It's 4 AM when Camila wakes up in the most uncomfortable position she's ever been in. One of those positions that makes her wonder what the fuck her body does while she's asleep.
It takes her a few moments to remember where she is again—in Lauren Jauregui's living room, on the couch that looks more comfortable than it is after a few hours of balancing on the edge.
It takes her another few to realize why she woke up.
Lauren's home.
And loud. Really loud.
She's stumbling and tripping and cursing and singing all at the same time. She leans against the door when she takes her jacket off, attempts to put it on the coat rack but fails miserably due to messed up hand-eye coordination from obvious intoxication.
Camila jumps up to help her, picking the jacket up from the ground and putting it up. Lauren looks at her like she's seen a ghost.
"Do you even remember—" Camila closes her eyes for a moment, gathering all her self-control and willing herself not to lash out. "You need to drink water. A lot of it."
Camila's only been drunk once, on her friend Ally's twenty-first birthday party, and until the massive hangover the next day she'd enjoyed every minute of it. But she wasn't nearly as drunk as Lauren is right now, and she isn't sure water is even going to help at this stage.
Lauren stares at her, still leaning her back against the door to keep herself from falling over. "I do remember you. You live in my house." Her speech is slurred and the alcohol is making her voice even huskier.
Camila hates herself for the way it makes her heart skip a beat. "I guess that's one way to put it." She glances from Lauren to the kitchen and it looks like a marathon.
"Can you walk?" she asks, pointing at the kitchen. "We need to get you there."
Lauren points at her. "I can walk." And then, "I want a cigarette."
"No, no cigarettes. Water." Camila wraps her fingers around Lauren's wrist and tugs her towards the kitchen. To her surprise, Lauren follows her pretty steadily. But when Camila plants her down on one of the kitchen stools, she slumps forward until her forehead rests on the marble counter top.
"Right," Camila mumbles to herself. In any other situation she would've been amused, but considering the fact that Lauren left her alone in her own house to go to a party has her pretty annoyed. She doesn't want to sympathize with Lauren right now. She just wants to make sure she won't be hungover in the morning and decide it's a good idea to yell at Camila for no reason or something.
Camila looks through the cabinets for a glass and fills it up with water. She places the glass in front of Lauren. "Drink this."
Lauren sits up, her eyes glazed over and unfocused. "What?"
"If you don't want to be hungover in the morning you should drink a lot of water," Camila explains, pushing her own patience. She likes Lauren, she really does, but she's pretty sure that's just because she used to admire her so much as an artist, because there hasn't really been any reason to like her as a person, too.
Lauren reaches out for the glass and their fingers brush. Camila tries to pull away, but Lauren grabs her hand and holds it while she drains the glass. Her eyes rest on Camila the entire time, but Camila doesn't look up.
Lauren fucking Jauregui is holding her hand.
As much as she wants to be mad at Lauren for—well—everything, she feels all the anger leave her body. Lauren is refusing to let go of her hand. Camila's pretty sure this could cure any disease.
She feels like she's floating.
Lauren puts the empty glass down in front of her. She looks at their conjoint hands and, for a moment, nothing happens. Neither of them moves, neither says a word. And then Lauren clears her throat and pulls away.
Camila isn't even sure Lauren really knows what she just did.
"Do you have more water?" Lauren asks.
Camila nods. She tries to say words but her tongue is paralyzed, her vocal cords quiet. It's probably a good thing. If she'd say anything right now, her voice would probably be high and pitched and awkward.
She fills up the glass two more times, until Lauren has had enough. She doesn't grab her hand anymore, and she definitely doesn't look up to meet her eyes. Camila wonders if she'll remember any of it in the morning.
When Lauren yawns, Camila gets pulled back into reality. It's 4:30 AM. They really need to sleep.
"Let's get you to bed," Camila says, not giving Lauren a choice. Luckily she seems to agree.
Getting Lauren upstairs proves to be easier than she anticipated. Somehow Lauren seems to know exactly where to put her feet, and even though she sways with every step she takes, they make it safely to Lauren's bedroom.
