Mr. & Mrs. Crazy Pants •A Jer...

By Superjusticeleaguer

22.4K 663 130

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.... •He was deranged and twisted...• •She was a killer and loved a... More

One: Waffles & A Murder
Two: Murderous Bonding
Three: Home Run..
Four: One Of The Good Guys
Six: Please Don't Take My Sunshine...Away...
Seven: I'm A Menace To Society...And I Love It
Eight: Are You Deranged Like Me?
Nine: What Are We, Some Kind Of Suicide Squad?
Ten: You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Eleven: His Last Laugh?!?
Twelve: Friends? Foe? Who Knows?
Thirteen: The Whole Worlds Laughing
A/N GOOD NEWS KIDDIES!!!

Five: Every Girl Loves Neck Biting...Right?

1.9K 45 17
By Superjusticeleaguer

Quinnie:

"Oh! Here it is! The pet shop I told you about. Aren't the lizard dragons just so precious? I want that one." I point at the red and black one and Jerome opens the cage. "Here."  He starts to reach in and one of the workers stops him.

"Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry but those animals aren't for petting. They are the poisonous, red and black speckled lizard dragons. They have a nasty toxin in their fangs an-"

"Puddin, I want that one. I'll name her after my pet rat. What'd yah say? Wanna come home with me, Mousy?"

"Ma'am you don't understa-"

"Are you denying my lady here a pet? Look at that pretty face. Are you really going to say she can't pet it and take it home?"

The worker looks at me and swallows hard.
"I'm sorry."

I pout and tap the glass. "Maybe next time, K, Mousy?" I take Jerome's hand and we walk further into the pet shop.

"Oh look, boring little puppies..." I say with a fake yawn. Jerome holds me from behind and whispers in my ear.

"Why don't we, let these poor unfortunate souls out so they can play?" The smile spreads across my face and I nod.

We separate. He walks over to the birds while I walk over to the mice.

I kneel down beside a little boy. "Do you want one?"

"Yeah, but my mommy said no."

"My mommy was a bit of a party pooper too. Just look at this little guy. I think they need a good home. What yah think?"

The little boy nods and I tip the glass cage over letting all of the mice out. "Step back, kid. It's about to get crazy in here."

One minute it was order and peace then the next, women were screaming. Workers were scrambling. Mice, birds, dogs, rabbits, snakes and other pets were all over the place.

"Come here baby." I take the lizard dragon and grab a leash then meet Jerome out in the front.

"What do they eat?" Jerome asks. "She isn't a hatchling, so she's going to have a veggie diet. How does that sound babygirl? Huh?" She hisses and I kiss her lizard head and place her on her leash.

"Thanks, Puddin." He swings his arm around my shoulder and leans his head on mine. "Anytime. So what's next?"

"We need to get some food for Mousy. But then we can go and get..." I stop as I see a pretty rich girl coming out of a hotel. What made me stop talking was that she had this pretty necklace on.

I stop and admire it. "That's really pretty. May I?"

"No, move it." She snaps at me. Mousy hisses at the girl and the girl screams.

"What the hell is that thing?" I pick Mousy up. "She is not a thing." I turn my nose up at her and take Jerome's hand.

"Are you going to let her get away with talking to you like that?"

"No way in fucking hell. That bitch is dead and I'm taking her necklace."

"Oh I love it when you talk dirty."

Detective Gordon:

I walk in on Ed and he freezes like a little kid with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Please don't tell." I sigh and close the door behind me. "What do we got? And no riddles, give it to me straight."

"Uh, yes. Well it's obvious that Miss Jones' death was caused by the three lions that are now being put down. Such a shame, lions are very beautiful creatures though they are on the top of the food chain-"

"Ed..." I warn.

"Right, anyways, I did some looking myself and saw that on her arm here..." He shows me her half eaten arm. "...that's possibly a defense wound. Or a wound caused by one of the lions."

"That wound isn't deep enough to be a lion."

"My point exactly so I was thinking, how did Miss Jones wind up in the lions cage? My theory is that someone had attacked her and while Miss Jones had fought, the attacker got a good grip on her and scratched her."

