A week passed and not a text from Justin. No returned phone calls, either. He wasn't even at Longpoint. He's been avoiding me, and lately Margy has been sick. I've been left to my own devices for too long. I managed to organize my entire room, I also discovered Charlie doesn't have a facebook. Not that I checked. Well, I just sort of noticed. Anyway.
My mind kept drifting off to the last night I saw Justin. After he had stormed off, Charlie told me I was his soul purpose of existence. He'd been so casual about it and so forward. Charlie is pretty weird though. Groaning, I hurl my face into my pillow for the millionth time this week. Charlie has been on my mind way too much.
I ditched school to avoid him, I can't have him thinking we're friends. He won't go away then and then Justin will stay mad. My laptop binged from my desk and I fly off my bed to get to it.
It's a facebook message. I run the mouse over my messages and click it.
Justin sent you a picture.
Bing! My laptop goes off again.
Justin sent you a video.
I click view messages and wait for my laptop to load. Suddenly a picture of two half naked girls in Justin's bed fills the screen of my laptop.
The video pops up, waiting for me to press play. I'm about to when it shows Justin is typing.
Don't worry. They're just friends.
My heart shatters as I fall back into my desk chair. My stomach twists and I turn to the wastebasket, my breakfast making a second appearance. I wipe my mouth on the back of my sleeve before slamming my laptop shut and changing into a pair of shorts and slipping on some tennis shoes. I pull my hair into a tight ponytail and rush out the door.
The adrenaline pulses through my veins, anticipating what's to come. I close my eyes and breath in slowly. Quickly letting out my breath, I take off running. I run for the edge of town, my feet pounding on the hard cement. The wind whips around my face and through my hair and I close my eyes taking it in.
I take a sharp turn through the park and into the forest. Trees fly by me, and I jump over roots. I feel my arm snag on a branch but I keep running. My throat starts to burn a little as my diaphragm stretches. My heart rate is picking up as I turn to race up the hill next to our crappy little town. My calves ache like they do every time I race up to my cliff.
My mind battles itself, the images of those girls burning in my mind. A montage of the last few years burn into my skull as I try to blink away the tears. He wasn't worth it, I tell myself. But I tried so hard. I put so much in. And for what? I wasted my breath. My veins are torn between pumping anger, adrenaline, or sadness.
Abruptly I stop. I feel like I'm drowning. Suddenly I find myself collapsed on the ground, the tears never ending. I can't fight the sob that escapes. My lungs heave for air as I struggle to breath. My throat tightens as I feel myself about ready to vomit again. Leaning over, I prepare myself and soon my stomach lunges. The tears won't stop as I cough up more vomit.
Why do I even care? My mind screams at me. I couldn't love him. He hurts me. He doesn't even care.
Because he's safe. He's safe to me. He let's me be me. I know how to handle him. It's all routine. I don't want to lose him. But he's not good for me. I'm scared to be alone. But being alone is better than being with him.
Pulling myself together, I wipe my mouth on my shirt, and stand up. I look around, my eyes searching for something to bring me back to reality. I notice my rock at the edge of the cliff and walk toward it, my legs feeling numb.
I sit atop that rock, cross legged and staring out at the sky, my tears slowly streaming down my face. The sadness tries to creep in, but I refuse to allow it. I'm better than this, I remind myself.
"Hey, I've been looking for you. Margy said you were probably here," A man's voice calls from behind me. I glance behind me to see Charlie walking towards me. I quickly look away once his smile falls.
"What's wrong?" He sits next to me. I shake my head, turning so he won't see my face.
"Don't lie to me, what's wrong," He grabs my face in his hands, forcing my to look into his eyes that are now burning into mine.
"Justin-" I start but he cuts me off.
"Christ!" He looks up at the sky, his hands flying up. "What the hell did he do? Did he hit you?" A fire starts in his eyes but I shake my head.
"He-" I pause, not wanting to break down in front of him. "He cheated. Because he thought I cheated."
"Do you know he cheated or did someone tell you?" Charlie's voice is quieter.
"I've always known he did. But he'd never been so cruel about it before," I frown as my heart aches.
"What?" Charlie snaps.
"It was a game to him. How many girls could I beat up, how jealous could I get, how many times I could figure it out. I was just some big entertainment piece for him. But he needed me. We both knew that. Nobody else would put up with all of the crap he pulls," I sigh.
"He's suicidal. About once or twice a month he goes to that back alley, beats somebody up really bad and then decides to kill himself. Every time he does that, I come running. I take care of him. When we're at the races, sometimes he get's so drunk he can't see straight. But he still wants to race, so I have to step in." My mind begins to wander, remembering all the things I've done for him.
"What was so different about this time?" Charlie asks quietly.
"He sent me a picture. And a video. He then messaged me saying 'Don't worry. They're just friends.' That's the first contact I've had with him all week since the night he accused me of being with you," I look up from my lap and out to the town.
"That's pretty messed up," Charlie shakes his head.
"So why were you looking for me?" I look over at him.
"Huh? Oh I was going to surprise you with something. And actually I think I have perfect timing. It could be just the thing you need right now," he grins at me.
"What are we doing," I ask as he pulls me up off the rock and toward his car. I'm surprised I never heard the beat up thing arrive.