Lauren's wearing a black dress, and at first Camila thinks she'll be able to get it off herself. But when Lauren lays down on her bed and closes her eyes without changing into pajamas or taking off her makeup, she realizes it's not going to happen unless she does something about it.
Turning off her feelings as much as possible, she pokes Lauren's ribs. "Don't go to sleep yet, you have to take off your dress and makeup first."
When Lauren lifts her arms, Camila sighs. It feels wrong when she starts tugging at the bottom of Lauren's dress to take it off her, even though there's nothing sexual about it. She's heard enough stories about guys taking advantage of girls who were intoxicated to feel creepy, but Lauren is in no state to do it herself and Camila's just helping.
After a minute and lots of accidental hand brushes later, Lauren's in her bra and panties.
"Take off your bra while I grab your PJs," Camila commands, knowing it's the only way to get Lauren to do something right now. She lifts the covers of Lauren's bed and grabs the first piece of clothing she sees—a navy blue oversized shirt.
Unfortunately Lauren's apparently very skilled at the whole take-your-bra-off-while-drunk thing, because when Camila looks up the first thing she sees is Lauren's naked back. She swallows and reaches over the bed to hand Lauren the shirt.
"Put this on," she says, slightly agitated. This shouldn't even be happening. Lauren's not supposed to be drunk and Camila's not supposed to be taking care of her. The whole point of the contest is to get to know each other and befriend each other and—just not this.
Lauren puts on her shirt without a word, and then turns around to look at Camila. The look in her eyes asks, "Anything else?" in a way that makes Camila's heart clench. Lauren looks like a lost puppy.
Camila wants to say, "You need to take off your makeup," but it comes out as, "Are you okay?"
"I—" Lauren starts, but even in her drunken state the question causes her to throws up walls. "I'm tired."
"Just lay down, I'll get a wash cloth for your face." Camila's voice is quiet, not as stern anymore. As much as she wants to be mad and stay mad she just can't. Lauren's obviously not a bad person, even if she does try to make it look like she is. And it saddens her, because whatever Lauren did, she doesn't deserve this. She's only nineteen. She should be hanging out with friends and traveling the world and falling in love. Her life should be good. It should be her own. Not whatever this is.
For a moment, Lauren looks like she's about to cry. She closes her eyes and nods. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip as she lifts the covers and climbs under them. Her eyes are on Camila now, waiting for the next thing to happen.
Camila wants to stroke Lauren's hair back and hold her while she sleeps, just so she knows there's someone who cares.
She opens the door closest to her, and finds a large ensuite bathroom behind it. After opening at least three cabinets, she finds a stack of clean wash cloths, and soaks one in warm water.
"Are you still awake?" she asks, walking back into Lauren's bedroom.
"Yeah," Lauren mumbles, clearly half asleep. Her voice is croaky and she has the covers pulled up to her eyes.
"Stay still." Camila climbs onto the bed and pulls the covers down to Lauren's chin, carefully wiping away most of the makeup with the wash cloth. It's the closest she's been to Lauren's face so far, and it makes her feel incredibly caring. It makes her feel like more than just a fan who won a contest.
After she's done, Lauren yawns again. "Thank you," she says in a small voice.
Camila smiles. "You're welcome."
"I'm really tired."
Camila doesn't resist the urge to push a strand of hair out of Lauren's face, her fingertips grazing Lauren's forehead in the process. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Lauren shakes her head. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"Maybe another time." Lauren lets her eyes close, relaxing visibly. Without opening her eyes, she whispers, "Don't stop," so softly Camila isn't sure she's supposed to have even heard it.
But she still keeps running her fingers through Lauren's hair until she falls asleep.
//
They're woken up by a loud banging on the door, followed by, "Lauren, I'm opening this door in three seconds. Three, two, one."
