned him. "I only want to know what the hell happened?"
"You punched someone for no reason-"
"He had his hands all over you and you were in fucking tears. That seemed like a damn good reason to me. But I didn't know you liked that shit." It was the only explanation I could think of. And the way her eyes were locked with mine now, her lips parted with her shallow pants only made it seem more likely. "Have I been doing it all wrong? Here I thought following your rules was what you wanted, but you left with an asshole who wouldn't let you go." I want to grab her and test my theory, but for every step I take towards her, she retreats an equal step, her eyes growing wider, until there's nothing but fear in them. That look hits me in the gut and I turn away, yelling into the night, trying to retrieve my sanity. "Fuck. I'm not that guy, but I don't know what to do with you. You've got me going out of my mind. What the hell am I even doing here? Am I wasting my time?"
"I don't know." The sadness in her quiet response snuffs out my anger. "I can't tell you if this is you wasting your time. If you're here because you don't like the idea of Scott being near me, then yes, you are wasting your time. Because what you think happened last night, wasn't the case. He wasn't the reason I was crying. He didn't do anything wrong. But you didn't pause to find any of that out." There's not even a hint of anger in her words, just facts.
He didn't make her cry. "Were you crying because of me? Because I had to talk to Tatum? I really wanted to talk to you-"
"I wasn't crying over you," She scoffs.
"Then why were you crying?" I want to understand. I want to know what's going on with her. But that boy isn't off the hook, he may not have made her cry but he still grabbed her. "Why were you struggling with him?"
"It was something else. I didn't want to cry, he was only trying to help hide my tears." That sadness was still there and she kept her eyes to the ground.
"Well then I'm sorry." The apology was only for her because I should have been there sooner so that opportunist didn't take advantage. She doesn't move away as I run the tips of my fingers down her arm.
"You owe him that."
I drop my hand from her. That won't happen. And she needs to stop pushing it, unless she knows something I don't. "Do you think he's going to press charges or anything?"
She hardens her gaze. "You'll have to ask him."
"He didn't mention it?"
She shakes her head and I drop thoughts of him. I don't want to think about him. Not when I know I need to leave soon. "He can wait. I want to talk to you right now. Do you hate me?"
Her eyes meet mine, begging me for something as she shakes her head slow.
"Good." The last bit of tension leaves me. "Good." I relax even more when she lets me pick up her hands and pull her closer. "So you forgive me? Just that easy?"
She doesn't even need to answer, I can see it all over her. She wants closer. She wants me.
"We all make mistakes." She's serious and while I like how simple she makes it all sometimes, I don't think she knows what mistakes are.
"Yeah, you're a big fuck up," I tease, but her smile hesitates, stuck under confusion.
Before she can respond and question more, I do what I've wanted to do since I saw her tonight. I dip down to kiss her.
Her mouth is sweet and cool, like strawberry ice cream, but her body is heated as she presses into me. I hold her close with an arm around her waist, sinking even lower as I feel her rise onto her toes. Her thin shirt is barely a barrier as my hands coast up her sides. Her hands slip into my coat, sliding around my waist. When I reach her neck and tilt her head up to deepen the kiss, she vibrates with a moan. She's all mine, enjoying the way I control the kiss, her body. She responds for me.
An unwanted thought bursts into the moment. But I got to know how last night ended, and I pull away, taking pleasure in the way she stumbles, unsteady on her feet. I keep my hands on her to hold her up. "Did he kiss you like this?"
She shakes her head still in a lusty daze.
I know I've got nothing to worry about as she looks up at me, her arms still around me, unwilling to let go.
I give her what she wants, grazing lips over her face, lips, neck, as I walk us the short distance to her building. The brick wall can give her support and offer us some privacy so my hands and lips can explore a bit more. Hers too.
The flex of her palms on my stomach make it clench, until it turns to a push and her head turns to the side, away from mine. "Wait."
It burns to stop, but I do. Even as she keeps panting and her hands stay on me. She was enjoying herself, I know it. She always does, but she always stops us short. "What are you scared of?"
"That I'm not good."
I pull back to look at her, surprised by her response. She's got her eyes closed as she cringes.
"Oh baby, don't worry about that." I soothe with my hand in her soft hair, slipping it down her arm. "You will be good. We're going to be good together, I can tell. Feel what you do to me with just a kiss." I try and guide her hand to my already rock hard cock. I twitch with just the thought of her touching me."Don't be scared."
