Hindi sya nakasagot. Pinaandar nya ang sasakyan paakyat ng Antipolo.
Hindi ko magawang manghinayang. Nainis lang talaga ako sa yabang nya kung makapag-salita na parang hindi nya kasalanan kaya ako may galit. Sya ang sumira sa'min, hindi ako.
At totoo lang ang sinabi ko. Kinalimutan ko na sya. At hindi ko na sya mahal.
Pareho kaming nagkukuyom ng nararamdaman.
"We're here," sabi nya when we pulled up to a restaurant overlooking Manila.
He waited for me na mag-ayos ng basang-basang mukha ng iyak bago lumabas. Pinagbuksan nya 'ko ng pinto.
"Sorry," bulong nya as he held my arm to assist me going down his SUV.
"Okay," sabi ko.
Ni hindi namin nadala ang laptop ko para pag-usapan namin yung Marketing plan. Umorder sya ng food for us pagka-upo namin.
Magkatabi kaming nakatingin sa view. When we were served food, hindi naman kami nakakain agad.
Kinuha nya ang kamay ko. Isinubsob nya ang mukha nya doon. "Sorry talaga Carmela," umiyak or humagulgol sya. "Mahal kita eh, mahal na mahal."
Tiningnan ko lang sya habang tumutulo rin ang mga luha ko.
Awa na lang ang naramdaman ko for him. Maayos na pala 'ko without him, matagal na. Okay na 'ko, sya, obviously, still, after several months, ganito pa rin?
"Ang gago ko. I was stupid wrong. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Natakot ako sa tali, sa commitment. Di ko alam na iyon pala yung pinakamaling nagawa ko."
We're over Jesse. So over. "Finally nakapag-sorry ka na ng ganito," sabi ko and felt at peace sa wakas regarding Jesse.
"Pa'no yan mahal pa rin kita?" tanong nya looking into my eyes. "Hindi nawala yun Baby. Ako rin yung nagdusa... sa napakahabang panahon na wala ka, na kasama mo si Gene. Mahal pa rin kita Baby."
"Habang naka-ilang girlfriends ka na?" tanong ko finding humor in what he was saying.
"I wanted to forget. But if there's still a chance Carmela, please? Please!"
Umiling ako. "Wala na Jesse."
Yumuko sya. Nag-ayos sya ng sarili. "I'll wait till you fully forgive and forget. May pag-asa pa naman diba?."
"Don't wait," iling ko.
"I'll just do that," pilit nya.
"I don't get that, habang may Maricar ka?" tanong ko lang.
"She's nothing. I can break up with her anytime," habol nya.
"That's very telling of the kind of man you are Jesse. That speaks volumes," iling ko disapprovingly. "Don't do that. Be true to yourself."
"I love you. Ikaw. Ikaw Baby! Remember tayo dati? Remember that? We were happy!" sabi nya.
"Till the things happened, happened. Ihatid mo na lang ako," maayos kong sabi.
"Give me tonight, just this last night. Alam kong galit ka pa rin. Please forgive me and reconsider. I really want to marry you now," nasabi nya.
"Jesse matagal na tayong wala," I stated, I informed.
"Pero minahal natin ang isa't isa and we can bring that back. Gusto ko, at kung gugustuhin mo, if you give it a chance you can," pilit nya.
"I just don't love you anymore. Yun lang yun," I stated the only thing that was important.
"But, but-"
"Please Jesse. Let's be grown-ups about this."
Natahimik sya. Natahimik kami. Gumalaw ako para kumain and he followed suit. Nakatapos din kami ng pagkain. Nagbayad sya at inakay nya na 'ko patayo.
He hugged me pagtayo. "Sorry Baby. Just be happy then. Be happy. Nandito lang ako."
Inihatid nya na 'ko sa building ko and I felt that that was the last of the Jesse chapter in my life.
Luke called very early in the morning the next day. Mas dumadalas ang communication namin sa lahat ng medium the past days. I welcomed it naman. Masarap at maligaya syang kausap. Nakaka-gaan sa pakiramdam.
"Hey," groggy ko pang sagot dahil two na nang umaga ako nakauwi at nakatulog. "Groor morning."
"Sorry did I wake you?" tanong ni Luke.
"Yeah, it's fine. Yes?" tanong kong tulog pa rin ang diwa trying to wake myself up.
"My business partner has not been answering his phone. Kumusta ang presentation mo sa kanya last night? He approved it 'no?" tanong ni Luke.
Ang aga pa kasi kaya 'di pa sumasagot yun. "Didn't even see it," sagot ko yawning getting up.
"He didn't even see it tapos in-approve nya?" assume ni Luke.
"No, you don't get it. It was... it was not what it should be," sabi ko. "It was a non-meeting."
"What? What do you mean?" naguguluhan nyang tanong.
"How do I explain this? Basta," sabi ko na lang. "Um, we sorta ended things." Humikab pa ako.
"Hindi kita maintindihan," sabi nya. "We're having breakfast together, susunduin kita."
Decided sya. Wala na naman akong magagawa nito. "May pasok ako," tanggi ko.
"Eh di sa office mo, see you there," sabi nya at pinutol na ang linya.
Napangiti ako. Breakfast with Luke... Hmmm... What to wear?
Eight dumating si Luke sa office. He brought coffee, bread and pastries with him. "Good morning!" bati at katok nya sa office ko.
Good nga naman ang morning 'pag sya ang bumati at nakita mo kahit puyat ka. "Good morning," ngiti ko rin.
Dumiretso sya ng upo. Ay di nya 'ko kiniss ng good morning.
"What happened? I don't get it," sabi nya agad na gulung-gulo.
"I changed the plan based on what you wanted," sabi ko. I pushed my laptop to him. "Play it."