Camila needs a moment to process whatever's happening right now, but Lauren is immediately wide awake and rolls over so she's on the other side of the bed instead of—you know, with her face in Camila's neck and her arm draped over Camila's stomach.
The door flies open and Briana storms in, ready to start talking. When she sees Camila, however, she stops. Her eyes narrow. "What's going on here?"
"I can explain," Camila says, at the same time Lauren says, "I'm gonna be sick."
She jumps out of bed and runs into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Camila's still too startled by Briana's sudden appearance to really react to it, until the sound of dry-heaving and vomit splattering into the toilet reaches her ears.
She walks to the bathroom door and presses one hand against it. "Lauren, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Lauren says, but as soon as she's done speaking, she throws up again.
Camila's heart clenches at the realization that Lauren's in there, all alone, with no one to hold her hair back. But she also knows it's gross and kind of her own fault, so she's not that heartbroken over it.
Briana's still in the doorway, staring at her like she's grown a second head. It's annoying, and somehow Camila's gone from kind of liking her to absolutely strongly disliking her. She has no sense of privacy whatsoever and the way Lauren tenses every time she's near can't mean anything but bad things.
"We'll be down soon," Camila says, trying to keep her voice stern and steady. "Just give us a minute."
Briana huffs. "Fine. But I do expect an explanation for whatever this is."
Camila doesn't think she's homophobic, just shocked. Maybe.
As soon as Briana leaves, she knocks softly on the door. "Briana's gone. Can you please open the door now?"
Silence. Then footsteps. Then the lock turns.
Camila pushes the door open, just far enough to stick her head inside the bathroom. Lauren is already back at the sink, washing her face. She looks like she died and came back to live after laying in the dirt for twelve hours.
"Did you take Advil?" Camila asks, keeping her distance to respect Lauren's privacy even though Briana doesn't. Especially because Briana doesn't.
"Yeah." Lauren doesn't meet Camila's eyes, doesn't even look at her. "We didn't hook up, did we? Because Briana always tells me not to hook up with fans because usually they're too young and it's bad for my reputation and—"
"Lauren," Camila interrupts. "We didn't hook up."
Lauren looks relieved. "Good."
Camila can't help but wonder if Lauren hooked up with fans before. She can't help but wonder if Lauren would be opposed to hooking up with her. She must think that either Camila's pretty or that she was drunk enough to do something crazy, like sleep with the fan that'll stay at her house for another week, otherwise she would've never considered it an option.
"I'm going downstairs," Camila says, trying to avoid an awkward silence. "Unless you need me for anything."
Lauren looks up. "Don't tell Briana why I got sick. Just say it was bad food or something, okay?" It doesn't like a question, despite her voice going up at the end.
Camila gives her a nod. She thinks Lauren is being stupid, but she doesn't want her getting in trouble either.
Before she goes downstairs she makes a stop in her own bedroom to throw on some actual clothes instead of her pajamas, and to brush her teeth.
Lauren's bedroom door is still closed when she comes out again.
She walks down the stairs, where a very agitated Briana is waiting for her.
"Where's Lauren?"
"Getting ready." Camila bites her lip. "She had a rough night. Bad food, you know how it is. That's why I was in her room, to make sure she was okay."
Briana looks at her skeptically, and Camila's not sure she believes her. She can't imagine last night was the first time Lauren got wasted like that.
But Briana doesn't question her any further. "Guess we'll just have to spend more time in hair and makeup."
They don't talk after that. Briana makes a few phone calls in the living room and Camila looks around the kitchen for food. She ends up eating a bowl of cereal, watching Briana and the stairs at the same time.
Lauren shows her face the same time Camila finishes breakfast—even though it's almost 11. She looks slightly better. Like, ten percent. Her hair isn't such a mess anymore and her face not as pale.
Camila wants to go up to her, but Briana is faster. "Lauren, a word."
Camila watches helplessly as they go into the build-in studio, Lauren's shoulders hunched. Part of her wants to get up and eavesdrop on whatever is going on, but curiosity killed the cat and she's not ready to go home yet.
