A/N-Hello everyone. I'm sorry for such a long wait on this chapter, but promise me, it will be well worth the wait. And also, thank you guys so much for 4.5k reads on this story!! I love you all so much, and it makes me so happy to see you all enjoying the story. So without further waiting, here is Chapter 19! Happy Reading-Zenovia
Armin's POV
Chapter 19
Pills and snow start to both decrease as time passes by. It's almost April now and I haven't seen Eren since that horrific surprise meeting a couple of weeks ago. I know that I've fallen back into the person I was before. "I-I'm depressed." I scribble down into my notebook. It didn't take me long to realize the signs after that night. However, my wrists have stayed clean throughout all of this torment, and I intend to keep it that way. But just like the seasons changing, things might start to get better starting tonight. It's Eren's last game of the season. Of course his team made it to state with the powerhouse duo of Levi and Eren.
Mikasa texted me a few days ago to check up on me. She's made sure that I was getting enough sleep and food to eat. I smile at how motherly she can act sometimes, but I cherish every part of it. She then asked me if I would go to the game with her and the squad. I tried to tell her that I wasn't in the mood, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. "You need to start seeing Eren again, especially with basketball season ending." She told me one day. So with a little persuading, I finally agreed to go.
Pulling out my coat, I finally met up with Mikasa, and we both walked to the gymnasium. The silence was absolutely deffining. I knew that the raven haired girl wanted to talk to me about my mental state of mind, but I just kinda want to forget everything that has escalated within the soon to be four months. I started to think that maybe things would go back to the way they were before Levi came into the picture. That Eren and I could go back to the way things were in the fall. But with each step in the now melting snow, I know that all of my thoughts probably won't come true, but I can still hope. Mikasa started to pick up on my weird mood, and she did something that I wasn't expecting her to do. She gently took my hand in her own, and squeezed it comfortingly. I looked back at her and gave her a small smile. Over these hard months, Mikasa has really made sure that I'm still breathing by the end of the day. I couldn't thank her enough for all that she's done, and I think in this moment, she understands, and that's all I could ask from her.
We finally walked into the all too familiar gym, and it looked the exact same from the last time that I was here, except everything was decorated with motivational posters for the game tonight. I took a seat next to Mikasa, and soon everyone else showed up. There was laughter all around, and it made the atmosphere warmer. I didn't feel so upset anymore, and I soon started to converse with everyone. I smiled, laughed, and talked normally. It was nice not to worry and stress for once. Sasha turned over to me and smiled, "Hey, listen after the game, I think that all of us are going to go over to my grandparents and have a bonfire, just like we did in the fall. Do you wanna come?" Sasha's eyes glimmered in excitement, and I couldn't possibly say no to her when she was looking at me like that. "Yeah, I'll come. It should be fun." I replied. She grinned and then went back to talking with Connie.
I wish that I could stay like this forever, to not feel the overwhelming sadness anymore. But my optimistic mood fades away when I hear the sound of the buzzer going off. I see both sides of the team walk out onto the court, and start to warm up. I try not to look at Eren when he's throwing the ball to his teammates, but I fail time and time again. It's as if he doesn't even notice me anymore. He doesn't see the pain in my eyes when I see him smile at Levi. My body stays numb as I keep watching them warm up, until I feel another presence next to me. "Hey, don't try and focus on him. It'll only make it worse." I'm met with kind grey eyes that only could belong to Mikasa. I sigh and nod my head. I know that she's right. I should move on and not dwell on the fact that Eren and I will never have the relationship that I crave for us to have. But the more that I think about the obvious facts, the more my heart wants him.
After a few more minutes of the two teams jogging and throwing the ball, they line up to start the game. I know how much everybody wants this, and deep down I know I do too. The chance of our team winning is a small percentage since we are against an undefeated team. Although, there is a glimmer of hope that revolves around two people on our team. So as the boys run across the court, I can feel my heart beat faster every time we come closer to scoring another basket.
Shoes squeaked against the gym floor as they ran back and forth at high speeds. My eyes were fixated on the orange ball, and I felt myself get out of my seat a little when we finally scored. All of the boys on each team were sweating like crazy, and it was a tight game. It was the second half of the game and both of the teams weren't budging. Fouls were called, and free throws were shot.