She pulls her hand away with only a graze of my pants, pressing as far into the wall as she can. "I want it to matter. I don't want to be someone's number 25. I want it to mean more than that. I want to mean more than that."
The desire is still there in her eyes, but there's a strength in her words. She wants me, but she wants more. And she's got me on the edge of giving in. "How much more?"
She tries to slip away, but I shoot my arm out to the wall, blocking her in till I get my answers. "No, I'm serious. How much more? Are you talking like you won't do anything till marriage?"
"No." She starts off cautious, gaining power as she speaks. "But it'll mean something to me. It'll be a memory I keep, and I want it to mean something to the other person too, something they'll remember. I should be someone they remember."
"Not, what did you say? Number 25? Is that what you think you'd be to me?" She means every word of it, but I can't get over that she doesn't realize she's already earned a spot in my mind. This innocent beauty that's too nice for her own good. I want to protect her, but I want to corrupt her too. Open her eyes. Teach her. The way she balances her strength and vulnerability intrigues me. And I don't think she has a clue how different she is.
I slip my hand behind her neck and step close, till her breast graze my chest and she has to look up at me. I love that look, the way she gives over to me in this little way. But there's still questions and a distant hope in her gaze. So trusting. "You, Brooklyn Shaw, will not be anyone I will soon forget. And when you give me your body, it will be one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given."
Her full lips pop open in a small gasp and I press a little closer.
"When you choose to let this happen. When you choose to give me the pleasure of being inside you, I can assure you, that will be burned into both of our memories. You're already burned into mine. And I've barely touched you." I dip to her ear, inhaling her sweet scent as my hands travel down her body, over her hip to the edge of her shorts. The memory of touching her and her little gasps of pleasure now driving my actions. "I think about the way you felt that night on my couch all the damn time."
She stiffens and I know I fucked up somewhere, taken this dance a step too far. "I almost believed it."
"I'm telling the truth." I straighten, offended. I don't lie. I have no reason too. "Believe me."
"I don't think you even know what that means. I know I don't." she pushes my hands off her. "We need to talk."
"What now? What do we need to talk about, now?" I should leave, but I can't. It felt like I was getting somewhere. I could still get somewhere. And I don't want to go back to the gala till we're settled. Then I can get back to focusing on football, where my thoughts should be.
"I..." she's cute to watch as she fumbles for her words, still flustered. Good. "I'm not really sure, but I want this. I want you."
"I already knew that." Just like I want her.
"I want this to be more though. What happens after? What happens..."She closes her eyes and I know what's coming. "How long will you want me after you get what you want? I'm not expecting forever, but what should I expect? What is this? I-"
"The future?" I restrain my groan. Hadn't we covered this? Doesn't she know that's impossible? "You want me to promise the future?"
She leans back on the wall, defeat darkening her gaze and pulling on her shoulders.
I want to touch her, give her what she wants. Promise her whatever will please her. But I refuse too. I brace my hand on the wall above her. It frustrates me that she even needs this. That she needs so much. "Why? Can't you enjoy this moment, what we have now, Brook? No promises. No expectations. Let it just be."
She slips away before I can even react. "Then don't expect anything from me."
"Don't walk away." I yell after her, and take the few steps to intercept her before she can go inside her building. "Listen to me."
She drops the door and faces me as I continue.
"You brought it up. I'm giving an honest answer. But give me a chance to explain before you run off. God damn."
"Okay." She stays still, waiting for me.
Her soft acceptance throws me off. I knew she was easy, but this seemed too easy. There had to be a catch. "Okay? That's it? Just like that."
"You're right. It wasn't fair of me to run away simply because I didn't like what you said. I'll listen."
"Well okay." She wasn't storming off. She wasn't yelling. She'd listen. "What am I suppose to be saying?"
"Maybe you already said it all." She shrugs with a sad acceptance. "You don't have any plans for us."
"Us?" I'm the one making her sad, because I can't commit. But I've already made adjustments for her. Shouldn't that count for something? I know there's a bench in the courtyard off to the side. I need to sit for this. "Come here."
She willingly walks with me to the side of her building, but she's all nerves as we sit. I don't want to hurt her, but getting her to understand is the only option.
"I don't plan for anything. Except football. That's where my focus is. It's the only thing that matters." I pause when she leans away. Maybe that came out harsh. But I don't know how to sugarcoat this. But touching her helps me, soothes me. I slide closer and run my fingers down her arm. "It's the truth.Football is my future. Everything else is a distraction. And you are one hell of a distraction." I grip her to keep her from turning away. She needs to hear this. "Because I'm here now when I'm supposed to be with my team at some fucking party. But all I knew was I couldn't get my mind right to play tomorrow with the way things ended last night. As for the future? I want to see you wearing my jersey on the sidelines at the game tomorrow. Can that be enough?"
