The boys were fast asleep by the end of the movie so Tyler and Darren scooped one boy each in their arms and carried them to Leo's room upstairs.
I stretched my arms and legs which had got stiff after remaining still for the last two hours.
I glanced at Owen and was once again taken aback by how depressed he looked. He seemed to have lost weight, or maybe it was the extreme pallor of his face and the dark circles around his eyes that gave me that impression, I wasn't sure, but it broke my heart to see him like this.
"Is there anything I could do to help you feel better, Owen?" I called out to him.
He had a faraway look that told me that even though he was physically here, his mind wasn't with us right now.
I was about to cross the room to see if I could reach to him when Landon stopped me.
"There's nothing you can do, Poppy..." He said and his voice left no room to arguments.
I sighed.
I was so freaking tired of being left out, especially when whatever they were all hiding concerned me.
"Why don't you or Ty tell me what this is all about, then?!" I snapped.
His eyes were full of pity as he stared at me in silence and I almost lost it because I knew exactly what he was thinking at that moment.
Owen is family, you're not...
I huffed.
"You know what?" I shouted. "Go to Hell! All of you!" I stood up and was half-way to the door when I heard Landon say, "Tell her already. She needs to know, Man. We'll all get through this together."
When Owen ignored him, I sighed.
"Don't worry, I won't forget again..." I said more determined than ever to follow through with my plan. "Give me two or three more weeks and Nate and I will be gone..."
"Like Hell you will..." Tyler growled in front of me.
"Right." I interjected blankly. "I thereby officially let you know that I'm going to retire to my little deckchair for the night..." I announced and was about to walk around Darren and him when Darren stopped me.
"Question one: What happened between movie time and now?"
"Owen's and then Landon's refusal to tell me what Tom and the entire world but Nate and I, seems to know, is what happened..." I replied coldly.
He grimaced.
I tried to reach the door but he stopped me.
"You're NOT sleeping outside tonight." He stated and I knew he wouldn't change his mind about that.
"Where shall I sleep then?" I enquired as calmly as I could in spite of the circumstances.
"With Ty..." He said with a look that dared me to argue.
"And what else will His Majesty request from me?" I interjected insolently. "Shall I maybe give him a lap dance or one of those blow jobs Owen seems to like so much?!" I paused. "Maybe I should do just that! Yeah! That's a good idea, don't you think?!"
Right as I finished, Owen made a strange gurgling noise and we all turned to him. He looked green and just about to be sick.
"Land..." Darren said to the dark-haired boy who nodded and went to help Owen get to a toilet before he threw up all over the sofa, I guessed.
"Question number two: Why do you want to leave?" His blue eyes were studying me intently and there wasn't an ounce of judgement in them.
Maybe he didn't know everything.
"You all know what happened that day but me..." I started calmly. "How can I have a normal relationship with any of you under those circumstances?" I went on. "And that's without broaching the subject of my dear mother and her endless love for me, of course!"
"Question number three: Why do you think Tyler let you drive his car when even I was never allowed to touch it?"
I narrowed my eyes, confused at his sudden change of subject.
"This had nothing to do with..." I blurted out.
He cocked his head to the side.
"Not to me..." He said quietly. "Answer the question..."
"He felt bad for me because his friend had dismantled my car?" I offered.
"Lavatta's definitely not Tyler's friend..." He shot back. "But you already knew that." He sighed. "I know you can do better than that, Poppy."
"Because he pities me the way Landon does?!" I snapped, annoyed at the way he was talking to me. Tyler visibly stiffened at that but his cousin raised a hand in front of his face in a Wait a minute! gesture.
"I'll just humor you, shall I?" I relented a few seconds later. "Your cousin is convinced that he owes me for what I supposedly did with Leo..." I paused. "I've already explained to him that..."
"Shit!" Darren interrupted me mid-sentence, startling me.
"What?" I asked him with my eyebrows furrowed.
"What if I tell you that your assumption is totally wrong?"
"I'd probably point out that you don't know what you're talking about..." I argued confidently.
"Pop..." Tyler started but Darren raised his hand at him again.
"That's just the thing, I do. Now, let me tell you something." He then interjected. "I know the gist of what you're desperate to hear Owen or that Tom boy tell you, and one thing is sure, Ty has strictly nothing to do with it." I could tell he was telling the truth. "So my point is, you can't ask him to reveal his brother's secret to you this very second." He said. "He's already issued Owen with an ultimatum to man up and tell you within a week, which if you want my opinion, is already huge, cut him some slacks, now! My cousin just wants to hold you in his arms, that's all... "
What was I supposed to say to that?
"Are you using some of the techniques you've learnt at College to brainwash exhausted me, Mister Freud?!" I finally shot back at him with my eyes narrowed into a nasty glare.
Both boys laughed at that.
"I actually don't know how you're still standing on your own two feet after the last few days..." Darren commented affectionately.
I frowned, wondering how he knew about that.
"I told him..." Tyler explained.
"He did tell me everything about the beautiful tornado that had turned up at his place..."
