Annddddddddd I'm backkkk!!!!!
Yeah, after two days....
Another upload, yet again unedited.. too lazy to fix anything right now.... and btw, this one's pretty long...
So, read, cote, and let me know your fav characters!!! :)
------
For the rest of the hour, I was in a state of shock. I had to do something. I had refused to look at my phone again.
You know that feeling you get, when something is so wrong that it shouldn't be happening and then you realize that there's nothing you can do to stop it? And your ranting heart can do nothing to stop it. Nothing at all. Because your heart is scared. Scared shit. Just like you are. You can't help but want to cry. And it's not the quiet sobs that you want to do. It's wailing and screaming. It's so loud inside your head that all you want to do it scream it all out. But you can't. Cause you care about the people around you and you don't want them to know that you're hurting. Cause once when you were hurting, you hurt other people too, unknowingly. So, what can you do other than hope that it won't happen again. And the only thing you have to do it consume it all within and not let others know.
A loud knock on my door stopped me from my thoughts. I panicked. No way in hell can Mom find me like this; tearing to pieces.
'Yeah Mom?' I was surprised at how my voice felt. It was like a croak. Like I was crying. Suddenly I felt it. Moisture. In my cheeks. I was crying and I myself didn't know that.
'Ash, everything alright?' now she sounded genuinely worried.
Screw Moms who can figure out everything.
I quickly wiped my tears and cleared my throat. 'Yeah Mom. Come in!'
She opened the door and stared at me. Hopefully nothing gave away.
'You okay?'
I nodded and smiled.
It's ironic. The entire day went perfectly and completely fine. And once you begin to wonder how it did, one tiny thing, one thing as tiny as a text message can ruin the entire fucking day.
Mom raised her eyebrow; not believing.
'Mom, I'm fine. My head is just aching so bad.' I lied perfectly.
'How bad?'
'Real bad.'
'Are you nearing your period?' Mom asked. It was a side effect for me. Whenever I neared my period, I got this really sick head ache. Sort of like the hangover headache. But unlike a hangover, this headache never goes until my five days get over.
Girls usually get cramps and I get headaches. Weird. I know.
'Yeah. I think I should be.' I said, which was true. I was supposed to get in a day or two.
'Okay, don't worry. I will bring you some soup. You don't need to come down for dinner. You can have it and get a good sleep kay? Sleep your way through it.' Mom reassured me.
'Sure Mom.' I smiled.
She smiled and left.
That's when I felt my sight get blurry once I realized that I was yet again, gonna break down.
I ran to my bathroom and locked the door. I don't want anyone to see me cry. To see me break down anymore. I ran the shower and climbed inside, with all my clothes still on. By this time, I was already sobbing.
I sat down under the shower, drenching myself, until I began my crying. It got louder and louder. That's why there was the shower. To drown my voice and my thoughts.
After I finally got out, my eyes were red and puffy.
When one bad thing happens, everything bad that has happened to you also comes tumbling down. That's why once I cry, I can't stop. It takes time. It takes damn long to stop crying. Cause it is not my will to stop. I have lost the will to stop things from happening. A long time ago.
I strip down from my wet, clinging clothes and changed into my sports bra and shorts.
Some people eat their worries. I don't.
I have another way to get my head off worries. And sometimes, I can't help but get myself hurt.
I opened my door slowly. Luckily the lights were out. Meaning mom and Bri slept. I think I spent rather a lot of time in the bathroom.
I walked down the stairs slowly and into the closet next to the kitchen. I went through the remaining cartons until I found what I was searching for. The thing my Mom had tried to hide desperately, but failed.
I dragged the heavy material across the floor and walked to the medicine cabinet and took out two bandage rolls.
Finally, I took the two things to the basement; which I have never been to. I switched on the lights and walked down the creaky stairs.
It was perfect. No way in hell was Mom finding me out.
I took the heavy punching bag and looked for a hook. Finally finding one, I hooked it up in it. Then, I began wrapping my knuckles in the bandages. I used my punching gloves before. But Mom took them away after Dad left.
