// Chris' point of view //
Lara and I went out for the day, and we arrived back to flashing lights and sirens. As we tried to stay clear of their work, we were pulled over by Mr Thomas.
"Chris, Lara, I need you to stay here with Detective Jim. Please stay calm while we wait for Ethan." He says, gesturing to a Detective waiting behind him. I look to see his expression blank, and I can't work out what's going on.
"Follow me, please." Detective Jim announces, leading us inside the academy to a little conference room I've never been to.
Once we're inside, I'm surprised to see Jakob already sitting on one of the chairs placed in front of the desk. What the hell is going on? He's got a stare that matches the way I feel; confused and a little annoyed that we can't get answers. The detective gestures for us to sit down next to Jakob, so we do. Jakob sits on the left, Lara sits next to him and I sit next to her. The one empty chair next to me is Ethan's.
"Excuse me, but what's going on? Have we done something wrong?" Lara asks.
"No, you haven't done anything wrong. I'm just not allowed to tell you everything until all of the people listed are here. Please stay seated, I'll be back in a minute." The detective answers, walking out of the room.
"What the hell is going on?" I ask Jakob, leaning over Lara to look at him.
"I don't even know. It looks serious, and there were heaps of paramedics here before. I think someone's hurt. I've been sitting here for forty five minutes." He replies, shrugging his shoulders and looking down at the floor.
The three of us sit there for at least another half an hour. Every time someone would walk down the hallway, we'd sit up as the footsteps drew closer, but always end up slouching back down again. I can feel the impatience in the air as I sit here, Lara next to me saying nothing either.
Then suddenly the door opens, and Ethan walks in with the detective trailing behind him.
"What's going on?" Ethan mouths as he comes in and sits next to me. I shrug my shoulders slightly and watch as the detective sits at the desk, shuffling papers around. It seems to take him an eternity to open his mouth and speak.
"I have some shocking news for you four. I understand that it might be hard to hear this, but I need you to cooperate here. There's something you can have at the end of it; Something that might mean a lot to you." He says, saying each word clearly as though he was stepping on ice, and saying one thing wrong could break it, causing him to fall to death.
"I've been sitting here for almost two hours. Can you please tell us what's going on?" Jakob asks, his voice serious but still polite.
"I'm sorry for making you do that," Detective Jim looks down, taking a deep breath and fiddling with his pen before continuing, "and I'm also sorry for having to be the one to tell you that your friend, Zane Kratil, has decided to take his own life."
The room goes silent, and the air turns stale. I look to Lara who's staring at the detective, her mouth slightly open in shock.
"What happened?" I ask on Lara's behalf.
"We've come to the conclusion that he jumped off the top floor of the academy at around 5:45 this evening. I'm so sorry, but I need you to help me now."
•••
// Zane's point of view //
I've said too much, and I'll never forgive myself for it. When I was younger, I promised myself that I'd never tell; that I would keep the same lie until someone was torturing me from the truth; that even then, I'd probably just let them kill me. I had waited so long for that day, and it never came. There's no point in me taking up space and oxygen that other people deserve more. So that's what I'm going to do: save everyone else. For once, I'm going to help everyone else and get rid of myself.
As I write the note, I don't care how messy my handwriting is. I don't care that my tears are staining the paper and that the ink is starting to run. I don't care that my hands are shaking as I fold the paper and slide it into my pocket. I don't care anymore. It's going to be fast and over quickly; the way it was always going to be.
I'll miss a lot of things, but being alive is not one of them.
•••
// Chris' point of view //
Lara's hand is gripping mine so hard that I can't feel the tips of my fingers. As the detective pulls out a crumpled and folded piece of lined paper from his folder, Lara's other hand cups her mouth. The tears have been steaming down her face for a while now and she's shaking like crazy. I think Ethan is a bit upset, too... He obviously knows something that we don't.
"You guys can keep this. I recommend you go somewhere private right now and read it together. I'm very sorry and thank you for working with me." Detective Jim concludes his questioning, shaking each of our hands and leaving the room.
"Let's go up to the courtyard." Jakob says quietly.
"You don't think?" Lara starts, but I'm already one step ahead.
"They didn't find him around that side. He didn't jump from there."
No one talks from then on, but Lara holds my hand as we walk up to the courtyard. Ethan has the note gripped tightly in his hand and Jakob is probably the calmest person right now. He didn't have a lot to do with Zane, but its still upsetting when someone around you suddenly kills themselves.
Jakob gets to the door first and pushes it open. The rest of us follow, as eager to read that note as Lara must be. What is he going to reveal to us through this? Jakob stops when he gets to the hedge, turning around to face us. Lara is standing closer to me than she ever has and Ethan is just looking anxious.
"Please read it, Jake." Ethan says quietly, and Lara just nods.
// Ethan's point of view //
I'm not telling them what Zane told me. It almost seems wrong. He didn't want to tell, but he did... And he killed himself because of it. I can't help but feel as though this is partly my fault. Jakob starts to read.
"So by now you've probably guessed that I wasn't being exactly truthful with you guys. I let the truth out, and I couldn't live with that. There's just a few things I want you guys to know before I do go.
To Lara, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I let you get into all of those horrible feelings and I'm sorry for taking you away from Chris. I'm sorry that when you were drunk and were begging for Ethan and Chris, I wouldn't take you to them. Maybe I was caught up in the fact that I had someone that wanted me... I'm so sorry I never loved you, but Ethan did. I don't think he does anymore and I'm sorry I let you miss that chance. Stay by Chris and don't let anyone else ruin your life more than I already have. Thank you for being there for me when nobody else was. It's okay to tell people now." Jakob starts, and I look down when he mentions my name. It's true, though. I don't love her anymore, but in a way, I really wish I did. I hate having these feelings now that I don't understand. Jakob continues.
"To Chris, please keep Lara safe. Please make sure she's okay and that my suicide doesn't change anything in her old life. Make sure she knows every day that she's beautiful and that one day someone will love her. We didn't have sex, and everyone can know that now. It was a lie and I'm so sorry.
To Ethan, thank you. Thank you at least pretending to be my friend. I know what you were doing and I know why. I'm sorry about what happened last night and I'm sorry you were the one to have to wear it. Everything is okay for me now. All of my problems are solved. It's not your fault, it's entirely my own." I know Jakob is almost finished, but the tears are now falling down my face. I look over to see Chris hugging Lara, and all I can do is stand there with my arms crossed, looking at the ground as my lip trembles.
"Jakob, please make sure everyone's okay. I'm sorry you were left out and I hope you are okay. The boys don't hate you and they don't mean to leave you out. Their matter just didn't concern you. While Ethan and I were at his place, he was constantly worrying about you. I hope everything turned out okay on your trip.
Now I have to go before I chicken out again. I have to stop ruining the lives of people around me and just do this now. Thank you all so much for anything you've done to help me, but it's over now.
Zane."
None of us talk, but my crying just gets stronger. I look over to Chris and Lara to find them still hugging, but as I go to turn my back, I make eye contact with Jakob. It was weird- like a shiver ran down my spine- and then he's walking over. His arms wrap around me in a hug I'm not supposed to find so comforting. I close my eyes and just let the moment go by, letting the emotions run though me as Jakob holds me. Is this just a confusing stage of my life? Or do I really have feelings for Jakob? Soon those thoughts are buried deep under more thoughts about Zane. This is my fault. If I had never have pushed him so far, this wouldn't have happened.
Zane Kratil would not be dead.