Fifteen minutes pass. Fifteen minutes of silence, because the recording studio is soundproof. Fifteen minutes of Camila knowing Briana is giving Lauren a speech without being able to do anything about it.
When they come out, Lauren is quiet and distant. She doesn't meet Camila's eyes and doesn't speak to her. She definitely doesn't smile at her, not even a tiny little one.
"We're leaving in about an hour," Briana says to Camila. "Lauren's new single is coming out soon and we'll do some promotional press today."
The excitement of a new single would've been better if Lauren didn't look like she'd just taken an emotional beating.
"I'll be ready," Camila replies, unable to keep her voice from sounding cold. She hopes Lauren knows she's on her side.
She slides off her stool to start getting ready, subtly brushing the back of her hand against Lauren's arm to let her know she's there, but Lauren tenses and pulls away. It's painful, after last night.
"I'll see you in a bit." Camila reluctantly goes up the stairs, pausing on top to hear if anyone says anything. It's quiet.
Maybe she's overreacting. Lauren's nineteen, she can probably handle herself. And they don't even really know each other. Everything Camila's seen so far is in no way corresponding with what she thought she knew about Lauren, and before yesterday Lauren didn't even know Camila existed. Maybe this is just the way Hollywood works, with managers and publicists and cameramen.
But she can't forget about the look in Lauren's eyes when she asked her not to tell Briana about last night, or when Briana saw right through their lies.
Camila really wants to help, but she doesn't know how. She's just Camila. This isn't her life. It's not even her world.
Camila sends a few texts to her friends back in Miami, Ally and Dinah, and to her mom. Not knowing what else to say, she tells them LA is great and Lauren is even better. It's too long a story to explain over text.
It takes her a while to figure out how the shower works, and then it takes her even longer to find the strength to get out again. She lets the hot water spill down her body, washing away her worries for even just a moment.
The smell of her shampoo reminds her of home, where everyone has parents instead of managers, where people listens to music instead of making it. She wonders how many other celebrities are in the same situation as Lauren. Probably a lot more than meets the eye. She doubts anyone knows Lauren is even in this situation. She certainly didn't.
After what feels like forever, she steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around her body. Even the bathroom is black.
//
The cameras are back. They follow their every move, and Camila watches as Lauren explains what they're about to do.
"Right now you guys don't know yet, but my new single is coming out really soon, sooner than you think. And today we're going to let some press listen to it for reviews and then do some interviews after. I think you're all going to be really excited about it, I'm really in love with the song." Lauren's smile is pretty convincing. Camila would almost believe it's real.
"When is your single coming out?" Camila asks, after Lauren's done explaining and the cameras just follow them for content.
"Next week," Lauren says. "Friday."
Camila's eyes widen. "That's really soon."
"I know."
"How did you manage to keep that a secret?"
Lauren gives her a sad smile. "I manage to keep a lot of things a secret."
Camila has to resist the urge to reach out and squeeze Lauren's hand to comfort her. But they're on camera, and the last time she tried something like that, Lauren tensed up.
They reach the building and go inside, and then everything goes really fast. Lauren is taken into a separate room for hair and makeup, while Camila is planted on a chair in the hallway across from the room without any instructions whatsoever. She gets the feeling this is going to happen a lot. These people aren't here for her. She's not even here for her.
Briana approaches her and sits down next to her. "This won't take long. They're just touching up and then we're all set."
Somehow it's not how Camila expected this to go at all. When the radio DJ said, "Shadowing Lauren Jauregui," she didn't think she'd literally be following her around all day. Not that she minds being around Lauren, but she's not really around her right now—she's around a different version of Lauren, the one she thought she'd see. But now that she's met the real Lauren, the image they're trying to uphold just isn't good enough anymore.
"I don't mind waiting," Camila says. "It's interesting, seeing how people's lives are."
Briana purses her lips. "Some days are more exciting than others."
