The Halloween Banger of 2007: A night of Regret (even for the slutty kitties)
-Tucker
So, remember when I said Axel and I weren't going to drink at my party, hoping our sobriety would curve the amount of broken vases and stained rugs at the Oaks house? Yeah, well, we kinda forgot about the whole "not drinking" part of the equation.
Ax and I dressed up as Batman and Robin, (I was Batman of course) and I mean come on, when you're dressed as Batman and Robin you can't not take shots every time someone asks to try on your mask. So by 10:30, we were properly shitfaced.
Axel had already hooked up with some girl dressed as Pocahontas, and I was very close to following suit with her friend Cinderella. But then, my mom came home.
I didn't know why people were making rapid breaks for any kind of door, window, or makeshift exit they could find, until Cinderella was ripped mercilessly from my lips and I was consequently met with one of my mother's perfectly raised eyebrows.
Cinderella squealed, then darted after Pocahontas who was busy trying to adjust her tribal getup, a grinning, bruised-lip Ax staring at her partially exposed ass as she fled the scene. For some reason, parents showing up to a high school party was almost as bad as the cops busting it.
I just smiled back at my mom, causing her to crack her own grin and perch herself on the edge of the couch I had just scandalized.
"God, Tuck, what am I going to do with you?" my mom was still grinning as Rick, her very burly boyfriend, placed a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head at me with a similar look on his face.
I liked Rick. He made my mom laugh for the first time since my dad died, and I couldn't really hate him after that. We definitely didn't get along the first few months they dated, mostly due to my teenage angst and the cloud that formed over my heart since dad died. But by now, I was used to finding a smile on my mom's tired lips in the morning as she cooked for him, and even picking out his XXL shirts mixed in with my laundry was becoming a sort of routine.
"Sorry, mommy," I tossed her a lopsided grin before my gaze connected with Axel's as he stepped into the living room, the goofiest smile on his face.
"Batman! Good to see you! Oh, Das Fräulein! Es freut mich, dich zu sehen! Rick, a pleasure!" Ax had by now lost the black mask that covered his eyes, the only remaining part of his costume a $7 t-shirt with Robin's logo on it (we bought it three hours earlier from Walmart.) I looked the same, but I, embarrassingly so, had received a batman t-shirt for my birthday that year and didn't need to spend the extra 7 bucks like Ax did.
My mom and rick laughed as Axel fist bumped both of them before draping his arm over my shoulders. "Ich liebe dich, Tuck. Man tonight was fun." Drunk me thought this was very funny. Another thing that was (and still is) very funny is Axel drunk. He can't really control his languages, so he speaks Germish, a very unique combination of his two main languages. When he's feeling a little romantic, he adds Spanish into the mix as well, a language he is also fluent in, but we'll get to that later.
"You boys better have this all cleaned up by tomorrow morning," I recall my mother saying as she practically shoved us upstairs with glasses of water in our hands.
"Aye, aye captain!" Ax and I said in unison, breaking into hysterics as we entered my room, pulling off our t-shirts and jeans, gulping down water through almost unintelligible grunts of gossip regarding the girls we had just gotten with.
"Hooked up with Sammy, again," I announced, referring to Cinderella. She was a nice girl I had been with for a while now, ever since Axel moved here. Unfortunately, Maggie and I were currently in that stage where we hadn't labeled ourselves, we both still drunkenly hooked up with people who were virtually unimportant, and neither of us would admit the fact that we wanted something more. (The Tuesday after this weekend, Maggie exploded at me while we were tutoring after I had been relentlessly flirting with her. She told me to get out, or be her boyfriend, so I shoved my lips onto hers and chose the later.)
Before Axel moved here, I had been seeing a girl named Nicole. She was arguably the least intelligent girl I had ever met. My entire right arm probably had a higher GPA then she did, but I still saw her anyways. All the soccer guys had girlfriends from her group, and despite my IQ being about a hundred points higher than the average of our team, I wanted to fit in. So I dated her. We were both horny and bored, so it worked. She didn't really like me for me, or understand any of my jokes, but still, we had a lot of physical chemistry and that's all either of us cared about. All was right in the world. And then Axel arrived and I suddenly had this weird desire to impress him, and since he was an intellect, unlike the members of the boy's soccer team, I had to ditch the blonde who thought New Hampshire was a country. I remember breaking up with her the Friday after I met him. He high fived me afterward, and we took a shot for every time she had called me baby while I was trying to break up with her.
"Huh," Ax acknowledged. "Pocahontas."
I laughed. "You mean Abby. She's hot. Hotter as Pocahontas though."
Axel fell onto my bed in just his boxers, grunting his agreement. I stumbled over to him; practically lifting him up and pushing him over to his usual side (the one that is actually my usual side) so I could get under the covers his body was draped across.
After an extraordinary amount of fidgeting and kicking me in the nuts, he was finally under the covers.
"Dude," I remember saying. "You're most definitely my best friend."
"Der Mann," he said, his drunken accent slurring. "You're most definitely my best friend too."