Chapter 32
“I know I’m not supposed to say anything… but I’m really worried about Spencer-er Dr. Reid. I think the death of JJ is still taking a toll on him. He has nightmares that keep him up throughout the night and the panic attack at the carnival made me realize that it’s affecting him more than I know how to deal with. I’m just not sure where to turn to at this point. I have no idea what Dr. Reid is like at work, but I know how he is the other half of the time and I’m just…. I’m just worried. I didn’t know who else or where else to turn to, so I came here. I hope you don’t think ill of me, I’m just very concerned is all and I’m starting to worry.”
He stared at her, his dark eyes brooding, his thoughts racing over the situation.
“No, it’s good that you came to talk to me. I understand your concern. I’ve had some others confide in me as well. You were right to come here, Catherine.”
Catherine looked down at her hands, her thumbs twirling as the uneasiness settled in her stomach. She hated this…. She knew she was going behind Reid’s back, but she didn’t know where else to turn. What else was she to do? She stared up, looking into his eyes.
“Thank you, Agent Hotchner. I feel out of place coming to talk to you, but I feel something had to be done.”
Hotch stared at his watch, the team was about to be briefed on another case in about 20 minutes.
“I will see what I can do for Reid. I will order a psych evaluation and see if I can talk to him. It really is a good thing that you came and talked to me. If it’s affecting his personal life it might be affecting his job as well. Just leave your number so that I can get back to you if need be.”
Catherine stood up, shaking Hotchner’s hand. At that moment Spencer turned into the door.
“Hey Hotc-Oh, Cat. What are you doing here?” Spencer stood there puzzled as he spoke, his eyebrows crunching in surprise. She smoothed down her hair in a nervous gesture and went over and hugged him.
“I’ll talk to you later when you get off work okay? Hotch will fill you in later I suppose.” Cat let go of their awkward hug and made her way quickly out of the office. Looking back over her shoulder as Reid stared at her quizzically.
“Reid…sit down please.”
He could feel his stomach clench, following orders and taking a seat in the uncomfortable chair.
Hotch looked at his watch, 15 minutes before they had to meet in the briefing room. He let out a huge puff of air before he began to speak.
“Reid…we have to talk. Catherine came in and explained everything that has happened. Everything… She’s… worried about you, and since you didn’t have any immediate family able to speak with you, she came to speak with me about your well-being, specifically your mental health.” Spencer could feel the anger boil to his face, his fist clenching tightly in his lap.
“Hotch, I’m fine, there was no reason she had to-“
“Reid seeing hallucinations of people is not normal. It’s not fine. She came to talk to me, and rightly so because it’s something that you need help with Reid. Yes, we were all hit hard by JJ’s death. It took a toll on all of us, but do you see any of the other team members experiencing hallucinations of her?”
“Hotch, It only happened like two times it’s not-“
“It doesn’t matter Reid! It shouldn’t happen at all. I’m sorry Reid, but I’m going to have to suspend you until you can assure me that your mental health is safe. Until I get an approved letter from a psychiatrist, I have to suspend you from working any other cases. I’m sorry.”
Hotch stood up, signaling that that was the end of their discussion. Reid’s face was red as fire as he stood up in a fast motion and left the office slamming the door behind him. As he left he ran into Garcia who was about to say something but as she noticed his face she stopped mid-sentence and paused, staring at Hotch who watched Reid go. Derek stared from across the room, concern written in his eyes.
“Garcia, get the team read in 5.”
“Yes s-sir.”
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“5 years ago there was a body identified as the missing person Mickey Jenson in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He was brutally mutilated, both physically and sexually, and both his ears, eyes and mouth were cut out. Then last week we found 2 victims with the same mutilations to their bodies within the span of 5 days in Memphis, Tennessee.” Garcia listed off her statistics as she spoke, flashing through the photos of the crime scene.
“Well right there, there is obvious escalation. The unsub moved from one victim to two in that awkward time lapse.” Emily flipped through the photos as she spoke.