I crinkled my nose at his words.
"We're all exhausted, Poppy, come on..." Tyler's blue eyes drew me to him and I finally accepted the hand he was offering.
"Goodnight, Poppy." Darren called from behind us as we slowly went up the red carpeted steps of the movie theatre.
"Night..." I mumbled.
My bags were already in his room when we got there.
"Do you think I could take a quick shower?" I asked timidly now that I was alone with him. He nodded.
As I let the hot water run on my strained body, I realized that it was the first time that we were truly alone together and a knot formed in my stomach.
Once I was done, I dried myself and put on some sleeping shorts and a tee-shirt. I then brushed my teeth and pulled my long hair into a low ponytail.
I took a deep breath and reached for the door handle which I turned slowly.
Tyler, who had turned the main light off, opting for the dimmer effect of his bedside lamp instead, was waiting for me in his bed.
I froze when I noticed that he was shirtless.
He held his duvet up invitingly, so I nervously made my way to the bed and lay down stiffly next to him, making sure not to touch him.
He turned the lamp off and we were plunged into darkness.
I held my breath, worried about what he might do in that oddly intimate darkness, but let go of it when he hadn't moved a few minutes later.
Feeling more relaxed – or too tired to fight it any more – I decided to close my eyes, praying sleep would put an end to this endless and torturous day.
He must have had a radar or something because he chose that exact moment to slip his arm under my neck before pulling me toward him until my head was resting on his hard chest.
His skin felt soft and it was like his body warmth spread through mine like fire.
Or maybe I felt that way because I was already high on his delicious cologne that smelt like vanilla and coconut?
I had no idea what it was, but one thing was sure, my heart was freaking happy right now, and strangely, so did I.
He sighed contently and started caressing my hair. Between that and the serenade of his heart, it wasn't long before I fell in a peaceful sleep.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Come with me to my new tree-house, Fizz." Cam said. "That way we could be together forever..."
"Why don't we go and ask Tom if he wants to come with us?" I suggested, feeling an unusual unease with the way he was behaving.
He huffed and his hazel eyes betrayed just how mad with me he really was, which made me frown. Cam had always been the quietest of our trio, the peacemaker whenever we argued about anything and I could hardly recognize the boy that was standing in front of me at that moment.
"I thought you were different but how wrong was I! You're no better than all the other girls!" He snapped and I flinched. "Your stupid crush on Tommy's ruined everything." He then added, growing more and more animated by the second .
How does he know I like Tom that way? I wondered. I'd always made sure not to show anything. I'd always sit next to Cam or choose him over Tom if we played a game with our other friends.
"Nothing will ever be the same now! It's all messed up!" He'd hurt my feelings with his allegations and I was crying silently, totally in shock with the way he was talking to me. But I gasped when I looked up his face and saw his own torment. He looked so lost, like his entire world had been torn up. It was heartbreaking.
It made me feel so bad to somehow be the source of so much disappointment, so much disgust, that I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.
He must have seen how much all this was affecting me because I saw a flash of regrets in his eyes and he apologized.
"I'm sorry, Fizz..." He muttered. "But why does it have to be Tommy?" His despair startled me. "You know exactly how he's like..." He added. "You could have any other boy at school, why pick Tommy?"
"Tom likes me back..." I blurted out remembering our passionate first kiss the night before.
Cam started laughing like he was possessed. He sounded like an enraged hyena and it stung so much to have my best friend, the one person I trusted the most in the world laughing so openly at me that I suddenly felt small and stupid, like I'd missed something really obvious.
"Why are you being so mean?" I asked him through my tears. "Is it because of your fight with Tom?" The pitiful look he then sent me made me shut up. He shook his head slowly.
"Why don't you come up with me?" He muttered like he was doing me a favor. "I can promise you'll be less miserable with me up there, than down here with Tom..."
I shrugged.
"I don't feel like being with you after how mean you've just been, Cam." I mumbled and started walking away. I hadn't gone far when he called me again.
"Fizz! Come back, please!" I don't know why I listened to him after everything that had just gone on, but I walked back toward the tree. Once there, I had to look up because he was already on the platform.
"Fizz..." He shouted. "I'm sorry for everything... I love you..." And then he suddenly stiffened and he closed his eyes as if he was in pain or felt really bad anyway. "I love you..." He repeated and his body fell head first.
When I realized that there was nothing I could do to catch him, I panicked and when his body finally made contact with the ground and it sounded like hundreds of bones had just broken, I screamed.
"Poppy..." I felt a hand on my cheek.
I opened my eyes and was startled to see Tyler's worried face above me.
Tyler?
"It was just a bad dream..." He then said. His sleepy voice sounded deeper and the sharp contrast with Cam's fourteen year old voice was enough to wake me up from the dream.
Which hadn't been a dream at all... I realized.
I clenched my teeth tightly when the memories of what had happened at the cemetery with Tom resurfaced.
Tyler reached timidly for my face and wiped my cheeks softly.
"Just let it all out..." He murmured.
"I-I can't..." I stuttered.
"Why?"