Camila wants to ask. She wants to know why Briana talks to Lauren the way she does, and why Lauren responds to Briana the way she does. She wants to know if they were ever really nice to each other, and why they still work together if their relationship is so strained.
"Do you go with Lauren every day?" she asks instead.
"Not every day. Just to things like this, and sometimes performances. I have other clients, too. When things need to be organized on the spot I'll go along, basically. That's my job, you know? Make sure my clients have things to show their face at, and then make sure they actually show their face."
And it makes sense. Briana's job is kind of hard, sometimes. Especially if your clients run off getting drunk at night. But still.
"The hard part is balancing everything out just right," Briana continues. "It's important not to tire someone out, but at the same time they must stay active to keep them in the spotlight."
Camila doesn't really want to hear it. She doesn't want to sympathize with Briana. It's so much easier to blindly side with Lauren if she doesn't know all these things. It'd be easier if everything was just simple, black and white.
"That makes sense," she nods. Not everyone will wait forever for new content, like her. "I guess there's a lot we, as fans, don't see."
"Definitely."
Before Briana can say anything else, Lauren and the cameras emerge from the room opposite of them. Lauren's makeup has been redone and someone put a beanie on her head, which makes her look less tired and way more attractive than before.
"You look nice," Camila says, and Lauren smiles at her. Like, a genuine smile. It's enough to make Camila's insides melt.
They go to a different part of the building, where a recording studio is set up with two bright yellow sofas and pillows in all kinds of bright colors. It's a lot different from Lauren's house, and it feels a lot cozier, too.
A handful of people are waiting for them, each with notepads and name tags with their companies on them.
They all get up when Lauren, Briana, Camila, and the cameras enter the room to introduce themselves and shake their hands. It's a lot less formal than Camila expected, but slightly more formal than she sees in interviews.
"Alright," Briana says, after everyone is seated on the couch, Lauren next to Camila on the far side of one of them. "As you all know, Lauren Jauregui's new single is called Come Away, and it's an up tempo dance song. We're excited for you to hear it."
Camila is even more excited than anyone in the room, probably. After all, she's a fan. But, for Lauren's sake, she tries to keep it down a bit, because nothing is more embarrassing than flipping out over a song when the artist is sitting right next to you.
Briana hits play on the computer and the room fills with music.
The song starts with guitar riffs, followed by the first verse. Lauren's voice is loud and strong, but still manages to keep some of its smokiness. When she gets to the chorus, the beat becomes heavier, and Camila can feel the bass causing her heart to vibrate. Next to her, Lauren has an anxious look on her face.
It's a break up song, Camila realizes after the second verse, but Lauren's angry and throwing shit around instead of sulking away in her bedroom.
Camila gives the real Lauren a reassuring smile. It's a good song. One that she expects to hear at parties and in clubs and, obviously, when she's alone in her bedroom dancing and screaming along to the lyrics.
Lauren seems to care more about her opinion than the press', because her eyes are on Camila the entire time, and she only relaxes after Camila approves.
When it's over, Camila carefully squeezes Lauren's knee. "I'm pre-ordering the shit out of this," she whispers, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. It earns her another insides-melting smile.
//
During lunch, Lauren goes outside to smoke. Despite everything, Camila follows her.
They don't say anything while Lauren smokes her cigarette, barely acknowledging Camila's presence. It's okay, Camila decides. Out of everyone inside that building, she'd still rather spend her time ruining her lungs through secondhand smoking than talking to Briana.
"You should really consider quitting," Camila says, after Lauren's done. "It's bad for your voice."
Lauren clenches her jaw, not meeting Camila's eyes. "I know."
//
For some reason, every interviewer seems to think their questions are super original, when they're actually all just the same. Camila isn't sure why Lauren hasn't thrown any microphones yet. She probably would've.
"Why did you decide to be part of such a large contest?" interview number seven asks, as if the previous six didn't ask the exact same question.
