That Look

you

"Are you ok?" He asked as we laid naked on his bed coming down from the high intensity of the sex we just had. "Yes, of course." I lied with a weak smile. I think he sensed that I got lost in my own thoughts for a moment. He put his arms around me, drew me in close to him and I rested my head on his chest breathing in his sweet scent.
I was't ok. This was the second time we'd had sex. The first time was in the dark at night. It was perfect. My belly, my not so perfect boobs, my dimply cellulite, my scars and blemishes.....all of my flaws were invisible, concealed by darkness.
But now we lay here in his room in the afternoon. The bright sunlight was unforgiving coming in through his bedroom window illuminating everything in it with defining clarity.
I was contemplating how I could make it to the bathroom to freshen up without him seeing me; without him seeing my body. I thought about putting my clothes back on but I knew that would've made him think I was ready to go. I thought about wrapping the blanket around me but then that would have left him without and it seemed kind of silly to use a blanket as a shield just to walk to the bathroom that's merely a few steps away.
Why am I thinking like this anyway? Especially after we've just had amazing, intense sex with each other. If he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't be here. Right?
As if he could hear what was going on in my head he said, "you're more than welcome to use my bathroom if you wanna freshen up? Or if you'd like to take a shower?" I looked up at him and momentarily hesitated my answer. "Yes," I said with a smile, "I'd like that."
He kissed me then got up to show me where everything was; soap, towels. I was half listening, still covered up to my chin observing from the bed. As he spoke I was paralyzed at the thought of him seeing me. All of me.
After he was done explaining where everything was and how I should let the water run hot before I adjust the temp he turned to light a candle that was on his dresser. I seized that moment of opportunity to make a run for it while his back was turned to me.
As I was scurrying to the bathroom I kept a watchful eye on him. His dresser had a full mirror attached to it and he could easily see my full reflection but he was preoccupied concentrating on lighting that candle. He never looked up.
I let out a sigh of relief as I almost slammed the door behind me when I finally made it to the bathroom. I turned the water on, adjusted the temp and flipped the switch to shower mode. I looked around for the soap and all I found was a bottle of old spice body wash for men. I flipped the lid and sniffed. So this was it. That familiar comforting scent of his chest. I love this smell on him. All I could do was smile. Something so simple, yet so intoxicating and unforgettable.
After I showered, my insecurities returned as I realized in the rush of making a dash for the bathroom I left my clothes on the floor of his bedroom. This meant I was going to have to walk back out there completely naked. I took a deep breath and exhaled looking at my body. I don't even know why I'm thinking like this. I never have before. I'm usually the, "what you see is what you get," type, the "take it or leave it" because, "I don't give a fuck what you think," kind of girl. I think it's because I really like him. I like him more than I've ever liked anyone before and I want him to stick around awhile. So, I don't know why but I feel like I have to be perfect so he will like me back and want to be with me too. What nonsense!!
I looked down at my belly as I barely dried myself off with a towel and thought, I'm sorry he's gonna have to see this. I got myself together, collected all my courage, put aside my negative thoughts and kept repeating to myself, it's whatever, this doesn't matter, if he likes me then he likes me. Still though just before I reached for the doorknob I tried to wrap the towel around me but my butt was too big and my hips were too wide. So I held the towel close in front of me like a security blanket to at least obscure my belly and boobs as I slowly opened the door.
I glanced in the room and saw him standing by his sound system in his boxers looking through his music collection. I just wanted to run and put my clothes on but I somehow managed to remain cool, calm and collected as I casually walked my way back to where my clothes were on the floor.
I wasn't sure what to do. I was almost within arms reach of my clothes when he called out to me. I subtly shuttered with anxiety before I slowly turned to face him with the towel, my drape, my protective shield still clutched in my hands in front of me.
I looked into his beautiful face from across the room as he said, "Sweetie, you're still all wet." I nervously responded, "ya. So I am. That's ok. I'll dry." As I reached for my clothes he called to me again. I turned to look at him. "Why don't you just use the towel to dry off better? Especially your back, it's all wet." What!? Are you crazy? I can't do that because if I move this towel from where it is now then you'll see me, all of me! I screamed that inside my head. I looked away from him and said, "that's ok. I'll be ok." I busied myself picking my clothes up from the floor while I responded to him.
He walked towards me. I stood up straight to meet his gaze with the towel between us. He looked deeply into me and with meaning in his voice he said, "Melissa.....I've already seen you." This moment. The way he looked at me. The way he said my name. Those words and the way he spoke them captivated my soul. As he spoke those sweet words our eyes locked, I melted. He moved in closer, plucked the towel from my hands and proceeded to dry me.
I stood still as he so gently and carefully dried my back, my shoulders, my arms, my breasts, my belly. He kneeled down to dry my legs, my butt, and between my legs. In a single moment he eradicated all of my insecurities. The simplicity of his gesture and words were so intimate it cracked my heart open and made me feel love for him.