"I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get back up if I do..." I had just admitted my deepest fear.
"If you let me, I'll be there to help you back up..." The promise behind his words sent chills to my spine because I had the feeling Tyler didn't take promises lightly.
"Why would you do that?" I asked him genuinely curious to hear why I'd caught his attention, now that I knew it had nothing to do with feeling indebted to me after Nate and I took Leo under our wing.
He huffed and shook his head slowly.
"It's just..." He paused as if looking for the right words. "I..." He started again but stopped and scrunched up his nose in the cutest way before letting out a small groan. "I just would." He finally blurted out and I swear I saw a tinge of pink appear on the top of his cheeks. "With no condition either..." He added just above a whisper and started running his hand in my hair.
"You know the hardest part about what Tom said earlier?" I said as fresh tears rolled down my face. He didn't answer, not that I waited for him to answer anyway. "It's not even the fact that he actually chose to jump, which in itself is already so unbelievably selfish, no." I shook my head and sniffled loudly. "It's the fact that he wanted me to jump with him..." Even saying it out loud didn't make it any more acceptable. "How could he even think I'd jump along once I knew what he was about to do?!" I muttered in disbelief. "I'd never take my own life." I added a few seconds later. "Not once have I thought of it..." I commented. "And I'm certain that my life is much shittier now than his was at the time..." I pointed out angrily. "I'm so mad at him!" I let out a heavy sigh and Tyler's hand paused.
"Yeah but you're much stronger than most people..." Tyler interjected.
"You think?" I replied, between two hiccups, "Because I don't feel so strong right now..."
He laughed and leaned down to press his lips against my forehead. I lifted my hand to touch the now sensitive spot absent-mindedly.
"Trust me on that one, you definitely are..." He shot back and resumed running his hand through my hair.
"Why didn't he talk to me about what was wrong with him?" I muttered.
"Because you and Tom were what was wrong with him..." He answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"He fought with Tom not with me..." I argued.
"He fought with Tom about you... He knew what had happened the night before at the bonfire and in his head it equated with the end of your friendship..."
"He may have fought with Tom about me but I don't have a clue what the actual fight was about!" I cut him off angrily. I had the impression to be going in circles in my head. "Why not discuss things with me too?" I exclaimed. "He clearly disapproved of Tom and I liking each other, but it wouldn't have changed anything..."
"Wouldn't it, though?" Tyler asked. "You were inseparable growing up." He then said as if he'd known us all his life. "It was always the three of you. From the moment you got up in the morning to the moment you went to sleep at night..." He went on.
"We actually had sleepovers most nights, too..." I pointed out.
"You did?!" He sounded genuinely surprised. "So imagine what would have happened if Tom and you had been a couple?"
"You mean that Cam would have felt left out?" I asked incredulously. "Are you implying he committed freaking suicide because he was scared of being left out?!" I huffed. "Beside, look at the beautiful couple Tom and I made in the end... I mean I'd have been pissed off for a few weeks but I'd probably have forgiven him, you know, so our friendship was in no immediate danger..."
"What if just like Tom, he'd always been in love with you?" He suggested and I froze.
I'm sorry for everything... I love you... I love you...
We'd never been into professing our friendship love to each other. In fact, I was more one of the guys than the girl of the group. Only when I was sad about something did they hold me into their arms in turns, but I'd never been a big crier so it hadn't happened often.
Until that weekend they'd certainly never uttered the three words to me. Neither had I.
Nate was the only one I'd said them too.
Could Tyler be right? Could Cam have had feelings for me?
"Even if you're right, it still doesn't explain his gesture..." I argued.
"He was in love with you. He'd just found out you were into Tom. In his mind, not only was he the spurned lover but he knew your inseparable trio was fucked." He replied. "There's also that thing with his Dad that happened just when he felt alone for the first time in his life..." He sighed. "I imagine that's why he beat Tom up first before offering you a way out too."
"Why would I need a way out?" I asked. "I may have been confused and scared to see them fight but I was more over the moon than anything else, that day..." I admitted honestly.
I looked up at him when he didn't answer straight away, and his grimace let me know what he couldn't say.
I shouldn't have been over the moon...
But why?
I'd just had my first kiss with my best friend who also happened to be the boy I'd secretly dreamt of for years. And what an amazing kiss it had been. Passionate, almost desperate. We'd both realized we were in tears when we'd paused to catch our breath.
A thought occurred to me.
Mine had been tears of joy but what about his? Why had he kissed me until the very first rays of the sun and then disappeared as soon as, exhausted, I'd fallen asleep on the makeshift bed we'd been lying on since he'd kidnapped me at the bonfire?
Passionate, almost desperate, I repeated my earlier thoughts in my head.
I sat up abruptly when I finally opened my eyes on what had happened two years before.
"He knew it was the last time he was kissing me..." I muttered to myself.
But it didn't make sense.
How did Cam even know about the night before?
The fight...
"Let me get this straight." My voice was suddenly void of emotion. "You're saying Cam knew my heart was about to be shattered so he offered me to jump with him?"