GWEN'S POV:
I started to hyperventilate. I started crying. The lady who was gonna drive wasn't prepared for my reaction to getting on the bus. I refused. I just couldn't get myself to get into that vehicle. I'd gotten willingly into a vehicle before, and it took me to a hell I'd have to live through for 10 years. (I now knew, thanks to Gavin's research.) And everyone told me it'd be great. Everyone was happy for me. Did they know where I would go? I didn't want to think so....but I didn't trust anyone, I suddenly just realized.
I stood there crying, and breathing heavy, as the driver tried her gentle best to coax me into the bus.
Tears were falling on my phone, I noticed when I looked down.
My phone.
Gavin.
I knew he just left, but....I couldn't. I couldn't.
I needed him here. What if the bus sped up and lost him on the road? Would he know how to find me? What if someone blocked him as the bus took me far away to another life of hell?
Was I just panicking needlessly?
I felt crazy. And I didn't like this.
I just didn't trust ANYONE.
Except Gavin.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had Gavin's number pressed on my phone.
He answered quickly.
"Gwen?"
"Gavin....I......" I was crying into the phone. I was hysterical. I couldn't even barely get the words out.
"I....I can't, Gavin. I can't...." I just kept saying as I sobbed. The driver tried to put her arm around me, but I pushed her away in my hysterics. I felt bad doing it, but I couldn't help it.
I happened to look up, and there was Gavin. He was across the parking lot, running towards me.
He was running and putting his phone into his pocket as he ran.
The bus driver noticed what I was looking at, and she waved him over, and walked into the bus and sat down, since she wasn't getting anywhere with me.
Gavin rushed to me and pulled me into his arms as I stood there being hysterical, still holding my phone up to my ear, my other hand pulling my hair tightly on the side of my head.
Being in his arms did the trick. I started to feel better instantly. His arms were like...home.
"There there.........It's alright.......it's ok baby...." Gavin whispered to me as I cried in his arms.
I felt him take my phone, and I felt him slip it into the back pocket of my jeans. (he had brought me clothes a few days ago, so I'd have something "cool" to leave the hospital in. He truly thought of everything.)
With my new free hand, I wrapped around Gavin tightly and began apologizing to him. "I'm sorry Gavin....I'm sorry.......I didn't.....I can't......I'm........I'm just sorry...." I kept saying, not knowing what I was actually trying to say.
He didn't talk or try to ask me questions now. He simply held me until my sobs died down and my tears subsided.
Finally, after a long time, I lifted my head from his chest and looked up at him, as my signal that he can ask me what was the matter.
"Scared to get in a car and be taken somewhere again?" Gavin suprised me by saying. How did he know!?
"Yes." I wimpered at the ground.
He put his fingers below my chin and pulled my face up to look at him.
"Gwen. I understand what you must be feeling right now. I do. As soon as I heard you on the phone, I knew what you were thinking. You're remembering being put into a car as a child, when everyone said you'd be going to a great place, but it ended up taking you to.....that place. I get it. I do, Gwen.
I'm so sorry you are so scared. But you don't need to be sorry about it. You don't need to apologize, ok? It's ok. It IS. I understand, ok?
You just have to understand that I would NEVER allow you to be taken anywhere bad. Ever. Ok? I am going to follow right behind you, and if you sit in the back, you can look out the back window and see me behind you. I promise I won't disappear from view, ok? I'll be..." he was interrupted by the driver lady just then.
"If you want, you can just come with us. We're not supposed to, but...I can make an exception this once. I'll bring you back later to get you car. If you want. I just want her to be comfortable about coming to the home, so...whatever we have to do, I'll do", she told Gavin.
I looked up at Gavin, pleading silently that he'd say yes.
He does WAY too much for me.
"Ok. Yeah. Ok. That's a good idea. We'll do that then", he said and he looked down at me and smiled, "You like that idea Gwen?" he asked me.
"Yes, please", I said, shaking my head, eyes closing in exhaustion and shame.
"Let's do this then, shall we?" he said in a cheery voice, as he stepped away from me, but took my hand.
I looked at him, and tried my best to give him a smile. It sort of worked. I think.
He got on the bus first, which was good, because I was almost afraid of him tricking me to get on, then the driver closing the door, and me being trapped in it, as she drove away.
He sat in the very back seat, and he put his hand out for me, as I stood there at the front, taking a deep breath.
I slowly walked to him, and sat next to him in the seat.
He put his arm around me and pulled me in close to him right away. He rested his chin on my head after giving my hair a quick kiss.
I felt safe now.
I felt safe for the entire ride. Gavin didn't let go of me once.
