"What shoes do you want to wear?" I hear Tobias say. I'm in the kitchen eating the spoons of peanut butter I've been craving. Yes. I'm pregnant again... this time with a little baby boy.
"Bue." I hear my adorable three year old girl say.
She looked so much like Tobias as a baby but now, she's a replica of him- and I'm not complaining.
"Ready to go babe?" Tobias asks walking into the kitchen, dressed in his black jacket and Mira wearing a smaller version of one.
Oddly, I'm not the one who dresses Mira the most. Tobias is the one that loves picking out her clothes and dressing her.
"Yes." "How's he doing?" Tobias asks setting Mira down and resting a hand on my six month baby bump.
"He's fine. Kicking like crazy." "Like a true dauntless." Tobias comments making me smile.
*****
"Mira put your brother down!" I say trying to make dinner and keep an eye on my five year old daughter and two year old son. Tobias still being at work.
"He likes it." Mira reasons. "I'm sure he does, but you're going to drop him. Put Isaiah down." I say and she does as I take the pan out of the oven.
Isaiah was born on December 14th at 2:40 in the morning. He came right as the first snow started to fall. Tobias chose the name, the name meaning 'Salvation of the Lord'. Isaiah was small when he was born, not a premature baby but he had some health problems at the beginning.
He's doing better now- being two years old- but still has braces on his legs and is slower than other kids. But Tobias has never lost faith in him and that I admire- Sometimes envy even.
He says that Isaiah's going to be the toughest and bravest little dauntless warrior the faction's ever seen. That always make me smile.
Mira likes to take after her daddy in the dauntless way but she's still a girl at heart- dolls, glitter, nail polish, sparkles.
Isaiah has a small punching bag in his room that Tobias hung up and likes to go to the training room with him when he goes.
We all love him so much, and for him... that's all he's ever wanted. Was to be loved.
******
"Do you even know this boy?" Tobias asks, continuing to interrogate our daughter. She's fifteen now, her choosing ceremony next year.
We already know she's divergent, we had tori- who we were able to bring back- test her ahead of time. She got what Tobias's were- dauntless and abnegation. She's picking dauntless no doubt.
"Yes. He's in my faction history class and my locker neighbor in school." She says stabbing the meat on her plate with her fork.
Isaiah's thirteen now and looks more like me than Tobias but has the tough exterior and quiet interior like Tobias though.
We had a third child a few years ago, a girl. She's four and her name's Evelyn. You'd think that Tobias would've chosen that name... but no. It was me.
I picked the name because when I held her in my arms on the mid-July evening, all I saw was Evelyn. She looked so much like her and the name Evelyn means life. This was a way she was back with us, and especially with Tobias- the one who needed her most.
We had gone through a miscarriage the year before we had Evelyn. It hurt bad, and it not only damaged me but took something from Tobias.
And having Evelyn, brought a sense of life back to Tobias. A life he needed again.
"And he just randomly asked you to this dance?" Tobias asks. He's sitting across from me at the table, Isaiah to my right who sits next to Mira, and Evelyn sitting to my left. In the middle of Tobias and I.
"Yeah, I mean we're friends." "Not many friends ask a girl to go to a formal dance together and then gives her a rose." Tobias pushes and I can see his hands clenched into fists under the table in anger.
"Tobias." I warn.
"I'm just asking." He says giving me a look.
"Maybe not. But I can't really come out and say that Brian's my boyfriend, I mean you'd freak!" Mira bursts out.
I already knew that her and Brian were a thing, six months together. She knew I'd be cooler about it then Tobias would be.
"What?!" He yells and Evelyn covers her ears.
"Four!" I scold, and saying that to him makes him soften and look at me.
I stand and pick Evelyn up, taking her to her room and I hear Isaiah follow. Knowing that Mira and Tobias need a few minutes to talk about this.
Later that night, I'm reading in bed when Tobias comes in. "I'm sorry about dinner." He says and sits on the corner of the bed, making it dip.
I close my book and look at him. "I know that you love her and want to protect her. But someday she's going to grow up. And we're reaching that point hun." I say and he nods- and I can see the pain on his face.
"I just... I can't loose her." He says and I move to wrap my arms around him.
"You won't loose her. We'll never loose her. She's just growing up, but that doesn't mean she's leaving or disappearing. She'll always be our Miracle Tobias. Forever." I whisper and kiss him, softly and passionately like we used to.
****
"You can do it buddy come on!" Tobias calls to his son. He's still thirteen but today's the day he gets his braces off. He's finally free of the chains he wore all his life.
Isaiah runs into his father's arms- brace free. Both my boys filled with joy, relief, and both shedding tears.
"You did it." Tobias whispers into his son's ear. "I did it." Isaiah whispers back. All the years of pain, setbacks, bullying... all behind him now.
Maybe that's another reason Tobias connected to him in a mesmerizing way. He understood the pain in a way no one else could. He could understand the feeling of not being able to amount to anything. The fear that he'd be trapped forever.
"I'm so proud of you." Tobias tells Isaiah, pulling back to look him in his eyes- the eyes he got from me.