You see, whenever shit happens, and I have no control over it, I kickbox. It was something Dad taught me, besides many other things he was good at. He had taught me from the time I was five years old. So, I was a pro at it basically.
So, when dad left, and I had no control over my freaking life, the only thing I did was kickbox. I would punch the bag for hours until I finally figured something out, or I passed out from exhaustion. Cause it was either that, or breaking down and wailing.
So, Mom had enough when I did it too much and forgot to do everything else in life. I forgot how to live. I forgot to sleep, eat, talk, pretty much everything. So, she took away my gloves. And then the punching bag. I then decided to sneak out and do it. Cause I couldn't stand and cry. I found out my bag, but never my gloves. The bandages were the only alternatives. Sure they hurt like shit and I had broken knuckles. But I learnt to stop getting the pain. Guess been broken inside stops you from crying when it happens on the outside.
I threw the first punch. Then it went on and on. Until I lost count of everything. There was a certain numbness at my hands. Probably because of doing it after a long time.
I kept on throwing the punches until I felt sore and numb. Sweat trickled down my bare back. But I didn't care. Didn't stop. Cause all that mattered at that point was that hoping that all the pain you cause to the punching bag was directed to the asshole Brooke Harris.
You might wanna know what he did to me, right?
He didn't break my heart or anything cliché right that. That would have been much better. He was my best friend.
Till last year. We were so close. I have known him for so long. It all started two years ago, when we got too close. Until we became best friends for life. He was my everything. The brother I didn't have, the friend I always turned to when something was wrong. Everything.
Now he isn't. Now he's just a stranger with all my secrets.
I punched the bag harder and harder. Now the pain soared down. Maybe cause my body decided that it would just be better to stop crying cause there was no way I was stopping.
I hit on harder and harder. I was way beyond the point of exhaustion. But I couldn't stop. That's when I felt another betrayal. Tears.
They weren't supposed to. It was either tears or punching. But now, both were happening. That's when I lost it.
I screamed and hit harder. Tears were now falling mercilessly. I don't care anymore. Just hoped that Mom wouldn't hear me.
I began sobbing now. But still hit harder and harder.
That's when I felt someone pull me back. Please don't let it be Mom.
But it only has to be Mom. No one else was here.
The person behind had their arms around my chest from the back, calming me and pulling me down to the floor with them.
I was still sobbing. You know when you come to the point where you can't stop crying to save your life. That's what was happening.
I felt my sweaty hair and body pressed against the other person.
'Shh... it's all right. You shouldn't exhaust yourself.' A soft voice spoke.
Nile.
I was still crying to even realize how he got here at the first place. I couldn't think straight. Everything bad was just flashing in my head.
I was still catching my breath and crying uncontrollably.
'Shhh...I don't think we should wake them up, right? C'mon. Let's get you out of here. We will go to your room and sort everything, kay?' Nile's calm and soothing voice said.
No. I can't go back there.
I finally stopped sobbing and started hiccupping. 'No, Nile. Please get me out of here. Out of my house. I need some time. Someplace else.' I gulped as I continued my heavy breathing.
I felt him tense as he got up, slowly picking me up. He walked us up and quietly as possible, he walked to the front door.
That's when I began thinking clearly again. Shit. I just had a break down. In front of someone I shouldn't be happening.
I just had a panic attack. I shouldn't be getting them now.
Something was wrong.
We got outside the house and Nile carried me to his car, opened it and gently sat me down on the passenger seat. He closed the door and walked to the other side and got in. He never said anything. He didn't look panicked or worried. It was like he knew me all along and he knew that behind my hard exterior, I was fragile as glass.
He shook out from his jacket and put is over my shoulders. That's when I realized I was shivering in the cold August wind, even while I was sweating.
We sat there quiet, for a while. Until I decided to break the silence.
'I'm sorry.' I whispered in my raspy voice.
He looked at me with an expression I couldn't figure out. 'For what?'
'For breaking down like that. No one was supposed to see that.' My sound was still raspy. Crying for hours do that to you.
He opened the dashboard and took out a bottle of water before handing it to me.