I looked around as we went, but I didn't really see anything. I was too scared to take it all in.
A while later, we pulled into a long driveway. Flashes of pulling into a driveway 10 years ago went through my head. My breathing picked up a bit as I looked around at the property.
It was nice. It was a big white house, with colorful flowers along the front. A big porch went all the way across the front, and side, and might have even continued in the back. I couldn't see that far.
Lots of windows with maroon shutters made it seem open and airy.
There were woods behind and around the sides of the house at the edge of the yard that surrounded the entire house. Some big giant rocks were scattered here and there throughout the yard. There was a small ramp up to the porch, next to the front steps. On the porch were a bunch of chairs lined up along the front wall of the house. On the front door, hung a "Home Sweet Home" sign.
I sat starting at it all, taking it all in, and then I remembered Gavin was here, and I was probably supposed to be getting off the bus right now.
I looked at Gavin, and he was already looking at me, a grin on his face. "Do you like it?" he asked.
"It's pretty. I like the flowers. And the big rocks. And the trees....." I responded, trying to seem happy. Even though I was sort of happy...I was still so fucking nervous.
I looked towards the front of the bus, and the driver was sitting sideways in her seat, looking at us quietly. "Whenever you're ready Gwen. I won't rush you", she said when I my eyes met hers.
"Thank you", I answered, looking at the floor.
I might as well just do this. Gavin's with me, anyway, so.....I didn't wanna hold everyone up.
I stood up, and Gavin stood up behind me, as I started walking up the isle.
"I'm Miriam. You can call me Meem if you want. Everyone else does", the driver of the bus said and laughed. She stood back to let me through, but held out her hand to mine. I looked down at it, not knowing what to do. "It's nice to meet you Meem" Gavin said, taking her hand and shaking it three times, then looking at me, still smiling from talking to Meem.
I looked from him to her, to her hand. I held out my own hand, and tried to do what Gavin had done. I remembered doing this when I was a kid. I had forgotten it, though.
"Nice to meet you Meem, I'm Gwen", I said shakily and gave her the best smile I could, then looking up to Gavin next to me, to see how I did. I felt like a child. But in a way, I still was one. In other ways, I wasn't even CLOSE to a child.
"Great to meet you Gwen! Would you like to see your room now?" she asked as I let go of her hand.
"Sure, thank you", I said.
I continued off the bus, Gavin very close behind me, followed by Meem.
She got in front of us and led us up the stone path to the door.
I couldn't help but keep looking around everywhere at the gloriously beautiful trees and rocks and grass and the sky poking through the tree tops, the birds chirping everywhere, even though I couldn't see them anywhere...it was like a dream. It was beautiful, really. And I felt the sun on my face for the first time since the second before I stepped into that car, 10 years ago. I didn't want to go inside. I wanted to stay outside. I'd been inside for 10 years. But I knew I had to. Maybe I'd be allowed to come outside later...
I could feel Gavin's eyes following my face and I knew he was happy that I was liking what I saw.
We walked in and down a short hall, filled with hooks with jackets and sweatshirts, and a few pairs of shoes and various brightly colored flip flops were on the floor beneath them. Past that was a large room on the left with a very wide doorway. We all took two steps into the room, and I saw something move across the room. I looked quickly, my heart skipping a quick beat, and there stood all the rest of the girls from the restaurant! There they ALL were! They were all standing there together, with big smiles on their faces! I'd never seen them smile, and they looked completely different! Almost unrecognizable, with different styles and different colored clothes, and their hair down and up and whichever way they felt like having it, and they were even...fatter! They looked GREAT! They didn't have gray eyes anymore. Their skin didn't look gray and sunken in. They looked....healthy. And glowing! It was AMAZING how diffrerent...how much BETTER they looked!
I broke down that instant.
They all ran over to me, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Gavin back away to stand against the wall, as the first girl crashed into me, giving me a huge squeezing hug. I heard squeals, and I heard my name a bunch of times, and I heard crying, and laughing and girls saying they missed me, and everything was just running together in a blur of tears and happiness as I hugged each girl.
This had to be the best day of my life. Seeing everyone alive, and well, and cared for, and smiling! No wonder Gavin liked it so much when I smiled for him. I understood it now.
After giving me lots of attention, they all started giving the same attention to Gavin. I turned and watched, and he looked a little uncomfortable, but he smiled and hugged each girl and said lots of "your welcome's" and "No problem's" until everyone dispersed a little bit, and some sat on the sofas, and some stood and leaned on walls or whatever.
Meem finally spoke up.