"I love you dad." Isaiah says and those words will never leave Tobias. The best type of stamp on the heart possible.
******
"She looks like me!" Evelyn giggles as she sits on Tobias's lap. They're in the living room together, under a blanket with a fire going. Isaiah sleeping and Mira out with friends.
I watch them at a distance as Tobias shows her pictures, ones of us, our family, and then the very few of him and his mother.
"Yeah, that's why we named you Evelyn. That was my mommy's name." Tobias explains to our six year old.
"Really?"
"Yeah, you looked so much like her and since she's no longer here with us... we thought it was an appropriate name." He says and the pain comes through his voice.
"She not gone." Evelyn speaks up. All the kids know that our parents are dead- mine gone and Tobias's too. Well we told them that Marcus was dead too, since we didn't want them knowing of him.
"What do you mean honey?" Tobias asks running his hand through his daughters brown hair- the brown that he and his mother shared.
"Well she always here. She's in heaven but she also in our heart." Evelyn says, her small voice holding the hope we've all been missing.
Tobias looks down at her for a moment before speaking. "Yeah. She is always here." Evelyn smiles up at her daddy and hugs him. The kind of hug that catches you off guard but the kind of hug that leaves you all warm and bubbly.
*********
"You can hold her you know." I tell Tobias, as he hovers over our now three week year old baby girl.
It came as a surprise to everyone when I found out that I was pregnant for the fourth time- not counting the miscarriage. But we were happy, an unexpected joy.
It wasn't a smooth ride though, they didn't think she'd live past the second trimester. But she did and now she's here. She's weak, small, fragile like an angel. But here.
She has to stay at the hospital for a few more weeks till she's stable and safe enough to come home, and Tobias is having a hard time getting over the fear of hurting or killing her- as he says.
He's never feared this with any of our other kids, just her. And it's only because she's more at risk of things, and like I said... fragile.
"Honey, she'll be fine. Just hold her." I say walking over to him.
I stare down at my new daughter's sleeping figure. We named her Anastasia- meaning resurrection.
We thought that since she was so close to death many times and even when she came out- she wasn't crying and started to turn a different color. We thought that the name would represent not only that but the hope brought with her.
Tobias finally picks her up and cradles her carefully in his arms. "See." I say and she opens her eyes. Revealing a mix of both mine and his eye color, creating a blue I've never seen before.
"We're outnumbered." Tobias says still looking down at his daughter.
"Tobias, we've been outnumbered." I laugh and kiss his cheek, as we take in the view of our newborn baby girl.
******
"You look beautiful." I whisper to Mira. She smiles and I know she's holding back tears so she doesn't destroy the makeup Christina did.
"Thank you mom." "I love you, I'll see you at there." I say and walk out, passing Tobias who's rubbing his hands together nervously.
I smile and walk on.
----
My nerves aren't calming down and I have to walk her any minute. "Dad? You okay?" Mira asks and I turn to face her.
I nod and just like her mother, she doesn't buy it. "I'm supposed to be the nervous one daddy, not you." She says wrapping her arms around my left one. I laugh and we walk to out starting mark.
"You sure you want to go through with this? It's not too late to turn back." I tell her and she looks up at me through her lashes. Her eyes sparking up something inside me.
"It is a little late, and I'm sure dad. I love Brian." Mira tells me and just like any other father, wishing her daughter would stay in his arms together... I'm giving her away.
Watching the ceremony and the reception later, nothing but the memories of having her in my arms. Her needing me to button her jacket, wanting someone to color with. All of them coming back to me.
"She's still your little girl." Tris says leaning over, Anastasia on her lap. I nod, watching her dance with Brian- her now husband.
She walks over a little later when Tris and the kids are all on the dance floor and I'm left here alone, reminiscing.
Mira sits beside me, her white gown spreading out. The flowers and glitter lining her hair perfectly.
"Why aren't you out there?" She asks after a moment.
"Just thinking about things." I tell her. "Yeah Isaiah and Bianca will be next." Mira says and laughs. They've been dating for two years now and obviously serious.
"I'm kidding dad." She says placing a hand on my leg.
"I'm still going to be here." "No you won't. You'll be off creating your own life and family." I say and really it just slipped out.
"Don't you want that?" She asks, her face crinkling up a bit with confusion just like her mother.
"I want you to stay my little girl forever." I admit and she smiles, her lip gloss making her lips shinier.
"I'm always going to be here, I'm always going to be your baby girl. And daddy..." She tells me and I look into her eyes.
"I'll always be your little miracle."
We're a family. We'll always be a family, no matter where everyone goes. No matter where everyone stays... what ever the world may throw at us... we'll get through it. Together as a family.
A/N: Can't believe it's over!! This epilogue was such a joy to write and I even had tears while writing it. I hope the emotion came across and hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. The song at the top that I added was the song I wrote this to. The melody and just the way they sang helped me write. So check it out!! I will have a last author's note coming soon so stay tuned! Thank you to all of you and luv to you all!❤️