All I Want (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 5

"So how was it then?" Zayn asked after he took a bite of his lunch. "Harry coming over and everything? Was it alright?"

Louis let out a quiet breath as he pushed his leftover chicken around in it's container and shrugged. "It was fine. Him and Holden got on real quickly which is good I guess."

"But?" Zayn asked with raised eyebrows.

"I dunno, I just..." Louis shook his head as he pushed his food away, not even hungry. "I keep asking myself what I'm doing, like what my plan is when it comes to Harry."

"What do you mean?" Zayn asked confused.

"I keep thinking about everything he's said to me," Louis said quietly as he shook his head. "Like if he knew he wouldn't have gone on tour... If Liam gave me his real email he would've come back without a second thought and even now he's acting like he did all those years ago when we were together, saying he would drop everything just to be there for me and Holden."

Zayn let out a quiet breath before taking another bite of his sandwich and looking over to the older lad, not quite sure what to say.

"I just... I don't know how to feel and it's making my head hurt," Louis groaned as he rubbed his hands over his face. "There's Harry and Liam and Holden and I can't do any of this."

"Do you think if you told Harry all those years ago about Holden you guys would still be together? Like be a couple or a family or whatever?" Zayn asked with his mouth full.

Louis let out a small breath as he slumped in his seat, not even needing to think about it before nodding. "You know what he said before he left on Saturday?"

"What?" Zayn asked as he chewed.

"That he hasn't slept with anyone else since we broke up... That he never stopped loving me," Louis said quietly, those words replaying over and over again in his head.

At that Zayn swallowed thickly and looked to his best mate with raised eyebrows. "Are you... Do you want to go back to him? Is that what this is? Why you're so confused?"

"What? Of course not," Louis said as he shook his head and forked a piece of his chicken. "It's just he's back in my life now, and there's Holden so he's gonna be around and I don't know what to do... Especially with him being all... I dunno, him."

"Mate," Zayn breathed out as he shook his head. "I know you never got over him, and now with him back you're acting like-"

"He left me Zayn," Louis said as he bit his lip. "He hurt me and said terrible things to me, and who says he's not gonna do that all over again?" he asked with a touch of anger in his voice.

Zayn just looked at his best mate for a second before glancing down at his food. "You know he only left because he thought you were cheating on him... You never actually told him about the baby."

Louis released a deep breath as he shook his head. "Things were complicated back then..."

"I know they were mate, I'm just saying it seems like things aren't really done between you two."

Louis opened his mouth to protest but just as he was about to he saw the teacher's lounge door swing open, only to reveal a familiar blonde.

"Uh h-hey," Niall said as he offered the older lad a nervous smile. "Can I uhm, can I join you guys?"

"Yeah, of course mate," Louis said, gesturing to the open seat beside Zayn.

Niall nodded gratefully and pulled the chair out beside the raven haired man and getting his lunch out. "Hey, m'Niall," he said, introducing himself.

"Good to meet ya mate, I'm Zayn, " he said through a small smile before taking a sip of his drink. "Do you two know each other?" Zayn asked, looking between the Irish lad and Louis as it seemed like they did.

"Uhm yeah," Louis said, clearing his throat slightly. "Niall is actually Harry's best mate, we met in uni when he and I started dating."

"Really?" Zayn asked with raised eyebrows. "Must be fun to have a popstar as a best mate," he said through a quiet laugh, getting a nudge from Louis' foot under the table.

But what Louis had noticed was how Niall's smile almost vanished completely.

"Well uh, it can have it's perks I guess," Niall said through his best convincing laugh as he scratched the back of his neck. "But I dunno, Harry hasn't really been the same since you two broke up."

Louis glanced up from his food as he took a bite and swallowed thickly. "How's he changed?" he asked quietly.

Niall let out a small breath as he picked up his sandwich and shrugged. "He just... He tried to get over you in not the best way and sometimes it just gets to be too much."

Louis and Zayn looked to each other, that worrying Louis a bit since Harry was spending time with Holden. "Well what does he do? Not like drugs or anything right?" he asked a bit nervously.

"No, no," Niall quickly shook his head before taking a bite of his food. "I'm sure you've seen the tabloids and everything... He just drinks a little too much sometimes," he said quietly.

Louis bit his lip as he nodded slowly and looked down to his food. He knows he's called Harry some names, one of them being an alcoholic but he didn't actually think the younger lad had a problem with drinking.

"Don't worry Lou," Niall said as he saw panic flash over the older lad's face. "Since he found out about Holden he's staying in and calming it down with the drinks. He's really trying you know..."

Louis hummed as he chewed his food, thinking that Harry should be trying after everything that's happened between them.

"And you know after he had dinner at your place he wouldn't shut up about it for hours," Niall said through a small laugh. "I was sure Ed was a second away from smacking him just to make him shut up cause he kept goin on about you and Holden."

"Really?" Louis asked quietly.

Zayn raised his eyebrows at his best mate as he saw the older lad a little flustered at what Niall said. "You know..." he started off, getting Louis' attention. "If you and Harry ever want to maybe go out, and catch up by yourselves I can always watch H," Zayn offered. "Cause I'm sure there are things you guys need to talk about... Or maybe clear up."

Louis clenched his jaw as he locked his eyes on Zayn but felt Niall looking at him confused. "I don't think that'll be necessary."

Zayn put his hands up, not wanting the older lad to get all mad at him, it was just a suggestion. "Well if there's anything I can do to help just gimme a call," he said before packing up his lunch and standing up from his chair, needing to get ready for class. "Good to meet ya mate."

"You too," Niall said through a small smile, waving slightly at the dark haired man as he left. And when he turned back to Louis he saw the older lad focused on his lunch. "So uhm when do you think you guys will have dinner again?" Niall asked before taking a bite of his food.

"I dunno, some time later this week probably," Louis shrugged. "Holden's been asking about him coming over to play so..."

"Haz will be happy to hear that," Niall said through a soft smile. "He really wants to be a part of his life... Both your lives really."

Louis bit his lip as he nodded, this still being so foreign to him. Harry just showing up after years and trying to be a part of Holden's life, a part of his own life again. And Louis only wondered how long it will take this time for things to go wrong.

*~*

Harry let out a deep breath and shuffled on his feet as he waited for the door to be answered. And thankfully he didn't have to wait too long before it swung open, only to reveal a wide smiling Holden.

"Harry!!" the 3 year old squealed before lunging at the curly haired lad.

Harry immediately opened his arms, a warm smile stretching across his face as he caught the toddler. "My big guy, I missed you," he said, pulling Holden into his chest. "But what did daddy say about answering the door?" Harry asked, raising his eyebrows at him.

"Daddy say it okay this time!" Holden said, trying to defend himself.

"Did he really or are you just trying to pull one over my head?" Harry asked through a quiet laugh before carrying the toddler inside and adjusting him on his hip.

"Daddy!!" Holden yelled. "Harry call me a liar!" he said, scowling at the curly haired man and crossing his arms over his chest.

Harry felt his jaw go slack as he laughed to himself and looked to the 3 year old in his arms. "You little tattle tale, I'm gonna get you for that," he said in fake seriousness.

"What you gon do? Hug me to death?" Holden said challengingly through a small smirk.

Harry raised his eyebrows at the toddler but it was only a second later he pulled Holden impossibly closer to his chest and began to mercilessly tickle the 3 year old.

"H-H-Harry!!" Holden shrieked as he tried to push the older man's hand away.

"What?" Harry asked as he chuckled to himself and continued his tickle attack. "Why are you squirming? What's wrong?" he asked teasingly, not letting up as the toddler was twisting and wiggling in his arms, letting out barking laughs.

"What are you doing to my son?"

Harry snapped his head up as he heard Louis and watched as the older lad came up to him and reached for Holden, rescuing him from the never ending tickling. "Uhm hey," he said, as he saw Louis adjusting a heavily breathing and giggling Holden in his arms. "Were you uh, were you grading or something?" Harry asked, noticing the blue eyed lad's glasses and he only ever wore those if he was reading.

"Oh uhm no," Louis said, pulling his glasses off and shoving them in his pocket. "I was just going through a few scripts... Trying to pick one out for this year's musical."

Harry hummed as he nodded to himself. "So uh, thanks for inviting me over again," he said through a small smile, this being the third time he's been over this week and it was only Thursday. In the past month this has to be most he's come over to the older lad's house in a single week, and it was definitely something Harry wanted to keep up.