"Welcome to the home, Gwen. We're so happy that you're finally here. The girls have been waiting a long time for you. If you want you can sit here and talk with everyone, or I can show you to your room...whichever you'd like. It's almost lunch time, and Gavin's welcome to say for that too. He can stay as long as he wants today, ok Gwen? We just want you to feel comfortable here."
"Ok, thank you", I said, looking around, not knowing what to do right now.
"I'll let you talk with Gavin and the girls. I'll be just across the hall in the office when you want to see your room", she told me, cause she could probably see the overwhelmed feeling hitting my face.
I turned right to Gavin, who was still slightly smiling. The other girls were talking, and someone had turned on the tv. It was GIANT and flat. I'd never seen one like it. It was hung over the fire place.
"So? What are you thinking?" Gavin asked me.
"Umm.....I don't know WHAT to think? I'm overwhelmed, mostly. Nervous. But it's so nice here, and the girls look so much healthier now, I guess I shouldn't be nervous, right?"
"Nope. You really shouldn't be nervous. But I'll stay here as long as you want me to, so don't worry. I'll tuck you into your new bed tonight if you want."
"I'd like you to stay as long as you can...or want to....I just don't want to hold you up from your own life any longer than I already have, either."
"You ARE my own life, remember. I'm your friend. You are my friend. You're a part of my life. And I'm here for you. I want to be here. I'm happy to be here. I'm hoping you don't kick me out early!"
"Ok, thank you Gavin. Of course I want you to stay until the last second." I told him with a small smile.
"Then I'll be here till the first second AFTER the last second", he joked and grabbed my face and pulled my forehead in for a kiss.
I loved that slight burning sensation whenever his lips and hands touched my skin.
"I guess I should see my room?" I asked him.
"Sure! Let's go get Meem", he said, and he took my hand and led me across the room and across the hall into a big office where another woman sat with Meem, talking and laughing and leaning back in their office chairs, looking relaxed.
They both looked up at us in the wide doorway.
"Time to see your room then?" Meem asked with a smile. "Gwen, this is Jodi. She works here too. There's always two people working here, in case you ever need anything."
Jodi got up and came around her desk to the doorway and put her hand out to me.
I knew what to do now, and I did it. She gave Gavin a quick handshake and told him it was nice to see him again.
Meem passed by us, and we turned and followed her up the stairs that were across from the front door, between the living room and office room.
The hall split up around the stairs, I just noticed, and it looked like behind the stairs led to the kitchen.
I hadn't been in a kitchen since...I shuddered at the thought, but put it out of my mind.
Gavin must have felt me shudder, because his arm was across my back, and he looked down at me and pulled me in tight and gave me a reassuring squeeze as we walked up the steps. I looked up at him and gave him a little smile, letting him know I was ok.
Meem pointed out every girl's room as we walked by them. They were beautiful rooms! Some had their doors shut, and some didn't. The ones I could see in to were....just beautiful! Each room was painted a different pastel color. And I could see REAL beds in them, with REAL comforters, with flower patterns, stripes, shapes, even ones that looked like animal prints. I could see other stuff too, but walking by I couldn't take in all the details. There were more rooms than there was us girls. There were only six of us girls, but it looked like there were four rooms on each side of the stairs, which were in the middle of the hall. But all the rooms were made up pretty.
At the end of the hall on one side, was my room. It was in the back of the house. Probably over top of the kitchen, I imagined.
Meem stopped at the doorway and put her arm out for me to go in. I looked in, but then looked at Gavin. He put his arm out, but then seemed to understand my hesitation, because he put his arm down and walked in first, then turned around to look at me.
I walked in to stand very close next to him, and I heard Meem walk in behind me.
My eyes scanned the room. A real bed, a real comforter, with an orange chevron pattern overtop of white. A window on the wall to the left of the bed, and a window on the wall across from the bed, facing the back yard. A small desk beside the window, with a mirror on top and a small stool underneath, with a brush, comb, and shower products, a wash cloth, razor, etc neatly placed inside a plastic bin with a handle, on the desk.
A closet door was beside the head of the bed. The walls of the room were a very light, muted pastel green. I liked them. The way it made the comforter stand out, was nice. So much color. I'd never seen so much color! Even in the orphanage, the walls were off white, and our cot blankets were gray wool, with white sheets.
A dresser stood on the wall next to the bed, a few feet from the entrance door. It was painted white, and a bunch of clothes sat folded on top of it. There were new shoes down on the floor in front of it, too. A small white trash can with a pink flower painted on the side was next to the dresser by the hall door.
