"Hey," I heard Danny say.
"Shove off, Jones," I said quietly.
"I was just coming to see if you wanted to talk. You know, a proper talk. With everyone. We all agree you need it." I shook my head.
"I can barely handle trying to get one of you to stop talking to me, much less all of you. I don't want to talk to anyone," I replied. He sighed. Though a door separated us, I think he knew what I had just done.
Blood was all over my thighs, marking the various slices I had just make in my skin. Although I'd stopped cutting years ago, this was the worst time to reapse if any, especially because all of them were probably waiting right outside the door.
"Stella. I need you to come out, or we're coming in," Harry said.
"No. Please don't," I replied quietly, curling my legs up to my chest by instinct.
"That only tells us we need to, I'm gonna open the door, okay?" Tom was the culprit this time.
"No, stop, please."
"Stella, we're opening the door."
Just like that, everything I had been through had washed away. The four boys stared at me through the doorway, their mouths opening and hands covering their mouths.
"Please tell me you didn't do this," Dougie murmured. Tears sprung to his eyes and he gasped for breath, clutching his stomach. Danny made a noise in the back of his throat. Tom shook his head, his hand raising to his mouth. Harry flinched, closing his eyes and backing up.
"I'm so sorry," I said quietly. I tucked my head into the space between my knees, the smell of blood filling my nose. "I never meant to-"
"Save it," Dougie growled angrily. He then walked out of the room. The others just stood there for a few moments before Harry came forward, grabbing my legs and lifting me up.
"NO," I said. I knew where they would take me.
"We have to, Stella. It's the only way," he replied. "Danny, get the car. Tom, go find Doug. Bring him." I breathed in Harry's scent, tears springing to my eyes again as he carried me out of the room. Slowly, everything went black. But not before I heard Dougie crying. And it broke my heart.
**************************************
"Hey," a voice said. I opened my eyes and looked around, seeing three bodies sitting near me. Danny was sitting there, holding one of my hands. Tom was on the other side next to Harry, both sitting there with concerned faces. Dougie, as expected, was nowhere.
"Why did you take me here? I don't want help," I said, leaning my head on the pillow.
"It's okay, we promise. We told them they were a few weeks old from a car accident and they reopened. They believed us. We're not forcing you to do anything," Danny explained.
"Doug still mad at me?"
"No. He's crying it out. He doesn't know how to deal with it. You hurt him, Stell," Harry replied.
"Well excuse me then."
"He didn't mean it like that. None of this is your fault, okay?" Danny pulled the hair out of my face. "They said we can take you back when you woke up, we'll leave you to change." I got out of the bed, looking around until they handed me a bag of clothes. They all left the room long enough for me to put on the skinny jeans, t-shirt, and Converse, then opened the door. The one and only Dougie walked in, a guilty look on his face. He was dressed badly too, in pj pants and a sweater over a plain white t-shirt.
"Can we talk?" He asked me, not even looking up. I gulped, nodding. We both sat on the bed, like we'd done so many times before. "I'm sorry about the way I reacted. To everything. To be honest, I think I'm in love with you. I was a douchebag last night, when I should've done something. I never want you to feel like this, and knowing that I caused you to pisses me off. Stella, I'm never leaving you. I promised you that when we were kids and I still mean it."
"I'm sorry too. You did so much for me, made sure I was happy, and made sure I didn't do anything stupid. I did, and I'm sorry. I can't even look at myself," I said as I got up, walking closer to the mirror on the other side of the room. He got up too, and we both just looked at our reflections. He'd defenitely been crying. I looked away from the mirror and down at my feet, my toe peeking through a hole in my favorite red Converse. He sighed, frustrated, and lifted my chin.
"Stop it. You're going to get better, okay? I'm gonna help you like I did last time, only this time is the last time it's ever going to happen. I'm not letting you live like this. From now on, you're not putting a single blade to your skin. You're never skipping a meal again. You're never throwing up your food again. You're going to be happy, okay? I promise."
"It's not that easy," I replied.
"Yes it is. You just have to trust me."
"O - okay," I murmured back. He moved closer, wrapping his arms around me. I put my arms around his neck and my head in his shoulder, just standing there to be there. He moved his hand to my hair, the other still around my back.
"You just have to trust me," he repeated. I nodded, feeling him kiss the top of my head as the others came back into the room.
"Soundcheck's in an hour," Tom reminded us, holding up his phone. I broke away from Dougie's grasp, our hands still remaning together as we walked out of the hospital and into the rental.
"By the way, Fletch's hired a replacement for this tour, but he's still paying you. He said you needed us, and you didn't need to worry about everything else but focus on yourself," Danny explained. I nodded.