"Well I had to just to shut this one up," Louis said jokingly as he looked down at his son and gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "I'm more surprised you've been able to make it."

"I want to be here with you guys," Harry said quietly as he shrugged to himself.

"No work?" Louis asked surprised, before setting down a squirming Holden, him starting to get bored.

"Uhm..." Harry said slowly as he scratched the back of his neck. "Well of course there is, but I uh, I just cancelled my meetings, it's not a big deal," he said, not even wanting to get into how annoyed his management has been getting with him as Harry's barely been around for the past month.

"Harry you can just say you can't come, it's fine," Louis said as he crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lip.

Harry shook his head, it not being fine at all. He hasn't been there for 4 years, and now that he has the opportunity to be around he isn't going to give it up. "I'll reschedule for during the day, it's really no problem."

Louis let out a quiet breath as he nodded and shifted his weight on his feet. "Well you came on a good night cause it's Thursday and that means-"

"Pizza night!!" Holden cheered from his spot on the floor where he was playing with his toys.

Harry looked over to the 3 year old and smiled at him before making his way to where he was sitting with his toys and laying down on the floor next to him. "And what kind of pizza do you like?" he asked, picking up one of Holden's action figures and making it do flips in the air.

"Veggie pizza," Holden said as he took the toy Harry was playing with because he wanted it before handing him a different one. "Daddy like pepper on his."

"Pepperoni big guy," Harry said through a quiet laugh as he glanced up at the older lad, only to see his eyes already on him. "I mean you uh, you still like that, don't you?"

Louis nodded as he bit his lip and headed towards the couch to sit. "And you still like veggie?" he asked with raised eyebrows, looking between the two on the floor.

Harry hummed, a small smile coming to him as he looked at Holden, loving how they both liked the same kind of pizza. Well that and the fact that Louis had remembered what he liked as well. "What do you guys do on pizza night? Anything fun?"

"We watch movie and daddy give me soda and popcorn!" Holden said as he bounced excitedly and crawled closer to Harry, wanting to play with the action figure he had.

"Oh yeah?" Harry asked as he raised his eyebrows at Louis. "Do you sleep at night?" he asked Holden teasingly.

"It's like not even half a cup of soda and only a small bowl of popcorn, he's fine," Louis waved off as he rolled his eyes and tried to hold back a small laugh.

"Yeah Harry I fine," Holden said as he narrowed his eyes at the older man, not wanting to get his treats taken away.

Harry put his hands up in defeat as Holden crawled on him, only to take a seat on his stomach. "Alright geez, no need to attack," he said jokingly before poking the toddler's tummy.

"Harry are you stay over for movie?" Holden asked as he bounced on the curly haired lad and played with his toys on his chest.

Harry bit his lip as he shifted his eyes from the toddler sitting on him to Louis, silently asking him if it was okay. And when the older lad gave him a small nod Harry couldn't help the soft grin that came to him. "Yeah buddy, I'd love to stay for a movie," he said, trying to get Holden to stay still on him as he was wiggling all over the place.

"Yay!!" Holden said excitedly, jumping on Harry and knocking the wind out of him. "I pick out movie!! It a surprise!!"

Louis muffled a laugh into his hand as he saw the younger lad trying to catch his breath after his son jumped on him. It was still a bit odd for Louis to see the two of them together. To see Harry again after all these years and playing with Holden, being there for him, because Louis never thought he would be. He never thought Harry Styles would come back into his life.

"I'm happy you're so excited buddy but maybe we can try not killing me," Harry said through an airy laugh as Holden kept jumping on him and he picked the toddler up and off him.

"Oh you fine," Holden said as he rolled his eyes and pat Harry's curly hair. "Just like Rob," he whispered, burying his hand in the older man's hair.

Harry sat there still for a moment as he felt the 3 year old brushing his fingers through his hair, but then something hit him. "Did you just compare my hair to your cat...?"

"Yeah," Holden said like that was a stupid question. "So fluffy," he said quietly, keeping his hand in Harry's hair.

Harry couldn't help the loud laugh that escaped him as he reached for Holden and surprised the toddler by picking him up and over his head. "Alright you little weirdo, enough of that," he said, making the 3 year old giggle. "Not the only Tomlinson who likes the curly hair huh?" Harry barely whispered as he settled Holden on his chest and stole a small glance at Louis, only to see the older lad looking at him wide eyed.

He didn't actually think Louis had heard him, but it was very clear he had as it wasn't even a second later he pushed himself off the couch and walked out of the room.

Harry bit his lip as he watched the older lad walk away, thinking maybe he shouldn't be saying stuff like that. But it was true, when he and Louis were dating he always did have a thing for his short curls, there was no denying that.

15 minutes later though Louis still hadn't come back into the room, and Harry figured he really shouldn't be saying things like that. He didn't know if it upset Louis, talking about the past, about the time when they were together or what. But all Harry knew was that he didn't want the older lad upset or mad him.

And it was only when the doorbell rang did Louis come back into the room, but Harry was quick to beat him to the door, wanting to pay for the pizza.

There was some protesting from the older lad and shock from the pizza delivery boy as he saw Harry Styles in front of him. But eventually Harry managed to pay for the food, sign a receipt for the food delivery guy and get inside before Holden had a meltdown about waiting too long and being hungry.

"H you need to relax alright," Louis breathed out as his son kept complaining that he wasn't moving fast enough. "You keep this up and no movie," he warned as he raised his eyebrows at the toddler.

"Daddy," Holden groaned as he slumped in his seat, his father taking way too long to cut up his food.

Louis let out a deep breath, trying to organize everything on the table as Holden kept whining.

"Alright big guy, c'mon," Harry said softly as he could see Louis getting more and more frustrated. "We don't want daddy upset right?" he asked as he took Holden's plate and began cutting up his food.

"No," Holden mumbled.

"Okay, so let's listen to him and be good, yeah?" Harry asked with raised eyebrows before giving the toddler his plate back.

Holden bit his lip and nodded before looking down to his cut up pizza and picking up his fork.

Harry smiled down at him just as Louis placed a plate in front of him, and if possible his smile grew as he saw the older lad mouth a subtle "thank you".

And as they ate Harry couldn't wipe the grin off his face. Holden got out of his little mood quickly and as usual began talking both their ears off about everything and nothing.

By the time they were all done eating though the three boys were more than ready to just sit on the couch and relax. So as Louis cleared the table with Harry's help Holden ran off to find a movie, not forgetting to remind the both of them that he wanted his treats.

"Demanding little boy huh?" Harry asked through a quiet laugh as he dried a cup Louis passed him.

"You have no idea," Louis muttered, his own smile creeping onto his lips. "Sometimes it's a bit much though... Ya know, he's a toddler and tantrums can happen any second."

"I'm guessing tonight wasn't even the half of it," Harry said, thinking of Holden's small whining session at the table.

Louis scoffed as he shook his head. "Tonight was nothing," he said, almost laughing at the thought of his son complaining being a tantrum. "You did good though..." Louis said quietly. "It's weird seeing you like... Well I dunno, a parent."

Harry bit his lip as he nodded and glanced over to the older lad. "I'm still trying to get used to seeing you as a parent," he said, taking the wet plate Louis was passing him. "I just think back to the days when it was me and you, ya know?"

Louis felt himself still as he heard Harry and could feel the younger lad's eyes on him. Especially with Harry back in his life now it was impossible not to think back to all those years ago when it was just them. When there were late nights, gentle touches and soft kisses. Now more than ever those thoughts took over Louis' mind.

"Daddy!!"

Louis jumped at the sudden yell, him accidentally dropping the plate in his hands and making it clatter into the sink.

"Whoa, you alright?" Harry asked through a quiet laugh, reaching for the older lad's arm to steady him.

"Fine, m'fine," Louis rushed out as he swallowed thickly and pulled his arm away from Harry's touch. "U-uhm H what do you need?"

"Daddy, Harry hurry!! I want to watch movie!" Holden called out.

Louis let out a few deep breaths, trying to clear his racing thoughts as he wiped his hands on a dishtowel.

"Hey," Harry said softly, stopping the older lad as he was about to walk away. "You sure you're alright?" he asked with furrowed eyebrows.

Louis hummed, not even looking at Harry as he kept his eyes on the ground and shuffled out of the kitchen. "What movie did you pick out buddy?"

"Into the Woods!!" Holden said excitedly as he hopped onto the couch and grabbed his blanket.

Louis rolled his eyes fondly, of course his son just had to pick the longest movie they own. "Alright big guy, you get settled and I'll get your snacks," he said, earning a very loud cheer from the toddler.