I looked at everything, and then I spun around again slowly, doing another scan, just to see if I'd seen everything correctly. This was all so amazing! I couldn't believe I'd be living in here.
At the end of my second scan, I passed over Gavin, then my eyes darted back to him. He was smiling at me. I wanted to give him a smile back, but I was already smiling! I looked at Meem, and she was smiling too.
"Thank you Meem....this is......the most beautiful room I've ever seen in my entire life!" I told her.
"Awww, I'm so glad you love it!! Come here!" she said, and she held out her arms to me.
I rushed over, and hugged her. "I'm sorry about back at the hospital", I whispered in her ear while we hugged. She squeezed me tighter, "I understand. It's ok", she reassured me, "some of the other girls had the same sort of reaction the first day too. Don't worry....everything you feel is normal, and I don't want you to be sorry about any of it, alright? That's what Jodi and I are here for. And the other counselors you'll meet later. We're all here for you, no matter what you feel."
"Thanks."
Meem showed me around my room a little bit, then showed me the two bathrooms that were upstairs in the third floor. The entire attic was transformed into two more bedrooms and two full bathrooms. There was also a powder room downstairs next to the office. She told me about the schedule and how the house runs and all that. School would start in a few weeks, and it'd take about 4 hours a day, for about 3 months, depending upon how everyone did. If extra help was needed, we'd go extra, after everyone else graduated. The classes would happen here at the home, actually. We didn't have to GO anywhere.
Gavin walked around with Meem and I, silently, just being there to make me feel better. I appreciated it so much, he didn't even know. I'd have to tell him. I know I don't deserve someone like him in my life.
After her tour and talk, we really didn't have any questions, so she said we could go hang out in my room if I wanted. I sure did. I liked it in there, AND I was getting really tired from the stress of everything. Stress and excitement, actually. Either way....both exhausting emotions, I've come to know.
As soon as we walked in, Gavin asked it I wanted the door open or closed. I told him closed. I needed to be secluded for a little bit now. With Gavin. I was used to the quiet of the hospital room, and just Gavin and I, except when a nurse or doctor came in every once in a while. And my leg was actually killing me by now. It was the longest I'd walked on it since I'd been allowed to walk around in the hospital with this big, clunky, awkward boot on. I'd done some therapy after visitor hours every day the past week, but this was a lot of walking. All of me actually hurt, now that I was thinking about it.
I sat on my bed, and Gavin sat on the stool from under the vanity.
"Gavin, I wanted to say thank you so much for being here today. I'm sorry you had to leave you car at the hospital. I just....freaked out. But you know why. Somehow, you knew why. And I wanted to thank you for being here right now. Going through the entire tour with me, and listening to Meem talk all that time....you must be so bored, and probably tired, and I...." Gavin cut me off, and started walking over to the bed.
"Gwen, I'm not bored at all. I promise. I'm excited for you. And I'm happy to get to see the girls. They look even better than when I saw them last. I'm glad I got to witness the reunion. They really did miss you. You were a part of them. You all went through that hell together.
Did you know, that the NCA is working on the case still? They're trying to track down where the other girls that got too old went. They're checking everything, everywhere. There's even people checking out brothels and street corners and hostels....the girls have all helped as much as they can, and given all the info and descriptions of all the girls they can possibly remember since they've been here. It'll be a long case, but they're hoping to find everyone. Alive, hopefully. And they're trying to locate other places they might have more girls living just like you were.
"They didn't ask me anything about the older girls" I said.
"You had your own healing to deal with. There's enough other girls that they could get plenty of info. Even down to birthmarks and stuff, since you all were sometimes forced to have......well.....you know.....together. Sorry.......anyway......yeah", Gavin said, getting awkward, as if he regretted saying what he said at the end. It was true, so I couldn't be mad.
"I know. It's ok, Gavin. It all happened. There's nothing I can do to take any of it back."
"Well, I can at least not go around reminding you of it all the time, if possible. That's all."
"Well, don't worry so much around me. I promise I won't get mad again like that last time. I was out of line. I just....I had thought you saw me differently than you did, so I was hurt. I had no business thinking otherwise, or expecting more. I am what I am, afterall. Again, nothing I can do about it. I'm just happy to have you. Even if you weren't helping me I'd be happy to have you as a friend. I like spending time with you. I know you have other stuff to do, and there's so much more to life than bothering with me all the time, so I had to tell you that I really appreciate you and all you do for me." I felt better getting that out. It was the most I could do for him right now. Someday, maybe I'd be able to repay him somehow for all he's done.