Lauren fakes a giggle. "Well, my fans are very important to me, and they've been so supportive since day one. I wanted to give back, and if I could I would've let everyone stay with me for a week, but unfortunately my house can't hold nearly a million people. So I decided to hold a contest in my home town, Miami, what's up, and hopefully show my gratefulness that way. I like to think it worked out really well."
As she speaks, she looks everywhere but Camila. Probably because she knows there's just about one truth in that story, and it's the fact that Miami is Lauren's home town.
"Speaking of which," the interviewer says, "The lucky winner of the contest is here in the room with us. Camila, want to come say hi?"
Camila frowns. She's not sure she's supposed to do anything but sit on the other side of the room and die of boredom. But Lauren gives her subtle nod, so she gets up and sits down next to her.
She waves awkwardly at the camera. "Hi, I'm Camila."
"Camila!" the interviewer says. His name tag says Kinston. "On a scale of one to ten, how excited are you to spend the week with Lauren?"
Camila forces a smile, hoping it comes across just as radiant as she wants it to be. "Probably close to a hundred. Lauren's amazing."
"I agree with you there," Kinston grins. He doesn't seem to notice anything. Then again, he didn't notice Lauren being off either. "Did you found out anything interesting the fans don't know about Lauren yet?"
Because obviously it would make sense if she went around spilling Lauren's secrets. Camila has to keep herself from rolling her eyes. "Just that there are three showers in her house and they all have at least ten different knobs that make hot water burn your face off."
Kinston laughs, and it's the first time in two days that Camila has heard a genuine laugh. "I don't believe you, your face looks beautiful."
Camila almost chokes on air. "Thank you?"
"Must be the water," Kinston continues. "Anyway, that's all we have time for today. Lauren, is there anything you want to tell your fans before we sign off?"
"Just that you're all incredible and I promise new music is coming really soon," Lauren says directly to the camera, finishing with a smile.
Kinston's cameraman turns off the recording, and Kinston thanks Lauren for the interview. After he and his cameraman leave, it's just Camila and Lauren in the room.
Lauren tries to stifle a yawn. "I'm pretty sure that was the last one. If not, wake me up when someone else comes in." She leans her head back against the couch and closes her eyes. Camila can't tell if she's serious or not.
But Lauren doesn't move and while Camila's sure she's not actually asleep, she also knows there isn't going to be a conversation.
She pulls out her phone and opens her Twitter app. Since she won the contest her Twitter account has gained thousands of followers, all fans who hope she'll tweet something interesting related to their idol.
"Can I say we just wrapped up some interviews?"
"Knock yourself out, I don't really give a shit," Lauren replies. She opens one eye. "Maybe we should take a selfie so people will believe you're actually here."
Camila isn't opposed to taking selfies with Lauren. She opens the camera app on her phone and switches to the front camera. Next to her, Lauren scoots closer and wraps one arm around Camila's shoulder. Their cheeks touch as they both make a silly face and Camila snaps the picture. She sneaks in another one as Lauren starts pulling away, and somehow it turns out even better than the first.
In the second picture, Lauren's just Lauren, and while Camila's pretty sure she's not supposed to like the real Lauren better than the Lauren she pretends to be, she does.
With her heart still beating against her chest, she attaches the first picture to a tweet and adds the caption, wrapping up interviews with this one. yes, guys, she's real.
She holds up her phone for Lauren's approval, and then sends the tweet into the world. It gets its first retweets within a few seconds.
//
Camila isn't sure why she'd hoped today would be different, but as she stands in the doorway watching Lauren get into a car with some cheerful people, she realizes that, of course, Lauren won't change her ways for her after just two days. She knows she shouldn't think like that, either. Just because Lauren's important to her, doesn't mean she's important to Lauren, too. But she still can't help the disappointed feeling as she turns around and walks back inside.
Her laptop is open on the coffee table, next to a steaming hot mug of tea.
"I'm back," she says to the two faces on her screen. "What are we talking about?"
"House tour," Dinah says. "You have to give us a house tour."
"Well, you don't have to but it would be nice," Ally corrects.
