Riiiiiiinnnnnggg. The bell to change classes rung through the hallways. Any Thursday like any other. I was still the same pathetic guy that couldn't even speak his mind in a stupid class discussion. I wanted to open my mouth and say something profound, be the guy I was capable of being. A Thursday like all the others, just another invisible guy. All I want is for someone that isn't my friend, preferably a single female, to notice me.
I know it's shallow and sad, but that's what I want at the moment. Maybe tomorrow I'll want something else. Probably not. My baby sister is cute an all, but she can't really provide me with the kind of attention I'm looking for... At least I have that much I suppose. I wonder when I'll meet someone that needs me, the me I am right now. Not anyone I've met yet.
At the end of the day I went home. Thursday is the day before Friday, that's the only reason it means anything to me. Friday's are my favorite, I can go to the park on Fridays. All by myself; just the way I like it, right. At least school would be over in three months or so. That may not seem like much, but eventually no day is too soon to start the count down.
---
The park is nice. Always gonna be my favorite place. I like the swings best, always gonna be the best spot. Just cause. There's nothing better than being able to think clearly. Unless things are too clear, and you start to remember things you'd rather forget. You know, like how your life is totally in shambles after your mom's death. Or how she died giving birth to your sister in a parking lot. Or how she gave birth in a parking lot cause your dad found out that she was pregnant with someone else's kid. Or how she was pregnant because she was raped. Or how she didn't tell anyone because she was ashamed. Or you know, just that really bad grade you got last week. Yeah, let's go with that.
Of course, it's not like I can ignore all those things. Well, there's one thing that I really can't ignore: the man that did this to my mother was still out there somewhere. He was probably ruining someone else's life right now. Not that I can do anything. That fact only hurts more than anything else.
--- 2 years ago
"Uuuuuurrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Jonny! The baby is coming!" My mother's voice strained. I was excited to meet the little rib kicker without an abdominal muscle in between us.
"Dad! Get the car, I'll help mom." I yelled down the front hall of our home. This had never happened near me before, maybe all the practice runs we did helped. My dad however, came crashing through the house. Mom said he did this when I was born too, luckily, her sister was there that time.
"I've got the keys!" Slamming through the door and getting the car ready while I helped mom out. She was in pain, but she was as calm as ever. Mom was good like that, always knew how to fix things that seemed like the end of existence itself. Dad; however, was not the go to guy for emergencies. When I broke my leg once, he just passed out. "Limbs aren't suppose to bend that way" he had said.
Grabbing the bag that we leave by the door just for this event, I got mom into the car. Dad was ready to move, despite the fact that the labor portion of all this could last a while. I sat in the back with mom as the car started. The entire time my mother was grunting, I sure felt bad about all the crud I put her through when I was younger.
Mom had given birth to me without pain meds and had prepared herself to do the same this time around too. How do women do that? Must be magic. All pregnant women have powers of sorcery, that's it. Dad had tried to explain once that women could handle more pain or something like that, but he wasn't able to finish.
Dad could be skittish about things concerning woman; I got my intelligence from him after all.
Vrrrrmmmssshhhhh. The car stopped. What's happening? Dad had been eerily quiet for the duration of the trip. I looked around, we weren't anywhere near the hospital. In fact, we were in a parking lot, an empty one on that note.
"Whose baby is that?" It was so small that I barely heard. Wasn't it his? It had to be, right? Mom wasn't the type to sleep around... Was she?
"W-what are you talking about? O-f course it's your baby."
"Stop Samantha, I know it's not." My dad always used a pet name, even when he was mad. How angry was he? I looked between them, mom sent me concerned looks. She never liked for me to see them argue. I was okay with not seeing that part of their relationship, that part was scary and unstable.
My mother could only sigh. She looked away from me and appeared every bit as tiny as she really was, "Johnny, I don't know." How could she not know? My mind had yet to tell me what the twisted feelings inside me were.
"YOU DONT KNOW!? HE GOT YOU PREGNANT AND YOU DIDNT EVEN LEARN HIS NAME!? Why wouldn't you have-" he stopped. Mom flinched every time he yelled. "Sammy-" he whispered,"you weren't, raped, were you?" I could tell that dad couldn't stand those words. Even from the back, his silent anger might have been enough to scald you.
Mom said nothing; her silence was the answer we dreaded... Dad couldn't keep the promise he'd made when they got married. The promise to never let anyone hurt her. I only knew because dad liked to remind me of how they met every chance he got. Their whole love story, start to finish.
My dad got out of the car and left. I wasn't sure if he planed to come back; I couldn't drive, and mom wasn't exactly able to walk to the emergency room. It had been hours, and mom was now heavily underway with the whole bringing life into the world thing. I checked again for a phone, neither of us had grabbed one on the way out. We were stranded; for the first time, I knew what true fear was. Mom already told me not to leave her, the one time I had thought to get help from a passing car. I looked from my place beside her, yet no car passed.
"Hael, the baby is coming. I know, I know this is really scary for you, but I need you to be brave for me. You're going to have to deliver you sister, alright? Can you do that for me? For her? She's gonna need a strong big brother like you." Mom starred into me with her gray eyes. Even now, she was calm, and that calmed me.
"How? I don't know how to deliver another person! What do I do?"
"I'll walk you through it, okay?" I nodded. Taking a deep breath and looking to her for more instruction.
"First, you have to watch. You need to know when to catch the baby- URAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!" It's strange to hear someone you care about screaming and knowing it's for a perfectly good reason. Watching, just like she told me to, something started to move. I looked back to mom again, she smiled at me through her pain. I held out my hands, doing my best to stay calm.
Just like that, it was over, and I was holding my tiny sister. Wait, what now? I'm shirtless and holding a dirty baby wrapped in said shirt. Isn't this a great story, huh? Mom had delivered the after birth and fainted from exhaustion. It was just me and this little smidget of a person.
It was almost morning before dad came back. I gave his concern a blank look. "I can't drive yet, neither of us had a phone." And said nothing else all the way to the hospital. I planned to be upset for a while, no 14 year old should have to deliver a child.
The hospital brought doctors and worried, but efficient nurses. When someone came to take my sister from me, I found that I wasn't willing to let go. I had to make my hands let go, and keep my feet from chasing after. The doctor took a look at mom and sent her into immediate care. Not that I could say that I knew what was wrong, but a phased doctor was never a good sign.
Next I saw the doctor, he told me my mother had died. She had a complicated birth, they said. Not that it mattered, the first person I had ever loved just left me. I never should have let go of Amber...
--- 1 year later
Amber could walk now, she's just like mom was; same smile, same nose, same eyes. Dad left me to most of the child care, he couldn't bare the guilt that Amber made him feel. I had to have dad hire a nanny for when I was at school. I didn't trust my father to care for a child that technically wasn't related to him. After all, he couldn't look at the girl whose black hair twisted and twirled the same way her mother's had.
--- present
Yeah, bad grades suck, huh? Yeah, that's it, that's the only thing that hurts. I decided to go home, Amber would be missing her big brother soon anyway...
--- 2 months later
Today was a perfect day at the park. I leaned against the tree behind the swings, then, this girl walks up. She looks right past me. Figures that not even being the only other person would get me noticed by a girl.
"If only I could be here forever. Then I'd never have to feel lonely again." She whispers. Oh, a downer huh? Though, it isn't like I didn't sit in that exact spot and think the same things. No one was there to make me feel better; she's lucky I'm here.