By the time Louis actually had their snacks together, the lights were off and the movie was finally in the DVD player Holden was close to having a meltdown but thankfully Harry managed to distract the 3 year old while they waited for Louis.

"Finally!" Holden said dramatically as he crawled off of Harry's lap and over to his daddy to get his snacks from him.

"Oh yeah, sure buddy, you're welcome," Louis said teasingly as he pulled the toddler into his side and the opening credits began to roll.

"Thank you daddy," Holden said, offering his father a wide smile before kissing his cheek.

Louis hummed to himself as he grinned down at his son and kissing his feathery hair. He was happy Holden finally calmed down now that he had his popcorn and soda, and that he himself could relax.

"Harry," Holden whispered, wanting the older man's attention. "Come here," he said, patting the seat next to him.

Harry bit his lip from the other side of the couch as he looked over at the two. His eyes caught Louis', but the older lad didn't do anything besides look right back at him for a second before turning back to the tv. So Harry let out a quiet breath before slowly shuffling closer to the two, trying to keep a little distance between him and Louis' arm, not quite sure how the older felt about them being so close.

And if Louis was uncomfortable he didn't say anything the entire movie. The older lad kept his arm around Holden, their hands brushing occasionally as they reached for a handful of popcorn, but just that was enough to remind Harry how nervous he used to get around Louis.

He tried to take his mind off it though, tried to not get stuck on the thought that he was sitting with his ex boyfriend and son, just watching a movie while Rob the fluffy cat purred in his lap. It felt so domestic and Harry never would've thought in a million years that he'd end up here.

And by the end of the movie Holden was sleeping against his arm, his tiny bowl of popcorn gone and soda finished as quiet snores escaped the toddler.

Harry watched as Louis carried him upstairs, keeping his place on the couch, knowing the older lad probably wanted to talk to him like he alway does after he puts Holden down about how the night went. But while he was doing that Harry knew he owed a few people some explanations and phone calls.

"Hello?"

"Hey mate," Harry breathed into the phone. "Listen I'm really sorry about tonight, I just-"

"No, I get it H, it's whatever," Ed interrupted him. "Instead of just cancelling though can you reschedule with me? Like this is important. I get you have Holden and everything, and whatever you're doing with Louis but this is both our careers here."

"I know, I know and that's why I'm calling," Harry said as he looked down to the cat in his lap and scratched between its ears. "How's Monday afternoon? Come over to mine and we'll talk about writing and maybe get some stuff recorded."

Ed let out a deep breath into the phone as he ran a hand over his face. "Alright, yeah fine," he said quietly. "And don't forget to call management, the more you ignore them the pissier they're getting."

"Yeah, I'm gonna call them right after-" Harry stopped himself as he heard crying from upstairs, no doubt in his mind it was Holden. "Uhm right after I'm off with you, but I actually have to go. I'll text you later."

Ed didn't even get the chance to say his goodbyes before Harry hung up and shoved his phone in his pocket. And just as he stood up from the couch to head upstairs to see what was wrong he saw Louis coming back down with a crying Holden in his arms.

"See it's alright buddy, he didn't go anywhere," Louis said softly as he rocked his son on his hip.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he heard the older lad and saw him passing Holden to him. "What's wrong big guy huh? What happened?" he asked, wiping the toddler's wet cheeks and settling him on his hip.

Holden didn't say anything but wrap his arms around Harry and bury his head into his neck as he sniffled to himself.

Harry looked down at the toddler, growing more and more confused as Holden was nearly clinging to him. "C'mon buddy I don't like seeing you upset, what's wrong?" he asked softly, rubbing the 3 year old's back.

"M-me think you g-go bye bye," Holden cried into his neck, wrapping his arms tighter around the older man.

Harry had no clue where this was coming from as he kept his eyes on Holden, trying to wipe his wet eyes and calm him down.

"He just thought you left without saying goodnight to him, that's it," Louis said quietly as he bit his lip and looked at the two. "H c'mon big guy, I know you're tired and that's why you're crying. Let's get you to bed and have you calm down a bit," he said softly as he walked towards them and began rubbing his son's back.

Harry let out a small breath as Holden kept crying and felt the toddler's tears on his neck but when he glanced at Louis he saw the older lad nod towards the stairs, silently asking for Harry to follow him.

He shushed Holden, hating that he was crying just because he thought he left as he followed Louis up the stairs and to the 3 year old's bedroom. And once they were inside Harry immediately made his way towards Holden's bed, gently placing him on the mattress, grateful that he was calming down.

"There we go buddy, it's alright," Harry said quietly as Holden sniffled to himself and he tucked the toddler under his covers. "You okay?"

Holden wiped his wet eyes with his little hand as he nodded. "W-want you to say night night," he hiccuped out.

Harry had to almost bite back a smile as he heard that. He said goodnight to Holden every time he comes over but he didn't know it meant this much to the toddler. "Of course I was gonna come up here and say goodnight to you, I just had to make a few calls first, it's okay."

Holden nodded again as he sat up and wrapped his arms around the older man's neck. "Goodnight Harry," he said quietly.

"Goodnight buddy, I'll see you real soon, alright?" Harry said, hugging the toddler back tightly and kissing his feathery hair.

Louis shifted his weight on his feet and bit his lip as he watched the two, noticing how attached Holden already was to Harry after a mere month, and that scared him more than anything. But when Harry gave one more kiss to the toddler and let him go Louis said his own goodnight's, showering his son in kisses and making him giggle. And once Holden kissed him back and said goodnight to his daddy Louis led Harry out of the room and to the living room couch to talk.

"Tonight was really fun, I-"

"There's something you need to understand," Louis said, cutting off the younger lad. "I don't care what you do to me. I don't care if you leave me, or don't talk to me but if you even think about hurting my son, so help me God-"

"Louis what are you talking about?" Harry asked with furrowed eyebrows. "When are you going to realize I'm not going anywhere...? I mean if you were willing to just once sit down and have an actual conversation with me you'd understand that."

Louis shook his head as he let out a deep breath and ran his hands over his face. "Just don't hurt him."

"I wouldn't hurt him Louis..." Harry said softly, noticing how the older lad refused to look at him. "I don't want to hurt either of you."

"There are a lot of things we don't want Harry," Louis said quietly, keeping his eyes on the ground. "And yet somehow we can not want these things and they still happen..."

Harry let the sudden silence and heaviness in the room overcome him. He sat there, taking in the older lad's words and letting them sink into him like daggers as he thought back to the day he would do anything to change.

"It's uhm, it's getting late, I think you should go," Louis breathed out as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Well no, I mean it's not that late..." Harry said as he bit the lip. "Can we please just talk?"

Louis shook his head, already pushing himself off the couch. "I have class in the morning and still have papers to grade."

"Louis c'mon we haven't been alone for more than 10 minutes, can we just-"

"I said I can't," Louis interrupted him, shaking his head again. "I'll text you when you can come over again."

Harry opened his mouth to protest, wanting to sit and talk now, but as he saw how Louis was looking at him he knew that was the last thing the older lad wanted.

So Louis watched as Harry got up from the couch and the curly haired lad let out a small breath before pulling his coat on and turning back to look at him.

"I uhm... I just wanted to let you know that even though you don't really like having me around, spending time with you and Holden makes me happier than I've been in years," he said quietly, biting his lip and looking down at his shoes, not able to meet the older lad's eyes. "I haven't really felt much of anything since we uh, you know broke up and I just, I dunno it's nice having you back in my life, even if you don't want me in yours..."

Louis felt his breathing come up short as he kept his eyes locked on Harry, and he couldn't even say anything before the younger lad turned to walk out the door. He didn't know if he wanted to say anything or what to say, but just as Harry opened the front door Louis found his voice.

"Harry wait!" he said, stopping the younger lad in his tracks.

Harry turned around, his head snapping up to look at the blue eyed lad as the door was already cracked open. He saw Louis swallow thickly, looking as if he was internally battling with himself on what to say next.

"It's not... I mean, it's not that I don't like having you around," Louis barely whispered as he bit his lip, that being the opposite of his problems. "It's just hard seeing you after all these years and not think about..." he trailed off, shaking his head as even now those memories flooded his thoughts.