"Gwen, I DO see you differently than you think I see you. I don't see you as anything other than a girl who got dealt a bad hand in life. And now that you're out, it's all behind you. And you're NOT anything like that anymore, Gwen. So don't say you 'are' what you are. You are NOT. You were forced, and you never decided anything in your life. You did what you had to do to stay alive. I wish you'd see that.
You might not see it now, but I will help you to realize it, no matter how long it takes. I promise", Gavin told me, and then he took both of my arms in his grasp and looked me right in the eyes. "Gwen, you were NEVER a prostitute. You were NEVER a whore. You were R&PED. By every single man that came in there. By every single man who worked there. You were F0RCED to have s3x. That is not a prostitute or whore. They do it because they CHOOSE to. YOU didn't choose to.
You were simply r&ped, Gwen. Every day. Several times a day. I want you to think about what I'm saying, and know that there is a HUGE difference. Ok?
I don't want to bring it up to you all the time, but I had to get it out and tell you, because you can't keep thinking of yourself this way, or you'll never be happy. You'll never heal. Please Gwen. Please. See it my way. Because THAT is how I think of you. I care about you so much. If I thought you were a bad person in any sort of way, I wouldn't be here right now...." his words made me start crying. They were such nice words. And he did make me think of my life differently than I ever had, really.
Maybe I wasn't a bad person. Maybe I didn't deserve all that had happened to me. Maybe I DO deserve happiness finally? I don't know.....all I knew right there in that moment, was that Gavin stopped talking, let go of my arms, and pushed my tears away from under both eyes, with his thumbs.
I gave a shudder because his touch gave me chills, and I was immediately embarrassed.
He smiled and asked if I was cold.
"No....I.....your....it feels good when you touch me", I finally blurted out before I could think.
His mouth dropped opened a little bit as his eyes fixed on mine for a few seconds. His gaze then lowered to my lips.
My heart started beating hard in my chest. I could feel it thudding. I wondered if he could hear it?
His breathing got louder and faster for some reason. Did I make him mad? I think his face got red, too.
God, I suck. I can't even talk without pissing him off.
I swallowed, and broke our eye contact. "I'm sorry Gavin. I didn't mean to make you mad or whatever."
"Mad? What? No, Gwen! I'm not mad!" he swallowed too and took a deep breath. "I was just thinking how I.....well, I like.......touching....you."
"You do? Like, even though I'm gross and used up and whor...", Gavin put his thumb over my lips before I could finish the word 'whorey'.
"Gwen. Remember what I just told you. Please? Please remember it? All the time? Stop calling yourself that. It makes me sad", Gavin begged me.
I make him sad? Shit! He makes me so happy all the time, and this is how I repay him? I suck so bad. This 'knowing someone' is just not for me. I can't do it right. I can't! I don't know how to have a friend. I don't know how to be a friend. My eyes started stinging again, and I could feel the tears pushing up.
"Hey....come 'ere" Gavin said, and pulled me into a tight hug just before the first new tears fell.
"I don't know how to do this, Gavin", I sobbed.
"Do what?"
"Have a friend. BE a friend. Not piss you off. Not make you sad. Not think of myself as a whore. Believe I deserve someone like you in my life....."
"Gwen, it's gonna take time. Don't worry. It'll get better. It'll come to you. You'll see. You have a lot to adjust to right now. I'm not trying to make you change everything at once. I'm just saying that you're not a bad person, and I don't want you to see yourself as one. You're a wonderful person, actually. I'm sorry if I'm overwhelming you. This is my first time dealing with something like this too, you know, and I'm gonna make mistakes. I have already. And don't worry about BEING a friend to me. You ARE my friend. There's nothing you can do to BE my friend anyway. You like me. You like my company. You treat me nice. You listen to me talk. You tell me your feelings. All that IS being a friend! And I know, absolutely, that if I ever needed help, you'd be there for me no matter what. I know that about you Gwen. I feel that from you. That's all part of being a friend.
Stop thinking too much, maybe? Just take things as they come. You're doing great already. I promise!" Gavin assured me, giving me repeated kisses on my head between resting his chin on my head and rocking me gently as he held me.
For once, I put my arms around him instead of keeping them tucked in between our chests, and I pulled him closer to me.
We sat like this on the bed for quite a while. Soon, I heard his sweet voice start humming to me.
And as usual, I ended up falling asleep in his arms after mine dropped from his back and found their way back between our chests again, in their secure spot. I was exhausted from this day already.
I did it. I edited and published out one more chapter before I'm off to bed now. I usually go to bed later, like...sometimes 4am, because I'll be stuck reading a really good story on Wattpad....but tonight...I just need sleep.
So, here ya go, and please don't forget to vote! Thanks!