You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You both like philosophy.
Stranger: hello
You: hello
Stranger: how are you?
You: good, and you?
Stranger: meh, just dealing with existential crisis # 100000000 on my end
Stranger: aka i'm doing just fine
You: yeah, that sounds like a pretty average day.
You: aka that sucks
Stranger: ha nah it's actually completely fine. i always assume everyone is pretty much enduring the same mindfuck once they reach a certain age
You: yup, probably
Stranger: why philosophy?
You: because philosophy is life
You: i like contemplating even when it makes me want to fall off a cliff
You: you?
Stranger: ha
Stranger: you know i share that sentiment
Stranger: do you find it often makes you want to fall off a cliff?
You: meh. semi-monthly. (or however you would phrase that)
Stranger: so than your odds for philosophizing aren't too bad :)
You: yeah, probably not gonna die from it.
Stranger: cheers to that holding true
You: existential crises though? happens at least once a week.
You: *sound of clinking glasses*
Stranger: ah, it seems to accompany life
Stranger: altho
You: yup
Stranger: do you think people who lived way before us had as many existential crises?
Stranger: sometimes i find it hard to imagine cavemen fretting over their own existence
You: it depends cause in the age pre-reformation and post-stone age, i dont believe so.
You: pre-stone age i think they'd be more worried about getting eaten
You: post-reformation though?
You: most definitely
Stranger: huh
Stranger: it might actually be nice to have to worry about getting eaten all the time- sure gives life a purpose: live
Stranger: you think there was as much self-reflection as there is now post- reformation?
You: perhaps the amount of existential crises has gone up as time goes on though because the tension of uncertainty builds
You: maybe. probably not
Stranger: uncertainty? you man because less people beleive in god?
Stranger: and instead more people are beleiving in the void
You: yeah. we dont know where we came from therefore we worry about what's to come
You: that's not to say people should be religious
You: it lulls people into a false sense of security
Stranger: ^ but is that bad?
You: (that's just my opinion though)
Stranger: isn't it nice to feel safe?
Stranger: even if the safety isn't real
You: yes but what's the point if there isn't anything truly there?
You: in the end, if you're religious, you will end up feeling betrayed
Stranger: but once you're dead you're too dead too feel betrayed
You: because you believed something would be there that ended up not being there
You: possibly
Stranger: except dying is one trippy experience
Stranger: ppl are always seeing god when they die
Stranger: or seeing just about anything tbh
You: i think it comes down to whether or not you believe in souls
You: yeah
You: truth
Stranger: ah, do you?
You: do i believe in souls?
Stranger: yeah
You: meh. there could be something there or there might not be.
You: my beliefs change day to day
Stranger: very fair
Stranger: you an agnostic?
You: somewhat. you?
Stranger: 100% agnostic
You: fun
Stranger: wait, how can you be somewhat agnostic tho?
You: hmm..
You: it depends how you look at agnosticism
Stranger: isn't everything already "somewhat" when someone's agnostic
Stranger: ah okay
You: cuz you can look at it like a spectrum or you can look at it like a set 50% religious 50% atheist
You: i see it as a spectrum
You: kinda
Stranger: huh, that's interesting
Stranger: actually makes sense
Stranger: i always though being agnostic meant you knew you didn't know anything
Stranger: but i like the "spectrum" idea better
Stranger: sounds more legitimate
You: that's definitely part of it, not knowing anything
You: i'm kinda stubborn though
Stranger: how so?
You: not out of the starting block yet.
You: need to grow up some
Stranger: what do you mean by "starting block"?
You: the starting block is the mental construct of childhood. you start there and you get taught how to get to the finish line. i haven't been taught since i missed about 95% of my childhood.
You: * missed out on
You: of course, the finish line never comes
You: life always ends before then
Stranger: gotcha. How did you miss out on that huge chunk?
Stranger: and is the finish line not death tho?
You: my biological mother was a massive dick
You: no the finish line is not death
You: the finish line is the point where you reach and accomplish all your aspirations
You: which is impossible
You: as you are constantly finding new aspirations to reach for
Stranger: huh, i guess you're right- perhaps children are taught life will reach that "ideal" point
Stranger: damn, all children are destined to be at least slightly disappointed it seems
Stranger: sorry about your mom btw :(
You: yeah, it's chill. i moved out last year and trying to catch up.
You: childhood is always slightly fucked.
Stranger: good for you!
You: even in the best situations
Stranger: ah, i guess so
Stranger: but life is just fucked up in general
Stranger: childhood just makes the fucked up look perfectly fine
You: people will always have no clue how to handle what comes next
You: yup.
You: certain people's stories are more fucked up than others
Stranger: yeah, very very unfortunately :(
You: it doesn't negate anything though
You: my childhood is a very good example of that
Stranger: would you mind explaining how so to me?
Stranger: it's cool if you don't want to of course
You: my childhood?
Stranger: yeah
You: okay. i'll start from the beginning then.
You: i was concieved prematurly because my mother had cheated on my father whilst she was pregnant and she caught an STD
Stranger: ^ ah, really the beginning
You: at age 2, my parents divorced
You: shortly after this, my mother was found high and drunk passed out in a subway station with me roaming around unattended at 3am
You: my father refused to take her to court for fear that i would be angry with him if i was taken away from my mother
You: then follows 10 more years of abuse and neglect.
You: i was abused by my mother in every way imaginable, not always directly but you get the point
You: we moved a lot and i grew up being bullied and discriminated against
You: by my classmates
You: at age 9 we made a last move for the following years until i realised the lifestyle i had wasnt normal
You: i cycled through a couple boyfriends, never feeling quite right
You: i wrote a suicide note but never did anything until my only friend found it and turned it over to the school counselor
You: i tried to tell my mother i didn't seem to like guys but she ignored me. the abuse got worse
You: i started crying on the school bus and a social services person got sent to our house
You: nothing happened
You: the police and the fire men cycled through our house many times over the next few years
You: nothing happened
You: would you like to know about the last few days before i left?