Dinah throws a piece of paper at her face. It gets stuck in Ally's hair. "No, you have to."
Camila watches her friends bicker with a grin. She misses them a lot. They talk in their group chat all the time, but it's different from actually being with them. If she were, she'd be able to throw pieces of paper at Ally's face, too.
"Alright," she says, grabbing her laptop with the lid against her stomach so Ally and Dinah can see everything she sees. They squeal in unison.
"This is the living room," Camila says, spinning around slowly. "That large window over there is somehow reflective on the other side. Like, if you're outside you can't look inside."
"Sounds like a prison," Dinah says, at the same time Ally says, "It's like an interrogation room!"
Camila grins. "Over here are books, like, a lot. I'm not even sure they're all in English. It's the coolest thing in this place, aside from the recording studio. Did I mention she has a recording studio in her house?"
"She is a singer," Ally says. "Kind of makes sense."
"I'm a singer and I don't have a recording studio in my house," Dinah says. "Maybe I should get one."
Camila pushes open the door to the studio and puts her laptop down next to the computer. She accidentally brushes the mouse and the desktop screen lights up.
"Shit," she mutters. On the screen are different lines that each hold a layer of music. The file is titled Song #5.
"I think she recorded something on here," Camila says, looking for the play button. "If you two can be quiet for, like, three minutes we'll get very exclusive stuff."
"You can't just listen to that," Ally objects. "What if she comes in and throws you out of the house?"
Camila rolls her eyes. "She's not even home. No one will know, but I don't want to mess up, so if you let me do my thing and find the play button... I think I got it."
Before anyone else can say something, Lauren's voice fills the room.
"Untitled song number five. Written, recorded, and produced by Lauren Jauregui." There's a static silence that lasts about a second, before soft piano chords start. Camila stares through the windows that separate the two rooms that make up the studio. She tries to imagine Lauren sitting behind the piano, fingers flying over the keys. It's a lot harder than she wants to admit.
Lauren's music is usually accompanied by loud electric guitars and heavy bass, all the instrumentals edited on the computer to give it a fuller sound. Despite knowing every song by heart, Camila's never heard a real piano in any of them.
Lauren starts singing, her voice hesitant at first but evidently growing more certain as the song progresses. Camila's only ever heard one acoustic song by Lauren, a cover of her first single that was definitely not acoustic. Hearing this song, she wonders why Lauren's entire album doesn't sound like this.
She loves Lauren's album, but this song sends chills down her spine.
When it's over and all she can hear is more static silence, she presses pause. From her laptop screen, Dinah and Ally stare at her in complete silence. They're not even trying to mess up each other's hair.
"Holy shit," Dinah says eventually, interrupting the quiet. "She could put this song on an album twelve times and I'd still buy it."
Ally agrees by nodding so hard Camila's surprised her head doesn't fall off.
"Mila, don't you like it?" Ally asks, a concerned look in her eyes. "I've never seen you this calm before about Lauren's music."
Camila shakes her head. "I love it. I'm just wondering why it's not like anything on her album. This is so much better, you'd think she'd put this out instead of keeping it hidden on her computer."
Ally gives her a soft smile. "Maybe it's private. Not everything has to be made public."
"Yeah, I guess." Camila glances at the computer and picks up her laptop again.
She shows them the rest of the house, and ends up on the deck next to the swimming pool, her laptop in front of her. Even at this time of day it's still warm and she's starting to get used to the dryness of the air.
"Her house is house goals," Dinah says. "I want a pool on my roof, too."
"I think I'm just gonna shrink it and bring it back home with me," Camila laughs. "Shrink Lauren, too. I want to keep her in my pocket."
"Sounds like a great plan. Can I come live with your ass if you have that pool on your roof?" Dinah bats her eyelashes flirtatiously, and Camila pretends to swoon.
"Speaking of Lauren, where is she?" Ally pushes Dinah's face out of the screen and sets herself in the middle. "I thought she was just running out to do some stuff."
