dan
Dan sits up, blinking his eyes to find he's face down in the alley way.
It was just starting to become sunset, and the effects were pretty much worn off - Dan knew this because he once again felt like absolute shit. He hauls himself up off the damp concrete, glancing around the now empty alley - they've all gone.
Dan slowly drags himself out and practically staggers home as slowly as he can to let the effects wear off as much as possible. As he reaches the front of his house, he quickly sprays some deodorant from his school bag over him, hoping the mask the smell.
"Dan!" Shawn says, smiling over at him when he walks through the door, "I was getting worried."
"Sorry, detention," Dan lies, smiling at his brother, "I'm just gonna go for a quick shower, then I'll made dinner, you keep watching TV."
"Okay," Shawn says, turning back to his show, much to Dan's relief.
Dan runs upstairs quickly, heading straight for the shower. He sighs and closes his eyes, letting the hot water wash away any trace of his betrayal to Shawn on his birthday. Roughly fifteen minutes later, Dan is out and dressed in fresh clothes. He picks up the DVD he bought for Shawn and carries it downstairs with him.
"Sorry it's not much, and I couldn't wrap it, but happy birthday," Dan says, holding out the DVD to Shawn.
Shawn's whole face lights up with happiness as he takes the DVD, reading the front before attacking Dan in a massive hug.
"I've always wanted this one! Thank you Dan!" He says, his arms gripping Dan tightly, "you're the best! I love it!"
Dan smiles. Most kids would be like 'yeah, a DVD, cool, is that it?' but Shawn hardly ever gets anything, and it makes Dan happy to see Shawn so happy.
"You sit on the couch buddy, I'll cook dinner," Dan says, ruffling Shawn's hair, "I'm making your favourite - burgers and chips. And there's even cake for afterwards."
"Really? This is the best birthday ever!" Shawn says, grinning.
Dan smiles, but sadness tugs on his heart as he starts to make dinner. What is considered a pretty mediocre birthday is the 'best birthday ever' for Shawn. He sighs, he wishes he could give Shawn so much more, because he deserves it, he deserves a galaxy, but Dan is struggling to even find a star.
During dinner, after a bit of forceful yelling and playing the guilt card, Dan convinces his mother to join them, 'but only for dinner, because I have a job to go to Daniel'. Yeah right, parenting is supposed to be your job as well but you're pretty freaking crap at that, Dan thinks, but doesn't say it because he doesn't want to fight on Shawn's birthday.
"Happy birthday Shawn," She says softly once she reaches the bottom of the stairs, a hollow, forced smile on her features, but Shawn doesn't notice.
"Mum!" Shawn exclaims, rushing over and hugging her, "I missed you."
"Me too Shawn, I can't believe it's your birthday again."
That's rich considering you took a long hiatus from your son's birthdays, and parenting in general, Dan wants to say but bites his tongue yet again.
"Well, who wants dinner?" Dan asks, smiling at them both, "it's going to go cold."
"Yeah! Shotgun first!" Shawn yells, running around the corner to the kitchen.
"Don't screw it up," Dan says quietly, his tone harsh, "he deserves to have a normal, happy life for at least one day a year."
Dan's mother swallows, nodding up at her son before choking out, "I won't."
Dan nods before turning, plastering a smile back on his face for Shawn. Dan looks out for Shawn - he always has. But as much as Shawn tries, he can't look out for Dan.
Dan is too good at keeping things hidden.
***
The following Monday is when Dan has English again - a double too.
Dan briefly considers skipping, but realises that he'll need to actually pass English if he wants to graduate high school. But before he has english, he had a free period.
He sighs, taking a seat outside at a lunch table, pulling out his books to 'study' and listen to music. He pulls out his phone and goes to put in earphones, but is then stopped by someone.
"Dan, we have to work on the assignment now. We have a next, and we're one lesson down on everyone else already!" Phil says, sitting next to him, "look, can we just put everything behind us. I've already done most of it so-"
"So I don't get an opinion?" Dan asks, raising his eyebrows at Phil, "that doesn't sound like putting everything behind us."
"Sorry, I just assumed-" Phil starts, his cheeks staining pink.
"Of course you did, that's all you ever do - assume," Dan snaps, shooting Phil a glare, making the boy's heart twist with guilt.
"Sorry," Phil mumbles, his usually bubbly, enthusiastic, confident vibe dropping, replaced with what Dan thinks is guilt perhaps?
"It's alright, I'm used to it," Dan says, shrugging.