Harry let out a quiet breath as he shifted his gaze to his shoes and nodded, finding it near impossible himself to stop his mind from racing and playing over the times he and Louis were together. He almost wanted to say that they could get those moments back. That they could start all over again, the two of them and Holden. But it was an impossible thought. Harry knew that Louis didn't want a life like that with him, and he didn't blame the older lad.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," Louis muttered as he ran a hand through his hair. "It's getting late and my head's all over the place, I-"

"I'm happy you said it," Harry cut him off, closing the door so the October cold couldn't come in and took a step closer to the older lad. "I know you're scared Lou..." he said, unable to miss the hitch in the blue eyed lad's breath as the nickname escaped him. "And I kick myself in the arse every single fucking day for making you feel that way, for hurting you the way I did..."

"Harry..." Louis managed to say, his words getting caught in his throat as he looked at the younger lad.

"Louis, please," Harry said quietly, his eyes pleading as he stepped even closer to him, the older lad not moving an inch. "After not having you for years, and then coming back here... Just please know that I don't care what I have to do to keep you both in my life. I'll go through the fires of hell just to make sure I never lose you again," he said, offering the blue eyed lad a small grin, trying to make him laugh and take away the heaviness in the room.

Louis ducked his head, trying desperately to bite back his smile as he heard the younger lad. Even after all these years he still couldn't get over the sheer ridiculousness that was Harry Styles.

"I'm happy I can still make you do that," Harry said softly, his own grin widening as he saw Louis smiling.

Louis rolled his eyes as he shuffled on his feet and finally looked up to meet the younger lad's bright green eyes. "It's not like I completely hate you..." he muttered.

"You don't?" Harry asked with furrowed eyebrows, not believing that.

"I said I don't completely. Trust me, there's still a good amount of hate there. Don't get too excited," Louis said through a small laugh as he shook his head.

"I'll take what I can get," Harry said, a warm smile creeping onto his lips. "But uhm, you said you have papers to grade and I don't wanna push my luck with you tonight, so I guess I'll get going," he said, gesturing towards the door.

Louis hummed and nodded as he bit his lip, following Harry with his eyes as he walked towards the door. "Well bye," he said quietly, raising his hand and slightly waving to the younger lad. "Tonight was uh, well I had a good time."

"Me too," Harry said, offering the older lad a soft smile as he opened the front door. "G'night Lou," and with that and a wink sent to the blue eyed lad he made his way out of the house and to his car.

Louis swallowed thickly as he watched the door close, his body refusing to move when a sudden realization washed over him. "Shit..." he breathed out, rubbing his hands over his face. "Shit not again," Louis groaned, walking over to the couch and throwing himself on it.

This couldn't be happening, he couldn't do this to himself, to his son. Harry left once and he could do it again. He's only been around for a month, and so far things are going great but Louis knows how fast things can change. He also knows how easily and how quickly he fell for Harry when they first met, and he couldn't do that again, no matter how hard it seemed.

*~*

Harry ducked his head and shielded his face with his hand, trying to ignore the bright camera lights that blinded him. He figured that paps wouldn't be allowed outside the record label, but with him being missing for nearly a month he also knew the media was getting more and more desperate to find him.

"Harry where've ya been?!"

"Finally pick someone up who wants to stick around with you?!"

"You drink yourself into a month long coma?!"

He ignored all of the screaming men, pushing past them and finally getting to the door, making his way inside the large building.

Harry let out a deep breath as he ran his fingers through the front of his curls, heading to the lift and trying to get to the meeting as quickly as possible. It was impossible not to think about the paps' questions though. He knew the media portrayed him a certain way, and for years he didn't care, but now it was different. Now he had Louis and Holden in his life, and Harry didn't want either of them to think or see him portrayed like that.

"Oh good, Harry you actually decided to show up."

Harry looked up and saw one the of the record label's top managers James looking at him with raised eyebrows as he sat in the conference room. "Listen I'm really sorry, but I do have an excuse," he said softly, taking a seat at the table with the older man.

"It better be a damn good one. Do you have any idea how close Michael is to dropping you?" James asked seriously.

"You and I both know he won't do that, don't try to scare me," Harry said as he shook his head, knowing that he could get any record label he wanted to sign him, and Michael wouldn't give up his biggest act behind Ed. "But the reason I haven't been around is because of uhm... Of Louis," he said quietly.

"You're kidding me right...? That's your excuse?" James asked, anger nearly seeping out of him. "The boyfriend who broke your heart years ago? That's it? What did you two talk or some shit and now he's back in your life? I mean seriously H, you can't just run off for a month for some guy and-"

"James," Harry said firmly, stopping the older man. "Listen... Louis and I... We uhm, we have a son," he barely whispered, making James freeze in his seat and Harry wasn't even sure he was even breathing. "He's 3 and I never knew about him up until last month... That's why I've been gone, because I'm spending time with him and trying to get to know him and everything."

James just looked at him wide eyed, himself at a loss of what to say as he listened to the curly haired lad. "Harry I'm... I'm so sorry," he breathed out as he shook his head. "He didn't tell you or anything? I mean why now?"

"It's beyond complicated and if you want to go out for beers some time I'll tell you, but I'm meeting with Ed soon," Harry said as he brushed his fingers through his hair.

"Oh good, finally some work is getting done," James said through a quiet laugh, making the curly haired lad roll his eyes. "But is there anything you want us to do media wise about you? Is there a story you want out about this or-"

"No," Harry said quickly, shaking his head. "No paps, no articles, no nothing until I talk to Louis," he said sternly, getting a nod from the older man. "If you could though, I want to try to clear up my name up... You know the shit they write about me, and basically none of it's true... I just want all that cleaned up, and if anything new comes out have a rep deny it quickly."

"You got it kid," James said, offering him a soft smile. "I'll let Michael know and explain what you want and everything. But please, next time you decide to disappear at least pick up your phone once so we know you're not dead," he said jokingly.

Harry let out a quiet laugh as he got up from his seat. "Maybe," he muttered, earning a playful glare from James. "But Ed and I are working on stuff today so I'll text you later and let you know what we got done."

"Alright, you boys just gonna be at your place?" James asked as he stood up from his own chair.

"Yeah," Harry breathed out, pulling his phone out as he felt it vibrate and saw a text from Niall. "Oh uhm, can you also get security outside? The paps were givin me shit as I walked in, I don't wanna deal with that again," he said, keeping his eyes on his phone and texting out his reply. "And I just got a text from my mate reminding me that I'm supposed to talk to his music class, so I'm actually gonna take Ed over to the school and then we'll go back to mine."

"You want a bodyguard with you?" James asked as he looked at his own phone, sending a message to security to get rid of the paps.

"Nah we'll be fine," Harry shrugged, his phone vibrating in his hand again, this time being a text from Louis.

James hummed, telling the younger lad he heard him before looking up from his phone. "What're you smiling at?" he asked as he saw Harry staring at his phone and texting, smiling so wide his face must've hurt.

"Huh?" Harry said, not even hearing James as he looked up from his phone, only to see him smirking at him. "Oh uh, it's Louis, he sent me a video of Holden doing an improv exercise in class with some of his students," he said, passing his phone to the older man. "Louis said Holden likes the improv games so much that the days he has his students do them he brings him along instead dropping him off at daycare," Harry said, his grin only widening as he saw his son on the video with all the older kids.

"So cute," James said quietly, his own smile appearing. "He looks like you."

"I know," Harry said as he bit his lip, trying to hide the grin that threatened to split his face if it grew any more.

James looked over to Harry and shook his head as he laughed quietly to himself and handed his phone back to him. "Alright daddio, get out of here and get some work done."

Harry rolled his eyes as he shoved his phone in his pocket. "I'll keep you updated on what Ed and I get done," and with that he waved goodbye to the older man, now needing to pick up Ed and go to the high school.

*~*

"I think that went well, don't you?" Harry asked as he led Ed down the hall.

"M'not quite sure if the kids were actually listening though. Seemed like they were just staring at us in shock the entire time," Ed said as he laughed to himself.

"Can ya blame them?" Harry asked through his own chuckle. "I mean when you were in high school how many famous people came to talk to your class?"

Ed hummed, not even able to imagine what those kids were thinking when they saw the two of them walk into the room. Of course they were shocked and a couple kids screamed, but he probably would've done the same thing when he was a kid.

"Where are we going? The exits over there," he said confused, looking over to the younger lad.

"I wanna stop and talk to Louis real quick," Harry said through a small smile as he turned down the hall, making his way to the blue eyed lad's room.

"You can't just text him?" Ed asked, wanting to get to the younger lad's flat and get some work done.

"Mate I'll be fast, I promise."

