The door of the cottage slams behind me as I walk in angrily. I think I'm more confused than angry, it's just that there is something hidden, and I don't like hidden things, especially when they come out of the blue, from the wrong people.
You have no powers.
What a fucking joke.
I don't understand what possessed her to say so. I didn't even come near the damn chair so that she can say that for Lyara's sake! Does she even know me at all? This is the first time I have ever met this woman, and she just casually accuses me of having no powers and sends me home?
Just as my nose flare in anger for this woman, the confusion falls upon me, along with fear, when I remember the whisper that I heard just before I left.
Good luck in the city tonight.
Have I gone mad?
I might stay for a little time trying to figure out if I actually heard that, or if I'm starting to imagine and hear weird shit. But I swear, I swear that I heard it, and it was real, and I wasn't imagining things.
My mother walks into the living room, wiping her hands with a small, green piece of cloth. Eyeing me up and down, and raising her eyebrow, my mother places the piece of cloth on the table before crossing her arms over her chest with a sigh.
"What happened?" She asks; her voice no louder than a whisper as her eyes keep wandering around, not meeting mine.
"How did you know that something happened?" I ask back, raising an eyebrow at her.
She knows something.
"You don't finish until it's six. Now, it's three. You're early." She says, shrugging. Oh.
I let out a deep sigh as I sit down on the couch, covering my face with my hands, as if it will release some of the frustration I have inside my mind. As my mother sits opposite of me, she speaks again, "so?"
I wet my lips as I begin speaking, "Master Effie said I have no powers," I admit, crossing my arms over my knees. "What does that mean?"
My mother breathes heavily as she says, "I don't understand."
She is lying.
"Oh, then who is supposed to understand?" I ask sarcastically. "Then, why did she tell me that I needed to go home? Cause to me, it sounded like 'home' has the answer." I say, knowing fully well that my mother understands that by 'home', I mean her and my father.
"Tallulah," she sighs as she rubs between her eyes. "I don't think we have to talk about this."
Anger builds inside me at her words, making me stand up and laugh bitterly at my mother as I say, "you don't think that we should talk about this?" I shake my head at her, eyes wide open as I continue, "that is my future we are talking about, this is my powers. What do you mean, we should not think about it?"
My mother is quick to answer as she meets my gaze and says firmly, "I'm not talking about this until your father comes back."
"Oh, no," I shake my head again. "You will talk about this, right now," I demand, knowing how wrong that is. "Or so help me Lyara, I will go my father's office and I will bring him right here."
My mother stares at me in utter shock as she, too, stands up before speaking, "have you gone mad? There's no more discussion! Go to your room!"
"I'm not a child, mother!" I shout suddenly, "I'm nineteen years old, and I have every damn right to know what is wrong with me! And you will not stop me."
"Who are you?" She shouts in disbelief, "How dare you speak to me that way?"
"What way?" I huff, "don't change the subject mother, it's not about my attitude right now, I'm not going to get a lecture from you when you should be telling me the truth!"
I'm actually very proud of myself for standing up for myself. This is nothing that I should just easily let go of. This is my future, my powers, my nature. And I have every right to know what is wrong with it.
My mother stays silent for a couple of minutes, doing nothing but stare into my eyes, not an uncomfortable or a death stare. It's a stare that is full of words, full of things I don't know anything about. Full of hidden truth. Without blinking once, my mother's voice is a whisper, sending chills down my spine as she says, "sit down."
Okay, this is not what I had expected, but I don't say anything, I only stare at her for little bit before doing what she told me to do; sit down. I huff in annoyance and anger when my mother leaves me alone in the living room and walks rather fast to her room and locks the door behind her.
Again, my mind wanders off to what Master Effie has said, and again, I wonder what the fuck she means by saying that I have no powers. Then all of a sudden, Louis pops inside my head, bringing along too many thoughts that please me in fact.
Well, I have no powers, right? That can mean that I'm actually normal, right? It can mean that I can talk to Louis normally, and maybe, just maybe have something going on with Louis, and that fucking please me, and I feel so guilty for feeling so, but I can't help it.
I can't help hating what I actually am just for Louis. Everything is connected to him in every way that it drives me utterly crazy. But I love it. Man, do I love it. I love that my world and everything I do revolves around him, it might be wrong at sometimes, but right now, it's harmless and I love it.
My mother cuts off my guilty pleasures as she sits again across from me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Taking a deep breath, she speaks, "I was like you, in the past."
"How?" I ask, confused.
"Let me finish," she glares and I shut my mouth. "I was like you in the past; I was in love... with a human." She stops, looking briefly at me.
My eyes open wide in shock as I try to wrap my mind at what my mother just told me. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. My grip on my knees tightens as my mother continues, "at times, I would sneak out of here to meet him, and other times he would sneak in to meet me."
"What?" I barely whisper as I still try to recover from my shock.
"Do you want to hear this or not?" My mother snaps, glaring at me now.
"Sorry." I mumble, deciding to let my shock take over me in another time.