"But you shouldn't be," Phil mumbles, looking down, Dan unsure if what he heard was what Phil actually said.
"What?" Dan asks.
"Never mind, lets just get to work," Phil says, pulling out his book and pen, ready to start thinking of ideas.
"Whatever," Dan shrugs.
"Oh Dan, uh, to do this we'll probably need to do this y'know, outside of school as well," Phil says, "so um, do you want to exchange numbers?"
"If we have to," Dan says, switching on his phone and handing it to Phil.
He types his number into Phil's phone before handing it back, Phil handing his phone back as well. Dan locks his phone and shoves it in his pocket.
"Don't call me unless absolutely necessary, got it?" Dan asks, narrowing his eyes at Phil, who nods and swallows nervously.
"Lets get started then," Dan says, resting his elbows on the table, facing Phil, "the sooner we start, the sooner this is over with."
When they get a basic idea, they try to act out parts by improvising, but Dan isn't very good at it because, well, he hasn't had much time for humor and comedy in his life. His mother isn't exactly the funniest person ever either.
"Dan, you're not even trying!" Phil criticizes, frowning at Dan, "come on, we're to girls having an argument!"
"Sorry, I am trying!" Dan says, getting angry.
"Okay, lets start again," Phil says before putting on a girly voice, "oh my god, I can't believe you did that!"
"Did what?" Dan asks, his voice squeaky.
"My boyfriend cheated on me with you!" Phil exclaims, clutching his heart dramatically.
"There's nothing funny or fucking comedic about cheating and affairs!" Dan says, slamming his fist on the table, making Phil jump.
Dan can't help it though - it was his father's affair that ruined his life. He hates even hearing things like that now, people treating it like it's something funny. Phil looks down, guilt written all over him.
"Sorry Dan, that was stupid of me," Phil says, biting his lip, "I can't get anything right with you can I?"
"What do you mean?" Dan asks, his eyebrows creasing in confusion.
"I mean you save me from being attacked, and I just assume you're an awful person, you took ten pounds off that kid and I assume it's for something bad, I always make you feel horrible and I hate making people feel bad," Phil says, a frown on his face.
"It's okay," Dan says, "it's what everyone else does."
"But it's not what I do! I go out of my way to make others happy," Phil says, "I don't wanna make you miserable. I want to find out what kind of person you are for myself."
"No Phil, you are not finding anything out about me or my life," Dan snaps, "look, I'm just a dangerous asshole who you should stay clear off."
"But you saved me that day," Phil points out, "not someone an asshole would do. I think we could be friends."
"Uh, well I just wanted an excuse to beat someone's ass," Dan shrugs, "look Phil, I'm dangerous, bad news, mean, spiteful, a bully, you don't want to know me, let alone be my friend."
"I don't think you are those things though," Phil says.
"Well I am, you saw me bully that kid to get money..." Dan starts.
"Well that kid was snobby, stuck up, rich anyway and deserved a scare," Phil says, "plus, you never told me who the DVD was for."
"And I never will. Phil, stop trying to think you know who I am, stop trying to find things out about me, lets just do this project and then fuck off and leave me alone!" Dan says sharply, clenching his fists.
"Okay, sorry," Phil says, looking down again, "it was worth a shot."
"Why do you want to know me so badly?" Dan asks, turning to Phil, exasperated.
"Because you seem like you need a friend," Phil says.
"Well I don't need one," Dan snaps, folding his arms, "and I don't want one, so back off and stop asking me shit."
"And I wanted to see you smile again," Phil adds, looking over at Dan.
And for a split second, Dan feels the ghost of a smile flicker over his features, his lips curling up slightly and a light feeling in his chest before he stamps it back out, a frown back on his face in an instant.
"Why don't you ever smile Dan?" Phil asks.
Because my mother never does, because my brother deserves better, because I need drugs to feel an artificial sense of happiness, because my childhood was torn away from me...
But instead of saying that, Dan says a different answer.
"Because you smile when you're happy."
And those six words break Phil's heart more than Dan will ever know. Little does Dan know that he has just triggered the start of Phil's need to be friends with him, Phil wants to make Dan smile again.
And Dan soon becomes aware of his mistake to say that for his answer when Phil leans over and hugs him so tightly Dan can't push him off.
***********
an: hey just a quick lil update for you all! Please vote, comment and share!
Please comment any tips, ideas and feedback for this book and my writing! I'd greatly appreciate it!
Update within a week hopefully! :D