Ed let out a quiet breath as he nodded to himself, actually a little excited to see Louis after all these years. "Do you guys even text? Like regularly?"

"We started to recently," Harry said happily. "I wanna say it was Thursday I was over there and I dunno, it was good and things kinda shifted that night," he said through a soft grin. "So now we text throughout the day and everything, it's nice."

Ed looked over to the younger lad and couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh as he saw him. "You're so obvious mate, it's sad."

Harry rolled his eyes as he shook his head and turned towards Louis' classroom door. He cracked it open a little, peeking inside, able to see the older lad at the front of his classroom with his glasses perched on his nose and a copy of some Shakespeare book in his hand as he read it to the class.

Harry smiled to himself as he saw Louis in his element, this being what he does best. But instead of creeping by the door he pushed it open a bit more so he could walk in. "Knock knock," he said quietly, the smile never leaving his face as he walked into the room.

Louis snapped his head up, his eyes immediately landing on Harry and a small grin making its way to his lips. But just as he was about to say his hello's he saw his class looking at the curly haired lad wide eyed before nearly screaming about how he was there.

"Alright, alright!!" Louis yelled, trying to get them to calm down. "Read where I left off by yourselves or I'll ask Mr. Styles to leave," he threatened with raised eyebrows.

And just as fast as he said it did the entire class stop talking. But that was just before a certain ginger haired man came into the room from behind Harry, making them start screaming again.

"Louis!! My God, look at you!" Ed said, rushing towards the younger lad and engulfing him in a hug. "You can grow a full beard now and you're wearing button ups, what the hell?!"

Louis let out a loud laugh as he hugged Ed back, noticing his entire class looking at him beyond confused. "Life as a teacher, what can I say?" he said, pulling away from the older lad and rubbing a hand over his slight beard, having no time to shave the past couple days.

"You look good mate. If possible even more fit than you did all those years ago," Ed said through a quiet chuckle as he clapped Louis on the back.

"Hey, mate c'mon back off," Harry said as he pulled Ed away from Louis and side eyed him. "Can we uh, can we talk for a second?" he asked the blue eyed lad through a small smile.

"Yeah, of course," Louis said, grinning back at him before looking back to his class who was watching him, seeming more confused and excited by the second. "You guys read by yourselves where we left off, no talking," he said seriously.

"Yeah, listen to your teacher," Ed said, eyeing all the kids playfully and standing at the front of the class with his arms crossed over his chest like he was in charge. "No worries Lou, I got'em."

Louis rolled his eyes as he saw the older lad, his student's not even looking at their books instead just staring at the ginger man. "C'mere," he said quietly to Harry, nodding towards his desk.

Harry followed the older lad a few feet to his desk, noticing Holden fast asleep in Louis' chair. He smiled softly down at his son as Louis took a seat on his desk, letting his feet dangle an inch off the ground.

"Tell me you interrupted my class for something important," Louis said with raised eyebrows.

"What? I can't just stop in?" Harry asked through a small laugh as he took a step closer to the older lad.

"Don't start with me Styles," Louis said through a playful stern look.

Harry bit his lip, trying to hide his smile as he saw that Louis wasn't actually upset with him. "I actually wanted to talk to you about dinner tonight," he said quietly as he shuffled on his feet.

"Oh okay, uhm sure," Louis said with furrowed eyebrows, noticing the younger lad coming closer to him, almost making it so he was standing between his legs.

"So Ed is coming over to mine so we can work on some stuff and by the time we're done and the amount of time it takes me to drive to your place I think you guys will already be done with eating," Harry said as he scratched the back of his neck, not meeting the older lad's eye.

"Oh... Okay, I get it, it's fine," Louis said quietly, his gaze shifting to the floor.

Harry looked to Louis, almost growing confused as he sounded a bit disappointed. "W-well I was going to ask if you and Holden wanted to uhm, maybe you want to come over to mine tonight?" he asked, taking a careful step closer to the older lad.

Louis bit the inside of his cheek as Harry was coming closer and closer to him, the younger lad's hips nearly between his thighs. He brought up his hand, placing it on Harry's waist before gently pushing back on him, needing him to back up.

"Yeah, we can definitely do that," he said through a through a small smile. "Just text me an address, yeah?"

"Sure," Harry said, his own grin creeping up on him. "And Lou?"

"Yeah?"

Harry didn't say anything, but Louis saw how the younger lad looked at him, then down before meeting his eyes again. And Louis only grew more confused as he saw Harry smirking at him, but then he noticed what he was doing.

"Sorry, sorry!" Louis rushed out, pulling his hand away from the curly haired lad's waist, his cheeks immediately heating up.

"M'not complaining," Harry shrugged as he laughed to himself and took a small step away from the blue eyed lad, figuring he should let him get back to class. "I'll text you later."

Louis swallowed thickly as he nodded and watched as Harry walked over to Holden who was sleeping in his chair, the younger lad kissing his hair gently before looking back at him and sending him a wink.

"C'mon mate, let's go get some work done," Harry said, clapping Ed on the back. "Listen to your teacher, be good!" he called out to the students as they made their way towards the door, sending Louis a soft smile.

Louis felt like he wasn't breathing as he watched the two leave his classroom, Ed sending him one more wave before he closed the door behind him. And when he looked back to his student's every single pair of eyes were on him.

"Well Mr. Tomlinson, I say you have some explaining to do," one of his student's, Leila said through a small smirk.

"Did anyone do the reading like I asked?" Louis said as he got off his desk and unbuttoned one of the top buttons of his shirt, feeling like he desperately needed to breathe.

"We were too busy watching as Harry Styles asked you out on a date and you shamelessly flirted with him," Jason said, raising his eyebrows at his teacher.

"I was not flirting with him," Louis said as he rolled his eyes. "And he didn't ask me out on a date."

"But you're going over to his place for dinner," another student, Aaron piped up. "How do you guys even know each other? And what was that with Ed Sheeran? Seriously Mr. Tomlinson how in the world do you-"

"Alright, alright!" Louis said, needing all of them to stop bombarding him with questions. "Harry and I- no, I mean Mr. Styles and I knew each other a long time ago before he became famous and when he did get famous we both met Mr. Sheeran and the rest is history," he summed up as quickly and easily as possible. "No more questions, accusations, or talking about this."

The class was quiet for only a mere second before every single student was talking, each of them asking questions and growing more confused as they looked at their teacher. And all Louis could do was rub a hand over his face, unbutton his shirt a little more so he could breathe and let his student's attack him with questions.

*~*

"Daddy where we going?" Holden asked as he looked around confused, never seeing this building before.

"Remember I told you we're going over to Harry's for dinner tonight?" Louis asked with raised eyebrows as he squeezed his son's hand gently and led them to the front desk.

"Harry's house!!" Holden said excitedly, jumping where he was walking.

"That's right buddy, we're going to Harry's house," Louis said through a quiet laugh as he rolled his eyes fondly. And when he got up to the front desk he waited for the older man to look at him before doing what Harry texted him to do. "Uhm hi, I'm Louis Tomlinson. I'm here to see Harry Styles."

The man looked at him for a second before looking down at a clipboard. "Louis Tomlinson..." he muttered, his eyes scanning down the paper. "Alright, head to the lift, put in the code 1224 and you'll be taken up to his floor," the man said, offering him a small grin.

"Thank you," Louis said, smiling back at him before tugging on Holden's hand and leading him towards the lift.

"Daddy I put the numbers in!" Holden said as soon as they were in the lift.

"Alright, you remember them?"

"Uhm no," Holden said as he bit his lip and looked up to his father.

Louis laughed to himself as he shook his head and told the toddler the numbers, watching as his son furrowed his eyebrows and tried to remember what number looked like what. And Louis was pleasantly surprised when he actually got them all right.

He could hear Holden humming to himself as the lift carried them up, the toddler swaying with whatever he was singing and still holding onto his daddy's fingers. Even when the lift stopped Holden was still humming to himself, and only stopped when his father tugged on him, urging him forward.

Louis looked around confused, thinking he'd find himself in a hallway with multiple flats around him. But instead he was in a living room. A very large and fancy living room at that.

"Uhm... Harry?" he called out, taking a cautious step further into the room and looking around.

"Daddy this Harry's house?" Holden asked, his eyes scanning around the room.

"I think so buddy," Louis said quietly, his eyes catching on a hallway. "We just need to find Harry," he said, tugging on his son again and leading him towards the hall.