"Okay. Thanks." I smiled and got out of the car as we approached the hotel, throwing my stuff into the bus that was waiting outside. The bus would take us to the venue, then on to tour. I sighed, noticing that my bunk was right across from Dougie's. Well, that would give us time to figure out what the hell was going to happen between us. I mean, we've both admitted that we're in love with each other. But that was about it.
Plus, what if we started dating and broke up? I'd lose not only my boyfriend, but the greatest friend I'd ever had.
"You coming?" Danny asked, approaching the bunk area.
"Not to soundcheck, no. I'll probably come to the show, though," I replied.
"You okay? I mean, with everything that's happened. If you want someone to talk to, I'm here. You know you're like my sister, Stella, I just want what's best for you. And it hurts me to see you like this and - I guess what I'm saying is I'm here for you." I smiled.
"Thanks, Danny. I'm okay. On the outside. On the inside, it's like, all mushy and I don't know what's happening. It's like when you wake up in the middle of the night and you don't know where you are and it takes you a few minutes to realize that you were asleep," I replied.
"Jones! Soundcheck!" Fletch called from the downstairs section of the bus. I gave him a nod and motioned for him to leave. He nodded, smiling and walking out of the bus. "You coming, Stella?"
I walked downstairs. "Not to soundcheck, I can get food or something if you want though," I replied.
"Would you? Pizza's fine, I dunno if the boys want a coffee run as well. Best ask them yourself. Thanks," he replied. I nodded, starting a group message to the crew and band about coffee and pizza, driving the crew van to the pizza place.
I ended up picking up three different types of pizza, two pizzas for each type, before heading to Starbucks.
"I have a bunch of orders," I said to the barista. "This is gonna take awhile. The first one's for Tom, that's a grande Green tea latte with soy milk. Second one's Danny, that's a tall iced coffee with one percent milk and extra ice. Third one's Harry, that's a venti caramel frappuccino with extra drizzle, no whip, and a pump of hazelnut. Fouth one's Dougie, he'll take a grande stawberries and creme frappuccino with extra syrup. Then I, Stella, will have a venti three pump raspberry vanilla bean frappuccino blended creme with extra whip and a pump of white mocha."
"Coffee duty?" The barista asked as I paid.
"Yeah. Someimtes I hate traveling with McFly. They need coffee to live," I replied.
"McFly? That british band? You a backup or something?"
"Yeah, that's them. I'm their makeup artist and wardrobe person."
"That's awesome. I gotta hand it to you, taking care of boys is trouble enough. I can barely handle my two brothers, much less four of them. Those to go?" I nodded.
"Thanks!" I grabbed the coffee holders and stuck them in the passenger seat, driving back to the venue in enough time for them to eat.
"Food! Food!" they all shouted when I carried them in, Fletch helping because he wasn't a greedy pig. "Thank you Stella!" Danny yelled as he shoved a piece of pizza in his mouth, taking a sip of his iced coffee at the same time. He was disgusting. I grabbed myself a slice of cheese pizza and drank my Cotton Candy frappuccino quietly, my headphones playing Of Mice and Men in my ears.
"That's not all you're going to eat," Dougie said with crossed arms. "Take a piece of mine." I shook my head.
"I'm not even hungry, Doug.I'll probably pig out later. You don't have to look after me, I can take care of myself."
"Well, then you'll have to stay for the show because I'm not letting you throw it up."
"Who says I was?" He glared at me for a moment, sitting down next to me.
"I know you, Stella. I can tell when you're not happy with yourself. I can tell when you don't want to eat even though you're hungry. I can tell when you've hurt yourself."
"It's not that simple. You know it's not."
"No, but it's my job to make sure you don't end up back where you were a few hours ago," he replied. "Look at me and tell me you weren't going to go back to the bus and throw it all up."
"I don't know. I honestly don't know. But it's not your job to tell me not to, because if it makes me happy, I'm gonna do it." I then got up from the table and walked back to the bus, locking myself into my bunk, since there were little sliding doors that you could shut intead of curtains.
"Stella!" A voice called.
"Shouldn't you be playing?" I asked. Tom shrugged, going over to his bunk.
"No, the opening band is happening. I have about five minutes to find my phone. You seen it?" I shook my head.
"I'll look for it."
"What happened, with Doug?"
"Nothing. I said something he didn't like, and I left because I didn't want to talk about it. I'm okay." I put on the fake smile that I knew I wore so well, because I had been wearing it since I was a kid. And even though only Dougie could see through it, I made sure that he wouldn't.