{Taylor POV}
Sitting in the dark, in an oversized-baggy shirt, with food stains all over and no pants, is not exactly attractive. I don't care anymore. I feel like I just made the worst decision of my life. I can't believe I told Laura I had feelings. I've kept it in for so long, how could I let it slip out now. But this wasn't an accident. I did this because I needed to get that off my chest.
I got back from New Jersey the same day. Around 11 o'clock, I arrived and came straight home. I haven't talked to Carrie since I got back, which was last week. That's another issue; do I tell Carrie I have feelings for Laura? Or do I ignore them once again and keep living my daily routine? But what if Laura feels something? No. She's not into girls.
Sleep is my only escape. I would drink but thy would mean leaving my couch and that isn't happening anytime soon. I sleep everyday. If I'm not sleeping I'm watching television. I have lost the will to eat.
I got a text from Carrie asking where I was since I haven't called her the past week. I replied that I wasn't feeling well. She offered to come help me and I didn't refuse this time. She was over in the next hour.
"Taylor?" I heard a common voice come through the door after a couple knocks.
"In here" I say loud enough for her to hear me
Carrie put her purse down and walked into my living room and into my mess. She looked disgusted but I didn't care.
"Tay, your house is a mess" she stated the obvious
"Well actually, only my living room is a mess" I contradicted
She glares at me as I sit up and she sits down next to me.
"Taylor, what's wrong?" She asked
"I just don't feel well. I have a stomach ache and I'm just so tired" I try to convince her
"Well you keep wallowing in your filth while I make you some dinner. You need some reall food; enough of this Twinkie crap" she collected wrappers all over me ad headed for the kitchen.
I stay on the couch and don't even bother thinking about anything. I close my eyes and let go of my body. Minutes felt like seconds. I was woken up by a plate of hot shepherds pie and a Carrie.
"Taylor. Wake up. You've been asleep for almost an hour. It's time to eat"
An hour? But I just shut my eyes. It's funny how twisted life is. Sometimes I just want to throw it away.
Carrie sits next to me and watches me eat. I look at her and we both smile. I knew it. I knew I was happy with her. I don't think I need to tell her about Laura. Laura and I will stay aside, Carrie is much more important. I just hope Laura is willing to forget I ever said anything, not that I regret it, I just think I should've thought about it more. That's also the problem; I think too much about things. Oh well. I guess we'll see how things turn out.
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{Laura POV}
I drink the nights away as I sleep through the days. I might as well block my mind from any emotion since I can't feel any. My family doesn't know about my doings because I sneak out like a 13 year old. Every night for the past week I've been going out to drink from 2-5 in the morning.
I am heading out for my 8th night since I've seen Taylor. As I was opening the door my 10 year old cousin, Lilly, stopped me.
"Laura?" Her innocent, soft, child voice spoke
I turn around nervously,
"Yes? Hi Lilly"
"What are you doing? Where are you going?" She spoke softly
"I am just going out for a while. I will be back soon, no need to worry" I say as I try to leave
"But where are you going?" She kept questioning
"Just out"
Changing the subject
"What are you even doing up at this hour Lilly?" I chuckle
"I heard a noise and I came to look at it, but it was only you"
"Oh...I'm sorry for waking you. Go back to bed now, and don't tell anyone you saw me go out, m'kay?" I question her
"I don't know if I could get back to bed. Will you tuck me in?" She said with a pouty face
I whine,
"Okay, I guess. C'mon let's hurry up before we wake anyone else up"
I push her to her room and shove her under the covers. A quick kiss and turning off the light. As I head for the door she stops me yet again.
"Laura?" She spoke quietly
"Yes?" I say exhausted
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
The question almost put me in shock. I barely put the words together,
"Umm no sweetheart. Why do you ask?"
"I don't know, just wondering. Do you want one?" She kept pushing
I think for a second about twisting it around but I can't make up my mind about anything so I quit the thought.
"I don't know" I whisper
"What a about a girlfriend?" She said out of nowhere
Almost falling on my ass,
"Excuse me?"
"A girlfriend" she just said
I thought even harder about this one, mostly thinking about Taylor.
"Uh...no" was all I could come up with
I told her enough questions and turned the lights out. I head for the door and go out for my night of fun, including alcohol and loud music.
The night was a blurr. I got to the bar and it all went black from there. I somehow made my way home by a cab, however I managed to call one of those. I walked in the front door around 6 and just dropped all my lose items onto the floor. I forgot my mom wakes up at 6 so I look around to see if she's awake yet. I don't see her so I head up to my room. Half way upstairs I could tell she was behind me. Turning around in slow shame she stared me down. She isn't used to seeing me like this so she immediately knew something was wrong. She called me over to sit down at the kitchen table.
"Explain please" was all she said
"I just went out" was all I said
"Yea, out. In a short skirt and trashy shirt. You have stains all over yourself" she mohered
"I know but in my defense I made these when I was in the cab and on my way home" I say jokingly
"Laura...this isn't like you. You don't leave in the middle of the night to go get drunk, or God knows what, when you're with your family. So what's wrong?" She said very kindly
"I just have a lot to think a lot right now mom. And it sucks because I don't want to think about it"
"Well what is it?
"Taylor. She said some things that I can't stop thinking about and I don't know how to feel towards them or how she feels now-" I ramble on until my mother cuts me off
"Wait, things? What kind of things?"
"Mom, I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now" I say, standing up
"Honey, are you sure?"
"Yes. I just need to sleep it off...again" I start heading up my wooden staircase
"Alright just don't sleep the rest of your time here away. We still are your family" my mom said up the stairs
My mom was right. I need to clean up my act for my family. I need to spend time with them now before I leave in a couple of days. I sleep for one last day and into the night.
The next day I woke up feeling kinda dirty, considering I haven't showered in a couple of days. I hop in the shower. Thank God I slept through my headache/hangover. The shower was refreshing. After that I changed into casual jeans and a sweatshirt. I walk down the stairs to the family eating a big breakfast. I join them quietly as they keep piling questions on top of me since I've practically been asleep the whole time, to them.
I dodge each one as I kept shoving food into my mouth. I left the family because I was growing impatient with their questions. I went upstairs and relaxed. I needed to clear my mind. I attempted it but Taylor kept popping up. I couldn't avoid it anymore. I need a long, hard think about what Taylor had said.
About 2 hours of that I came to a conclusion; I'm comfortable with it but I'm not attracted to her and its best if we stay the good friends we are now. Great. Now I feel all my stress melting away.
The last couple of days with the family were hectic but I enjoyed every minute of it. I just can't wait to be home. In New York. I'll get to see all my friends there. And Taylor. I just hope things aren't awkward between us.