As soon as they stepped in the hallway the first thing Louis heard was music. There was heavy guitar sounding from one of the rooms, and at a careful look Louis spotted which door it was coming from.

"Stay quiet buddy," Louis said softly, putting his finger to his mouth as he didn't want to interrupt whatever Harry was working on.

Holden nodded as he put his little finger to his lips, telling his daddy he would be quiet as he followed him down the hall and to the cracked open door.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows as they walked closer and closer to the door, peeking inside and seeing Harry with a guitar slung over his shoulder, a microphone in front of him and Ed, both of them wearing headphones. But it what they were playing that really had Louis' attention.

He almost forgot how amazing Harry was in his raw form, just him and his guitar. But then you add Ed Sheeran into the mix and it's something else. The ginger lad's voice clear and crisp into the microphone, mixing with what Harry was playing made Louis freeze where he was.

He watched as the younger lad strummed the guitar, only to stop for a moment and hit the body of the guitar, making it almost sound like a drum before tapping his foot on some machine and having that hit play over and over again on top of what Harry was strumming or picking. And Louis had never seen anything like it.

Harry would hit a different pedal on the machine, somehow making more layers play from his guitar, but it was when the younger lad leaned towards his microphone to sing Louis couldn't peel his eyes away from him.

I messed up this time

Late last night

Drinking to suppress devotion

With fingers intertwined

I can't shake this feeling now

We're going through the motions

Hoping you'd stop

And though I've only caused you pain

I know but all of my words will always below

Of all the love you spoke

When you're on my road

Walking me home

Home, home, home, home

And after that piece if possible there was even more guitar as Harry tapped another pedal with his foot, both him and Ed going into the chorus, and Louis couldn't do anything but just watch.

He may have seemed like he was just creeping on the two, the door only cracked open a bit so he could just barely see them, but what they were playing was too good to interrupt. And Holden must have thought so as well as he was behind his daddy's legs, watching the two just as intensely as his father.

But when it was over, after the loud middle, and moving off into the quiet finish Holden didn't want a second before rushing past his daddy, pushing the door open and running towards the curly haired man.

"Harry!!" he shrieked. "You play so good!!"

Harry snapped his head up, a smile immediately making it's way to his face as he pulled off his guitar and opened his arms for the toddler. "My boy, when did you get here?" he asked, scooping the 3 year old up and giving him a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"Couple minute ago, daddy want to listen to you play. He say to be quiet," Holden said, bringing up his little finger to his lips.

"Oh he did, did he?" Harry asked through a small smile as he raised his eyebrows and turned to look at the older lad who shuffled in after his son.

"Well you know I uhm, I didn't want to interrupt you guys or anything," Louis said as he bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

Harry hummed as he nodded to himself and looked back to Holden. "You wanna meet a very good friend of mine?" he asked the toddler.

"Harry I know you friend! He name Ed!" Holden said excitedly, jumping in the curly haired lad's arms as he pointed to the ginger man.

"And how do you know him?" Harry asked confused as he looked between Holden and his best mate, Ed nearly glowing as he heard that the toddler knew him.

"He daddy's favorite music person!" Holden said happily, waving to Ed and getting a wide grin back from the older man.

"I always knew he liked me more than you," Ed said through a quiet laugh as he winked at Harry and walked over to Louis to drape his arm over his shoulders.

Harry rolled his eyes as he shifted his eyes to Holden, ignoring Louis' small blush as Ed pulled him into his side.

"You know he still writes songs about you," Ed said through a quiet snicker, making the blue eyed lad turn that much more red.

"Alright, you're leaving!" Harry rushed out placing Holden down and taking Ed's arm off of Louis.

"What? You're not going to ask me to stay for dinner?" Ed asked through a small pout. "I'm sure Lou would love me to stay," he said, turning to the older lad and smiling at him.

"No," Harry said, grabbing Ed's chin and making the ginger man face him again. "Good work today, I'll text you later."

"Alright, alright, geez," Ed said through a quiet laugh, putting his hands up in defeat. "Bye Lou, it was good seeing you again," he said, wrapping the younger lad in a hug and patting his back. "And Holden it was very nice to meet you. Maybe next time you and I can hang out a little longer, yeah?"

"Okay!" Holden said happily, seeing as the man raised his hand for a high five and gave him one.

Ed smiled down at the toddler before looking up at Harry and noticing his best mate already watching him. "I'll see ya later H," he said, a small laugh escaping him, the younger lad looking at him like he did all those years ago when he got jealous.

Harry hummed as he watched Ed leave, only then releasing a small breath and looking back to Louis, about to say something before a little voice spoke up.

"Harry my name H, not you," Holden said confused as he walked towards the older man, tugging on his shirt, wanting to be picked up.

"Well both our names start with an H, and sometimes people call me that too," Harry explained as he picked up the toddler and rested him on his hip.

Holden's mouth made an 'o' shape as he nodded to himself and wrapped an arm around the older man's neck.

Harry rolled his eyes playfully, never able to get over how cute Holden was. But then he remembered that these two were here for a reason. "Oh so uhm I ordered dinner, I hope you don't mind."

"You don't cook anymore?" Louis asked, his eyes scanning over the room, it almost replicating a music studio with different instruments all around. "I remember you being quite good," he said, looking back to the younger lad.

"Uhm no, I don't really cook anymore," Harry said quietly as he bit his lip, the last meal he made being for the blue eyed lad. "I mean, I wanted to tonight but Ed and I just got so busy I didn't-"

"It's fine Harry, relax," Louis said through a small laugh as he saw the younger lad freaking out a little bit.

Harry let out an airy laugh as he adjusted Holden on his hip, really needing to calm down. "So before it gets here I guess I can show you guys around a bit."

"Harry what that?" Holden asked, pointing towards the corner of the room.

Harry looked to where Holden was pointing and carried him over so the toddler could get a better look. "This is my drumset. What do you think? Pretty cool huh?" he asked through a small smile, tapping one of the symbols with his fingers and making it ring.

"Since when do you play drums?" Louis asked, taking his eyes off the wall of guitars the older lad had and to the drumset.

"I learned a few things over the years," Harry shrugged. "Wanna play a bit big guy?" he asked, looking to Holden and grinning at him.

Holden's eyes grew wide, his smiled immediate as he frantically nodded. "Yes!!" he said excitedly, wiggling out of Harry's arms.

Louis looked over to Harry, sending him a small scowl, knowing he was going to get a headache from his son banging on the instrument.

"Hang on buddy, let's put these on," Harry said, walking over to a box, grabbing a pair of small headphones and putting them on the toddler. "Don't wanna hurt those ears."

"Do you just have a box of those?" Louis asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"Uhm yeah," Harry said as he lifted Holden up, sat himself down on the seat in front of the drumset and placed the 3 year old on his lap. "At concerts for some reason parents don't realize it's going to be loud so I always buy a bunch of them and hand them to security so they can give them to the kids without headphones."

Louis raised his eyebrows as he heard that, but then again the more he thought about it that was definitely a Harry thing to do.

"Harry," Holden groaned from the curly haired man's lap, getting impatient. "Play," he whined

"Alright alright," Harry said through a quiet laugh as he adjusted Holden on his lap, putting one foot on the bass drum, the other on the high hat pedal and grabbed his drum sticks. "Here you are buddy, you hold these and I'm gonna help alright?"

Holden nodded as Harry gave him the drumsticks, but then the older man wrapped his much larger hands over his little ones.

"Ready?" Harry asked with raised eyebrows as he had Holden's hands in his, and when the 3 year old said a very loud and excited "yes!!" Harry couldn't help but roll his eyes fondly.

Louis watched the two, Harry carefully making Holden hit the drums and simple beat come from the instrument. But even if it was simple the toddler's smile was impossible to miss as the curly haired lad moved his arms one place and then to another, hitting a symbol and then a drum before moving them back again.

Holden was laughing and smiling and that's all Louis really cared about. But his eyes also caught Harry, the younger lad smiling just as much as the toddler, and at that sight no matter what Louis did he couldn't fight off his own blinding grin.

When the two were done though Holden was out of breath from laughing so much and Harry was tired from making the toddler's arms move all over the place.

Louis picked up his breathless and giggling son off of the younger lad and followed him as he showed them around his flat.

Harry pointed out simple things, where the bathroom was, his room, he led them into the living room and dining room, their final stop being the outside balcony that overlooked the lit up city and river. And to say Louis was more than impressed would be a huge understatement.