"Please tell me the attacker left some clues."

"Sadly, no, if there were any traces of DNA on her the lions basically licked it away. Speaking of licking did you know that a lions tongue feels similar to sandpap-"

"Ed, I gotta go." He smiles and goes back to working on the Jones girl.

"Nygma! Get out!" The regular coroner came in and that was my cue to leave.

As I walk to my desk, my girlfriend Leslie Thompkins, walks up to me with a file, probably on the Lila Valeska case no doubt.

"Jim-"

"Please, Lee. Not now. I'm spreading myself as thin as I can with these cases."

"But this is important, we need to do a follow up on Jerome Valeska and on the other two parties involved in the case." I pinch the bridge of my nose and look at her.

"All right, get him in here."

Hours later Jerome was sitting in one of the rooms while his girlfriend sat in the lobby with a...

"Is that a pet Lizard on a leash?"

"It's a lizard dragon, harmless unless she bites you. Wanna pet her?"

"No, no, that's fine. I won't be long with Jerome." I walk into the room where Jerome was waiting and close the door behind me.

"I apologize for this, but I want to add a few more things to your mothers case. Now tell me about your mother, Jerome." He nods as I see the sad look in his eyes.

"She's my mother. What can I say? I love her. She's perfect. Not a very good cook. Heh. Except for that.." I give a polite smile at that comment.

"Did she have any enemies? Someone with a grudge?"

"No, detective. My mother didn't have any bad blood with anyone."

"What about her boyfriends?"

"No."

"No?"

He swallows hard and looks up at me. "She had lovers. Sex partners, really. But not boyfriends. She didn't want the commitment."

"What about Alphonse Grayson?"

"Yes, he was one of them." He replied. "Owen Lloyd?" I ask. "Yes."

"Any others?"

He shrugs. "Not that I could put a name to."

"What about Quinnie?"

"What about her?" I hear a defensive tone in his voice and I know that she's a touchy subject.

"Did she like your mother? I know girlfriends and mothers don't really get along." I give a nervous chuckles.

"Quinnie and I only started dating recently. She's more in helping me with the loss of my mother. And quite frankly if my mother was alive to meet Quinnie, she would adore her."

I nod hearing his answer. "Well, how did you feel about your mothers love life?"

"I feel fine about it. If not for my mother's love life I wouldn't be here, would I? Sex is a healthy, human activity."

"Uh, yes, it is...do you have any other family?"

"The circus is my family...and so is Quinnie...."

After the talk with him I let him go and watch as he places a gentle arm around his girlfriends waist.

It's something about those two that makes me uneasy.

"Are you ready to talk to Owen?" Lee asks. "Yeah, bring him in."

"Why has is taken you so long to lock up, that smug son of a bitch. You and I both know he killed Lila."

"Why would Mr. Grayson, do that?"

"Because, she was gonna choose me over him. And he's an arrogant bastard. I have my pride, and I deserved Lila, not that sack of shit." He seemed more and more pissed off as he went on about Alphonse Grayson.

"Says here in this file, that your two families don't get along. Why is that?"

"His great grandfather falsely accused my mothers uncle Barry of stealing a horse."

"When was this?" I shrug. "Before the Great War."

"World war one?"

"Yeah."

You mean to tell me for three generations these two families have been feuding over a horse?

And I thought the people in Gotham were stubborn.

I hope Harvey is getting a better confession out of Alphonse.

When the talks were all done Harvey gave me a look.

"Back to the drawing board?"

"More like back to the stone walls in the prehistoric times, partner. I mean I can go through her phone records again. Plus forensics is digging up anything they can on the body. So far we know that she was killed with an axe."

"Thanks." Harvey walks off and I sit at my desk sighing. Who would think, I bring my girlfriend to the circus to have fun, I didn't plan on solving murders.

I wonder if it's too early for retirement.

"So how did it go?" Leslie asks as she sits on my desk. "Not so great. But did you see Jerome's girlfriend, Quinnie?"