Now this game seemed like it should be one for the movies. The score was 16-18. Our team had to score once just to be tied with the other team, and then score again to win the game. With only two minutes left on the scoreboard, a win seemed almost impossible, but our team wasn't giving up. My heart was pounding out of its chest at this point, and everybody was hanging onto the edge of their seats. After a timeout from our team, Levi and Eren took the stage and the crowd went wild. I knew it was their best shot for a win. As much as I hated to admit it, they did make a good team when they were under pressure.
They zoomed off the second that the clock started to tick down. I stared at Eren the whole time, seeing how much he had improved compared to his first game of the season. I caught myself whispering "Faster, Eren!" a few times. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw Levi maneuver through guys who were twice as tall as him, and jump up for a layup. The crowd jumped out of their seats as the ball made a swishing sound as it went through the basket. The bright red numbers now read 18-18. Another timeout was made by the opposing team. I looked around at my friends, and they all had serious looks on their faces. We all wanted this so desperately bad. I wanted us to win. I wanted to be filled with happiness and excitement. After the scoreboard buzzed to indicate that time was up for the timeout, the players took their positions once again.
There was only a minute left on the clock. I could hear my own blood rushing in my ears, and I could feel my heartbeat in my head. We had to win. We just had to. Fifty seconds left, and everyone was scrambling around trying to make a basket. Then forty seconds dwindled down to thirty, then twenty, and still no basket. Out of the corner of my eyes I caught sight of the one person who might be able to win this for us. Eren was running out of speed as he raced over to the other side of the court, and with only fifteen seconds left, I was scared he wasn't going to make it. I don't know what compelled my body to do this, but as the whole crowd was silent in anxiousness, I lept out of my seat and shouted with all the air in my lungs, "GO EREN!" Everyone around me looked at me with wide eyes, but I didn't care because for a millisecond, he looked back. He looked at me, and I was met with his emerald eyes again. All of the bad things disappeared for that split second, and he was all I cared about. Everything moved in slow motion for those last ten seconds. Eren's legs stretched farther, and it seemed as if he had a new burst of energy, saved just for this last moment. He then lifted off of the ground as if he were going to fly, and he released the ball into the air. A needle could have dropped in the gym, and every person could have pinpointed where it fell. That's how quiet it was while the ball was soaring through the air. Eren's momentum started to fall, and his feet finally touched the ground, and at that same moment, the ball hit the backboard, and sank gracefully into the net.
If it was silent before, it was as if fireworks went off in the gym when the scoreboard buzzed out, and lit up the score of 20-18. All of my friends started to hug each other, but I had a different idea in mind. I raced down the numerous steps and onto the court. I ran as fast as I could, and leapt into the brunette's arms. I could feel the sweat through his jersey, and he was breathing heavily, but I honestly couldn't care less. He stood still for a few seconds, probably trying to process everything that just happened, but he eventually threw his arms around me. "Hey Blondie, I've missed you." He whispered in my ear. I honestly could've burst into tears right then and there, but that might have been a little too dramatic. Instead, I just hugged him tighter and said, "You have no idea how much I've been wanting you to say that." Instead of questioning me, he simply hugged me tighter, and I couldn't ask for anything better.
We pulled away and we both just started laughing. I guess I was right, this was the start of something better. I wasn't gonna have to go back to my dorm room and take my antidepressants tonight, because my form of happiness was back. Nothing could break my spirit right now.
Well, all except one thing. Levi came from behind and patted him on the back. The two of them hugged and exchanged little whispers. I stepped away a little, but Eren grabbed my hand before I could walk any further. "Hey, what are you doing tonight?" I looked at him in shock for a few seconds. "I'm going to Sasha's grandparents for a bonfire." Eren smiled and said, "Do you mind if we hop along? I'm not really in the mood to go to a huge party tonight. I'd rather hang out with my best friend." He smiled again and looked at me with his shining emerald eyes, and I obviously couldn't say no to him. "Of course you can, Eren." He nodded his head and grinned even wider, "Awesome! We'll meet you at Sasha's grandparents after we get cleaned up. See you later, Armin." He then waved and walked away. I stood in the middle of many people, and felt my heart beating fast. There was a blush on my cheeks, and my palms were sweaty. I walked back up the bleachers to my friends, "Well that was a flair for the dramatics." Jean teased me. I just laughed along with all of my friends and we went out of the hot building, and into the cool air to drive to Sasha's bonfire.