"Some self discovery," His light up as he opens the door for me. The door slams shut once I'm nestled nicely into the seat. I watch as Charlie jogs around to the driver side and hops in. We take off down the hill but Charlie turns the opposite direction of the town.
"Where are we going?" I stare out at the foreign terrain.
"I'm not kidnapping you, don't worry," he smirks.
"That's just what a kidnapper would want me to think," I cross my arms and he lets out a loud laugh.
Trees zoom by as I realize we're going deeper into the woods. I've never been this far before. Nervous butterflies dance in my stomach. He could murder me and no one would know. But what would his motive be? Necrophiliac? I shake my head. He'd already stated his soul purpose is my existence.
Finally the car pulls to a stop.
"We'll have to walk from here but it's not far," Charlie reaches over to undo my seat belt. Once free from the car, we begin to walk and the curiousity gets the best of me.
"So what are we doing all the way out here?" I ask.
"I'm helping you," He replies.
"With what?" I stare up at his back, my eye brows furrowing as I follow him through the thick brush.
"I'm always right. Especially when it comes to you," He calls over his shoulder.
I stop in my tracks as I realize where we are. There's a giant opening in the trees, revealing a small lake.
"It's no ocean but for now it'll do," He takes my hand, leading me to the dock with a small wooden boat.
"Get in," He gestures to the rickety raft. Hesitantly I climb inside, the boat rocking back and forth. Charlie follows suit and takes a paddle. He leads us out to the center, the boat swaying with the water.
My knuckles are white as my hands grip the edge.
"Relax," He smiles at me.
"I want to go back," I stutter, my heart pounding.
"Okay, okay," He begins to manuver us again. Suddenly we jerk to a stop.
"Uh oh," he tugs on the paddle.
"Uh oh? What's uh oh?" I frantically ask.
"Oh it's nothing, the paddle is just caught on something," He replies casually as he tries to pull the paddle. His hands slip and it splashes into the water. The little wooden stick of a paddle floats to the top of the water. Charlie leans on the edge of the boat, his arm stretching to reach it.
"What are you doing?" I shriek.
"Trying to get the paddle or else we're stuck here," He responds. Suddenly the boat begins to wobble before it tips. I'm thrown into the cold water, my arms flailing and water filling my mouth.
Bubbles escape me as I gargle the water. I feel myself sinking and I begin to panic, screaming out into the dark water. The water gushes in, suffocating me.
Suddenly I feel something wrap around my wrist and pull. I feel myself being pulled through the water. My head crashes through the surface and I gasp for air, sputtering out gulps of lake water. Charlie pulls me toward the shore as I shake from the chilly October waters.
"I'm so sorry," Charlie holds me close to him as we rest on the shore.
"I'm so sorry," he repeats.
"I... hate... water," I can barely get the words out through my chattering teeth.
"I'm sorry," Charlie hugs me tight.
"It's f-f-fine. Can we g-g-go?" I shiver.
"Yeah, here," He eagerly jumps up, ready to assist me.
"Thanks," I mumble.
"For what?" Charlie looks taken aback.
"For saving me. And helping," I attempt a smile but it's weak.
"You wouldn't need saving if I hadn't been so careless," Charlie's frown deepens.
"Let's just get out of here," I reply shakily.
He leads me back to his car and helps me into the passenger seat. He drives me home quickly and before we know it, I'm back in front of my house. However, now my mother's vehicle is back. Reluctantly I climb out of the car.
"Want me to walk you up?" Charlie asks but I shake my head.
"I'm probably in huge trouble right now, a boy wouldn't help," I sigh.
"I'm sure I could lessen things, if I just talk to your mother," He urges and I shake my head.
"My mom already doesn't like you," I smile a little at our first encounter.
"But-" He starts and I hold up my hand to silence him.
"Thanks though," I smile and get out of his car.
I'm not even halfway up the drive when my mother is standing outside the front door.
"Eliza Belle Parker! Get your behind inside this house right this instant!" Her face is as red as a tomato, a fire in her eyes.
I duck my head, embarrassed that she used my full name in front of Charlie. When I reach the door, Charlie peels off down the street and I wince. I'm so dead.
"You pretend to be sick to dodge school and I come home to find you were out lolligagging around with a boy! One I had even told you to stay away from! Did you know he lived in the old mansion down hollow drive? I don't want you around him. And why are you all wet?" My mom freezes as she takes in my appearance.
"I fell in a lake," I sigh.
"Do you have any idea how cold this weather is? Now you're really going to get sick, and guess who's not going to feel sorry for you. Nope, you're going to school even if you're dying. What were you even doing near a lake, you know you can't swim," my mother states the obvious.
"Go upstairs and change," she shakes her head, her eyes closed as she rubs her temples.
I trudge up the stairs and into my room. Picking up my phone from my bed, I shoot Justin a text, my fingers still numb.
We're over.
I take a hot shower, trying to at least save my fingers from frost bite. After I take my shower and get dressed,I check my phone to see Justin has replied. I open the text and read:
Good.
I sigh as I collapse on my bed, ready for sleep. Soon the dark washes over me but not before my nostrils smell a seemingly familiar scent, almost what I'd imagine lemon tea to smell like.