"Maybe, if it's only me. While you're with me, I need that at least."
"Done." A weight drops away. That I can promise. I lean in to kiss her.
"What about Tatum?" She blurts out like a bucket of water being poured on me.
"Don't worry about her," I demand.
"I see her all the time."
"So?" I pull in my anger when she flinches. "It has nothing to do with us," and I refuse to talk about that complicated relationship right now. It has no place in this moment.
"She told me she's your future. And you left with her at the bar yesterday."
"What? You want me to put her down to make you feel better? Want me to tell you she doesn't mean anything?" I won't do that. It may be complicated and we may fight, but in the end, she's the only person I have.
"No, I want the truth."
"What's between her and me isn't your business." That's the truth.
"So there is something there?" She won't let it go.
"Jesus-"
"I'm not getting into a relationship with someone who's already in one." She demands attention but it's her words that faze me.
"Is that what this is?" A relationship. Fuck, I just told her there'd be no one else while we're together. There hadn't been. I guess it was and I hadn't even realized it. This girl was good.
But right now, she was sullen. Staring off into the dark distance. Because of me.
"Do you really need to know?" Well fuck it, if this is a relationship, if an explanation is what she needed. I could offer something.
"Yeah, I do." She looks over at me and speaks like it's an apology. That only makes me feel guilty. "I don't need to know everything, but I need to know what she is to you."
"She's been in my life for a long time." I know I need to tread carefully. "She was there before anyone expected me to do anything with football, and there's something to be said for that. She told you she was my future?"
She nods but other than that doesn't seem to have any reaction. And her silence scares me, when she's talking at least I know how she feels.
"She probably is. I don't have to question why she's around me. I can't say that about anyone else."
The weight of what I just admitted hits me. Fuck. I'm a bastard. Tatum loves me, but was she really it? I didn't want her right now, but I knew she'd be there still in the future. I knew she accepted the love I could give. Who else would put up with my shit?
"Brook," I focus back on the girl in front of me. The one I wanted right now.
"Don't." She jumps to her feet. "You don't need to explain anymore."
"You're upset?" I stand up, cussing myself for being so honest. But she pulls it from me, making it easy to admit.
"No, it's fine." She's lying, she looks anything but fine as she backs away, tears brimming in her eyes. "She's... talented and beautiful and you two are actually probably perfect for each other. You shouldn't be here-"
"That's... do you not see yourself?" I grip her shoulders before she can pull away further and make her face me. The way she compliments Tatum, like she doesn't posses those same qualities. She's fucking beautiful in ways I've never seen before. She can't send me away without realizing it. "I can't not be here with you. I was with her at that party but I left to come here. I can't explain this. You make my heart race, but you center me. Fuck, I know how what I said sounded, and you're still standing here, letting me talk. I'm probably just fucking this up more but..." I rub up and down her arms with my need to get through to her. Even if I'm backtracking everything I said, I can't help it. I'm confused. I'm confused, but being with her, even arguing, still feels better than being with anyone else. "I don't plan for that future with her, for any future. I can't give you any promises. All I know is I've never met anyone like you, you're my calm, and I can't get enough."
It's a lifetime and a second before she moves towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist and hugging me with her head on my chest. I wrap her in my own arms, enjoying the feel of her against me, in my arms. It's amazing what she's got me doing. Holding her. Talking to her. Committing to her. But it's worth it.
"I'm no good at this relationship shit. I don't do them." I press my lips to her hair, hating that I have to say goodbye. But my phone is vibrating in my pants. And I know I've been gone too long and it's noticed. I need to get back and I know now we're all right. We can have this tomorrow. "But you got me doing a bunch of things I've never done, and it's only been, what? A couple of weeks?"
"Four weeks tomorrow." She's quick to respond.
"That long?" Four weeks. Four weeks and we'd barely done more than kissed. How the fuck did that happen? My hands trail along her ribs and sides, and she shivers. I dip my head to her ear and whisper, "when do I get you doing new things?"
She turns her face up to me, and I cover her lips with mine. Done talking. We'd done enough of that and I want to savor her before I leave. Savor her taste, and curvy softness of her body.
As my hand grips her ass she pulls on me and I lift her to where she wants to be, her legs wrapped around me, her hands on my head, her tongue in my mouth. Everything pushes me, and it takes control to sit down instead of laying her on her back as I push my hips between her legs for added friction.