"Pero what happened last night?" tanong nya sa'kin not minding the laptop.
Kinuwento ko sa kanya ang mga nangyari. Nagulat sya at napa-What pa.
"So how are you now?" tanong nya after my kwento.
"Okay naman. Wala na yun, matagal na yun," I said.
Gumanda ang ngiti nya. "One down."
"What?" natatawa kong sabi.
"Wala. At least you've fully forgotten that part of your life. That's over," ngiti nya sheepishly. Halatang natuwa sya sa nangyari. "Let's eat!" mas perky nyang yaya.
Nakita nya ang plan and he approved it and made himself a copy.
When he closed all the windows napansin nya ang desktop background ko na beach landscape. "Ay hindi ako yung desktop background dito sa laptop mo," nguso nyang hinayang.
Natawa ako. "Yun lang? Sige bukas, palitan ko ng picture mo," sabi ko.
"Hmp wag na, pilit naman," pag-iinarte nya. "Tingnan mo nga o," sabi nya and showed me his phone with my picture as his lock screen in it.
Awww... You're so my next boyfriend. Malapit na. Kakausapin ko na lang si Gene para talagang okay na rin yun and then we can be together. Ang sabi ko nga sa'yo dati diba why would I deny myself of the things I want in life. Mahal kita and I want you.
Umalis sya ng eight thirty as he also had a lot to do at work.
My co-Managers and I had a lunch meeting outside. We went to a popular restaurant a couple of blocks from the hotel.
"Carmela," narinig kong tawag sa'kin.
I turned around and saw Marie, Gene's eldest sister. "Hi Marie," bati ko sa kanya. "How are you?"
Nag-beso kami. "Okay naman. Ikaw? How are you?" sabi nya.
"Great. My colleagues and I are having lunch here," sabi ko.
"Ah. Kami rin," sabi nya at turo nya ng mga kasama nya. "Um, nahihiya ako sa ginawa ni Gene kaya hindi ko alam kung pa'no..."
"'Wag," iling ko. "It's not-," iling ko pa. "You're out of it. Okay na yun, wala na," sabi ko.
Matipid syang ngumiti. "Pero has he spoken to you? Do you know na ba?"
"Do I know what?" tanong ko.
"Um siguro it's better if he speaks to you," sabi nya. "I've got to go."
Tiningnan ko syang palayo. Ano kaya yun?
Hindi ako makakain till I knew. Tinawagan ko si Gene. "Gene."
"Carmela!" sabi nya. "How are you? Are you having lunch? Kumusta ka na?"
"I saw Marie. Um may sasabihin ka ba sa'kin?" tanong ko.
"Huh? Wala, wala. Would you like to have dinner later though?" tanong nya.
Wala naman pala. "Gene I have to go. Speak to you later."
"Huh okay," sabi nya before I cut the call.
That afternoon nagpakita si Jo sa office. "Dalaw!!!" sigaw nya.
"Jo!" Nag-beso kami.
"What's new with you? Anong bago? Naalala ko lang na wala pa 'kong balita ulit sa lovelife mo nung tinanong ni Ricky kung sino daw sa mga Backstreet Boys ang lucky winner. Ano na nga ba? Sino na?"
Kinuwento ko sa kanya ang mga nangyari sa'min ni Jesse.
"Oh, so parang nagka-closure na talaga sya 'no? At ikaw rin, maayos na syang nag-sorry, nagka-usap na kayo," tango ni Jo.
"Yes. At least alam na namin diba?"
"Biro mo napaiyak mo si Jesse. Pero teka, baka naman magkahiwalay pa ang mga kumpanya nila Jesse at Luke dahil sa'yo ah. Kung si Helen of Troy was the face that launched a thousand ships, you could be naman the face that broke a merger," biro nya.
"Tumigil ka nga. Okay na yung Marketing plan 'no. Di naman sila nag-away dun, nagkapalitan lang ng rason," sabi ko. "At saka okay na nga kami ni Jesse, I think. Nilinaw ko na sa kanya na dahil gago sya, wala na kami at hindi ko na sya mahal."
"Eh si Gene pala?" tanong nya.
"Nagkita nga kami ng ate nya kanina. Tas parang may sasabihin ata si Gene ayon sa ate nya nga pero tinawagan ko sya, wala naman syang sinabi. Nag-yaya lang mag-dinner," kwento ko.
"Pagbigyan mo na. Ikaw, ayusin mo na rin yun para maging kayo na ni Luke bilis!" sabi nya.
"Ano kaya yung sasabihin ni Gene?"
"Pumayag ka na ngang mag-dinner kayo."
Sinunod ko ang payo ni Jo. Nakipag-kita ako kay Gene sa isang restaurant. Maaga ako pero mas maaga sya.
"Hi," bati ko. Tumayo sya and wanted to kiss me kaya pinigilan ko sya. "This is just dinner Gene. I just really wanted to speak with you."
Bumagsak ang mga balikat nya. He looked sad and depressed.
I was tempted to ask if he was okay dahil medyo malamya syang tingnan pero baka umaarte lang kasi sya.
I saw a brown paperbag na pinapatungan ng phone nya. "What's that?" tanong ko.
"Ah this," he got it. "Look," sabi nya at inabot nya sa'kin yun.
I looked inside and those were pictures of us. I looked at one picture after the other at may kumurot sa'kin.
We were happy. We were once happy. I got busy, had no time for him and then he made that mistake with Chesca.
I saw his picture na namula sya nung na-aksidente sya sa unit. Bumalik lahat ng mga pinanghihinayangan kong mga alaala naming dalawa.
Bakit kasi he had to hang out with his ex-wife on his birthday? Why did he have to have sex with her?
Ibinalik ko yun sa kanya. Bakit nya pinaprint?
"I have cancer Carmela."