"Jim, I think she's a tad young for you." I wave that comment off. "No, it's not that, she just seems...off somehow. Jerome too. God this is all a big mess."

She leans over and pats my hand. "How about tonight, you come over and I cook? We relax and set our brains on reset for the next day."

"That sounds tempting." I smile at her and from the corner of my eye I see a blind man and a small child leading him.

"Excuse me. Am I talking to detective James Gordon?" He asks.

"Yes."

"Then...this must be Dr. Thompkins, the medical examiner."

He points towards Leslie and she looks at me with a shrug.

"I'm sorry, how did you know who we were?" She asks.

"My name is Paul Cicero. I'm a psychic with the sideshow. Lila Valeska was an old friend of mine."

"A psychic. I see. How can I help you, Mr. Cicero?"

"I sense that you don't think Owen or Alphonse are guilty."

"You must be psychic." I answer while crossing my arms.

"In which case, perhaps you'd like to hear the message Lila sent me from the other side."

This is junk.

"Thanks, Mr. Cicero. We're not quite looking at the other side just yet."

"As you wish. I'm merely a messenger." He blind man starts to turn but Leslie calls out. "What's the message?"

"Thank you, doctor..." He takes off his glasses and his eyes look milky as he turns to us.

"Lila told me that the see and of the devil, lies in the garden of the iron sisters."

Is he giving us a riddle? Maybe him and Ed can have a chat then.

"The iron sisters? What does that mean?" Leslie speaks out. "I don't know."

"We'll get right on it." I answer sarcastically. "I don't think sarcasm is your mètier, James. Make of the message what you will. Good day to you both." He whistles and the little boy takes his hand and helps him out.

"Well that wasn't very open-minded of you."

"Oh, come on, Lee. Clearly that man is a fraud. If anything he's gonna go straight to the press and say he's consulting on the case. He's looking for publicity."

"Maybe." She retorts. "Look, if you were gonna send a message beyond the grave, don't you think priority number one would be the killers name, not a riddle?"

"Who knows how it works?" She says in a defensive tone. So I back off. "All right. I'm not gonna argue with you."

"Good. Later then." She walks off leaving me feel like an ass. "Later."

Quinnie:

I knock at the door and stand there whistling some funky tune.

"Hello?" A woman answers the door and I smile at her. "Yes, I'm Maria Copperhead. My church is doing an out reach program and my duty is to invite some people in the neighborhood. So I made these brownies, and inside is a pamphlet talking about the church."

"Oh, well thank you miss b-"

"Oh please, even if you don't come. Do partake of the goodies. I just want to do the good lords work and bring in some souls. Thank you for your time, Miss." I curtesy and step off of the steps.

As I turn the corner I take the floral scarf off of my head and take off the glasses.

"Hmm, I give it a half an hour." I say as I look at my watch.

As I walk to a little newspaper stand a familiar smell hits my nose.

Smells like overly strong cologne and weed. I turn slightly and see a man wearing a pin stripe suit.

I look down and that night flashes before my eyes.

"Red shiny shoes..." I whisper. I confirm it by looking at the mans hand as he reaches for a playboy magazine.

I see that same old pinky ring.

"Hey, doll." I look up at the man and get this sick feeling in my stomach.

He pays for the dirty magazine and walks off. "Are you going to pay for that Miss?" I ignore the newspaper guy and drop the paper and follow the man.

My brain is yelling for me to think about what I'm going to do when I get him alone and my body is just going for the ride....

***

I step in the door and see Jerome feeding Mousy. When he looks at me he frowns. "What's wrong?"

I place my things down on the couch and sit at the table, automatically petting Mousy as she nuzzles up to me.

"I saw him..."

"Who?" He asks as he sits down in front of me.

"The man who beat my pathetic whore of a mother."

"Are you sure it was him?"

I nod. "Oh, I'm sure. Those stupid shoes and ugly fucking ring confirmed it." I pick Mousy up and nuzzle my nose to hers.

"Well what did you do?"