This place clearly cost a fortune, it being an entire floor of a building, but it also just looked luxurious. There were things that Louis could easily pinpoint what Harry decorated and what he hadn't, the younger lad's personality shown in different places throughout the flat.

But after being shown around, Holden running from one room to the next they made it back into the kitchen, Louis noticing bags of food that weren't there before.

"Oh good, Roy must've brought it up," Harry said happily as he reached into the first bag and pulled out a container. "Holden I hope you like pasta with sauce," he said, smiling down at the toddler as he wrapped his arms around his leg.

"I do!" Holden said excitedly as he tugged on the older man's leg.

Harry's grin widened, knowing that behind mac and cheese and his daddy's famous chicken soup, pasta and sauce was the toddler's favorite. "C'mon buddy, let's take a seat at the table."

Louis grabbed the bags from the counter and followed Harry to the table, and just as he did that he remembered something. "Harry I'm so sorry I forgot his booster seat," he said almost wanting to hit himself for not thinking about this. "Do you have like books or something he can sit on?"

"It's fine, I got one at the store today," Harry said, already placing his newly bought booster seat on a chair for Holden and getting the toddler situated on it.

Louis placed the bag of food down on the table and looked at the younger lad surprised, not expecting him to think about little things like that.

"Here Lou I got your favorite," Harry said once he was done cutting up Holden's pasta and made sure the 3 year old was okay before getting everything else out of the bags. "You alright? You know you can sit," he said through a quiet laugh as he noticed Louis just watching him.

"Right, right," Louis said quietly as he bit his lip and took a seat next to Holden, noticing his son was already shoving pasta in his mouth. "Good H?" he asked as he chuckled to himself and accepted the plate Harry was offering him.

Holden nodded quickly, his mouth so full he couldn't talk. "This so good!!" he said happily before taking another bite.

"I'm glad you like it buddy," Harry said through a small smile as he set the bread, butter and salad on the table as well before pulling out his own food. "Any drinks I can get you guys?"

"Milk for him please," Louis said as he offered the younger lad a soft grin and twirled some of his pasta on his fork.

"Sure," Harry said, his eyes scanning over the table, making sure they had everything. "You want wine or something Lou? I have a white that'll go good with that."

Louis looked down at his plate, thinking that a glass or two couldn't hurt him. Plus it would go really well with his alfredo. "That'd be great, thanks," he said before taking a bite of his food, only having to hold back a groan at how good it was. "Harry where'd you get this?"

Harry laughed to himself as he heard the older lad talk with his mouth full, and then proceed to take another bite. "It's from Peter's," he said, grabbing Louis and Holden their drinks before grabbing a beer for himself. "Normally they don't deliver but they can make exceptions."

"Yeah, exceptions for the rich and famous," Louis said teasingly as he rolled his eyes.

"Hang out with me long enough and you'll get some of the perks too," Harry said, coming back over to the table and setting the drinks down. He brushed his fingers through Holden's feathery hair as he walked past him and noticed the toddler was nearly halfway done with his food already. "Geez buddy, you get any food in your mouth, it's all over your face," he said through a small laugh as he picked up a napkin and wiped the toddler's sauce covered face.

"I like dinner at Harry's house," Holden said as he nodded to himself and took another bite of food.

Harry smiled happily to himself as he heard the 3 year old and took a swig of his beer. He would love for Holden and Louis to come over more, maybe have it so half the week they have dinner at the older lad's and the other half of the week here. It'd definitely give some life to the otherwise empty, quiet and cold flat.

"This really is great Harry, thank you," Louis said before sipping at his wine and picking up his fork again. "It's nice to have a night off of cooking."

"Anytime," Harry said quiet through a small grin. "Next time I'll actually cook though," he said, earning a chuckle from the older lad.

"Daddy!!" Holden said suddenly, remembering something.

"What big guy?" Louis asked, taking another bite of food.

"Miss Hollie say I need picture of you for my project," he said before carefully picking up his milk with both hands.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows, not knowing he was doing a project at daycare. "What kind of project?"

"A family project," Holden said smacking his lips together once he finished his drink. "Everyone bring a picture of mummy and daddy and we say nice things."

Louis felt himself still for a moment before swallowing thickly and slowly picking his head up to look at Harry across from him. The younger lad was already looking back at him though, his face falling as he heard the toddler.

"But I tell miss Hollie I only have a daddy and she say that okay," Holden said quietly before reaching for a piece of bread.

"Of course that's okay buddy. Some kids just have one parent, it's alright," Louis said softly, but it wasn't even a second later he heard a chair push back harshly and watch as Harry he got up from the table.

"Just gonna grab another one," Harry breathed out as he held up his empty beer bottle and started walking towards the kitchen.

"Harry..." Louis barely whispered, grabbing the younger lad's wrist as he walked past him.

Harry shook his head as he pulled his arm out of Louis' grip. "I'll be right back," he said so quietly he wasn't sure if Louis heard him before he walked into the kitchen.

Louis opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Harry was already out of the room and Louis felt his heart drop as he saw the younger lad's face.

He ran his fingers through his hair and let out a deep breath, trying to think of what to do. It wasn't that he never wanted Holden to know that Harry was his father, to Louis it was just too early. The younger lad has only been around for a month, and even though it's been a good month it wasn't enough to convince Louis that he was here to stay, that he wouldn't hurt Holden.

"Daddy put butter on this please," Holden said, passing his father a piece of bread.

Louis turned around to peer into the kitchen quickly, seeing Harry lean against the counter, rubbing a hand over his face while the other held a fresh beer. "Sure buddy," he said quietly, taking the bread from his son and doing as he asked.

"Where Harry go? He need to eat," Holden said, noticing the older man's disappearance.

"He'll be back in a second, it's alright," Louis breathed out, passing the bread back to the 3 year old.

Holden nodded happily, taking what his daddy was passing him before taking a bite of it.

"Look at you big guy, you're almost making me nervous I didn't get enough food," Harry said through a small laugh as he came back into the room, kissing the toddler's head as he walked past him.

"Dinner at Harry's house very good," Holden said, nodding to himself before taking another bite of his bread.

Harry looked over to Holden, offering him a soft smile before he picked up his fork and continued eating. And as he ate it was impossible not to feel Louis' eyes on him. If that wasn't enough though the older lad would occasionally tap his foot on Harry's wanting him to look at him, but the younger lad refused to pick his head up.

"Okay I full," Holden groaned as he placed his little hands over his belly and leaned back against his chair. "But I still want treats," he mumbled.

"Alright buddy," Louis said through a small laugh as he finished up his own plate. "Why don't you go use the potty before we get treats through?" he suggested.

Holden nodded and hopped down from his chair before sluggishly walking out of the room.

Louis watched as his son shuffled out of the room before letting out a deep breath and focusing his gaze back on Harry.

"You done?" Harry asked, already standing up and picking up his and Holden's plates.

"Harry..." Louis said, wanting to actually talk about this.

Harry hummed as he cleared off the table and started walking towards the kitchen to put the dishes in the sink.

"Listen I know you're hurt about what I said but-"

"How long is it gonna take Louis?" Harry asked, abruptly turning around and looking to the older lad. "6 months? A year maybe before you tell him?" he asked with a touch of anger in his voice.

"Harry we were together for over a year and you left like it was no problem," Louis said, narrowing his eyes at the younger lad. "Who says the same thing won't happen again after a year? How am I supposed to trust you? How do I know you won't hurt him?"

"Don't put that on me Louis," Harry said as he shook his head frustratedly. "You know why I left, you know if you told me about him in the first place I wouldn't have left at all."

Louis rubbed a hand over his face as he began walking around the kitchen, needing to calm down. "Just gimme a little time alright?" he asked quietly. "You need to understand the position I'm in, and you need to respect my decisions. It's been a month and you've been great with him, but give me a little bit."

Harry stood there silent for a second before letting out a small breath and nodding. He understood where the older lad was coming from, but at the same time it hurt that his own son didn't know who he really was, that the toddler just thought of him as one of his daddy's mates. Just as he was about to say something though, both he and Louis snapped their heads up at hearing a piano ringing through the flat.

"H?" Louis called out, quickly walking out of the kitchen and towards the music room with Harry following close behind him.

The sound didn't stop though, almost sounding like someone was hitting random keys on the instrument. And when they got to the music room that's exactly what they walked in to, Holden slamming his little hands on the piano and kicking his legs excitedly as he sat on the bench.

"What're you doin buddy?" Harry asked through a quiet laugh as he walked up behind the toddler and wrapped his arms around him.