Camila's face falls. Part of her wants to tell her friends about her worries, part of her wants to keep this part of Lauren to herself. And she knows that makes no sense, but somehow she's been allowed to see these little things Lauren doesn't show to everyone and it makes her feel special. She gets butterflies in her stomach every time Lauren gives her one of those secret smiles, and she doesn't want to share that with anyone.
But, because Ally is the kindest person ever and Dinah's Dinah and occasionally comes out with really good advice sometimes, she sighs. "I don't know where she is, to be honest. I'm kind of worried. She's not the person I thought she was."
Ally sits up immediately, frowning. "What do you mean?"
"When I got here it was all great and stuff, but her manager is really tough on her and I know this sounds super weird, but I feel like it drains the life out of her. I've never seen someone's eyes go from smiling to dead so quickly." Camila shivers, but not from the cold. "And last night she came home at four in the morning, drunk off her ass, and she told me, 'I wouldn't understand,' when I asked if she wanted to talk."
Dinah pushes her way back into the frame. "You think she's out partying again?"
Camila nods. "I'm sure of it."
"She should've taken you with her," Dinah says, flipping her hair. "You could've met so many famous people at the parties she goes to."
Ally gives Camila a smile. "Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it because she doesn't know you yet? Don't take it personally. I'm sure she's fine."
"But she's not!" Camila blurts out, harsher than she intended. She covers her face with her hand. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just—I'm really worried she's not okay. If I can see it after spending one day with her it has to mean something, right?"
Ally says something under her breath to Dinah, who purses her lips and nods.
"What did you say?" Camila clenches her jaw. Here she is, telling her friends the biggest secret she's ever had, and they just blow her off like that. It's frustrating, to say the least. She knows what she's seen. No one looks like that and acts like that when there's nothing wrong.
"Okay, please don't get mad, but do you think it's possible that maybe you want to be special to Lauren so badly that you think you see things that aren't there?" Ally speaks hesitantly, like she expects Camila to explode.
But Camila isn't the exploding type. She just gets quiet. "I don't know. No. I know what I saw. People don't get drunk like that for no reason."
"Some people do. I'm not saying you're wrong, I don't know that because I'm not there. But try not to get tunnel vision. People tend to look for cues that prove their point, and overlook things that don't. All I'm saying is don't rush to conclusions, Mila. You may be right, but don't assume anything until she tells you." Ally speaks slowly, locking her eyes with Camila's the best she can over the webcam.
Camila lets every word sink in before nodding. "I guess you're right. Doesn't mean I'm not worried about her, though."
Ally smiles. "I never said you couldn't be."
"Listen to her, Mila. She's smart." Dinah wraps Ally in a hug, gesturing at the webcam for Camila to put her arms around them. She leans forward to hug the lid of her laptop. It's not as comfortable as actually hugging them, but it'll have to do for now.
"Thanks, guys," Camila says when they all lean back. Or, rather, she leans back. Dinah and Ally are still cuddling. "I really miss you."
"We miss you, too," they say in unison.
They talk for a while, mainly about Camila's experience in Hollywood so far. She tells them about the interviews and the cameras and the contract she had to sign. She tries to explain to them what the air feels like, and how the Pacific Ocean smells. She makes them promise they will Skype again soon.
After another hour or so, Dinah starts yawning and Ally looks like she's already asleep. Camila checks her phone. It's getting pretty late for her, and considering they are in another time zone, she tells them good night.
It's not a conscious decision to go downstairs with a blanket and settle on the couch in the living room to wait for Lauren. It's just what makes the most sense.
She stopped questioning things she does for Lauren the minute she had her arms wrapped around her waist.
//
A/N: oh my god guys, i never expected the positive response this got! thanks to everyone who votes and/or left a comment, it honestly encouraged me to write a lot quicker, haha. however, i am currently in college, and therefore i'm not sure how often i can update this quickly, especially since the chapters are pretty long. i'll do what i can, so please be patient with me.
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