"I followed him...all sixteen blocks. I followed him. You know, the only thought I had in my head was that my mother's beaten face. Sure she had her issues, but he shouldn't have hit her like that. He shouldn't have came for me. She shouldn't have let that man into my bed room!"

Mousy shivers in my arms and I kiss her scaley head. "I'm sorry, baby. Mama's just upset. Anyways, I followed him, all the way to this bakery. You know what I found inside? He had a loving family...." Saying that made the bile fill my mouth.

"...a loving wife...a loving son...even a daughter, no doubt the same age as me. Which means when he looked at his little girl, he probably had a huge cum stain in his boxers."

Jerome walks over to me and I look up at him. "Quinnie, don't worry about him."

"Don't worry? How do I n-"

"I said don't worry." He kisses my head and takes Mousy from me.

"I'll be back." I walk to the front door and Jerome corners me.

I turn and he had a dark look in his eyes. "Promise me, you won't be out there, looking for that man, again." I sigh ready to protest, but he raises a brow stopping me.

"Fine. I won't go out killing that man. Can I go get my pretty necklace now?"

"Yes...ah. What are you forgetting?" I throw my arms around his neck and kiss his lips.

We both hear Mousy hiss and I smile against Jerome's lips.

"Don't worry, I didn't forget about my princess." I lift her little lizard head up and kiss her then look at Jerome.

"I promise." I blow him a kiss and leave out the door.

And I kept my promise, even though both of my wrists were itching like mad.

I had get back to the apartment and got in using a hair pin and a needle.

"Can't trust locks anymore." I laugh and walk into the living room.

There I saw the maid and the butler splayed out on the floor.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, bet you wish you would've just read the pamphlet huh?" I pick up the edge of the carpet and drag them off into the kitchen and then I sit in the dining room with a glass of whatever I found in the kitchen cabinet.

I look at my watch and see it was a little after six in the evening.

Two hours later I heard keys jiggle at the front door.

I then hear clinking of heels walking across the floor and I pour another drink.

"I hope you don't mind."

"Ah!" I wince hearing her scream. "Damn scream queen you're going to wake the dead in the kitchen."

"How did you get into my house? I'm calling the police." She starts to reach into her bag but I get up and snatch it out of her hand and toss it into her fireplace.

"Like I said I hope you don't mind, it got chilly and I turned that on." I point to the fire place and she backs up.

"You're the girl from earlier today."

"Ta-da! Bet you were expecting Santa, well you didn't have cookies out so I came instead. Now I bet you're wondering why I'm here. You're wearing it." She places her hands on the necklace and starts looking around.

"H...how did you find where I lived?"

"Naughty girl, you're trying to keep me talking. But I'll put you at ease. I did some research on that pretty necklace of yours. Come to find out, there's only four in the world like that. I dug deep and your picture appeared. Maddison Greenwald. Four clicks away and I got everything I needed. Down to the information that your parents won't be home until tomorrow."

She takes off running and I whistle the ABC's song.

I grab the fire poker and follow her to the stairs.

She tries to run but I clip her stiletto. She falls down with a smack and I grab her by the hair.

"Let's have a little chat between us girls."

"Ahh!" I smack her face into the stairs banister and her nose bleeds.

"You bitch!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." I drag her back into the dining room and throw her down.

"Why a fireplace in a dining room? Why not the living room?" I ask as I look at the fireplace. I hear Maddison behind me and turn seeing her hold her nose.

"You're going to rot in jail for this. My father is a policeman."

"Nobody cares. You're father could be Gods right hand man and no one would give a flying fuck. Now give me the necklace."

She sneers at me. "Bite me bitch."

"Okay." I charge towards her and she flips me on my back, slapping me in my face. But I get a first full of her hair and snatch her down to the point where I can smell her breath in my face.

"You're not getting out alive, you psycho!" She screams in my face. I scream and with a quick move I buried my face into her neck.

Biting deep causing her to scream like a banshee.

I kick her off and hear her skin rip.

She gasps as she holds her throat and I spit the chunk of skin into the fireplace.

My face was dripping with her blood and I kick her right in the knee making her drop.