Holden giggled as he felt the curly haired man's arms around him. "I play music like you!!"

"Oh is that what that was?" Harry asked teasingly as he took a seat next to Holden on the bench.

Holden crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Harry before lightly hitting his arm.

"I'm just kidding big guy, what you played was very nice," Harry said softly as he leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to the 3 year old's head.

Holden hummed happily to himself as he looked up to the older man. "You play," he said, grabbing Harry's hands and placing them on the keys.

Harry raised his eyebrows at the toddler before glancing over his shoulder to Louis and seeing the older lad shrug as he offered him a small smile. So he turned back to the piano, sitting there for a moment before thinking of what to play, and within a second it hit him. A song he hasn't sung in years, one that was on his very first album, and one of the very first songs he wrote for Louis.

He placed his hands where they needed to go, letting out a quiet breath before he let his fingers go, them moving effortlessly over the keys. And when he opened his mouth to sing it was impossible not to feel the older lad's eyes on him.

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace,

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there's no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years,

To make you feel my love

He heard Louis' breath hitch as he played, but instead of looking to the blue eyed lad he focused on what he was doing. He could remember playing this song for the first time like it like it was yesterday. Back to the days when he used to play in bars, when only a few handful of people knew who he was. So much has changed over the past couple years, but there was one thing that has always been a constant. The way Harry felt about the older lad, how much he meant every word he sang.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong

And just like all those years ago the room was silent except for the piano and Harry's voice ringing through the room. Holden's eyes locked on the older man's hands as he played, scootching closer to him and resting his head on Harry's shoulder as he listened. And as Harry played it was impossible to fight off his smile, looking down at his son next to him and singing these words that if possible meant more to him now than they did all those years ago.

When he got towards the end though that's when he felt the room get heavy, when he realized the promises he made to Louis before they started dating, before they fell in love. And he couldn't help but swallow thickly at just the thought of how he had broken all those promises, thought about how much he hurt the older lad.

I could make you happy,

Make your dreams come true,

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

He let the last note ring out, let it echo through the room as he slowly pulled his foot off the pedal of the piano and sat there still on the bench with Holden's head still resting on him. But when he heard a sniffle both him and Holden quickly turned around, only to see Louis trying to wipe his tears stained cheeks.

"You sad daddy?" Holden asked, quickly hopping off the piano bench and rushing towards his father to give him a hug.

Louis sucked in a quick breath, trying to keep himself together as he shook his head. "No buddy, I'm not sad it's okay," he said quietly as he wiped his eyes and knelt down to the toddler's height. "Daddy was just thinking about something, that's it."

Harry bit his lip as Louis looked over to him, no doubt in his mind that they were thinking the same thing, remembering the time they were together all those years ago.

"I no like it when you cry daddy," Holden said softly, bringing up his little hand and cupping his father's cheek.

"I know I've been crying a lot lately huh?" Louis asked through a quiet laugh as he sniffled to himself. "I'm like a big ole baby."

"So you no sad?" Holden asked carefully.

"No, it's alright," Louis said, offering the 3 year old a small smile before kissing his cheek. "Some things just remind daddy of the past, that's all."

Holden nodded slowly before wrapping his arms around his father's neck and hugging him tightly, knowing his daddy's hugs always cheered him up when he was sad. "Come on daddy we watch movie and that make you happy again. You pick this time."

"Thanks big guy," Louis said through a quiet laugh as he hugged his son back and kissed his him one last time.

Holden grinned at his daddy before walking over to Harry and taking his hand. "Movie time," he said, tugging on the older man and leading him towards the door before grabbing his daddy's hand with his free hand and pulling the two out to the living room.

Harry kept glancing at Louis as he followed the toddler down the hall, his heart feeling like it fell into his stomach at the sight of him. It seemed like everytime him and the older lad were getting better he had to do something to screw it up again.

"Harry you have treats?" Holden asked as he climbed on the couch and got himself comfortable.

"Uhm yeah buddy, gimme a minute to get it alright?" Harry asked, already on his way to the kitchen.

"I'll help."

Harry looked up and caught Louis' eyes, the older lad nodding towards the kitchen, wanting to talk to him. So Harry nodded back at him before following the older lad and as soon as they were out of Holden's ear shot he spoke up.

"Louis I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Shut up," Louis said as he shook his head, knowing Harry would ramble on and on about how sorry he was if he didn't stop him. "It's fine that you played it, but I mean maybe next time you can play any other song you've written that wasn't on your first album," he said through a quiet laugh. "I don't need to keep hearing the same songs that made me fall in love with you, I can live without that."

Harry felt his breath come up short as he heard the older lad, and could barely feel himself nodding as he looked at him. "Sure," he barely whispered.

"Good," Louis said as he nodded to himself. "Might wanna hurry with those snacks or you'll have a whining toddler in a few minutes," he said before patting Harry on the shoulder and walking out of the kitchen.

Harry couldn't even move as he watched Louis leave the room. There were so many things running through his head, his thoughts racing a mile a minute but like the older lad had warned it wasn't that long before he heard a loud "Harry! Treats!!" yelled from the living room.

So he hurried with the snacks and carried them out to the living room before turning out the lights and joining the two Tomlinsons on the couch for a movie.

Harry had a few kids movies out on the coffee table already that he picked up at the store today and thankfully Holden chose one of those instead of rummaging through his DVD collection. But like how most movie nights went the toddler was fast asleep halfway through the movie, his snacks gone and quiet snores escaping him. Instead of leaning against his daddy's arm though he was in Harry's lap, the 3 year old cuddled up against the older man's chest. And to Harry's surprise even when Louis saw that he was asleep he stayed.

The older lad kept his place on the couch next to the curly eyed lad, watching the movie and glancing at his son every few a minutes, a fond smile making it's way to his face as he did so.

Throughout the movie though Louis' phone kept ringing, over and over again and each time the older lad ignored the caller. Harry would send him questioningly looks, but Louis would just shake his head before letting out a deep breath and focusing back on the film.

It was only when the credits were rolling did Harry ask him about it.

"Who was calling?" he asked quietly, not wanting to wake Holden up.

Louis bit his lip as he looked down at his phone, too many messages and voicemails to count showing up on the screen. "Liam," he muttered.

"You haven't talked to him at all?" Harry asked a bit surprised.

"Nope," Louis said, popping the 'p' as he shoved his phone into his pocket. "He calls and texts me all the time but I don't even know what I would say to him..."

Harry nodded, knowing that he wouldn't even talk to Liam but hit him again. That was just him though. "Well are you going to talk to him?"

"I think after musical auditions on Friday I will," Louis said quietly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I know any excuse he has won't be good enough, but he is my best mate..."

Harry hummed as he gently rubbed Holden's back, the toddler squirming in his arms for a second before getting comfortable again and plopping his thumb in his mouth so he could suck on it. "So no dinner on Friday then?"

"I don't think so, I'm sorry," Louis said as he bit his lip and looked over to the younger lad. "I'll probably go out to dinner with Liam and have Zayn watch Holden after he picks him up from daycare."

"Well I can do it."

"What?" Louis asked with furrowed eyebrows.

"I can watch Holden," Harry said like it was obvious. "Like I can pick him up from daycare and we can come back here and hang out."

Louis opened and closed his mouth, never giving much thought to Holden and Harry being alone. "M'not so sure about that..."

"Louis c'mon," Harry said as he looked over at the older lad. "I mean I think at this point you know it'll be okay if we're alone together."

"Well what're you gonna do with him? And what if he has a tantrum, you've never handled one of those. Also you're never around kids and I just don't know if-"

"Louis," Harry said, stopping him. "You've watched me be with him for a month, you know we're just gonna play games, watch a little tv, maybe play some instruments, color a bit, play action figures, whatever," he said, knowing there were countless things he and Holden could do. "As for a tantrum if he has one let me experience it, let me figure out how to handle it and be a real parent."

Louis let out a quiet breath as he thought about it and looked to his son in Harry's arms. It was like his mind was trying to come up with reasons as to why he shouldn't let the younger lad watch Holden, but he came up empty.

"Alright, yeah you can watch him on Friday," he said quietly. "But Harry I swear to God if anything happens I will kill you," Louis said seriously. "You can be world famous, I don't give a shit, you'll be dead if I find out something happened."

"Fair deal," Harry said through a soft smile before looking at Holden in his arms.

And even when he carried the toddler down to Louis' car and said goodnight to the older lad he was unable to wipe the smile off his face.