The team began to bounce off ideas from each other. Hotche’s eyes continuously glanced at Reid’s empty chair. Everyone else’s mind wondered where he could be, not knowing the reason for the empty seat, but no one dare question while a briefing was being issued. Soon the team was ordered to start heading toward the jet.
“Hey Hotch…. Where’s Reid?” Morgan quietly asked Hotch, not expecting the answer he was about to hear.
Catherine winced as she heard the turn of the doorknob. She didn’t expect him to be home but another part of her knew that it was bound to happen. She put down the book that she had been reading for class and folded her hands in her lap, waiting for the immense lash she was about to experience.
Spencer turned the door knob to his apartment and pushed open the door, his minds racing and his blood still boiling from his meeting with Hotch. How dare she!? What was she thinking? He pushed open the door and stopped dead in his tracks, their chocolate eyes meeting. There was an intense silence that could be cut with a knife as Cat stood up.
“Spencer…”
“No… no Cat. Just… just don’t. Just… please leave.” Spencer pushed past her, trudging into the kitchen to get away from the situation.
“Spencer I didn’t know what else to do! You’re scaring me! Things aren’t right and I’m worried about you! You keep secrets, you’re having delusions!” Cat could feel her voice raise, not able to hide her true emotions of worry and anger.
“Secrets!? What secrets? I haven’t been keeping any secrets!” Spencer stared at her, pouring himself a glass of water.
Cat’s face became contorted in anger. Her eyes and nostrils flared as she walked over to the kitchen pantry closet, never breaking eye contact with Spencer. She reached all the way in the back and grabbed a seemingly normal cookie box. She took the box and turned it upside down so that the contents would pour out onto the floor. Instead of the cookies, two vials and a needle fell. Spencer felt the lump in his throat swell, feeling like a child caught in the act of stealing.
“I knew for a while…but I wanted to see if you could do it on your own, with some verbal encouragement from me. But you kept using, didn’t you?” Cat could feel tears prick at her eyes, the truth of the past month finally hitting her. He looked down, ashamed, his anger dissipating like smoke.
“O-only once or twice.”
“Well you know what Spencer, it doesn’t matter. This is why I went to Hotch… I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be brash, but you’re losing it Spencer. Kind of like your mothe-“
“DON’T YOU DARE BRING HER INTO THIS. YOU KNOW IT HAS ABSOLUTLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!” Spencer began to shout, his blood boiling over. He was nothing like his mother in that sense and he never would be! He wouldn’t let that happen to himself! Ever! He wouldn’t!”
“Spencer you don’t have any control over that, but you do have control over the drugs you take! And you and I both know that taking drugs increases your chance of developing the same problems that your mother deals with. YES SPENCER, SCHIZOPHRENIA!” Cat began to shout back.
“Get out Cat. Just get out. We’re through! You’ve got me suspended from work and you went behind my back to talk to Hotch. I don’t want to see you again.”
Cat stared at him, her heart pounding in her chest… tears stinging at her eyes.
“Fine.”
She grabbed her jacket that sat on the kitchen chair and made her way out the door. Never looking back once. Spencer stared at the door, willing for what just happened to rewind itself and fix itself. He stayed there for a few minutes, waiting endlessly for her to come back. Part of him wanted to run after her, to apologize. No. No she had wronged him. She had went behind his back and turned him into Hotch.
In an angry impulse he grabbed the syringe and filled it to the top with dilaudid. He tied up his arm with the shoelace that also fell out and took the largest hit he had ever taken in his life. He wanted to forget this ever happened. He wanted to escape. Before the drug could take effect he took the syringe and filled it half way now, injecting himself once again. He could feel himself losing consciousness before he even pulled out the needle from his arm. Visions of JJ flooded his mind, past conversations and conversations that never happened, filling his drug induced dream.
Only this time, Spencer wouldn’t escape JJ so easily. Not this time.