Stranger: if you feel comfortable telling me
You: okay.
You: the initial fight was about the tv being too loud and my brother messing up the clean clothes.
You: i asked him to turn the tv down and he turned it up and proceeded to start throwing the clean, folded clothes across the room
You: i started yelling at him to stop and he stormed out to yell that i was bulling him to his father.
You: his father came in and told us off, mostly me
You: once my mother got home, she heard about the incident and pulled me outside and threw me to the ground, screaming at me to apologise for not taking her husband's ridicule
You: he replied it was fine and she started kicking me to get up.
You: i stood up and started moving towards the house, her fists and knees coming at my back
You: i started running and once we got to the door, she continued pushing at me
You: because she had closed the door so hard, i had trouble opening it and she was still standing there pushing and screaming at me.
You: i threw myself against the door, the glass shattered and i opened the door calmly, having frightened her.
You: soon the screaming started again because "that was the original door from the 1800s!"
You: i apologised and started sweeping up the mess but i cut me foot on the broken glass and her husband shoved me out of the way and told me to leave
You: i did.
You: she ran after me and i struggled
You: my clothes ended up ripped to shreds, bruises and cuts covering my body
You: i wouldn't have made it inside alive if it wasnt for the intervening of her husband.
You: he told me to get inside
You: i barricaded my door and called my uncle
You: at this point i was hyperventilating and i couldn't keep my thoughts straight
You: i asked "what constitutes abuse?"
You: it took a couple tries for it to be intelligable
You: the rest is pretty much history.
You: the cops didnt believe me
You: i still managed to get on a plane two days later
You: i didn't speak for those two days
Stranger: mon dieu
Stranger: i'm so so so so so sorry to hear this
You: my childhood was irregular
Stranger: where did you take the plane to?
You: the other side of the country
Stranger: did you know someone there?
You: my biological father and his wife
Stranger: ah, so you're staying with them now?
You: yep.
Stranger: how is it?
You: much better
Stranger: i'm really glad to hear that
You: the weather is extremely different though
You: thanks
Stranger: huh, you move from the east to west or something?
You: yup
Stranger: ah, the west coast weather!
Stranger: that must be nice
You: northeast to the southwest
You: yeah
You: especially this time of year
You: tbh, tho, i prefer the cold
You: or at least the rainy
Stranger: !
Stranger: why?
You: ^ most people's reactions
Stranger: ha yes, i am most ppl
You: i like cuddling
You: i am also really strange
You: idk
You: ask the universe
Stranger: ohhh
Stranger: yeah, cuddling in the heat
Stranger: basically just swapping sweat
Stranger: doesn't sound pleasant
You: nope.
You: i do like exercising though
Stranger: !
You: so there's a plus
Stranger: are you human?
You: yes
Stranger: wtf "likes exercising"
Stranger: super confused
You: *dying of laughter*
You: i like the feeling the day after and the endorphins during
You: it's also really fun to do whilst hanging with friends
You: ie- climbing a mountain
Stranger: daw, sounds like you've got a long life ahead of you
Stranger: keep up the exercising habit
You: yup. i'll be 150 when i die
You: as long as i dont get hit by a truck
Stranger: sounds like a plan
You: what about you?
You: what do you do?
Stranger: ahahaha
Stranger: not exercising- that's for sure
You: TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF
Stranger: AH OKAY! mostly, i go to school- nothing special
Stranger: I ate cereal for breakfast this morning- so that's a pretty big deal
You: fun.
You: i ate a burrito
Stranger: WOAH
Stranger: now that
Stranger: is amazing
Stranger: hope you enjoyed it
You: well. it was half a burrito
You: yeah
Stranger: hrm, slightly less amazing
Stranger: but still pretty beautiful
Stranger: you're in hs i'm assuming?
You: yeah, 15yr-old in junior year
You: you?
Stranger: you skip a grade or something?
Stranger: i'm in college
Stranger: 19
You: nope. i'm actually making up for the 1 1/2 years i was pulled out from school
You: cool
Stranger: but isn't junior year for 16-17?
You: idk
Stranger: ah w/e doesn't even matter
You: idgaf
Stranger: just though you were a genius for a sec
Stranger: ^ yeah, i felt that way about hs too
You: all a's though
Stranger: good job!
You: yeah
Stranger: it'll pay off :)
You: also, i still am a genius. do you know how much extra work 1.5 years of make-up is?
Stranger: honestly can't even imagine
You: it's a freaking tonne of extra work
Stranger: :/
Stranger: well you should be really proud you're getting it done
Stranger: and getting all a's
You: i'm just trying to graduate on time
Stranger: i believe in you!
You: i can do it!! *superhero pose*
You: (so can you *another superhero pose*)
Stranger: amen!
Stranger: tbh
Stranger: i have no idea what a superhero pose is
You: like. superman or something
Stranger: ah nvm just googled it
You: yeah
Stranger: apparently it's just standing
You: yup
Stranger: well, that's not too much exercise, so I can do it :)
You: hahah. (:
Stranger: k, well i've gotta get to bed
You: same'
Stranger: but i've had a great conversation w/ you
Stranger: and thank you for telling me all you did
You: same, omg
You: youre welcoome
You: (:
Stranger: i really hope you can enjoy hs
Stranger: and all that's to come
Stranger: and stay strong :)
You: you too.
You: i'm sure you will be successful in anything you do
You: so just keep going towards whatever you choose (:
Stranger: ha thanks for that- same to you
You: sleep well
Stranger: good night :)
You: night (:
Stranger has disconnected.