She huffs before speaking again, "we went so far with our relationship," she swallows harshly, looking at the ground. "And I... I got pregnant with you."
No.
No, no, no.
This can't be happening. No way.
"What do you mean?" I blink heavily.
"His name was Peter," she speaks, her voice breaking as she sniffles and holds back her tears. "He had the same blue eyes as you, you know?" She laughs lightly before sniffling again, "anyway, when my mother knew that I was pregnant, she forced me to marry Aengus because he agreed not to tell anyone, and we told everyone after our marriage that I am pregnant. Only a few people knew the truth."
My head is spinning, and even though I'm sitting on the couch, I feel like I might fall any second know. My head feels heavy and I can't think of anything at the moment. Why is this happening?
My mother was in love with a human. Just like me. She got pregnant with a human. She got pregnant with me. I'm the daughter of a man that I have never known anything about, and I have been calling the man who lives with me my father, even though he isn't. For the past nineteen years, my mother did nothing but hide away so many things, she did nothing but lie to me.
During these nineteen years, I have thought that I am something that I'm not. I have thought that I was born between two loving parents who had nothing but love in their past. I have thought that I'm a big sister to a brother who is only my step one.
I might seem like I'm over reacting, but just knowing that the people around have been lying to you, every single day is an awful thing. I never expected to feel like that at all, but I feel horrible. I feel like there's a wide hole being made inside my heart right now, with no any type of mercy.
My eyes begin to water as the tears slowly form inside them. I haven't left my mother's gaze at all, and her eyes are red and watery, too. "Tallulah?" Her voice is foreign to my ears. She sounds weak, broken, and hurt, all the things that I should be feeling right now, but instead, I feel terribly numb.
"So," I begin, though I clear my throat when I hear my shaky voice. "My father isn't really my—"
Before I continue, my mother beats me to it as she says through gritted teeth, "don't you dare say this. Don't."
"But he isn't." I say blankly, sounding and feeling absolutely emotionless.
"He might not be your biological father. But that man raised you and taught you as his own daughter. He treats better than any father and daughter. He gave you everything, he is the reason you're even alive right now, and that man loves you more than dear life itself," my mother is now fully sobbing. I don't think I have ever witnessed her in this position, but I can't really say anything right now.
"And Cronan," she continues, and that's when my own tears fall. Cronan; my younger brother. It hurts to think that we're not really from the same parents, even if it doesn't matter. "He doesn't even know, and please, please, don't break his heart, Tallulah."
I am not planning on telling Cronan anything. I would never do that. I don't have it in me to tell him, because he is my brother. I love him with everything that I have, and even if it is okay with him, I can't bring myself to admit it out loud.
Though still, I say nothing as my mother continues talking.
"That's why I don't want you to continue anything with that... human you're seeing. I don't things to grow between you two, I don't want you to be hurt like me, and I don't want you to make the same mistake." She says and that's only when she stands up, walks over me, and kneels in front of me as she places her hands on my knees and cries.
"What happened?" I manage to ask. "To my father?"
"I don't know," she chokes, "I don't know if he is alive or not. But he was in the city the last time I saw him, eight years ago."
"Did he know about you?" I don't know how am I talking about this, I don't know from where am I bringing all of this strength inside me, but I'm glad that I am, because I want to know everything.
"Yes," she nods and sniffles. "We knew everything about each other; I couldn't hide it from him." Something in her words triggers something inside of me.
She should not have said that.
"But you managed to hide everything from me, right?" I ask, coldly.
My mother furrows her eyebrows at me as she stands up and speaks, "that's not the same, Tallulah. You know that."
I scoff, "apparently I know nothing."
"How can you be so heartless about this? I tried to protect—" and before she completes this fucked up sentence, I cut her off.
Shouting, I angrily speak, "don't you dare tell me you were trying to protect me, that's bullshit!"
"You have no clue what would have happened if they knew that I was pregnant with a human's child!" She shouts just as angrily. "They would have buried you alive once you came out of my belly. You would have been dead by then."
As the tears continue falling down my face, I say, "I'm going to the city tonight."
Just like that. I don't want to talk about that anymore and I certainly don't want to hear other bullshit from her. Though I don't know why exactly I am telling her that, I feel the need to. She might try to stop me, she might try to prevent me, but it will all fail, because tonight is my date with Louis, and I will go, whether she likes it or not.
"Are you meeting him?" She asks, after she wipes away her tears. Thankfully, she takes the hint that I don't want to talk about this subject anymore.
"Yes, I have a date actually." I emotionlessly say.
She shakes her head at me as she says, "Even after what I have told you? Do you want to end up like me?"
"We don't even share the same beginning, let alone end up the same."
My mother's jaw drops as she stands speechless in front of me. Once I take a deep breath, I turn around and go to my room, trying to convince myself that nothing has happened, that Louis will pick me up from in front of Alfredo with a smile on his face. That's what I need.
I terribly need Louis right now, and even if I can't tell him what is happening with my hectic life, his presence shall be enough to put me at ease, his smile will be more than enough to calm me down.
I just need Louis right now.
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