I opened it and gulped it down in a minute.
'If no one found you, you would have passed out for God knows how long.' He said quietly, staring at me.
I felt so stupid. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have broken down so easily. I shouldn't get a panic attack now.
I wore his hoodie properly and zipped it up. I was almost naked before him and I didn't want to stay like that in the cold.
He took my palms in his and slowly began unwrapping the bandages. I saw that they were bloody now. Great. I guess I split open a knuckle or two.
Once he opened the bandages, we both saw that my knuckles weren't split open. They were torn open. And the bleeding began instantly as the entire bandage was taken off.
Nile again reached for the dashboard and took out a first aid box.
He found new rolls of white bandages and after cleaning my knuckles, he put on some ointment and wrapped it up again. Then he proceeded to my next palm.
And all time, I was staring intently at him. How he concentrated on my wounds. Never asking me what was wrong. Giving me my space as he continued to wrap up my cuts.
I saw the time from the car. It was 2:23 AM. How long had I been there in the basement?
'You're lucky your Mom or Bri didn't wake up.'
'Mmm hm.' I nodded as I still stared at him.
'You hungry?'
That's when I realized that I didn't touch the food Mom had put in my room.
'A bit.' I answered.
'C'mon, let's go get something from Starbucks.' He said as he started the car.
I was getting sick again. So I decided against protesting and let him drive.
'How long since the last time you got a panic attack?' he asked, eyes still on the road.
He knows stuff.
I looked out the window. 'Six months.'
'How often did you get them before that?'
'Quiet often.' I said, not wanting to press on this damn subject.
'How long is quiet often?' Obviously, he had other plans.
I signed. 'Minimum twice a day.'
I heard him mumble something under his breath.
The time to change the subject was now or never.
'How did you get to my home? At two in the morning?'
His hand swept through his hair as he still looked ahead. 'I drove up here.'
'Why?' it was my time for interrogations.
'Cause you weren't picking up your phone or answering any texts?'
I turned to the window and smiled for the first time this evening. He fucking cared. For me.
We parked next to the drive-thru of Starbucks.
'Vanilla bean for me.' I said.
He nodded and gave the orders.
After five minutes, we drove out of Starbucks. I didn't know where we were going until we stopped at the beach. We both got out, clutching our coffees for warmth against the cool winds as we walked down the sand. Nile's hoodie was so warm and had this minty feel. I pulled up the hood and began inhaling the familiar scent.
Nile decided to stop at a point and pulled me down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and that instantly made me feel warmer and he smelled a hell lot better than his hoodie.
We were both quiet for a while. Then, Nile spoke.
'Tell me what happened.'
I sipped my warm coffee.
'Shit happened.' I answered.
'When shit happens, you talk about it. You can't go on hiding it from people you love just cause to protect them.'
How does he always know what's wrong? How can he manage to tell the right thing?
I decided to tell him. 'What do you do when the one person you try to forget for your life and caused you so much hate decides to just pop in back to your life?'
He didn't say anything. Just stared at my eyes; like he was waiting for me to continue.
'That's what happened. You watch your best friend turn to a complete stranger with all you secrets and they walk out of your life, breaking and shattering you. And then, one day, they walk back in. While they were gone, all that mattered to you was moving on. Getting on with your life. You try so hard and you finally succeed. That's when they decide to walk back in. And the worst part? They walked out when you were on your worst, down at your knees. When life decided to rip you apart and tear you down, all that person did was stare silently and walk out.'
I let out a silent breath and turned to the sea, watching the waves lash.
I felt a pair of soft lips gently press on my forehead. I closed my eyes and let the warmth spread through my body. All that mattered was to stay closer to this boy and just sleep, holding on tight.
-------
So... how was it?? I don't have a cast list for now, and I don't really like the idea of that either, cause I can't seem to find anyone who will fit in for Ashley or Nile.... if you guys have any suggestions, let me know in the comments, and don't forget to vote!!!
Next Update- 10/19 (Next Monday.... Hopefully! ;) )
Luv ya all!!! ;*