"Thank you very much." I snatch the necklace off and admire it in the dim light. I place it up to me and clasp it where is wasn't broken.

"This is so pretty on me. Thank you. Now about that girl talk. I have been dying to tell someone about my boyfriend. My friend? Cherry, she wouldn't understand. But I think you can understand. Oh don't get up." I place my foot down on her chest and more blood started to pool around her.

"You know my mother, before the drugs, before the sex, before the pathetic behavior was a strong woman. Born and raised in Russia. She was strong, but the loss of my father made her weak. Anyways, before all of that she use to read me stories about princesses. I always thought that I would have my prince. Like Cinderella and Snow White. But all the boys I met after I killed my mother just didn't qualify...."

I move my foot and squat down looking at Maddison.

"...you look like you could've been a pretty Cinderella. Anyways, when I met Jerome I just knew that he was my prince. He so good to me and my only thing I fear is that, that detective will take him away from me. If that ever happens I'll lose my mind. I'll kill every single one of his family members...no I'll leave one alive. Make sure they grow up healthy and strong. Then when they think life is perfect, I will be there and do it all over again..." I move Maddison's hair out of her face and see she's dead.

"Thanks for the chat...now let's clean you up..."

I go search the house and find some bleach and some gloves. When I get back I put the gloves on and pour the bleach all over Maddison.

I then pick her up and prop her in the chair then go drag the other two into the dining room....

"Real fun, really. We should do this again sometimes." I leave the house after I had properly bleached everything and everyone.

Detective Gordon:

Just when I was waking up I get a call.

"Gordon." I answer. "We got another one...and trust me. This one is going to be a doozy..." Harvey says over the phone.

Great just what I want to hear before I actually have my coffee.

When I get to the station Harvey was just getting off of the phone. "At least if you're gonna stroll in, you couldn't gotten me a French cruller."

"What do we got?" I ask ignoring his words. "Mr. and Mrs. Greenwald, an active couple in the Gotham community, came home early this morning and found their maid, butler and nineteen year old daughter all dead at the dinning room table."

"How did they die?"

"I think you're going to want to see this for yourself."

"Is...is that what I think that is?" I ask the medical examiner. "Yes, that is a bite mark on our victims neck. She suffered the most from the attacker. The maid and the butler however were poisoned. They're lips were swollen shut. But the bleach that the attacker poured down their throat made it impossible to figure out what was used."

"Wait did you say bleach?"

"Yes, the attacker drenched all three of them in bleach. Whoever did this was not only angry, but also very smart to cover their tracks."

Harvey and I look at each other and he motions me out of the room.

"We have a man eating people-"

"Excuse me Harvey? The teeth marks indicate that the person who did this was either a woman or a large child."

"Great so a mad woman/child is eating people."

I look back over at the examiner. "Can you get dental records on that bite mark?"

"I've already sent in that in. Should hear someone in an hour."

"Thanks." We both leave and I sit at my desk feeling more weight on my shoulders.

"What's going on with this place?" I mutter.

"It's going to hell..." Harvey answered...



A/N

Hey guys so I officially made a trailer for this book, it's posted on chapter one and on my profile. Tell me what you think, also don't forget to comment and vote below...man I love how psychotic Quinnie can be...plus Jerome...oh Joker and Harley.... :x (p.s. If there are nah miss spellings it's cause I have let edited this yet)

Continue Reading

You'll Also Like

483K 14.6K 98
Theresa Murphy, singer-songwriter and rising film star, best friends with Conan Gray and Olivia Rodrigo. Charles Leclerc, Formula 1 driver for Ferrar...
1.1M 38.2K 63
𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 ──── ❝i just wanna see you shine, 'cause i know you are a stargirl!❞ 𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 jude bellingham finally manages to shoot...
282K 9.5K 107
She was a capitol elite. He was the youngest victor in history. Their friendship was frowned upon, but their love was forbidden. Extended Summary Ins...
429K 25.9K 85
Y/N L/N is an enigma. Winner of the Ascension Project, a secret project designed by the JFU to forge the best forwards in the world. Someone who is...