She straddles me, her hips rocking against mine. I pull her closer by her lower back and slide my hand under her shirt, coasting up her smooth skin until I hit her bra strap, lifting it to get my fingers under it. Her hands slip under my shirt, her fingers scratching up my back with a wild need that is hot as fuck. It encourages me because I can tell she's not going to stop me anytime soon.
"Slow down baby. I've got you." I grip her waist, the continuous rhythm of the rock of her hips is about to drive me over the edge. We'd crossed some sort of line tonight with our talk. But I don't want to press too far and ruin what we've started. But her little moan of protest takes away my fight and I give in some. I can't be that good. And I want her to moan again, out here on the bench. Push her to her limit.
"Ah, fuck, let me touch you." I slide my fingers along the edge of her underwear, her lose shorts leg giving easy access, and her legs grip me tighter. I'm unsure if it's nerves or pleasure. "Just this tonight. I promise I won't push you any further."
Her gasp is definitely of pleasure as I find the slick trail between her legs, my fingers sliding between her folds to her sensitive nub.
"Is this okay?" Fuck I can barely breathe. And I can't stop tasting her, nipping her neck and down the curve of her shoulder.
She buries her head in my chest, covering her squeaks as I pick up speed, flicking over her as her legs shake. I know I've got her, but she's not talking.
"Brook?" I pull my fingers away, but her hand shoots out to my wrist and I smile.
"No. Don't. Stop." She's back to rocking on me again, chasing what I can give her. I never felt so fucking powerful.
"That was three negatives..." I continue to tease her. Needing to hear her say what she wants. My girl, wanting me to get her off out here in the open. "Tell me, do you want this?"
"Yes."
That's not enough. "Say it."
"Touch me."
That's a start. I reward her willingness by sliding my fingers back to her, this time slipping inside. She's so warm and her muscles tight around my finger. Just the thought of what that would feel like around my d!ck has me lifting my hips to meet her. "And this?"
"Yes."
Part of me wants to hold back for more, but I can't. I miss the movement of her hips. And she feels too good to stop. "Move on me. Ride my finger."
She starts that seductive roll of her hips, moving slow at first, but increasing the rhythm as I pump my finger in her. She's quivering and her moans are muffled as she sucks on my neck. Her wet mouth and soft lips adds to the pleasure I'm getting just by listening to her, feeling her, watching her. Her hands trail the edge of my pants, teasing me and I use my other hand to lift her bra, grazing her breast and nipple. But I focus my energy on her building orgasm. She's tightening and about to snap as I flick my thumb over and circle my finger inside her, reaching deeper each time.
Her release shudders through me. Her body twitching as she cries out into my shoulder. I pull her against me, holding her tight as she clenches around my finger still inside her until she slows. Then I pull out and she stays slumped on me, catching her breath as I adjust her shirt back down. Still high off what she let me do, how much she liked it.
"Damn that was hot, baby." And worth the pain she's left me in. It's a memory I can use in the shower later. It was definitely worth whatever consequence I'll have to face back at the gala. I don't even care. Even though my phone is vibrating again.
She's still not looking at me, and I grab her shoulders, pushing her back to look at me, but she crawls off my lap, getting even farther away.
"Are you okay?" I watch her look around, still refusing to meet my gaze.
But she nods, flushed, and a small smile pulls at her lips. She's still feeling it too.
"I've stayed too long already. I have to get back." I try to explain, my phone vibrating again with another call.
She jerks her head to me. Her hair is messed up from my fingers running through it, her eyes shiny, and her cheeks pink even in the dark. I can't wait till tomorrow. I'll make sure we have more time, more privacy.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Be at the game. Sit front row in the student section." I stand up and tuck my shirt into my pants, but her silence starts to cool the night around me. "Say something."
She stand up. "I'll be there."
"Good." I grip the back of her neck, drinking in that submissive stare. Wondering if I should tempt fate even more tonight. But my phone starts vibrating again. "We'll meet up after." I give her a brief kiss and then pull away, but she stares after me. All mine. "One hell of a distraction." I admit to the night before walking away. The best kind.
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Hey all,
Publishing news. There is a release date for Hustle: Nov 19th.
I'll be posting more information soon. And the cover reveal will be Nov 1st. Join me on Facebook to be the first to know! (links on my profile)
Song: Weeknd Acquainted
Thank you all for all the support and encouragement. Thank you. Thank you!!
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