I rode with Jean and Marco. Mikasa and I were in the backseat, and we all sang along to the radio on the way to Sasha's. Everything almost felt euphoric. I was so happy, nothing could damper my spirit. All four of us finally stepped out of the car, and out into the open yard to start the fire. The warm glow heated us all up within a few minutes. Fun stories were exchanged, and laughs seemed to warm us all up. Then, as if all at once, everybody turned towards me. "So Armin, how have you been lately?" I had to guess that everybody found out about my little mental breakdown over the few months of winter. I stared back at all of them, and just decided to be honest. There was no reason for me to lie to all of them. "Honestly, I'm doing better. Especially after tonight. I feel like I'm my normal self again. I know that I went through a rough patch, and I'm sorry if I scared any of you." I glanced over at Mikasa and she gave me a small smile and nod for me to continue. "I-I wasn't doing so well for a while as some of you already know. I just felt out of place after Eren started hanging out with Levi...I-I know that sounds selfish, and it probably is, but for a while I thought he'd forgotten about me.." It was quiet for a few seconds before Ymir said, "Hey, listen Arlert, I know what you're talking about. If I ever lost Christa, I wouldn't know what in the world to do with myself. Love is a strange thing, and can make us feel weird things, rather than just love." Everyone in the group nodded their heads. Christa then spoke up, "And honestly, Armin, I think you and Eren would make a really good couple. We've never seen him as happy as he is when he is with you." I chuckled at her comment, and everybody did the same. They were all on my side apparently. They were rooting for me to get better, and that was a saving grace within itself. I didn't have that before in high school. I wish I could've had a whole support team, but that just wasn't the case, and now that I do, it couldn't come at a better time.
We all turned our heads a few minutes later to the sound of footsteps. My smile widened as I saw Eren walking towards the fire, but then dramatically fell when I saw the raven haired boy behind him. I guess I forgot that Eren did say "We" when he was asking me about the party. I tried to act like I was fine, but I felt a bad feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. The two of them sat next to each other and Eren introduced us all to Levi. We all said our hello's and then went back to our regular conversations. There would be no games at this bonfire, just relaxation and small talk, which was okay with me. After a little while, Mikasa and Annie announced that they finally moved in with each other. We all clapped for them and asked multiple questions about their new apartment. They looked so happy and in love. Mikasa's eyes warmed up whenever she looked at Annie in ways that they wouldn't do for others. The same for Annie. The blue eyed girl relaxed and smiled more when she looked at the raven haired girl. After a few more minutes of congratulations, Eren stood up.
The feeling in my gut strengthened even more, and I couldn't understand why. It's just Eren, why should I feel so uneasy? He took a deep breath and spoke to all of us "Well, if we are all saying some big news, I guess I should too." We all turned towards Eren in confusion. Eren wasn't one for big announcements. He smiled at me and continued to speak, "I know that this may come as a big shock to all of you, but...I-I'm gay." It was silent for a few seconds until Jean snorted, "Yeahh...nice try, Eren that's not really a surprise." Eren glared at him evilly "And what's that suppose to mean, Horseface?" Jean glared daggers back at Eren, but with a calming hand from Marco, he quickly settled down. "Nothing...just continue with your stupid speech."Jean replied. Eren shook his head, and tried to get back to what he was originally saying. My heart was pounding again. Eren was gay. I should've obviously known, but I was sitting on the edge of my seat for what he was going to say next. Multiple scenarios danced around in my head. What if he actually felt the same? I mean he did say he missed me at the game, and I felt our spark light at the game when he looked at me. This had to be the moment that I've been waiting for. When everything finally falls back into place. I noticed a few of my friends glance at me optimistically. They were all probably thinking the same thing that I was. However, my gut feeling was still haunting me. I looked around at my surroundings, trying to figure out what would be bothering me.
And that's when I realized what was wrong. This setting felt all too familiar. The fire, Eren, me, and the smoke clouding the shadowed raven haired boy behind Eren. "Wake me up!" I thought in my mind. I don't want to stay around for what Eren has to say because for some reason, I already know what this is going to end like. Me being numb again, but I can't stop the words leaving his mouth. Everything goes into slow motion again. Levi is smirking behind Eren, and everyone is on the edge of their seats to see what he has to say
"Levi and I are dating."
Silence.
There is no applause or congratulations for the new couple. Just never ending silence. I can already feel my eyes water, and my stomach is contracting waves of pain. People's eyes turn towards me instead. A look of shock and surprise is splayed upon everyone's faces.
The fire, Eren, the black smoking figure behind him, and me.
I should've seen this coming. There would be no happy ending for me because I was in my own living nightmare.